your stupid joke here

All things outside of Burning Man.

Postby Badger » Mon Dec 22, 2003 7:07 pm

Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

A: One is made of plastic and unsafe for children to play with, the other is to carry groceries.
.
Desert dogs drink deep.

Image
.
User avatar
Badger
 
Posts: 3322
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 2:43 pm
Location: San Francisco

Who's your Daddy...

Postby Last Real Burner » Mon Dec 22, 2003 7:22 pm

Q:What do Michael Jackson and KMart have in common.

A:Boys pants half off.

"this joke in no way reflect the opinion of the bearer other than as tongue in cheek humor concerning Mikes accusations."
candidly,
mr smith
"Do you know what happened to the boy who got everything he wished for? - He lived happily ever after".
User avatar
Last Real Burner
 
Posts: 943
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 9:34 am
Location: Heaven

Postby Keltoi » Mon Dec 22, 2003 8:15 pm

How do you tell time at Jackson's Neverland?

When the big hand touches the little hand

Sick and twisted joke of the day....brought to you by your local radio station in the midwest
HAPPY EVER AFTER FINALLY CAME MY WAY!
DREAMS DO COME TRUE AND HAPPINESS
CAN BE FOUND WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT.
Keltoi
 
Posts: 38
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2003 11:49 am

stupid, stupid, stupid....

Postby Last Real Burner » Fri Jan 02, 2004 1:45 am

Two guys sitting at a bar...

Guy 1: I just quit my job.

Guy 2: Does your boss Know yet?

Guy 1: Know, it was his idea!
User avatar
Last Real Burner
 
Posts: 943
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 9:34 am
Location: Heaven

Postby DE FACTO » Sun Feb 08, 2004 2:39 am

A joke from Dave Chapelle :


What did the five fingers say to the face?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Slapp !
even though...........
User avatar
DE FACTO
 
Posts: 1263
Joined: Fri Oct 10, 2003 12:02 am

Postby Guest » Sat Feb 14, 2004 11:37 pm

alice wrote:what did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

make me one with everything.


Take care of yourself Alice.

i've found love.

here's some for you.
Guest
 

Postby DVD Burner » Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:18 am

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
Image

"The art is in the digit!"

The Original Digiman
User avatar
DVD Burner
 
Posts: 9741
Joined: Fri Dec 12, 2003 4:09 am

Postby DVD Burner » Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:28 am

One hungry Bush

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"
The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away.

Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

Famous George W. Quotes (Honest to goodness, they're straight from his mouth)


"I believe Men and Fish can coexist together peacfully."

"I support Latino owned buisnesses, women owned buisnesses, and every other kind of person owned buisnesses."
Image

"The art is in the digit!"

The Original Digiman
User avatar
DVD Burner
 
Posts: 9741
Joined: Fri Dec 12, 2003 4:09 am

Postby unjonharley » Tue Jun 01, 2004 9:58 am

The guy always insist the lights be turned off during sex. After 20 years the wife finaly switches the light on one night. The guy has a sex toy. So thats what has been going on, she said. I think you should explane this. The guy said: I'll explane this, if you explane the kids.
/Running to catch the last basket of the day
User avatar
unjonharley
 
Posts: 8796
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Salem Or.

Postby Dustdevil » Tue Jun 01, 2004 5:56 pm

At Michael Jacksons' house, what time is it when the big hand is one the little hand.

Bedtime.......
Those who think they can and those who think they can't are both right.
Dustdevil
 
Posts: 831
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 6:10 pm
Location: West Oakland
Burning Since: 1996
Camp Name: Brain Freeze / Got Stickers Camp

Postby shitmouse » Tue Jun 01, 2004 7:13 pm

ok,

Q: what do you call cheese that's not yours?

A: not 'cho cheese

...heh...cough.....
=-=-= \<>/ =-=-=
User avatar
shitmouse
 
Posts: 487
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 8:31 am
Location: sf

Postby Captain Goddammit » Tue Jun 01, 2004 8:51 pm

This is insanely funny: The Lonely Astronaut
"Whaoomph! Whaomph! Burbbleburbblepattpattpattpatt... WHAAAAAaaoooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa........!!!"
Top fuel dragster, by Elliot Naess
User avatar
Captain Goddammit
 
Posts: 4499
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:34 am
Location: Seattle, WA
Burning Since: 2000
Camp Name: Camp Fuck The Vehicle Passes

Reagan's Last Question

Postby cowboyangel » Sun Jun 06, 2004 9:00 pm

Gee, Am I dead yet?
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
User avatar
cowboyangel
 
Posts: 6986
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:32 pm

Postby depros » Sun Jun 06, 2004 11:07 pm

A guy is invited to a costume party. The only catch is that you must dress up as a particular emotion or feeling. He wants to come up with something original and after a few days of contemplating it, he comes up with a great idea. He builds a device where he can hang a bowl of custard from his belt.
He shows up at the party buck naked with his dick sticking in the bowl of custard. Everyone is staring at him with startled looks on their faces. He knows his costume is the best at the party so he doesn't care at all. He walks up to two girls. He says to the first girl, "hey, you're all dressed in green, you must be green with envy". She nods her head. He turns to the second girl, who is all dressed in blue and says, "you must be sad". The second girls nods her head and still in shock at his costume asks, "what emotion are you dressed as?"
He smiles and says, "I'm fucking disgusted!"
depros
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 12:31 pm
Location: Philadelphia

Postby robotland » Mon Jun 07, 2004 5:40 am

Why wouldn't the Philharmonic hire Dr. Megavolt?













.......because he's a lousy conductor.
Howdy From Kalamazoo
robotland
 
Posts: 3793
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 8:29 am
Location: Kalamazoo

Postby cowboyangel » Mon Jun 07, 2004 8:08 pm

Condoleezza Rice
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
User avatar
cowboyangel
 
Posts: 6986
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:32 pm

Postby Lilly Flower » Tue Jun 08, 2004 2:47 am

cowboyangel wrote:Condoleezza Rice


Colin Powell.

Army Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin

Condoleezza Rice's hair dew.
You are watching too much TV.
User avatar
Lilly Flower
 
Posts: 152
Joined: Fri Nov 21, 2003 4:33 am

Postby poeticphoto » Thu Jun 17, 2004 9:48 pm

An apple, a banana, and a turd are floating down a stream. The turd glares at the two fruit and mumbles, "Damn, this stream is fruity..." The banana then turns to the apples and says "You hear that shit?!"
poeticphoto
 
Posts: 84
Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2003 8:37 pm
Location: New Orleans, LA

Rednecks

Postby Bambi of Finland » Fri Jun 18, 2004 6:40 am

How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

Kick his sister in the chin.
Lost in the Forest
User avatar
Bambi of Finland
 
Posts: 1165
Joined: Thu Sep 18, 2003 9:37 pm

Re: Rednecks

Postby unjonharley » Fri Jun 18, 2004 6:50 am

Bambi of Finland wrote:How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

Kick his sister in the chin.

/\
That's not fair, when i have a full cup of coffee in my hands.
/Running to catch the last basket of the day
User avatar
unjonharley
 
Posts: 8796
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Salem Or.

Postby Ranger Genius » Sun Jun 20, 2004 6:28 pm

How many homeopathic healers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


.000000000000005
“We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered.”
User avatar
Ranger Genius
 
Posts: 2418
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 8:07 am
Location: Behind the Zion Curtain

Postby cowboyangel » Mon Jun 21, 2004 8:59 pm

an honest congressional hearing
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
User avatar
cowboyangel
 
Posts: 6986
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:32 pm

Postby cowboyangel » Tue Jul 06, 2004 6:46 pm

what do you get when you cross a war hero with a air national guard deserter?
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
User avatar
cowboyangel
 
Posts: 6986
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:32 pm

Postby samtzu » Tue Jul 06, 2004 9:17 pm

How flaky is it to desert from the fucking Air National Guard??? That's about the same as deserting the Boy Scouts... :P
The revolutionary does not grow up because he cannot grow, while the creative individual cannot grow up because he keeps growing ~~ Eric Hoffer
User avatar
samtzu
 
Posts: 3403
Joined: Thu Apr 01, 2004 6:56 pm
Location: Portland,OR;Columbia,CA;Emigrant Wilderness

Postby unjonharley » Wed Jul 07, 2004 7:24 am

samtzu wrote:How flaky is it to desert from the fucking Air National Guard??? That's about the same as deserting the Boy Scouts... :P


/\
Are we having desert now?;>)?;>)?
/Running to catch the last basket of the day
User avatar
unjonharley
 
Posts: 8796
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:05 am
Location: Salem Or.

Postby RingO'Fire » Wed Jul 07, 2004 8:11 am

OK, here's one.

Three midgets are sitting around talking about their lives and their lack of accomplishments. One of the midgets speaks up, "Hey, I've got an idea! I'll bet we could set some records in the Guinness Book of World Records! I'll bet I've got the world's smallest hands!"

The second midget speaks up, "Hey! That's a great idea! I bet I've got the world's smallest feet!"

The third midget pipes in, "I bet I've got the world's smallest penis!"

So, off they go to Guinness World Records headquarters in London. They're sitting in the reception area, waiting to be examined by an official judge from the Guiness organization.

The first midget goes back with the judge and then comes out a short time later. He is ecstatic. "I did it! I set the record! I've got the world smallest hands!"

The second midget goes back with the judge and comes out a short time later. He is also ecstatic. "I set the record! I've got the world's smallest feet!"

The third midget goes back with the judge and comes out a short time later. He looks all sad and dejected. His midget buddies ask him what's wrong. Then he says, "Who the hell is cowboyangel?"
...but it seemed like such a good idea at the time...
User avatar
RingO'Fire
 
Posts: 979
Joined: Mon Mar 01, 2004 4:00 am
Location: Chattanooga

Postby cowboyangel » Wed Jul 07, 2004 9:20 am

well...that's just cute ain't it?
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
User avatar
cowboyangel
 
Posts: 6986
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:32 pm

Postby Rob the Wop » Wed Jul 07, 2004 10:11 am

The desk clerk at a sex shop is sitting behind the counter, just twiddling his thumbs when an old lady walks in. The clerk tells her to look around and ask if she has any questions.

The lady is wandering around the shop, and then looks over at the clerk and asks, "How much are these white dildos?"

The clerk looks over at where she's at and says, "Fifteen bucks."

The lady then wanders around a bit longer and says, "Oh my! Look at the size of these! How much are these black dildos?"

The clerks looks over at where she's at and says, "Twenty bucks."

The lady wanders about a bit longer and suddenly exclaims, "My word! Would you look at this this! How much are the plaid dildos?"

The clerk looks over at where she's at and says, "Plaid!? Uhm... those are fifty bucks..."

The lady grabs it, brings it over to the counter, pays for it, and leaves.

The store manager comes in about ten minutes later and asks, "So how is business going?"

The clerk looks over at the manager and says, "Pretty good, a lady came and looked over the white dildos and the black dildos. I ended up selling her your thermos for fifty bucks."
The other, other white meat.
User avatar
Rob the Wop
 
Posts: 1814
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 4:06 pm
Location: Furbackistan, OR

Postby cowboyangel » Wed Jul 07, 2004 1:38 pm

A lawyer in a limo passed a family on the roadside eating grass.
He instructed the driver to pull over to have a better look. The Lawyer got out and asked the poor folks why they were eating grass. They said they ran out of money and had nothing else to eat. The lawyer then invited them into the limo telling them that he was going to take them to his place for a meal. Upon hearing this, another poor grass eating family came out of the thicket only to be invited by the lawyer to also partake of a meal at his own private estate. They all crammed into the limo for the ride. After some time the lawyer said….”Ah, here we are, I’m sure you will all like it here very much, I’ve got about 2 acres of very high grass”.
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
User avatar
cowboyangel
 
Posts: 6986
Joined: Fri May 14, 2004 10:32 pm

Postby shitmouse » Mon Jul 12, 2004 8:05 pm

Q: why can't a bicycle stand up on it's own?




A: it's too tired.

ta daaa.
-b
=-=-= \<>/ =-=-=
User avatar
shitmouse
 
Posts: 487
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 8:31 am
Location: sf

PreviousNext

Return to Open Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: AntiM, Elliot, magicmarty and 4 guests