Falling in dust lusty love + sex at BMan, I have to admit is TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME
Getting laid is not the issue for me, finding a genuine person you connect with besides sex who is loving is the issue. My fantasy is the combo of connecting through the heart and getting out physical ya yas together. The combo has only happened to me twice in my 6 years of bman and I guess I should be thankful.
I dont care how uncool the guy is. In fact I prefer dressed down worker bees over pimp daddys, but I cant discriminate cuz ya never know. I dont care about his dick size (unless its really big or really small HAHAHAA) and I dont care about circumstances, Im sure if I feel a connection with this person than being with them anywhere would be magic! I do love my tent though, I prefer it outside under the stars and half under a shade structure. Nothing like being with a lover in my tent on my futon looking up to the sky laying there, seeing sunrises, hot air balloons, what not! Best feeling!
Bman puts us in a fantasy state, some of us live things out we cannot in reality land. Thats the big bummer for me. I have nothing to hide. I have a husband at home who hears every story and every emotion I have about whatever happens and its "our thing". Not so much for others out there. I met someone wonderful this year who I really wanted to remain friends with, even SEE off playa.....he's in his early 50s with some health problems, lives 4 hours away from me. Thought that would be easy as pie to retain some playa love, but his "marriage" at home doesnt seem as fullfilling as mine, plus he got some serious heart issues upon return, went to the hospital and had heart surgery right after BMan. Needless to say its been hard not being able to visit him and give him love. He's not very social (needs to keep stress low) Basically this ended up being a crusher in a whole new weird way for me. He cannot see me because I would naturally stress him out and that is not good for his heart. A fun lover is the last thing this guy needs I guess. Maybe there is a lot I do not know. Meeting people is such a crapshoot. I do appreciate him for spending time with me at Burning Man and looking at me in the eyes. I remained fairly sober for the burns on the weekend (my first Man burn sober!) just to be on his level....sex was my drug for a change...As much as I wanted all of that to last, nothing lasts but nothing is lost. I guess.
The ZEN is to remain unconditional. I gave him my love without asking for anything in return. I want to keep it like that. If he comes back, sweet. If he doesnt, then I have a great story to tell and some wonderful memories.
Sorry to use this thread as a means of getting out my feelings about what I have been sad about lately. Going to a big fun Halloween fest this weekend full of live music all night long so that should cool my burn a bit and help me enter next season, leaving that burning lust in the past, letting it go to the gods. After all its just sex, right? SIGH....I am truly thankful for that connection even though the default world and reality killed it. Ive had casual sex at Burning Man but when you can have a connection with someone no matter how temporary it is, that sends you to a whole other place. Oh yeah wait reality is like that too
Even more so at BMan though. Extremes!
So I guess you could say my fantasy (this is so fucking female of me to say) at BMan is to meet a loving lovey lover, spend the week together, and have that connection last into reality land beyond emails and phone calls and fading temporary sadness. Someone I can fuck at home home, too!!! hahahaa