Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

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Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby efng » Mon May 06, 2013 10:42 pm

Do you have what it takes to change the world? If you join our team, changing the world is just the beginning.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet (CSTO) is Black Rock City’s oldest and largest provider of high quality soulmates at rock bottom prices. Established in 1998, CSTO has serviced a large percentage of Black Rock by providing a highly personal experience to each of our customers who have chosen us as their source for a new soulmate.

Due to the recent upswing in the economy and the commensurate growth in Black Rock, CSTO is hiring for a number of full-time permanent positions to staff our our store. This is where you come in: we want you to join our team!

job duties will include:

realizing your awesome, participating in camp activities, work a couple of shifts in the CSTO store, connecting with customers & coworkers in a meaningful way, yelling at hippies to bring their own damn water, filling in forms, interfacing with a supercomputer, mocking Rangers, singing like a fool, feeding bears & bats, experiencing joy, experiencing exhaustion, loving your job, meeting the best & the worst that BRC has to offer.

Benefits include but are not limited to:

Two square meals a day, showers, shade, sarcasm, frosty beverages, amazing & sexy coworkers, being apart of a mob of catholic school girls terrorizing the playa one night, leveraged knowledge transfer and as much dust as you desire.

If you are interested in finding out if you would be a good match for our camp please contact us at cstosouls(at)gmail(dot)com. Someone from our human resources department will get back to you shortly.

Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is an equal opportunity employer and does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, gender, age or being Canadian.
Have you been to your local BRC soulmate outlet? If Not, come by Costco Soulmate Trader Outlet! We offer high quality soulmates at the lowest prices.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby ThatDudeFlash » Tue May 07, 2013 8:12 am

This sounds amazing, I want in!
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby efng » Tue May 07, 2013 9:41 am

Then go ahead and apply at the email address above and someone from our HR team will contact you shortly.
Have you been to your local BRC soulmate outlet? If Not, come by Costco Soulmate Trader Outlet! We offer high quality soulmates at the lowest prices.
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Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring.

Postby A Jester » Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:35 pm

We're back! This will be Costco's sixteenth year on playa and we're planning all kinds of soulmate trading awesomeness for the burn.

Soulmate Trading? Soulmate Trading. Want to help interview, process, sort, categorize, and synergistically monetize souls for fun and profit? Want to help people buy interpersonal connections in bulk? Want to spend an afternoon talking/playing/laughing/crying with strangers in their quest for new playamates? Then you are ripe to be taken advantage of by the corporate machine of Costco.

Mostly active during the day (and out causing shenanigans at night) our camp involves doing your best to get to know someone (interviews usually take between 20 minutes and 5 hours) and then taking the information you have about them and finding them the perfect person for them to spend time with on playa.

A quick note about Soulmate Trading and our camp: we are not a hook up camp. If you can't get laid without us, you can't get laid with us. Having said that, we've created more marriages than divorces. Keep in mind that a soulmate isn't always someone for you to fall in love with, it's just the person you need to meet right now. Maybe they will kick you out of your funk, maybe they will light your tent on fire, maybe they will give you a job, or yeah.. maybe they'll be really hot and get naked with you.

Our camp gift is experience based, with some performance (and often booze) thrown in. We tend to attract noobies who need our guidance and old salty vets who are tired of dance camps and sparkle ponies.

Should you apply to camp with us?

Are you a cop?
You totally have to tell me if you are.
Do you eat bacon?
Do you mind if I eat bacon?
Do you like to meet new people?
Are you sometimes introverted and would you like a structure that helps you connect with more people?
Are you sometimes extroverted and would you like a structure that helps you feed your desperate need for attention?
Are you ok with someone deeply opening up to you? (This one isn't a joke. If you hold a quiet space for someone on Playa, and tell them you'll listen, you sometimes hear some profoundly personal stories. Tears happen often. If you don't like people, don't apply.)

If you answered yes to some or all of the above questions (even the cop one, maybe you're a really cool cop) then you should consider applying.

Our benefits package includes being let in on our inside jokes, possible rivalries with other longstanding camps, occasional poor judgement, and a supportive not very often snarky group that will hang out with you at our burn barrel while you plot your next misadventure.

We have a couple of hippies, but do not allow non-consensual saging. We have a couple of sarcastic wiseasses, but do not allow verbal abuse. We have a couple of sober and vegan campers, but do love bacon and whiskey.

To find out more about our camp, and talk to a real live Costco Employee email us at:
cstosouls(at)gmail(dot)com.

You can also fill out our application form at:
http://goo.gl/sOVUy

Or facestalk us at:
www.facebook.com/CostcoSoulmateTradingOutlet


-Jester
ZaphodBurner wrote:
The difference between buying a ticket from a scalper and prostituting yourself for one is, if you suck dick for a ticket and brag about it, burners will still respect you.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby PlayaPatrol » Fri Jul 12, 2013 2:47 am

Costco employee duties include; Insulting Costco patrons, matching them with people that are 180 degrees off from what they are looking for (total random matching like the Blind Date TV show) to ensure plenty of wasted time and energy and being belligerent.
Participating with Costco is as fun as a trip to camp X Ray at Guantanamo Bay Cuba.
Eplaya is the same few dozen hate filled trolls shouting into the echo chamber for 4 hours per day, every day, for over a decade.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby Sic Pup » Fri Jul 12, 2013 3:19 am

Hmmm.... another satisfied customer.

I may have to look in to the camp further now.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby MacGlenver » Fri Jul 12, 2013 7:13 am

Skimmed quickly. This sounds awesome.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby grEEn EyEd bEllA » Fri Jul 12, 2013 7:34 am

Intrigued,aaaand applying.
I hope I win.
i am capable of greatness despite weariness and pain. i have been bruised, beaten, and battered but NOT broken. the person in the mirror is my biggest competition but also my greatest creation. i must mold myself to be stronger, better, hungry for life.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby 9ah » Fri Jul 12, 2013 12:28 pm

I want a refund... I got two soulmates and I think they were both ghosts. Never found either one of them! I'll be sure to drag some of my campmates over again.

Hope we're neighbors again!

:mrgreen:

edit: The guy that got me found me at my camp bar (literally next door to you guys) and we chatted for a few. He seemed nice!
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby A Jester » Tue Jul 23, 2013 7:17 pm

PlayaPatrol wrote:Costco employee duties include; Insulting Costco patrons, matching them with people that are 180 degrees off from what they are looking for (total random matching like the Blind Date TV show) to ensure plenty of wasted time and energy and being belligerent.
Participating with Costco is as fun as a trip to camp X Ray at Guantanamo Bay Cuba.



I'm intrigued by how we can both offer soulmates 180 degrees from what you were looking for, while at the same time be totally random. However, I will say that we will definitely insult jerks. And we will also go out of our way to match douchey frat bros with other douchey frat bros (we're hoping they'll hook up with each other, turn gay, and not have douchey frat children). Sometimes we even match up the board shorts guys with the bikini top girls. 'Cause, spring breakers need soulmates, too.

I'm not sure how you interviewed, or why you thought we would give you what you are "looking for", but I'm sure we intentionally misled you into a false sense of security so that we could dash your hopes and send you on your merry way.

I'm glad to hear we're as much fun as an illegal federal jail! Those things take lots more money than we spend, so that means we're totally cost efficient!
ZaphodBurner wrote:
The difference between buying a ticket from a scalper and prostituting yourself for one is, if you suck dick for a ticket and brag about it, burners will still respect you.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby PlayaPatrol » Wed Jul 31, 2013 10:09 am

Its a shame that Costco interviewers and staff sexually harass people.
Eplaya is the same few dozen hate filled trolls shouting into the echo chamber for 4 hours per day, every day, for over a decade.
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Re: Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet is hiring!

Postby A Jester » Mon Aug 05, 2013 10:38 am

PlayaPatrol wrote:Its a shame that Costco interviewers and staff sexually harass people.


If there's any shred of evidence you have, please contact me with it immediately. If you have names to use, please PM me.

I'm pretty sure you're just being a troll, but I want to be clear that regardless of any interactions we've had before this is a serious accusation and if warranted will result in serious consequences for the offender.
ZaphodBurner wrote:
The difference between buying a ticket from a scalper and prostituting yourself for one is, if you suck dick for a ticket and brag about it, burners will still respect you.
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