Last year Deathguild and the Thunderdome came to Arizona for a "rave". I was at that party because I wanted to go camping in the desert for a few days with a big party for a background and lots of other people to meet. I had of course "heard" of Burning Man, some sort of "hippie, music/art festival in the desert" but had never really spoken to many burners. I only much later realized I wanted to burn before I knew what it was. I could spend hours explaining how just that brief introduction to the culture of inclusion changed my view of what people can be, but the most important thing I came away was determination: 2012 would be the year I would make it to Burning Man
I didn't give up when we lost in the lottery, I kept making costumes and buying things that I would use even if I didn't go
I didn't give up when my ex won a very critical court fight crushing my income and making it hard to see my daughters
I didn't give up when the camp who offered us space folded up
I waited and I entered step and kept the hope up when even when tickets were about to get we were still 2 minutes away in step
When we got our tickets I was beyond ecstatic, but the hard part was still to come.
I ordered the hitch to pull the trailer to bring our supply's, it arrived, I was giddy with the prospect of less than a month until we left.
Friday my jeep was T-boned and totaled, I thought I was going to die I saw it coming, hit right on the drivers side door. None of the cops or paramedics could believe I was uninjured, I wasn't even very sore. It is late and silent at my work and as I sit here typing I keep digging deeper for that determination that has kept me going this far.
I no longer know how I will get there but now more than ever I feel like this is my big test, I have rarely if eve pushed this hard for something I wanted.
I just hope determination really is enough.