BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

All things outside of Burning Man.

BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Simon of the Playa » Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:35 am

Top Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Go to Burning Man

1. The Dust is Radioactive.

2. The DPW is allowed 13 kills per year, do you want to be a statistic?

3. All Straight Men have to suck off a Greeter upon Arrival.

4. All Lesbians have to suck off a Greeter upon Arrival.

5. All Gay Men are NOT allowed to suck off any Greeters at Any Time.

6. Burning Man is run by Nazi's, Space Nazi's to be exact.

7. There WILL be Kool-Aid this year, and it's fucking MANDATORY.

8. ALL PARTICIPANTS will be chipped for their safety....read the back of the ticket, asshole.

9. Larry IS a shape-shifting vampire.

10. ALL HIPPIES WILL BE SHOWERED AND THEIR HAIR CUT BEFORE ENTERING NO EXCEPTIONS.






BURNING MAN SUCKS, IT IS A SHITTY "BUCKET LIST" ITEM, DON'T KID YOURSELVES, YOU DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS BEFORE YOU DIE.


11....IT IS A GODDAMN CULT, AND WE WILL EAT YOUR SOUL!!!!
breathe deep, the playa is the dust of your ancestors

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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby TT120 » Sat Jan 28, 2012 8:49 am

Sounds like it's good to be a greeter then......
Life's a bitch, then you go to Burning Man - Unjonharley

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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby piehole » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:22 am

What a poignant list of truths, well I don't think I need any more convincing, I'm canceling my card as we post
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby pinemom » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:32 am

Shit! I'll take the micro chip! then I wont have to worry about getting the damn ticket after that...RIGHT?
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby unjonharley » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:43 am

TT120 wrote:Sounds like it's good to be a greeter then......


Not me.. I don't know where that mouth has been...
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby ygmir » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:44 am

unjonharley wrote:
TT120 wrote:Sounds like it's good to be a greeter then......


Not me.. I don't know where that mouth has been...


don't sweat the little stuff, UJH.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby unjonharley » Sat Jan 28, 2012 9:52 am

ygmir wrote:
unjonharley wrote:
TT120 wrote:Sounds like it's good to be a greeter then......


Not me.. I don't know where that mouth has been...


don't sweat the little stuff, UJH.


You told me you wouldn't tell...
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Monkeypoo » Sat Jan 28, 2012 10:15 am

I believe they already microchipped me...

*scratches back of neck*
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby tattoogoddess » Sat Jan 28, 2012 12:36 pm

Simon of the Playa wrote:



9. Larry IS a shape-shifting vampire.



Wait I thought He was a reptilian?
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Simon of the Playa » Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:09 pm

12.THE INDIAN TACOS ARE MADE FROM REAL INDIANS!!!!

Image
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby graidawg » Sun Jan 29, 2012 12:33 pm

dammit i didnt have an indian taco last time. do you think there will be any indians left by this time next year?
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby burner von braun » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:28 pm


13. Afterward, you'll just go home, quit your job, and go live under a bridge like the rest of us.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Elorrum » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:30 pm

lottery for spaces under the bridge starts in September. You sign on for the whole fucking deal. Don't go.
What's the name of the act? The Aristocrats.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Simon of the Playa » Sun Jan 29, 2012 2:44 pm

you guys got a BRIDGE?


wtf?


i am so starting a thread to complain about this.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby AntiM » Sun Jan 29, 2012 4:44 pm

Elorrum wrote:lottery for spaces under the bridge starts in September. You sign on for the whole fucking deal. Don't go.


I had that dream last week. Hippies kept moving my stuff.
These are not my fuckos.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby wh..sh » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:33 am

"Pretty people get preferential treatment"

Is this not on the back of the ticket this year? wtf!
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Nipple » Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:28 am

Yea... I was hoping to use my girlfriend as a pretty "battering ram" to get into things.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby jella » Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:38 am

Monkeypoo wrote:I believe they already microchipped me...

*scratches back of neck*

:shock: that's what that is ??

It does explain the dreams
Burning Man isn't about the stuff you see when you get there ....it's about the people that brought that stuff there
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby ygmir » Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:40 am

Nipple wrote:Yea... I was hoping to use my girlfriend as a pretty "battering ram" to get into things.


RIght there!! This, is why I love it here. A land of opportunity!
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby FIGJAM » Mon Jan 30, 2012 1:57 pm

Yeah, but on your doors it would sound like gentle knocking. 8)
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby remi » Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:23 pm

ygmir wrote:
unjonharley wrote:
TT120 wrote:Sounds like it's good to be a greeter then......


Not me.. I don't know where that mouth has been...


don't sweat the little stuff, UJH.


As my father in law says, don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things!
Can you at least admit that nuclear explosions are awesome!?
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:32 pm

As a confirmed gastrophile, I say we want Buttering Rams!
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby ygmir » Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:57 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:As a confirmed gastrophile, I say we want Buttering Rams!


oh, really Paul? (as played by Marlon Brando)
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Jan 30, 2012 5:01 pm

Dang, I forgot about that movie...

Not that I wasn't aware that "buttering rams" were a sketchy proposition at best...

Should I have said "sticky proposition"?
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby ygmir » Mon Jan 30, 2012 5:03 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Dang, I forgot about that movie...

Not that I wasn't aware that "buttering rams" were a sketchy proposition at best...

Should I have said "sticky proposition"?


wherever you were to go with that, Fishy, your understated humor is always wonderful.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby lemur » Mon Jan 30, 2012 5:03 pm

Image

I fully endorse this film about greasy poles.. each and every volume is filled with amazing insight.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Jan 30, 2012 9:52 pm

For a moment there, I was afraid that you were talking about Lech Walesa's freak accident at the bacon cook-off.
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby ygmir » Mon Jan 30, 2012 10:22 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:For a moment there, I was afraid that you were talking about Lech Walesa's freak accident at the bacon cook-off.


you mean when he and Putin were having a "cook off"?

Image
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Simon of the Playa » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:35 pm

14. IF YOU HAVE ASTHMA, HEART PROBLEMS, PSYCHIATRIC OR EMOTIONAL ISSUES, RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS OR DRUG AND ALCOHOL ADDICTIONS YOU MIGHT DIE!

!5. YOU MIGHT DIE ANYWAY!!!!
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Re: BURNING MAN SUCKS!!! DON'T GO!!!

Postby Roberto Dobbisano » Thu Feb 16, 2012 4:44 pm

16. YOUR CATS MIGHT DIE WHILE YOU'RE GONE.
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