Best Line Today

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Re: Best Line Today

Postby theCryptofishist » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:42 pm

It's been mostly Simon and Bob lately, and it's not quite so...whatever...
Simon's real sig line?

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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Sham » Mon Dec 26, 2011 7:48 pm

In a McDonald's buying an sweet tea, the restaurant ran out of pennies and the manager had to intervene today. I was shorted a penny in my change and the manager told the register clerk that "unless people have the exact change, we can't serve them". Talk about stupid fucking people not being able to think of an easy solution to that problem.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby maryanimal » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:39 pm

Shambala wrote:In a McDonald's buying an sweet tea, the restaurant ran out of pennies and the manager had to intervene today. I was shorted a penny in my change and the manager told the register clerk that "unless people have the exact change, we can't serve them". Talk about stupid fucking people not being able to think of an easy solution to that problem.



That's because he has what is called McButthead Syndrome. It affects the frontal lobe of the brain.
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Patsh » Mon Dec 26, 2011 8:57 pm

This wasn't today, but a few years ago...
it deserves mention in this most appropriate thread:

I'm on the phone to book a plane ticket from Phoenix to Montreal and back.
I tell her that.
"Fine... can you tell me where Montreal is?"
"Yes, it's in Quebec, Canada."
"What state is that in?"
"Um... it's not in the States, it's in Canada."
"Yes, well, I need you to tell me the state it's in!"
"Canada is the big country north of the United States, and Montreal is in the east of that country."
"Well, I still need to know what state.... oh, nevermind, I found it!" :roll:

And this person has a real job, selling plane tickets to real people! :shock:
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Dr. Pyro » Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:28 am

You can't realistically expect someone from Calcutta to know North American geography all that well.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby shykat » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:02 am

In the car with my buddy and his current girl friend:

Girlfriend to my buddy: Wanna see the guy i lost my virginity too?
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Bob » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:18 am

She keeps a wallet photo of her high school volleyball coach?
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby ygmir » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:19 am

Bob wrote:She keeps a wallet photo of her high school volleyball coach?


seems only fair, if he keeps one of his priest.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Bob » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:21 am

"He"?
Amazing desert structures & stuff: http://sites.google.com/site/potatotrap/

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Re: Best Line Today

Postby ygmir » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:22 am

rhetorical..............
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Sham » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:29 am

Using a gold dollar coin to pay a purchase at Walmart. Cashier yells over to the manager at the podium, "do we take these things?".
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby gyre » Sat Dec 31, 2011 8:22 am

"Guns? I hate guns!"

"How can a guy from Kashmir hate guns?

Your people live in caves and throw rocks at tanks."


- Shameless
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby FIGJAM » Sat Dec 31, 2011 10:21 am

They tried throwing guns, but it was it got to expencive.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Elliot » Sat Dec 31, 2011 10:59 am

Dr. Pyro wrote:You can't realistically expect someone from Calcutta to know North American geography all that well.

Or a prison inmate.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Rice » Sat Dec 31, 2011 11:05 am

Canada? What state is that in???
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby theCryptofishist » Sat Dec 31, 2011 6:30 pm

Elliot wrote:
Dr. Pyro wrote:You can't realistically expect someone from Calcutta to know North American geography all that well.

Or a prison inmate.

I don't know how well people from Kolkata know prison inmates, but I bet that not only do many of them know the States better than we know the subcontinent, a not negligible number know the North American geography better than we do.
Simon's real sig line?

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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Patsh » Sat Dec 31, 2011 7:19 pm

Fishy... here it is, in all its glory:

the world.jpg
the world.jpg (72.6 KiB) Viewed 2367 times


:wink:
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Triken' ma blues away....
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Sham » Sat Dec 31, 2011 9:02 pm

A panhandler is the city tonight used the best line ever: "I don't have any more stories, I'm just looking for money".
I gave him a buck!
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby gyre » Thu Jan 05, 2012 5:36 am

"Unless you fall into the orchestra pit and end the play, the audience thinks it's all part of the show."


- Kevin Spacey


He also did a few lines of Jar Jar Binks doing Shakespeare, which I found quite remarkable.
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The subject is racing ...

Postby gyre » Fri Jan 06, 2012 2:23 am

" I AM NOT A CUTE CHIPMUNK! "


- a response from a girl on a racing forum

The subject drifted from oversteer to overbite, can't tell you how.
This may not translate as funny here, but it was.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby FIGJAM » Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:02 am

"It's no skin off my teeth."
"Don't buy ur Burn...........Build ur Burn!"

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Re: Best Line Today

Postby unjonharley » Wed Jan 18, 2012 6:43 pm

\
\
\I tripped and fell into a life boat and couldn't get out..
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Elliot » Wed Jan 18, 2012 6:54 pm

"Get back on the ship, you prick!"

I read on a European web site that the Italian Coast Guard officer who said this over an open radio channel is now a national hero there. Italians are wearing T-shirts with that line printed on.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:55 pm

Hm. Any eplayans living in Italy, you have one hell of a gifting opportunity this year.
Simon's real sig line?

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Re: Best Line Today

Postby Nipple » Wed Jan 18, 2012 8:19 pm

Elliot wrote:"Get back on the ship, you prick!"


Whenever life gets me down and I feel defeated, I am going to mutter this mantra to myself.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby unjonharley » Wed Jan 18, 2012 8:39 pm

Coast Guard: Get back on the ship, you prick

Captain: But it's dark, and I'm afraid..

Quote NY paper head line.. Chicken of the Sea
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby gyre » Thu Jan 19, 2012 1:25 pm

Image


"Get back on board, for fuck's sake!"
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby MisaBlue » Sat Jan 21, 2012 4:33 pm

"I heard that if you die at Burning Man, you die in real life too"
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby delle » Sat Jan 21, 2012 7:57 pm

Shambala wrote:A panhandler is the city tonight used the best line ever: "I don't have any more stories, I'm just looking for money".
I gave him a buck!



Reminds me of the time I passed a woman panhandling with her baby. When she asked for "spare change" I handed over a couple of diapers from my daughter's stroller.
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Re: Best Line Today

Postby knowmad » Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:57 pm

the ticket line is over there...
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