Drawingablank thank you for this thread and all of your eplaya contributions. I love reading what you have to say. All of you, for that matter. I really like these kinds of subjects, and getting out these thoughts help me to process things.
After my 7th burn, I find myself having MORE expectations with every year. My brain says, I did this and that last year, so I can do that this year and then some!!! I have to realize that every burn is going to be unique. Sure I can attempt to replay some things, but if they don't happen, other things do to take the place of.
I also really love my camp, this year moreso than ever, we had the 430 & D corner and lots of fun traffic, people came to us which was great....Just being at camp was amazing. And stupid Hair of the Dog, our sister camp, down the street, fuckers played my favorite hits from the 80s all fucking week!!!! Totally killed my motivation hahahaha.....why go anywhere when I can dance in heaven at my favorite dive bar? UGH.....And why go watch sunrise anywhere else but our burn barrel in the burbs? I really tried to make it to Random Rab famous sunrise set out in the deep playa but I couldnt get myself to drink enough kool aid to do so. Also scolding myself to not of gone seen a sunrise out by the temple. And how about those funny What When Where guides? Did I read any of it at burning man? No. I read it all at home a week later, as usual. I think it would be fun to try something in that guide one of these years, just to meet new peeps and try something new. You can do that without the guide but some people like me have an odd form of ADD and we get a crazy case of the Whatthefucks.
And then there is the panic.....WE ONLY HAVE A WEEK!!! Every hour counts!!! Every minute! No wasted convos, no bullshit, no dealing with assholes or bad vibez. Our immediacy rewires things for that week. This year was brutal for me in the fact that I KNOW I cannot attend in 2013. Double panic!!!
I had a couple of super close hometown buddies camp at my camp who never burn, so I had to be mindful of how much time I spent with them, as I can see them at home. Did very well in this dept, and definitely went to new levels of our friendship (not in THAT way, perv minded
) so that was really awesome. I did know when to leave them behind though and break free of camp in general. It was hard, but i did it......Dang you cozy camps!!! Sometimes it comes down to simple facts: I should of packed that really heavy faux fur coat, maybe thats all I needed to make it to a temple sunrise. dOh x 1000
I could of burned better in so many ways though, that plagues me sometimes. To break free of it I just think "be glad you got to go you spoiled brat"
You think you can do so much but having to take it easy out there and work with mother nature also helps slow the crazies and fear of missing outs....Sure I could always do it better, faster, more, but relaxing is part of the adventure. Hey wait, this is a vacation!!
I think part of the I CAN BURN BETTER helps us get inspired for the next round, but we have to keep it at that inspiration level and not over work ourselves (unless we just want to be overworked by burnign man). As usual, its about the balance. Finding it. Knowing that there is no blueprint on how to burn. If I am sad to leave but smile cuz it happened, I know I did my best!!