I have a huge bathroom.
Date: 2008-11-06, 4:01AM EST
I am a (mentally unstable) female in my mid 60's and I am looking for a room mate(prisoner/sex slave). Times are tight and I need some extra money. (Heroin ain't getting any cheaper ya know!)
I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. Also the cabinet under the kitchen sink, as soon as the eviction proceedings for the current tenant are finalized.
My bathroom is large. So large that the neighbors will never hear your screams. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. Or forty six dead cats, neatly stacked. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I masturbate frequently, so I'm gonna be in there A LOT.
I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you avoid direct eye contact and confine yourself to the bathroom. If you do not confine yourself to the bathroom, I will confine you there myself. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room while I'm doing my Pilates. It's MY fucking living room, you stay your ass in the bathroom damnit, unless I need to use it, in which case you may wait on the fire escape. This might change as I get to know you better and adjust to my new meds.
You may have guests over as long as they are confined to the bathroom as well and are between the ages of 12 and 14. This might seem a bit odd but please remember the rent is A REAL BARGAIN at $400 (rent subject to change without notice) and the bathroom is large. Weirdos and creeps need not apply.
* cats are OK - purrr