your stupid joke here

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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby FIGJAM » Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:27 pm

I learned today that cloaca=vaganus! 8)
"Don't buy ur Burn...........Build ur Burn!"

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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby Sic Pup » Fri Sep 30, 2011 6:00 am

More a riddle than a joke:


What is brown and rhymes with Snoop?





























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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby maryanimal » Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:34 pm

What do you call one stalk of corn???

Corn maze for a blonde. :lol: :lol: :P




What is the most confusing day of the year??

Fathers day in the hood! :mrgreen: :lol: :roll:
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby Packoderm » Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:57 pm

So a three legged dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
(currently Zeke Chaparral)
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Riddles

Postby jkisha » Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:11 pm

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q.. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is the difference between 'ooooooh' and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?

A: 45 pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?

A: 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . They don't have balls to scratch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JK
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Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby maryanimal » Fri Oct 07, 2011 8:22 pm

I laughed so hard JK I peed a little!
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby maryanimal » Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:35 pm

I heard that the flasher was going to retire, but he said he'd stick it out one more year. :D
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby MOOP_Nazi » Sat Oct 08, 2011 6:17 am

Where does the President keep his Armies?

In his sleavies.
"Lemonade is a lie!"
Lederhosen Macht Frei! (Lederhosen Liberates!)
Ich Bin Über Alles, und du bist der scheiße!!!
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby can't sit still » Sat Oct 08, 2011 2:27 pm

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

"So, here I am."
I don't post things because I believe that they are the absolute truth. I post them because I believe that they should be considered.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby Drawingablank » Sat Oct 08, 2011 4:02 pm

can't sit still wrote:Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

"So, here I am."

+1000 have to remember that one for hunting camp this year.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby theCryptofishist » Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:24 pm

...This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says,"What'll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club...
Simon's real sig line?

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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby Dr. Pyro » Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:58 pm

I always thought (the zinger more succinct version) simply goes: A baby harp seal walks into a club.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby theCryptofishist » Sun Nov 06, 2011 9:02 pm

Yeah they had that one on the page I stole this one from, but somehow this was funnier to me than the other has ever been. I think that its playing on the idea of a "bar" is what does it for me.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby theCryptofishist » Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:02 pm

They are starting a new line of eyeglasses, perfectly round, and very up-to-date.

They are going to be called



Ocu-Pi.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby unjonharley » Sun Nov 20, 2011 7:11 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:They are starting a new line of eyeglasses, perfectly round, and very up-to-date.

They are going to be called



Ocu-Pi.


That is pure CORN :lol:
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby MyDearFriend » Sat Nov 26, 2011 9:43 am

Image
Practice Love. Exercise Sex.

"When life seems dangerous and unmanageable, just remember that it is, and that you can't survive forever."
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby ibdave » Thu Dec 15, 2011 4:31 pm

A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the ...guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you gonna bite them or what?" "Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!" :shock: :shock: :shock:
I was Born OK the 1st Time....

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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby theCryptofishist » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:29 pm

Did you hear that the Korean strongman and tyrant died?
Died? I didn't know he was il!
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby FIGJAM » Tue Dec 27, 2011 7:35 pm

A guy comes home from work to find his wife happy and singing and says "What are you so happy about?"

She says "I went to the doctor for an exam today and she said I had the breasts of a 20 year old."

Guy says "What did she say about your 45 year old ass? snort"

She says "Your name never came up!" 8)
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby FIGJAM » Fri Jan 13, 2012 8:00 am

What do you call a priest in a nuns habit?

Transister!!! 8)
"Don't buy ur Burn...........Build ur Burn!"

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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby MisaBlue » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:53 am

He: Darling, you are so beautiful, sweet and I love you much.
She: You want to have sex, don't you?!
He: ...and also smart you are...
_______________________________________________________________________________
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby davink » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:06 pm

How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?








































...wait, what?
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby Dr. Pyro » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:42 pm

How many Viet Nam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?





You wouldn't know man, you weren't there!
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby CornMan » Thu Jan 19, 2012 5:43 pm

If coconut oil is made from coconuts,
and corn oil is made from corn,
what is baby oil made from?
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby 5280MeV » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:10 pm

Zeke Chaparral wrote:If coconut oil is made from coconuts,
and corn oil is made from corn,
what is baby oil made from?


Typically, it is a liquid by-product of the distillation of petroleum.
Image
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby ygmir » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:12 pm

Zeke Chaparral wrote:If coconut oil is made from coconuts,
and corn oil is made from corn,
what is baby oil made from?


don't ask about fish oil.......
YGMIR

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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby CornMan » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:13 pm

5280MeV wrote:
Zeke Chaparral wrote:If coconut oil is made from coconuts,
and corn oil is made from corn,
what is baby oil made from?


Typically, it is a liquid by-product of the distillation of petroleum.


It must have been this one of the three that gave that response. Image
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby CornMan » Thu Jan 19, 2012 10:17 pm

Two flies land on a big turd.
One lifts his leg and lets out a big "pfffffffft."
The other one says, "Come on man, I'm trying to eat."
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby Box Burner » Fri Jan 20, 2012 2:52 am

a kid fell in the mud.
Dance in the heart of chaos. . . . .

ὁ δὲ ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --- Σωκράτης

.
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Re: your stupid joke here

Postby theCryptofishist » Fri Jan 20, 2012 10:24 am

ygmir wrote:
Zeke Chaparral wrote:If coconut oil is made from coconuts,
and corn oil is made from corn,
what is baby oil made from?


don't ask about fish oil.......

Now I know what my second nightmare will be about.
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