RedHeaven wrote:Thats rude advice. Why does he lose? Because he feels?
Good advice IMO was the first part of this thread. Vagueness gets you nowhere. I am a vague master and I am trying very hard to break out of it. Life is too short to be vague. Im afraid to overwhelm my new playa buddy with thoughts, too. I have been stifling them, but expressing myself a bit. Its a fine line between love nutz and expressive but we do only have ONE life and ONE chance.
To explain my vagueness -
I am very cautious about expressing what I feel, even in a forum full of supportive strangers. What is there to lose, right? I fear to open up but at the same time I crave for expression. It is like stuck between a rock and a hard place.
This is the reason why my writing turn out vague... sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. I would like to set myself free someday, if I knew how.
So, here's my attempt to open up as much as I can get myself to -
I met this person on the playa. Except for few brief conversations, we really didn't hang out too much. But we ended up getting in touch after the event.
We discussed about very many things and I enjoyed having someone to write to. But things get complicated when one person wants different things than other.
Being the one who is happily married, I had the ethical responsibility to not trail the situation. I did not want to make the situation unwell for the other. So I called upon the inevitable end...
I miss this person now... I do not view this person in a lustful/romantic way, but I think I wanted a friend like that. So, here I am today... I felt a connection with someone, beyond the playa.
But I choose to let it go, for ethical reasons *roll eyes*. I know I could have used the situation to my advantage. But I didn't. I wonder if I should owe it to my stupidity.
While at burning man, I started to believe in the possibility of relationships beyond expectations. Somehow I had put all of that spirit in this one person and the experience was ungratifiying.
But its dawning upon me that it might not really be possible in the real world. I still want to keep believing in reaching out to another human. I will still try to keep my heart open to the idea of it.
but I cannot help but feel very dejected about this realization of mine.