Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

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Postby Mister Jellyfish Mister » Sat Jul 12, 2008 9:50 pm

*bump* for my favorite thread ever!
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Postby goathead » Mon Dec 22, 2008 7:21 am

bump
:D
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Postby Mister Jellyfish Mister » Mon Dec 22, 2008 9:24 am

Yeah for the bump!
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Postby ygmir » Mon Dec 22, 2008 9:34 am

seems a rough road.........
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Postby Ugly Dougly » Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:06 am

It's never too late for a wipe.
Please to visit PAGE TWO.
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Postby ygmir » Mon Dec 22, 2008 10:28 am

or a star trek reference..........

anyone?..............
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Postby goathead » Tue Dec 23, 2008 4:37 am

ygmir wrote:or a star trek reference..........

anyone?..............


Can't think of any star trek referances to butt wiping.

Wonder if they used ultrasonic wiping?

Would it tickle?
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Postby ygmir » Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:14 am

goathead wrote:
ygmir wrote:or a star trek reference..........

anyone?..............


Can't think of any star trek references to butt wiping.

Wonder if they used ultrasonic wiping?

Would it tickle?


a veiled, analogous star trek reference:


"Sir, are those Klingons circling Uranus?".......

hahahaha
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Postby jkisha » Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:27 am

This is a funny thread.

Did any of you see that guy's camp listed in the program for this past burn? He had a different activity each day, like 1. join me for my morning dump; 2. come over and cook for me; can't remember the others except for the last one--come over and take down my tent and pack up my stuff as I watch.

Don't know if anyone ever joined him in his camp activities. I think his name was vinnie the dog or something like that.

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Postby Boijoy » Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:26 am

Did Kirk use a Tribble to wipe his butt in " The Trouble with Tribbles "??

http://www.troublewithtribbles.com/pmwiki/index.php

:lol:
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Postby ygmir » Tue Dec 23, 2008 9:30 am

I believe so, kept feeding them the "quatrotritticaley" (sp?) and they just kept breeding, making good bum cleaners. and cute, too.
I believe we can thank "harry mudd" for them........
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Postby Sail Man » Tue Dec 23, 2008 12:07 pm

jkisha wrote:This is a funny thread.

Did any of you see that guy's camp listed in the program for this past burn? He had a different activity each day, like 1. join me for my morning dump; 2. come over and cook for me; can't remember the others except for the last one--come over and take down my tent and pack up my stuff as I watch.

Don't know if anyone ever joined him in his camp activities. I think his name was vinnie the dog or something like that.

JK


Yeah, I saw that in the guide as well, LMAO at his audactity. I as well wondered if he ever had any takers.
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Postby chinacatsunflower » Wed Dec 24, 2008 9:40 pm

What was the name of his camp?
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Postby sattelite5812 » Wed Dec 24, 2008 11:08 pm

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Postby Simon of the Playa » Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:59 pm

Donald Gregg used to be George H.W. Bush's personal Butt-Wiper.

I hear he still freelances.
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Postby EvilDustBooger » Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:45 pm

This man shit in my kitchen.
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He is available as well.
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Postby Mister Jellyfish Mister » Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:15 am

*bump*
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Postby Simon of the Playa » Wed Jun 22, 2011 9:33 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HilVFpvzuBM[/youtube]
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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby Jackass » Sat Mar 24, 2012 7:47 pm

bump
Don't worry, it'll get weird...
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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby 5280MeV » Sun Mar 25, 2012 5:11 am

I am surprised that in this most excellent thread no one has mentioned the fine art of not just selecting the person who shall wipe ones bum, but also the best material to be used.

The Renaissance author Francois Rabelais has written at length on the subject in his masterwork Gargantua and Pantagruel, and I quote a shortened version of his exhaustive treatment and conclusion:

I have, answered Gargantua, by a long and curious experience, found out a means to wipe my bum, the most lordly, the most excellent, and the most convenient that ever was seen. What is that? said Grangousier, how is it? I will tell you by-and-by, said Gargantua. Once I did wipe me with a gentle-woman's velvet mask, and found it to be good; for the softness of the silk was very voluptuous and pleasant to my fundament. Another time with one of their hoods, and in like manner that was comfortable. At another time with a lady's neckerchief, and after that I wiped me with some ear-pieces of hers made of crimson satin, but there was such a number of golden spangles in them (turdy round things, a pox take them) that they fetched away all the skin of my tail with a vengeance. Now I wish St. Antony's fire burn the bum-gut of the goldsmith that made them, and of her that wore them! This hurt I cured by wiping myself with a page's cap, garnished with a feather after the Switzers' fashion.

Afterwards, in dunging behind a bush, I found a March-cat, and with it I wiped my breech, but her claws were so sharp that they scratched and exulcerated all my perinee. Of this I recovered the next morning thereafter, by wiping myself with my mother's gloves, of a most excellent perfume and scent of the Arabian Benin. After that I wiped me with sage, with fennel, with anet, with marjoram, with roses, with gourd-leaves, with beets, with colewort, with leaves of the vine-tree, with mallows, wool-blade, which is a tail-scarlet, with lettuce, and with spinach leaves. All this did very great good to my leg. Then with mercury, with parsley, with nettles, with comfrey, but that gave me the bloody flux of Lombardy, which I healed by wiping me with my braguette. Then I wiped my tail in the sheets, in the coverlet, in the curtains, with a cushion, with arras hangings, with a green carpet, with a table-cloth, with a napkin, with a handkerchief, with a combing-cloth; in all which I found more pleasure than do the mangy dogs when you rub them. Yea, but, said Grangousier, which torchecul did you find to be the best?

...

But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest of the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains. And think not that the felicity of the heroes and demigods in the Elysian fields consisteth either in their asphodel, ambrosia, or nectar, as our old women here used to say; but in this, according to my judgment, that they wipe their tails with the neck of a goose, holding her head betwixt their legs, and such is the opinion of Master John of Scotland, alias Scotus.


http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1200/120 ... m#2HCH0013


I think that for those who wish to experience the best in comfort while wiping on the playa should therefore hire a professional in two arts - both ass wiping as well as animal husbandry, to supply a number of live geese as well as to facilitate their use in wiping.

While wearing feathers is not allowed in BRC, I think that we can all agree using live animals to have ones ass wiped with is a different thing entirely, and if handled professionally, should not generate MOOP. I would consider contacting BRC city services directly so that they may help facilitate your project.
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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby theCryptofishist » Sun Mar 25, 2012 9:30 am

...but there was such a number of golden spangles in them (turdy round things, a pox take them) that they fetched away all the skin of my tail with a vengeance.

Wow, sparkleponies go way back...
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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby oneeyeddick » Sun Mar 25, 2012 10:59 am

Don't get me started....
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby knowmad » Sun Mar 25, 2012 1:06 pm

...I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs...


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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby theCryptofishist » Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:20 am

I just want to beat Simon to this...
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Re: Needed: Someone to wipe my butt

Postby theCryptofishist » Sat Feb 16, 2013 11:22 am

And hey! Can't we move this to Politics and Philosophy, instead of buried in past years?
Trilo? Savannah? Eric? Sham?
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