tamarakay wrote:Some people also confuse shy with private.
My socially anxious spouse has really loosened up since we started going to the burn. He is still extremely private. Unfortunately he's married to me, and I tend to blab. However, he's gotten better at saying "hey! that's private." Still undecided on if that is really a good thing or not.
theCryptofishist wrote:I find it easier to be open with people on this board than with the people around me. I'm an odd duck, and due to illness and the knocked about ness of life, lost a lot of friends, so I'm not in touch with a lot of people. And my work doesn't seem like the place to find more, either. My doctor even told me to go out an be social...
Here, I have a bit more control over the weird things that pop out of my mouth.
Earthwalker wrote:So I was talking to my brother in law yesterday about The Burn (our first), and, I was trying to eke out of him his level of willingness to get outside of his comfort zone. I prefaced it by saying "ok, I'm not talking about things you truly have no desire to do, like dress in leather and have man love, but I'm just saying opening your mind to new possibilities, new experiences, etc. As a random example, a naked drum circle" (drum circles crack me up, but that's a conversation for a different time)
He said "I'm not comfortable with my body, so no, no naked drum circles or other naked activities for me, and no naked group showers. I'm down to go to poetry, yoga, a talk someone is giving, etc. But I'm not getting naked"
So here's my question/comment. I really don't care whether he gets naked or not, but what I'm trying to get him to embrace is opening his mind to new things. One of the themes I hear repeatedly, is realizing that we come in all shapes and sizes, and learning that, while we may not look like "models" we should not judge others for that, and in turn, not judge ourselves (this could apply to being naked, being gay, being different, odd, "normal", whatever).
I know he's going to have fun b/c that's his personality, but do I do any sort of pushing or encouraging? Or just leave the man alone to experience it however he wants to experience it? I just don't want him to be a wallflower.
I on the other hand, will have no problem with any of this. In default world my main problem is NOT being myself. So an opportunity to be myself will be embraced wholeheartedly!!!
Earthwalker wrote:Solid response, thanks Savannah. Knowing him well, he'll have a blast. He LOVES talking to random people, probably even more than I do (and I love it). And he generally has a great time doing whatever. I guess it's probably my issue: I'm projecting my own desires for the event, and it's likely that we aren't hoping to get the same thing out of it.
FIGJAM wrote:If you get wrapped up in how he's going to burn, you're going to miss out on YOUR burn!!!
Earthwalker wrote:Hahahah, yeah, I suppose I made it sound like I want him to get naked. I want him to get naked for his sake...not mine.
Damn, still sounds awkward.
theCryptofishist wrote:At the end of that year, he did come back and say that he had been really stupid. Which is one of the things I like about htat thread.
mytripod wrote:I'm a fairly shy person who went to Burning Man by myself. I had a great time. I didn't push myself too hard the first time, but will be working even harder this year to meet people. I made friends with my neighbors and took coffee to them every morning. they saved me when I arrived after dark and was trying to set up my tent with a dying flashlight. Silly me. One night when I was waiting for the Pez to burn, I met two sad young men who were not having a good time. I spent well over an hour talking them down and giving them hugs. I hope it helped. I missed the Pez burn and then the Trojan Horse burn (I had planned to go home and get a coat before that but was too tired after helping the guys), but it seemed like the right thing to do. I may be shy but I'm a veteran hugger.
tracydaniels wrote:Well that's the problem of shy people. even if they already know what to do in a situation, they can't seem to reach out that simply. that awkward moment.
Earthwalker wrote:And if you're having a tough time fitting in, especially if you came alone, please feel free to stop by my camp. I don't discriminate or playa hate (haha, that's a good one. I meant "playa" as in short form of "player", but it also works as Playa....gosh I'm creative). All are welcome. At least all happy fun open-minded loving people (others will be flogged). We will be having an Ewok Village this year. There will be dancing and other revelry. And if someone gives you a hard time at BM, let me know and I'll pee on their tent.
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