New Rules of Burning Man

Share your views on the policies, philosophies, and spirit of Burning Man.

New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Clar-i-ty » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:07 pm

Oh yes...rules make fun more fun. This thread is for everyone who thinks they know how to make it better, as in:

New Rule : the words "they should..." cannot be uttered by anyone who calls themself a Burner unless followed by the phrase "I'm gonna volunteer to try and make that happen.

And............GO!
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Rice » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:27 pm

They should disperse the sparkle ponies. I am going to volunteer to walk in the middle of a group/herd/pack (whatever) of sparkle ponies and let out a couple good loud stinky farts. That will show them who's boss....
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby CornMan » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:34 pm

They should schedule a day and have sort of a reverse version of Sadie Hawkins day where husbands and boyfriends get to do absolutely anything and everything they want to do all day.
Last edited by CornMan on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby lemur » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:36 pm

all of the people i dont like should be summarily executed
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby junglesmacks » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:40 pm

you should make me some fucking bacon.


NOW.



If that doesn't work, I'll take a 7 layer burrito from Taco Bell. What kind of sauce do I want?



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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Clar-i-ty » Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:45 pm

lemur wrote:all of the people i dont like should be summarily executed


That's less of a rule and more of a Dictum. Can I direct you to the Il Dulce thread?
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby lemur » Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:04 pm

NEW RULE: PLEASE LEMUR.. OR ELSE, YOULL BE SUMMARILY EXECUTED
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby BBadger » Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:16 pm

- They should make it a requirement to host a Kickstarter for all projects, and for that matter, paying for trips to the burn.

- Instead of STEP next year, all spare tickets must go into a raffle system so the original purchaser can profit from selling his or her ticket back.



OHH... we were being sincere about rules.



Here's a new rule: Air raid sirens must be installed around BRC to warn of impending (and current) dust storms. It'll add to the whole atmosphere of the apocalypse.

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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby motskyroonmatick » Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:28 pm

They Should... Ban all "participants" who think they have got it all right, down pat and know everything and I will volunteer to go around with a cattle prod tazing every one that I hear exclaiming....."Your'e doing it wrong!" "Fucking Tourist." And... "Burning man was soo much better when...." This especially includes people standing in the street mindlessly giving negative criticism to no one in general.

If it didn't come from your body it doesn't go in the potty!!!!!! The exception is One ply RV/Septic Type TP only. No Baby wipes of any kind. Pack it in pack it out.

I've been looking for a inexpensive 220 volt air raid siren for 3 years :cry:
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Simon of the Playa » Fri Jul 13, 2012 4:56 am

They should Make Me Fuhrer.

Then we should Annex Reno, and then start thinking about Verdi.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Roberto Dobbisano » Fri Jul 13, 2012 5:05 am

'we will take Tahoe in 3 days"
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby DrYes » Fri Jul 13, 2012 7:10 am

They should amend the "Leave no trace" principle to read "We will leave no trace except for the gigantic environmental impact of 10s of thousands of RVs, trucks, and cars driving here and the buttload of gas-powered generators running once here."
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Simon of the Playa » Fri Jul 13, 2012 7:13 am

dont worry, all of that will be covered in dust...


think "Lost City of Tanis"...


it's not there if it's buried under 20 feet of sand, now is it...
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Drawingablank » Fri Jul 13, 2012 7:45 am

BBadger wrote:Here's a new rule: Air raid sirens must be installed around BRC to warn of impending (and current) dust storms. It'll add to the whole atmosphere of the apocalypse.


That would be awesome.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Dr. Pyro » Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:02 am

They should require all newbies, when they get set to ring the bell and roll around on the ground, to strip naked so they don't track playa dust back into their car or RV.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Chowski » Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:48 am

They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

I will attempt to counter this by sharing what I can with some virgins this year -- I will pay it forward, whatever "it" is, remembering that I, too, was once a virgin, and that some of this year's virgins are going to come back next year with the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I will, further, forgive (and avoid) the crusty cranky veteran whose expectations about what Real Brand Burners do and do not do have made him incapable of embracing what is happening NOW.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby theCryptofishist » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:07 am

All burners who off-handedly use italian to make a point must learn the difference between "duce" ("leader"--related to "duke", probably) and "dulce" ("sweet, candy") so people don't run up and down eplaya looking for a thread that isn't there.

I will make this happen by alternatedly rudely pointing at and mocking those who make the mistake, and gazing at everyone with big, puppy-dog eyes, so people will know how hurt I am...
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Ugly Dougly » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:09 am

Them as utttereth the foetid word "can't" shall stand in the corner for the duration!
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby wh..sh » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:10 am

Dr. Pyro wrote:They should require all newbies, when they get set to ring the bell and roll around on the ground, to strip naked so they don't track playa dust back into their car or RV.

I concur and volunteer to make this happen.
It really was inconvenient when I dragged the dust back to the car. No other newbie should ever suffer what I suffered.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Savannah » Fri Jul 13, 2012 10:22 am

Chowski wrote:They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

I will attempt to counter this by sharing what I can with some virgins this year -- I will pay it forward, whatever "it" is, remembering that I, too, was once a virgin, and that some of this year's virgins are going to come back next year with the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I will, further, forgive (and avoid) the crusty cranky veteran whose expectations about what Real Brand Burners do and do not do have made him incapable of embracing what is happening NOW.


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Great avatar. :lol:
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby theCryptofishist » Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:14 am

Savannah wrote:
Chowski wrote:They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

I will attempt to counter this by sharing what I can with some virgins this year -- I will pay it forward, whatever "it" is, remembering that I, too, was once a virgin, and that some of this year's virgins are going to come back next year with the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I will, further, forgive (and avoid) the crusty cranky veteran whose expectations about what Real Brand Burners do and do not do have made him incapable of embracing what is happening NOW.


Welcome to ePlaya!

Great avatar. :lol:

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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby thelionking » Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:57 am

They should ban the sale of coffee and ice coffee .

I mean if this is about self reliance, why should someone have to make you your coffee?
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Simon of the Playa » Fri Jul 13, 2012 11:59 am

first of all, put some goddamn clothes on.

Secondly, DONT MESS WITH MY FUCKING COFFEE, CAPICHE?

thirdly, all hippies must shut up.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Bounce530 » Fri Jul 13, 2012 12:23 pm

Image
TomServo wrote:Pickles are cucumbers soaked in EVIL!
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby CornMan » Sat Jul 14, 2012 7:15 pm

New rule for 2012: No person who attends the Burning Man festival without a playa name can refuse to adopt the first playa name offered to him or her.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby snoozeberry » Sat Jul 14, 2012 11:10 pm

Zeke Chaparral wrote:New rule for 2012: No person who attends the Burning Man festival without a playa name can refuse to adopt the first playa name offered to him or her.


Glad I didn't get stuck with that in 2011... "Sol Search" Give me a %*#$*%( break.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby oneeyeddick » Sun Jul 15, 2012 1:00 am

At least you weren't named Green Penis.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby FIGJAM » Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:34 am

The Green Penis is soooooo big.....


It takes 90 minutes to pre-ejaculate! :lol:
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby Trishntek » Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:30 am

They should implement a propane cannon, shooting out the man's ass, to fire at the top of every hour, one BOOM! per each value, based upon a twenty-four-hour clock.
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Re: New Rules of Burning Man

Postby BBadger » Tue Jul 17, 2012 1:55 pm

Chowski wrote:They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!


What? I thought every other post on ePlaya stated that this year was better.
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