10 Plagues of Burningman

Share your views on the policies, philosophies, and spirit of Burning Man.

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby ygmir » Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:30 pm

Savannah wrote:And the Lord spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Burning Man, upon their gallon jugs, upon their water trucks, upon Frog Pond, and upon all the neighboring hot springs, that they may become rain; and that there may be rain throughout all the land of Black Rock City, both on the Esplanade and the streets of the city. And Moses and Aaron did so, as the Lord commanded. And the people stupid enough to drive it in were forced to keep a frenetic pace while the citizens did yell "Slow down!" and other wags did yell "Don't slow down or ye will be stuck, fucktard"; and Lo, the drivers could not stop, and had to drive all the way to 9:00 and L Street before they dared park; and there was mud throughout Black Rock City.

And the Lord spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with Sparkleponies. And a tour bus shall bring forth Sparkleponies abundantly, which shall underdress and wander into thine camp, and into thy RV, and upon thy bed, and into the yurt of thy campmates, and upon thy people seeking illicit substances and sunscreen, hovering over the seats of your private privies, and into thy kitchens, seeking dinner. And the squealing ponies shall advance upon thee, and upon thy campmates, and rub up against thy leaders seeking to borrow a sweater, which will never be returned. And the Lord spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the sound camps, over the biffies, and over Barbie Death Village, and cause Sparkleponies to come up upon the land of Black Rock City. And Aaron stretched out his hand over a mug full of Lamplighter sangria; and the Sparkleponies strutted forth and covered the land of Burning Man with feathers and loose glitter.

Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, entreat the Lord, that he may take away the Sparkleponies from me, and from my people; and I will let the people go, that they may do sacrifice unto the Lord. And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I entreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the Sparkleponies from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the Sparklepony Corral only? And the Sparkleponies shall depart from thee, and from thy tents, and from thy campmates' tents, and from thy drum circles; they shall remain in the Corral only. And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh: and Moses cried unto the Lord because of the Sparkleponies which he had brought against Pharaoh. And the Lord did according to the word of Moses; and the Sparkleponies sobered up slightly, out of the villages, and out of Retrofrolic. And the townsfolk gathered them together upon rolling, cuddling heaps: and the land stank. But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart, and hearkened not unto them; as the Lord had said.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become tourists on Segways throughout all the land of Burning Man. And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the playa, and it became tourists; all the dust of the land became tourists on speeding, undecorated Segways throughout all the land of Burning Man. And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth tourists on Segways, but they could not: so there were tourists on unlit Segways running down the citizens of Black Rock City and generally looking like gormless asshats, right in front of God and everybody.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of the Unprepared upon thee, and upon thy campmates, and upon thy friends, and into thy box trucks: and Center Camp shall be full of swarms of the Unprepared. And the Lord did so; and there came a grievous swarm of Unprepared dillholes into the house of Pharaoh, clad in darkness, spilling into all the land of Burning Man: the land was corrupted by people without drinking vessels, possessing only 3-ply toilet paper & Cup O' Noodle.

Then the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh, and tell him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, Let my Burners go, that they may serve me. And behold, the hand of the Lord admitted nude strangers who want to sit in your camp chair without so much as a towel. And the Lord did that thing on the morrow, and the nude strangers without towels did descend upon the land, and it was @#$%ing RUDE, yo.

And the Lord said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of dust, and let Moses sprinkle it in your shoes when your feet are sweaty. And it shall become trapped in your footwear, and shall be Playa Foot upon humans & people in kitty ears, throughout all the land of Burning Man. And they took dust of the playa, and Moses sprinkled it skyward; and it became playa foot. And even the marching bands could not stand before Moses because of playa foot; for the playa foot was upon the marching bands.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me. For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with underage people seeking brewskis. Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain underage folk, such as hath not been in Black Rock City since the foundation thereof even until now. And the Lord said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be college freshmen covering the playa, openly smoking the herb of the field. And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the Lord sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the Lord rained underage people upon playa bars. So there were 18 year olds, and 21 year olds mingled with them, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Burning Man. And the underage sought 4-Loko throughout all of Black Rock City; and they tried their luck at every playa bar, and tested the patience of every bartender in the land.

Only in the land of Kidsville, where the children of the Burn were, was there no seeking of ill-gotten dirty martinis.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and have made the drum circle next door continue until 4:00am. And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? Do I smell bacon?

Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring attractive undercover law enforcement officers into thy fold. And they shall cover the face of the playa, that one cannot be able to see the dust: and they shall ask you how to find 4:20 & J, and how to find enough "candy" for their entire camp, and woe be to those who think that they are asking for Twix bars, for that is not actually what they seek. And they shall fill thy shade structures with bizarre requests, and the shade structures of thy neighbors, and the domes of thy neighbors' neighbors; going from shade to shade until some idiot says yes. And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Burning Man, and the Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought law enforcement. And law enforcement went up over all the camps of Burning Man, very grievous were they; before them there were no such undercover as they, neither after them shall be such. For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they request every herb of the land. Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the Lord your God, and I have been issued a $1,000 citation.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that it be 38 degrees Fahrenheit. And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and it was cold as shit for three goddamned days.

And the Lord spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying, this day shall be unto you the beginning of the worst dust storm you have ever seen. It will last 12 hours. And if your camp is not well tied down, nothing of your camp shall remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire. And thus shall ye eat dirt; with your ratchet straps tightened, your goggles on your face, and your hammer in your hand. For the storm will pass through Burning Man this night, and will smite the unprepared, both man and inscrutable persons in Kigurumi fleece; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the Lord.

And when I see adequate tie-downs, zippers zipped, & doors closed, I will pass over you, for the most part, and the storm shall not destroy you, probably, when I smite the land of Burning Man. But I shall smite Savannah for blasphemy.

And so it came to pass.


Image
YGMIR

Unabashed Nordic
Pagan
User avatar
ygmir
 
Posts: 25985
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 8:36 pm
Location: nevada county
Burning Since: 2017
Camp Name: qqqq

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby BeeWeeDee » Mon Mar 04, 2013 5:46 pm

Bravo Savannah!!

All I can add to this would be the Throng of Thursday That created a pox on the land for three days and nights.
"If you embrace change you'll love it forever." - Ratty
User avatar
BeeWeeDee
 
Posts: 157
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:57 pm
Location: rural wyoming
Burning Since: 2012

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:14 pm

Wow,Savannah, that was amazing. To keep something that fresh, with all those wicked funny details, and the syntax, and to do it in a matter of hours... (cannot go on)

Do you write for a living? You've certainly got a gift, and it looks well honed.
Simon's real sig line?

Embrace the Sock

Winners never quilt, quilters never win...
User avatar
theCryptofishist
 
Posts: 37413
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:28 am
Location: In Exile
Burning Since: 2017

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Savannah » Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:29 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Wow,Savannah, that was amazing. To keep something that fresh, with all those wicked funny details, and the syntax, and to do it in a matter of hours... (cannot go on)

Do you write for a living? You've certainly got a gift, and it looks well honed.


Thank you, Fishy! :D That is about the nicest thing anyone could say to me.

I love to write, but I don't do it for a living. I keep meaning to write something real & get it published, but I tend to get kind of anxious, and lose focus. I need to work on getting past that . . .
*** 2013 Survival Guide ***

"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

"Snark away, ePlaya, you magnificent bastards." -- McStrangle
User avatar
Savannah
Moderator
 
Posts: 10517
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:33 pm
Burning Since: 2000

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby TT120 » Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:22 pm

And the lord said unto us; Behold. My gift to you. Savannah!
Life's a bitch, then you go to Burning Man - Unjonharley

W6BJD
User avatar
TT120
 
Posts: 949
Joined: Fri Jun 03, 2011 8:43 pm
Location: Sacramento, CA.
Burning Since: 2012
Camp Name: Orphans Too

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:44 pm

Savannah wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Wow,Savannah, that was amazing. To keep something that fresh, with all those wicked funny details, and the syntax, and to do it in a matter of hours... (cannot go on)

Do you write for a living? You've certainly got a gift, and it looks well honed.


Thank you, Fishy! :D That is about the nicest thing anyone could say to me.

I love to write, but I don't do it for a living. I keep meaning to write something real & get it published, but I tend to get kind of anxious, and lose focus. I need to work on getting past that . . .

My guess is that you could form yourself a cheering section of eplayans...
Simon's real sig line?

Embrace the Sock

Winners never quilt, quilters never win...
User avatar
theCryptofishist
 
Posts: 37413
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:28 am
Location: In Exile
Burning Since: 2017

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:44 pm

I can't believe that we forgot the djs.
Simon's real sig line?

Embrace the Sock

Winners never quilt, quilters never win...
User avatar
theCryptofishist
 
Posts: 37413
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:28 am
Location: In Exile
Burning Since: 2017

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby gyre » Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:22 pm

Hint
It's a lakebed.

Savannah, professional writers use a myriad of approaches.
You may just need to find yours.
Just telling a story is one way to reduce pressure.
Some treat it as a scheduled commitment, then break.

Then there is the traditional stress infused, formaldehyde and alcohol angst driven, I've-been-on-the-playa-for-three-weeks-without-sleeping-where's-a-pen? approach.
Works for most, a tad hard on the system.
On the Road and Mr Hyde were written in days, among others.

Now I'm looking forward to the Book of Larry.
User avatar
gyre
 
Posts: 15346
Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:01 pm
Location: ΦάÏ

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby gyre » Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:35 pm

Shambala wrote:Mah nishtanah ha-lahylah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-layloht?
Why is this week different from all other weeks?
On all other weeks we are dust free, but on this week, we are covered from head to toe in playa dust.

This is just brilliant.
I think the last question might work even better.
User avatar
gyre
 
Posts: 15346
Joined: Sun Aug 07, 2005 6:01 pm
Location: ΦάÏ

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby burner von braun » Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:41 pm

..just now stumbled in here

Delightful writing Savannah!
Funny, clever, and you maintained a great balance throughout.

A great way to end the day, with a smile! :D

Thanks!
Another early attempt at success
User avatar
burner von braun
 
Posts: 756
Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:37 pm
Burning Since: 2010

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby 9ah » Tue Mar 05, 2013 2:19 am

Savannah wrote:And the Lord spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Burning Man, upon their gallon jugs, upon their water trucks, upon Frog Pond, and upon all the neighboring hot springs, that they may become rain; and that there may be rain throughout all the land of Black Rock City, both on the Esplanade and the streets of the city. And Moses and Aaron did so, as the Lord commanded. And the people stupid enough to drive it in were forced to keep a frenetic pace while the citizens did yell "Slow down!" and other wags did yell "Don't slow down or ye will be stuck, fucktard"; and Lo, the drivers could not stop, and had to drive all the way to 9:00 and L Street before they dared park; and there was mud throughout Black Rock City.

And the Lord spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with Sparkleponies. And a tour bus shall bring forth Sparkleponies abundantly, which shall underdress and wander into thine camp, and into thy RV, and upon thy bed, and into the yurt of thy campmates, and upon thy people seeking illicit substances and sunscreen, hovering over the seats of your private privies, and into thy kitchens, seeking dinner. And the squealing ponies shall advance upon thee, and upon thy campmates, and rub up against thy leaders seeking to borrow a sweater, which will never be returned. And the Lord spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the sound camps, over the biffies, and over Barbie Death Village, and cause Sparkleponies to come up upon the land of Black Rock City. And Aaron stretched out his hand over a mug full of Lamplighter sangria; and the Sparkleponies strutted forth and covered the land of Burning Man with feathers and loose glitter.

Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, entreat the Lord, that he may take away the Sparkleponies from me, and from my people; and I will let the people go, that they may do sacrifice unto the Lord. And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I entreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the Sparkleponies from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the Sparklepony Corral only? And the Sparkleponies shall depart from thee, and from thy tents, and from thy campmates' tents, and from thy drum circles; they shall remain in the Corral only. And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh: and Moses cried unto the Lord because of the Sparkleponies which he had brought against Pharaoh. And the Lord did according to the word of Moses; and the Sparkleponies sobered up slightly, out of the villages, and out of Retrofrolic. And the townsfolk gathered them together upon rolling, cuddling heaps: and the land stank. But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart, and hearkened not unto them; as the Lord had said.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become tourists on Segways throughout all the land of Burning Man. And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the playa, and it became tourists; all the dust of the land became tourists on speeding, undecorated Segways throughout all the land of Burning Man. And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth tourists on Segways, but they could not: so there were tourists on unlit Segways running down the citizens of Black Rock City and generally looking like gormless asshats, right in front of God and everybody.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of the Unprepared upon thee, and upon thy campmates, and upon thy friends, and into thy box trucks: and Center Camp shall be full of swarms of the Unprepared. And the Lord did so; and there came a grievous swarm of Unprepared dillholes into the house of Pharaoh, clad in darkness, spilling into all the land of Burning Man: the land was corrupted by people without drinking vessels, possessing only 3-ply toilet paper & Cup O' Noodle.

Then the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh, and tell him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, Let my Burners go, that they may serve me. And behold, the hand of the Lord admitted nude strangers who want to sit in your camp chair without so much as a towel. And the Lord did that thing on the morrow, and the nude strangers without towels did descend upon the land, and it was @#$%ing RUDE, yo.

And the Lord said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of dust, and let Moses sprinkle it in your shoes when your feet are sweaty. And it shall become trapped in your footwear, and shall be Playa Foot upon humans & people in kitty ears, throughout all the land of Burning Man. And they took dust of the playa, and Moses sprinkled it skyward; and it became playa foot. And even the marching bands could not stand before Moses because of playa foot; for the playa foot was upon the marching bands.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me. For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with underage people seeking brewskis. Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain underage folk, such as hath not been in Black Rock City since the foundation thereof even until now. And the Lord said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be college freshmen covering the playa, openly smoking the herb of the field. And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the Lord sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the Lord rained underage people upon playa bars. So there were 18 year olds, and 21 year olds mingled with them, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Burning Man. And the underage sought 4-Loko throughout all of Black Rock City; and they tried their luck at every playa bar, and tested the patience of every bartender in the land.

Only in the land of Kidsville, where the children of the Burn were, was there no seeking of ill-gotten dirty martinis.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and have made the drum circle next door continue until 4:00am. And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? Do I smell bacon?

Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring attractive undercover law enforcement officers into thy fold. And they shall cover the face of the playa, that one cannot be able to see the dust: and they shall ask you how to find 4:20 & J, and how to find enough "candy" for their entire camp, and woe be to those who think that they are asking for Twix bars, for that is not actually what they seek. And they shall fill thy shade structures with bizarre requests, and the shade structures of thy neighbors, and the domes of thy neighbors' neighbors; going from shade to shade until some idiot says yes. And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Burning Man, and the Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought law enforcement. And law enforcement went up over all the camps of Burning Man, very grievous were they; before them there were no such undercover as they, neither after them shall be such. For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they request every herb of the land. Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the Lord your God, and I have been issued a $1,000 citation.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that it be 38 degrees Fahrenheit. And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and it was cold as shit for three goddamned days.

And the Lord spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying, this day shall be unto you the beginning of the worst dust storm you have ever seen. It will last 12 hours. And if your camp is not well tied down, nothing of your camp shall remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire. And thus shall ye eat dirt; with your ratchet straps tightened, your goggles on your face, and your hammer in your hand. For the storm will pass through Burning Man this night, and will smite the unprepared, both man and inscrutable persons in Kigurumi fleece; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the Lord.

And when I see adequate tie-downs, zippers zipped, & doors closed, I will pass over you, for the most part, and the storm shall not destroy you, probably, when I smite the land of Burning Man. But I shall smite Savannah for blasphemy.

And so it came to pass.


I want to print this and gift it to random virgins at greeters!

Lamplighters sangria ... It's gone but on burn night jcliff is hosting a happy hour! :coffee:
Illuminate. Navigate. Celebrate.
What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?
User avatar
9ah
 
Posts: 831
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2011 8:37 am
Burning Since: 2017
Camp Name: Lamplighters

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Simon of the Playa » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:28 am

I can't believe that we forgot the djs.



or the Promoters?


H.G.Crosby wrote:spectators.

beware of false burns.....and feather pillow fights.


[media]
breathe deep, the playa is the dust of your ancestors

A gift for the Playa
User avatar
Simon of the Playa
 
Posts: 13851
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:25 pm
Location: Rochester, Nevada.
Burning Since: 1996
Camp Name: La Guilde des Hashischins

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Roberto Dobbisano » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:41 am

anti-Bm


it's all in sepia and white.
Attachments
bmw.jpg
one nation, under a groove.
User avatar
Roberto Dobbisano
 
Posts: 2654
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:54 pm
Location: Dobbidossola, Italy.

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Simon of the Playa » Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:22 pm

Image
breathe deep, the playa is the dust of your ancestors

A gift for the Playa
User avatar
Simon of the Playa
 
Posts: 13851
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:25 pm
Location: Rochester, Nevada.
Burning Since: 1996
Camp Name: La Guilde des Hashischins

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby tamarakay » Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:20 pm

Ken emailed me at work and told me I had to read this thread. He was right.

Savannah, start writing NOW. I'm a mom, and I am wagging the teacher finger at you too.
When the only tool you got is a hammer, every problem looks like a hippie.

Mmmmmm I love the smell of Burning Man Token


http://www.dyewithdignity.com
User avatar
tamarakay
 
Posts: 2130
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 6:27 pm
Location: Texas
Burning Since: 2011
Camp Name: Dye with Dignity at BDC

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Savannah » Tue Mar 05, 2013 8:26 pm

tamarakay wrote:Ken emailed me at work and told me I had to read this thread. He was right.

Savannah, start writing NOW. I'm a mom, and I am wagging the teacher finger at you too.


Okay!

(((((Tamarakay)))))
*** 2013 Survival Guide ***

"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

"Snark away, ePlaya, you magnificent bastards." -- McStrangle
User avatar
Savannah
Moderator
 
Posts: 10517
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:33 pm
Burning Since: 2000

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby theCryptofishist » Tue Mar 05, 2013 10:03 pm

I love that Ken is reading this, and that he found it so important that he had to tell Tamara.
Simon's real sig line?

Embrace the Sock

Winners never quilt, quilters never win...
User avatar
theCryptofishist
 
Posts: 37413
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:28 am
Location: In Exile
Burning Since: 2017

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Simon of the Playa » Wed Mar 06, 2013 6:52 am

and then this lectured.
Attachments
douche.jpg
breathe deep, the playa is the dust of your ancestors

A gift for the Playa
User avatar
Simon of the Playa
 
Posts: 13851
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:25 pm
Location: Rochester, Nevada.
Burning Since: 1996
Camp Name: La Guilde des Hashischins

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Roberto Dobbisano » Wed Mar 06, 2013 7:55 am

Simon of the Playa wrote:and then this lectured.



well, it's simple math.

Meglo Messiah Mania + Satyrism = Asshole.
Attachments
douche.jpg
one nation, under a groove.
User avatar
Roberto Dobbisano
 
Posts: 2654
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:54 pm
Location: Dobbidossola, Italy.

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby H.G.Crosby » Wed Mar 06, 2013 9:58 am

down in front...
Attachments
worse.jpg
Once I noticed I was on fire, I decided to relax and enjoy the fall™
User avatar
H.G.Crosby
 
Posts: 1669
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009 4:47 pm
Location: Boston, New York, Paris, Tangiers

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Simon of the Playa » Sun Mar 10, 2013 10:42 am

spammers selling electronics...
breathe deep, the playa is the dust of your ancestors

A gift for the Playa
User avatar
Simon of the Playa
 
Posts: 13851
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2007 6:25 pm
Location: Rochester, Nevada.
Burning Since: 1996
Camp Name: La Guilde des Hashischins

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Drucifer303 » Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:09 pm

Savannah wrote:And the Lord spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and stretch out thine hand upon the waters of Burning Man, upon their gallon jugs, upon their water trucks, upon Frog Pond, and upon all the neighboring hot springs, that they may become rain; and that there may be rain throughout all the land of Black Rock City, both on the Esplanade and the streets of the city. And Moses and Aaron did so, as the Lord commanded. And the people stupid enough to drive it in were forced to keep a frenetic pace while the citizens did yell "Slow down!" and other wags did yell "Don't slow down or ye will be stuck, fucktard"; and Lo, the drivers could not stop, and had to drive all the way to 9:00 and L Street before they dared park; and there was mud throughout Black Rock City.

And the Lord spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. And if thou refuse to let them go, behold, I will smite all thy borders with Sparkleponies. And a tour bus shall bring forth Sparkleponies abundantly, which shall underdress and wander into thine camp, and into thy RV, and upon thy bed, and into the yurt of thy campmates, and upon thy people seeking illicit substances and sunscreen, hovering over the seats of your private privies, and into thy kitchens, seeking dinner. And the squealing ponies shall advance upon thee, and upon thy campmates, and rub up against thy leaders seeking to borrow a sweater, which will never be returned. And the Lord spake unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch forth thine hand with thy rod over the sound camps, over the biffies, and over Barbie Death Village, and cause Sparkleponies to come up upon the land of Black Rock City. And Aaron stretched out his hand over a mug full of Lamplighter sangria; and the Sparkleponies strutted forth and covered the land of Burning Man with feathers and loose glitter.

Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, entreat the Lord, that he may take away the Sparkleponies from me, and from my people; and I will let the people go, that they may do sacrifice unto the Lord. And Moses said unto Pharaoh, Glory over me: when shall I entreat for thee, and for thy servants, and for thy people, to destroy the Sparkleponies from thee and thy houses, that they may remain in the Sparklepony Corral only? And the Sparkleponies shall depart from thee, and from thy tents, and from thy campmates' tents, and from thy drum circles; they shall remain in the Corral only. And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh: and Moses cried unto the Lord because of the Sparkleponies which he had brought against Pharaoh. And the Lord did according to the word of Moses; and the Sparkleponies sobered up slightly, out of the villages, and out of Retrofrolic. And the townsfolk gathered them together upon rolling, cuddling heaps: and the land stank. But when Pharaoh saw that there was respite, he hardened his heart, and hearkened not unto them; as the Lord had said.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become tourists on Segways throughout all the land of Burning Man. And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the playa, and it became tourists; all the dust of the land became tourists on speeding, undecorated Segways throughout all the land of Burning Man. And the magicians did so with their enchantments to bring forth tourists on Segways, but they could not: so there were tourists on unlit Segways running down the citizens of Black Rock City and generally looking like gormless asshats, right in front of God and everybody.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh; lo, he cometh forth to the water; and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord, Let my people go, that they may serve me. Else, if thou wilt not let my people go, behold, I will send swarms of the Unprepared upon thee, and upon thy campmates, and upon thy friends, and into thy box trucks: and Center Camp shall be full of swarms of the Unprepared. And the Lord did so; and there came a grievous swarm of Unprepared dillholes into the house of Pharaoh, clad in darkness, spilling into all the land of Burning Man: the land was corrupted by people without drinking vessels, possessing only 3-ply toilet paper & Cup O' Noodle.

Then the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh, and tell him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, Let my Burners go, that they may serve me. And behold, the hand of the Lord admitted nude strangers who want to sit in your camp chair without so much as a towel. And the Lord did that thing on the morrow, and the nude strangers without towels did descend upon the land, and it was @#$%ing RUDE, yo.

And the Lord said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of dust, and let Moses sprinkle it in your shoes when your feet are sweaty. And it shall become trapped in your footwear, and shall be Playa Foot upon humans & people in kitty ears, throughout all the land of Burning Man. And they took dust of the playa, and Moses sprinkled it skyward; and it became playa foot. And even the marching bands could not stand before Moses because of playa foot; for the playa foot was upon the marching bands.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may serve me. For now I will stretch out my hand, that I may smite thee and thy people with underage people seeking brewskis. Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain underage folk, such as hath not been in Black Rock City since the foundation thereof even until now. And the Lord said unto Moses, Stretch forth thine hand toward heaven, that there may be college freshmen covering the playa, openly smoking the herb of the field. And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heaven: and the Lord sent thunder and hail, and the fire ran along upon the ground; and the Lord rained underage people upon playa bars. So there were 18 year olds, and 21 year olds mingled with them, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Burning Man. And the underage sought 4-Loko throughout all of Black Rock City; and they tried their luck at every playa bar, and tested the patience of every bartender in the land.

Only in the land of Kidsville, where the children of the Burn were, was there no seeking of ill-gotten dirty martinis.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Go in unto Pharaoh: for I have hardened his heart, and have made the drum circle next door continue until 4:00am. And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the Lord God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? Do I smell bacon?

Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring attractive undercover law enforcement officers into thy fold. And they shall cover the face of the playa, that one cannot be able to see the dust: and they shall ask you how to find 4:20 & J, and how to find enough "candy" for their entire camp, and woe be to those who think that they are asking for Twix bars, for that is not actually what they seek. And they shall fill thy shade structures with bizarre requests, and the shade structures of thy neighbors, and the domes of thy neighbors' neighbors; going from shade to shade until some idiot says yes. And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Burning Man, and the Lord brought an east wind upon the land all that day, and all that night; and when it was morning, the east wind brought law enforcement. And law enforcement went up over all the camps of Burning Man, very grievous were they; before them there were no such undercover as they, neither after them shall be such. For they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened; and they request every herb of the land. Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste; and he said, I have sinned against the Lord your God, and I have been issued a $1,000 citation.

And the Lord said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that it be 38 degrees Fahrenheit. And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and it was cold as shit for three goddamned days.

And the Lord spake unto Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt saying, this day shall be unto you the beginning of the worst dust storm you have ever seen. It will last 12 hours. And if your camp is not well tied down, nothing of your camp shall remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire. And thus shall ye eat dirt; with your ratchet straps tightened, your goggles on your face, and your hammer in your hand. For the storm will pass through Burning Man this night, and will smite the unprepared, both man and inscrutable persons in Kigurumi fleece; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the Lord.

And when I see adequate tie-downs, zippers zipped, & doors closed, I will pass over you, for the most part, and the storm shall not destroy you, probably, when I smite the land of Burning Man. But I shall smite Savannah for blasphemy.

And so it came to pass.


best. post. ever.
Pretend I said something truly hilarious here.
User avatar
Drucifer303
 
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 pm
Location: Calgary
Burning Since: 2013

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Savannah » Sun Mar 10, 2013 3:39 pm

Thank you, Dru! I couldn't help myself. :lol:

Will you & your girlfriend make it out to the playa this year?
*** 2013 Survival Guide ***

"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

"Snark away, ePlaya, you magnificent bastards." -- McStrangle
User avatar
Savannah
Moderator
 
Posts: 10517
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:33 pm
Burning Since: 2000

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Drucifer303 » Sun Mar 10, 2013 8:21 pm

Savannah wrote:Thank you, Dru! I couldn't help myself. :lol:

Will you & your girlfriend make it out to the playa this year?



we have tickets, and this year i don't care what happens, we will be there. :)
Pretend I said something truly hilarious here.
User avatar
Drucifer303
 
Posts: 74
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:57 pm
Location: Calgary
Burning Since: 2013

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Bin Noddin » Sat Mar 16, 2013 8:40 pm

Savannah - I'm on my knees. WOW!
"I have gobs of mustard and ketchup on the front of my shirt, which does not make me a hot dog." Sam A. McKeen
User avatar
Bin Noddin
 
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2005 12:00 am
Location: Silver Spring, MD

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Savannah » Sun Mar 17, 2013 5:51 pm

Thank you. :wink:
*** 2013 Survival Guide ***

"I must've lost it when I was twerking at the trash fence." -- BBadger

"Snark away, ePlaya, you magnificent bastards." -- McStrangle
User avatar
Savannah
Moderator
 
Posts: 10517
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2008 8:33 pm
Burning Since: 2000

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby ibdave » Mon Mar 18, 2013 9:59 pm

Wow, Been along time since I've been here and what a thread and post Savannah . That was GREAT and thanks to Fishy for the link and to Tamara Kay for the heads up..... 8)
I was Born OK the 1st Time....

Don't bring defaultia to Burning Man, take Burning Man to defaultia...... graidawg
User avatar
ibdave
 
Posts: 3524
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 4:09 pm
Burning Since: 1998

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby TomServo » Tue Mar 19, 2013 8:22 am

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Ah hlirgh uh'e fhtagn gokaor uh'e, ph'geb kadishtu zhro li'hee athg syha'hor s'uhn sll'haor kadishtu n'gha nglui ya, f'Azathoth vulgtlagln shuggor li'hee Azathoth k'yarnak gof'nn r'luh shtunggli sll'hayar. Gotha ngwgah'n grah'n tharanak chtenff na'ai kn'a ehye h'Shub-Niggurath nnnShub-Niggurath Chaugnar Faugn hriiog nog, kn'a orr'e Chaugnar Faugn ngluior gof'nn hlirgh ya 'bthnk li'hee ilyaa uh'e. Orr'e gnaiih grah'n h'hafh'drn n'gha gnaiih shtunggli mnahn' ch', Shub-Niggurath naflNyarlathotep ch' sll'ha sgn'wahl n'gha Hastur, lw'nafh uln nnnChaugnar Faugn orr'eor uh'e chtenff ron. Geb y'hah hai lw'nafh nog ph'geb ph'hrii kn'aor ooboshu kadishtu shtunggli, syha'h zhrooth y-athg naflwgah'n Chaugnar Faugn kn'a ftaghu ph'hlirgh tharanak gof'nn, h'ftaghu h'ftaghu y-goka naflhai vulgtm R'lyeh 'ai hupadgh kn'a.

Ehye Cthulhu 'ai tharanakagl 'ai fm'latgh Yoggoth hai cnw, n'gha Cthulhu wgah'n mnahn' wgah'n n'gha kn'a hai, lw'nafh nog ee nglui sgn'wahl ep y-Chaugnar Faugn. Gotha f'Shub-Niggurath n'gha f'ehye Dagonyar stell'bsnayar geb llll nahupadgh mnahn'og ph'zhro shogg, uln kn'a athg fhtagn orr'e y-Cthulhu geb tharanak phlegeth mnahn'oth zhro ya, ngn'ghft Yoggoth ilyaa nnnshagg y-grah'n syha'h h'phlegeth y-nw geb hai. Vulgtlagln y-stell'bsna h'Hastur cAzathoth nnnTsathoggua ftaghu nglui mg kadishtu y'hah ebunma, vulgtmog n'gha orr'e ehye naflAzathoth f'R'lyeh syha'h kadishtu sgn'wahl. H'shugg gof'nn f'ftaghu h'Cthulhu tharanak ngs'uhn 'ai ph'ron 'bthnk nafluaaah ee li'heeoth, vulgtlagln throd n'ghft lloig gof'nn nilgh'ri nog Hastur sll'ha ph'ya, nnnk'yarnak r'luh ebunma mg Hastur nglui hafh'drn Shub-Niggurathoth ee syha'h.

Sgn'wahl nilgh'ri ooboshu fhtagn hupadgh uaaah tharanak ooboshu gof'nn ck'yarnak ee vulgtlagln ilyaa nilgh'ri, shogg ilyaa llll nog gnaiihnyth 'fhalma 'bthnk 'ai 'bthnknyth R'lyeh naflthrod. Chtenff shagg shtunggli Chaugnar Faugn r'luhoth sgn'wahl nak'yarnak Cthulhu bug, ya uh'e 'bthnk Cthulhu uln n'gha syha'h, fhtagn nilgh'ri Hastur ngbug shtunggli phlegeth ya. Nog mnahn' Shub-Niggurath stell'bsna r'luh kn'a syha'hoth ngshugg, shagg Shub-Niggurath gnaiihnyth phlegeth ch' h'gnaiih ch' llll, sgn'wahl hainyth Shub-Niggurath y-ftaghu Cthulhu shtunggli. 'ai ooboshu nw gnaiih 'fhalma llll n'ghft ooboshu nalw'nafh, ebunma h'gof'nn lw'nafh ch'oth ph'ilyaa gnaiih 'Burning Man, ilyaa k'yarnak nog nnnchtenff ph'tharanak shugg hrii.


Shoggnyth goka h'mg kadishtu wgah'n zhroyar ehye shugg mnahn', ep hrii mnahn' s'uhn bug wgah'n mnahn' n'gha naAzathoth, nw f'stell'bsna vulgtm nw f'ep R'lyeh sll'ha. Zhro 'bthnk y'hah mnahn' Hastur chtenff Hastur nnnnilgh'ri uaaah, hai li'hee y'hah athg hrii 'ai ngshugg, ee phlegeth s'uhn n'gha nglui k'yarnak uaaah. Ph'Chaugnar Faugn lw'nafh ngorr'e 'fhalma k'yarnak, cee uaaah vulgtm nggnaiih, fhtagn y-hafh'drn chtenff. Naya hai ep gof'nn Dagonog ph'Tsathoggua 'bthnk ee ngluior Chaugnar Faugn, chrii h's'uhn h'goka grah'n 'ai ph's'uhn Azathoth f'y'hah, naflwgah'n gotha y'hah nglui ch' h'geb Chaugnar Faugn gnaiih. Lw'nafh kadishtu Azathoth naflhlirgh ph''fhalma nashagg R'lyeh cnog, sgn'wahl hai y-k'yarnak hrii grah'n Larry Harvey, throd sll'ha ilyaaor f'nglui mnahn' gnaiih.

Llll 'fhalma throd li'hee orr'e uh'e Azathoth stell'bsna n'gha phlegeth k'yarnak, grah'nyar Chaugnar Faugn uln Azathoth shogg y-Cthulhu hrii h'y'hah y'hah Tsathoggua, naflhafh'drn shugg bug chtenff ngluiog lw'nafh hafh'drn naflthrod 'bthnk. Nabug Azathoth Dagon hlirgh nglui 'fhalma na'ai lloig ah grah'n, hai sgn'wahlor naHastur r'luhor mg Nyarlathotep gnaiih eeor, mg llll syha'h nashugg y'hah shtungglior vulgtlagln nafl'fhalma. NgYoggoth 'fhalma Dagon ah nglui vulgtlagln tharanak hlirgh Nyarlathotep, f'ron tharanak ph'shugg ep hupadgh Chaugnar Faugn ph'k'yarnak lloig, vulgtlagln throd f'gnaiih ngshugg Dagon grah'n hlirgh.


Image
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing

Vor Gebrauch Sprengkapsel einsetzen
User avatar
TomServo
 
Posts: 6017
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2004 2:17 pm
Location: Marshalltown, Iowa
Burning Since: 1999
Camp Name: BloodBath&Beyond

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby Roberto Dobbisano » Tue Mar 19, 2013 9:21 am

would it hurt to use a spell checker now and then?


there's no " ' " in Burning Man.


'Burning Man
one nation, under a groove.
User avatar
Roberto Dobbisano
 
Posts: 2654
Joined: Thu Jul 09, 2009 5:54 pm
Location: Dobbidossola, Italy.

Re: 10 Plagues of Burningman

Postby TomServo » Tue Mar 19, 2013 9:59 am

Roberto Dobbisano wrote:would it hurt to use a spell checker now and then?


there's no " ' " in Burning Man.


'Burning Man


My bad! Should have been B'urning Man.
anything worth doing..is worth overdoing

Vor Gebrauch Sprengkapsel einsetzen
User avatar
TomServo
 
Posts: 6017
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2004 2:17 pm
Location: Marshalltown, Iowa
Burning Since: 1999
Camp Name: BloodBath&Beyond

PreviousNext

Return to Politics & Philosophy

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest