To all the people looking for sex camps....

Postby BitterDan » Fri Mar 14, 2008 12:36 pm

I would never encourage anyone to eat anything that made them uncomfortable.


I was going to comment but it was crude so i refrain...
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Postby Rat Bastard » Fri Mar 14, 2008 1:46 pm

Happy Steak and a BJ Day everyone. May your meal tonight be satisfying.[/url]
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Postby Captain Goddammit » Fri Mar 14, 2008 6:28 pm

twinwitin wrote:
Cap'n-What do you consider an awful woman? And yes, I am "clueless" that's why I ask clueless questions. :D Sometimes people find it strange that I am as naive/ignorant as I am about certain subjects, considering my age. So if I have offended you in any way I truly apologize.



No offense at all!! I was just amazed that someone would even wonder about that kind of offer.
I'm trying to find a politically correct way to describe an "awful" woman that I'd turn down even if my stunt penis was gonna step in...
Somebody help me.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Fri Mar 14, 2008 9:46 pm

Captain, you may be right, but the truth is that since I was a teen ager I've never "felt attractive." I thought that if I propositioned by a man I'd be laughed at or he'd draw back in disgust. (Well okay, in my 30s I did cat around a bit.) Now that I'm a legless widow, I don't want to ask because it seems so fucking risky not to be able to run away.

I mean it wasn't a woman who invented the term "Coyote Ugly."
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Postby fciron » Fri Mar 14, 2008 9:59 pm

I believe the term 'bear trap' predates the term 'coyote ugly' etymologically. They both have the same origin though.
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Postby Captain Goddammit » Sat Mar 15, 2008 8:52 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Captain, you may be right, but the truth is that since I was a teen ager I've never "felt attractive." I thought that if I propositioned by a man I'd be laughed at or he'd draw back in disgust. (Well okay, in my 30s I did cat around a bit.) Now that I'm a legless widow, I don't want to ask because it seems so fucking risky not to be able to run away.

I mean it wasn't a woman who invented the term "Coyote Ugly."


Well, I got a few things to say about that...
First, welcome to every man's world! I think boys and girls start out with the same fear of rejection, but the men end up having to learn to deal with it since they are generally the ones to make a move and the women generally get to decide "yes" or "no". Eventually you find out that the world doesn't stop if someone says "no".

Next, even if you consider yourself closer to "awful" than "hott", you'd be surprised how many guys will overlook whatever less-than-ideal factors that may exist when presented with a willing play partner. Awful or not, when no one is looking, the number of guys who'll go for it increases exponentially. Horrible to say maybe... but it's the truth.

Third, this isn't always true, but... frequently the best-looking girls AREN'T the most fun to romp with! My theory is law-of-the-jungle; the hott ones have guys falling all over them no matter what, and they don't HAVE to be good. The less hott ones, since they can't change how they're born, learn other ways to make themselves valuable.

And another thing, my mom was a widow without one of her legs back in the '60s... she ended up with a new guy. She had it a little easier cuz she could still walk with an artificial left leg.
When she first lost her leg in an accident in about 1960, she was sure she was a "freak", didn't wanna go anywhere... my dad made her go out, go to the beach, go everywhere she used to. She ended up being just another person, no more different than I am driving a Chevy truck as opposed to my friend in his Ford, or having a short flattop haircut versus long hair like lotsa burner guys do.
Yeah, I know your situation and my mom's were more extreme than car choices or hair lengths, but the point is that to my mom, eventually it wasn't, as far as she was concerned.

Chase guys as if you were on the same playing field as anyone else. And don't get discouraged if they say no... ask any guy, we know how it is.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Sat Mar 15, 2008 11:03 pm

Thanks, Captain. It's good to hear those words.
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Postby fciron » Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:10 am

Ms. Fish, guys are not used to being pursued. So our rejections skills are not as well honed as many women's. (edit)If we had the will to reject sex the terms coyote ugly and bear trap would not exist.

Your concern about your difficulties in running away should a situation turn bad is shared by people who participate in bondage and S&M activities. Usually arrangements are made for a safe call (not so useful on the playa) where you phone a friend at an appointed time. If you don't call or you use a pre-arranged codeword to signal trouble your friend can call the cops or come get you. On the playa you could agree with your friends that anyone (not just you) who goes off with a strange man makes sure the others know where to find you and that they will check on you in a set amount of time.

That is probably good practice period.

You clearly have a lot of friends here and I suspect that anyone who did you wrong on the play could find himself in a lot of trouble.
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Postby ibdave » Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:10 pm

fciron wrote:
You clearly have a lot of friends here and I suspect that anyone who did you wrong on the play could find himself in a lot of trouble.



Fuckin-A-Right....... 8) 8) 8)
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Postby MozyBonz » Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:19 pm

ibdave wrote:
fciron wrote:
You clearly have a lot of friends here and I suspect that anyone who did you wrong on the play could find himself in a lot of trouble.



Fuckin-A-Right....... 8) 8) 8)



~~Steps up behind Dave~~

Do we get to hurt some one Dave?
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Postby oneeyeddick » Sun Mar 16, 2008 12:26 pm

Darn tootin '
I've got my eye on him already.
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Postby CapSmashy » Sun Mar 16, 2008 2:42 pm

I got the sledge, do we get to tent stake him?
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Re: To all the horny st8 dudes who are frustrated

Postby blueballs » Sun Mar 16, 2008 3:16 pm

[quote="lonestoner916"][color=green] The morale of the story is this: If you're looking for it you're probably just setting yourself up for diappointment, but in BRC good things will almost always happen when you least expect it![i]Fin.[/i][/color][/quote]

Your post made me think about my experience last year, which was my first burn. As has been pointed out here, there is so much going on on the playa that sex can easily seem like the least important aspect of the experience ( except for all of the amazing playa women who make the men whimper and cry after just one glance of their beauty ). I am married but attended last year's burn solo with some new friends. Although my wife gave me a Playa Hall Pass to play should any oppurtunities arise, I spent the week with my mind open to the art and the environment, but I had my sex shutters up. There was simply too much to enjoy and I had no interest in coming off as another guy looking for wild Burning Man sex. I thankfully get plenty of sex at home and do not need to run to the desert to get laid.

During last year's burn I met 2 awesome women, one while I was doing a volunteer shift on the ice truck and another while basking in the liquid glory that is the Lamplighters Bloody Mary festivities. The first women and I spent our shift together hauling ice and after our shift we bumped into one another on our way back home. There was a buzz between us but I was so not looking for sex that I probably came off as an android. As we were talking the woman suddenly threw her arms around me and gave me this intense hug. After we parted I spent the next half half an hour in shock wondering how the hell I could not open my mouth and ask if I could tag long with her as she went to meet some friends.

At the Lamplighters party I met this amzing women from SF named Natasha, who was the person who called me Blueballs, a playa name that took me a long time for me to get uses to, but hey, she was right in that my sex force field was up tight. She and I spent a couple of hours playing Uno and downing the best bloody marys I have ever had and talking about sex and sexuality. We were supposed to meet up again that evening but missed one another because I volunteered as a lamplighter. I enjoyed the rest of my time on the playa, but I wish that I had made the decision to go to her camp ( she told me where she was staying ) and see her because seperate from whatever sparks she made me feel, she was an engaging and funny person who was disturbingly easy to talk with.

One night my friend were hopping art cars and ended up at the tent that was hosting the Adoration party, which was a large tent with many play areas. A guy from the art car we were on followed me in to the tent and gazed over my shoulder at the activities and said "So this is what everyone is talking about". I pointed out to him that although it was exciting, it was still only a small part of what makes Burning Man so interesting.
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Re: To all the horny st8 dudes who are frustrated

Postby GREENPENIS » Sun Mar 16, 2008 5:05 pm

blueballs wrote: I met this amzing women from SF named Natasha, who was the person who called me Blueballs, a playa name that took me a long time for me to get uses to.


Believe me, you will never get used to it.

Change it now....before it's too late !!!

Or not................ :D :D :D

(nice name by the way, someone in my old camp used it years ago as my sidekick)
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Postby theCryptofishist » Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:07 pm

Green Penis and Blue Balls, huh. What kind of crime did you fight?
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Postby lonestoner916 » Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:14 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Green Penis and Blue Balls, huh. What kind of crime did you fight?


Sex Crimes of course!

Yes, it's the adventures of Green Penis and his trusty sidekick Blue Balls! Keeping the Playa safe and relatively VD free! :lol:
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Postby GREENPENIS » Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:20 pm

We fought the Subconcious Brainwashers of Guilt by informing the masses though demonstration about
the importance of ejaculation/masterbation to prevent the Evil Prostate Cancer Society from taking over the world and killing all of mankind.

.............did you expect something corny or stupid ??
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Re: To all the horny st8 dudes who are frustrated

Postby blueballs » Sun Mar 16, 2008 8:50 pm

[quote="GREENPENIS"]

Believe me, you will never get used to it.

Change it now....before it's too late !!!

Or not................ :D :D :D

(nice name by the way, someone in my old camp used it years ago as my sidekick)[/quote]

The first name that I was given was Duct Tape and it was done so my an intoxicated prick who was belittling my attempt to create an improvised handle for his bottles of wine. The second name I was given was Blue Balls and I am keeping it because it came out of a truly memorable and positive moment. I will never get used to it but I have come to love it or at least be able to laugh hardily at it and myself.

Earlier today I was admiring the banter between you and the Booby Bar. How exactly does one join the Terminal City Gang? It seems like a righteous movement. Would I need to find you an armada of virgins willing to give your mean green machine a prostate massage?
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Re: To all the horny st8 dudes who are frustrated

Postby lonestoner916 » Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:16 pm

Wow Blueballs, you must have the greatest wife ever! Plenty of sex at home AND she sends you off to the Playa with a free pass... she's a keeper! :wink:

"After we parted I spent the next half half an hour in shock wondering how the hell I could not open my mouth and ask if I could tag long with her as she went to meet some friends."

I had a couple of similar experiences, the first one was really early in the week, Monday or Tuesday I believe, the city had just started to really come together, and my first glimpse of BRC at night, in all it's glory, was a total mindfuck! I immediately ate a handful of mushroom caps and took off on my bike for my first night ride. After a couple hours the shrooms were in full effect and I was starting to think they'd been a bad idea, or at the very least unnecessary. I was having so many "What the fuck?" moments it was hard to distinguish what was reality and what was only in my head. Like was that really a giant Mantis dancing with Gumby? (It was indeed!) and was I paranoid or was the Cheshire Cat car following me? (I could never be sure, but I still see that damned thing in my dreams!) http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q62/ ... irecat.jpg

But as usual I digress. Needing a break from riding I stopped at a burn barrel near the Esplanade. One of my gifts last year was a thing called Mystical Fire, basically it makes green and blue colored flames. I tossed a couple packets into the fire and once it was burning prettily it attracted a few onlookers. One of them was a woman so beautiful that in my condition she appeared to be glowing with a kind of divine inner light, maybe she was who knows. Certainly not me, I was tripping balls at the time and not even 100% certain she was real. She never spoke, just stood there warming her lovely hands and looking into the fire. She would occassionaly glance up, catch me staring (I honestly couldn't help it!) and give me a shy smile before looking into the flames again. This went on for what seemed an eternity but was probably half an hour at the most, that's usually the lifespan of the Mystic Fire, and she turned and left, but not before looking deep into my eyes and searing my soul forevermore.

In retrospect, I realize she was probably just painfully shy, and was waiting for me to initiate conversation, but to me she was a goddess and opening my mouth to speak to this goddess seemed tantamount to blasphemy. Also I'm not ashamed to admit I was completely and utterly terrified, she was that beautiful. I'll never know her name...

Fast forward to my last night, Sunday. I'm not going to mention the (incredible!) Temple burn because I've prattled on long enough and it's what happened afterwards I want to tell you about. I'd decided to give away my bike http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q62/ ... /bike1.jpg
because I'd had so much fun fixing it up I wanted to do another one for '08. My campmate and friend Brad (who just spent several weeks touring India with Circus for Change!) came up with the idea of doing a kind of game show. We used the big box that had previously held all the glow I brought, spraypainted it and drew a kind of wheel on it, with different numbers that would correspond to different "prizes" which we displayed across the hood of his car, and one small spot that said "bike" this being the "grand prize." Said prizes being leftover glow which I still had quite a bit of, several mini bottles of liquor, and shwag we'd accumulated throughout the week. (We also accepted donations from contestants and people passing by on the street, some of the most notable being a Shamu lunchbox, a cold watermelon that was surely one of the last on the Playa by that time, and several assless Viagra hospital gowns.) After adding an arrow to the wheel which we affixed to the box with a giant staple from the bottom of it, we had our "game show."
"Step right up folks, spin the wheel and win fabulous prizes!"
It turned out to be a big hit, and even though the bike was won fairly early on in the evening we were having such a great time we kept it up. We met a group of Irish burners, one of whom was a lovely woman with an enchanting Irish brogue. She won a pair of bunny ears, and her and her brother and their friend hung around and had beers with us afterwards, and we talked about our experiences while we pulled people off the street and occassionaly out of their cars, to come and spin the wheel. As the night progressed I became more and more smitten with this woman. She was sharp and witty, and more than held her own where the drinking was concerned. It was a bit chilly, so I retrieved my Spongebob blanket from my tent and covered her with it, being the gentleman I am. We all sat around and talked until almost dawn, and I smoked most of her cigarettes having run out much earlier in the day. I could tell she liked me, and by this point I was half in love, but I was leaving the next day, in just a few short hours in fact, so I did nothing, and with dawn fast approaching, my crazy new Irish friends went back to their camp and I laid down on my air mattress for a couple hours until it was time to start breaking camp. Wow, I'm not sure what the moral of THIS story is, as usual I'm writing a novel when a paragraph or two would do it just fine. I guess I was trying to make a point about how sometimes making a real connection with someone is a thousand times better than a quick roll in the hay. Does that make any sense? I will always remember the goddess by the fire, and if I'm ever fortunate enough to cross paths with my Irish lady again I fully intend to marry her.

Thanks to everyone who made it this far, I tend to get a little long-winded sometimes I know! :wink:
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Postby Nick Collide » Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:16 pm

You are probably on the right track, Blueballs - and not by offering Green Penis an armada of virgins (but I'm not getting between the man and the exploration of the seat of his movement - Honoooo) - but by interacting throughout ePlaya and letting people get to know you.

Last year I was a "burgin" and was invited to join the Booby Bar by the gracious Titwi and Pinemom when they saw how I was willing to get involved and "play" here online and hoped that that would translate well from ePlaya to the-playa :D

If you aren't involved with a local group and want to join a camp, the only way someone can make the decision to invite you is by getting to know you here. And trust me, your claims to being a hard worker will be put to the test right away out there. :D
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Postby GREENPENIS » Sun Mar 16, 2008 10:02 pm

Nick Collide wrote:You are probably on the right track, Blueballs - and not by offering Green Penis an armada of virgins

Blah , blah, blah.
Jeez Nick, who died and made you mayor ? :shock:
I'm saying right now that if ol blueballs here can cough up an armada of virgins to me,
that I will not only find a way for him to be part of the Booby Bar, but he can stay in my RV the whole time also.
(after all, someone will have to run the video camera)


If you aren't involved with a local group and want to join a camp, the only way someone can make the decision to invite you is by getting to know you here.

Once again, bring the virgins, and you will find a camp that will emrace you with open arms.

It wouldn't hurt to have a big stack of clown porn either.
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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Postby blueballs » Mon Mar 17, 2008 11:20 am

lonestoner916 wrote:Wow Blueballs, you must have the greatest wife ever! Plenty of sex at home AND she sends you off to the Playa with a free pass... she's a keeper! :wink:

I guess I was trying to make a point about how sometimes making a real connection with someone is a thousand times better than a quick roll in the hay. Does that make any sense? I will always remember the goddess by the fire, and if I'm ever fortunate enough to cross paths with my Irish lady again I fully intend to marry her.


Your point is clear and understood and you are correct. I will pass your kind words along to my wife. The night before I left for BM I was packing my bags and my sister came along and saw a box of condoms amidst my pile of provisions. She said "Does Terri know about these?" and I replied "She's the one who bought them for me". Yeah, my wife ROCKS!

I too have a playa shroom story for you but I will stick at the bottom of thie message after my responses to Nick and Greenpenis.

Nick Collide wrote:If you aren't involved with a local group and want to join a camp, the only way someone can make the decision to invite you is by getting to know you here. And trust me, your claims to being a hard worker will be put to the test right away out there. :D


Visiting the board yesterday and starting to post gave me such a great feeling and brought back so many memories from last year. I actually went home and read through some of my copy of BURNING BOOK. I would love to find a camp via eplya, but an even better accomplishment would be for me to make some friends here on the board and then be able to share some time with them on the playa, should the fates bring us together. I simply want to enrich my experience in '08 and help out others who are making my experience a reality through their hard work.

GREENPENIS wrote: I'm saying right now that if ol blueballs here can cough up an armada of virgins to me,
that I will not only find a way for him to be part of the Booby Bar, but he can stay in my RV the whole time also.
(after all, someone will have to run the video camera)


Once again, bring the virgins, and you will find a camp that will emrace you with open arms.

It wouldn't hurt to have a big stack of clown porn either.


Virgins? Clowns? Porn? A videocamera? No problem. I might even be able to get you a carny and a triple jointed cheerleader.

My only problem now is that since I wasn't born a lovely playa goddess I cannot join Troop 69. Naughty Girl Scouts? Someone please kill me. I do not think that I could handle such an amazing sight.

This is for you Lone:

On the morning of the temple burn I was lucky enough to have a fellow camp member gift me some shrooms . That night, after the burn, my friend and I ended up on top of that small 2 story structure that that was surrounded by an unlit wall. From a distance all you could see was the top of the structure lit up by the glow of the color shifting lights that sat behind the wall. Until we found the entrance in the wall and went up to the building we did not know that you could climb a small set of stairs to the top of the building. Once we were up there we could feel the vibrations of the unseen machinery that was controlling the color cycling of the LED lights. We laid down on the floor and looked up into the sky and saw wind blown playa dust racing through the air and shifting colors as it reflected back the the glow of LED lights surrounding us. And beyond the dust was a clear night sky filled with countless stars. It was a brilliant way to end my first burn.
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Postby Nick Collide » Mon Mar 17, 2008 11:49 am

GREENPENIS wrote: I'm saying right now that if ol blueballs here can cough up an armada of virgins to me, that I will not only find a way for him to be part of the Booby Bar, but he can stay in my RV the whole time also. (after all, someone will have to run the video camera)


GP, if he can come up with an a-r-m-a-d-a of virgins, I will turn over my half of the mayorship mantle to him and I will run the camera.

And wear the clown suit... :lol:
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True story

Postby Clar-i-ty » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:53 pm

Ok, true story.

Last year I was at Hot Monkey Sox camp. It was early Friday morning, and I was the first one up and enjoying a quiet cup of coffee. A guy wearing only a wide brimmed hat and a cock ring walks by, sees the banner for our camp and v-lines to me.
"Hi" he says.
"Hey," I say back
"So how ya doin?" he asks doing that grin with the bobbing head thing.
"Fine thanks," I say.
"So, you having a good time?" He tries again.
"Um...this is Hot Monkey Sox Camp...we make sock monkeys," I say waiving a quirky monkey at him.

And suddenly he realizes this isn't a spot for a quick lay. He really thought we were a one stop shop sex camp...next to Kidsville! Just another example of wishful thinking.

Just one more thing...guys, if your naked and talking to someone sitting on a low chair or at ground level, please realize, your cock is right in the face of the person you're talking to, so don't stand so close ok?
GET OUT OF MY TRUCK HIPPIE!
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Re: True story

Postby oneeyeddick » Mon Mar 17, 2008 8:41 pm

Clar-i-ty wrote:Just one more thing...guys, if your naked and talking to someone sitting on a low chair or at ground level, please realize, your cock is right in the face of the person you're talking to, so don't stand so close ok?


why is that ?
did it smell funny ?
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
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Postby fciron » Mon Mar 17, 2008 9:15 pm

All right, it's business time folks. I think we have fully covered how not to get any-

For guys: Desperation will drive away anyone, make sure that your sweaty dusty genitalia are on display, generally act like a selfish jerk who is god's gift to women

Ladies: if you meet a good one just hit him over the head and drag him back to your tent otherwise you will have to pick from the guys described above.

So can we get back on topic: Where are the sex camps full of nubile, horny, sex-starved, hot, young women?

I can't believe where this thread has gone. Aren't there any mods around here?
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Postby blueballs » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:24 pm

fciron wrote:So can we get back on topic: Where are the sex camps full of nubile, horny, sex-starved, hot, young women?


It seems that these camps exist only in the minds of desperate men who wave their dirty genitalia in the faces of uninterested would-be lovers. Or perhaps the mods are just hording the locations of these camps to themselves.
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Postby fciron » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:36 pm

Um, should I be using more smilies?

I generally avoid them because they screw up my sarcasm. :wink:

All right, it's business time folks. I think we have fully covered how not to get any-

For guys: Desperation will drive away anyone, make sure that your sweaty dusty genitalia are on display:shock:, generally act like a selfish jerk who is god's gift to women 8)

Ladies: if you meet a good one just hit him over the head and drag him back to your tent otherwise you will have to pick from the guys described above. :P

So can we get back on topic: Where are the sex camps full of nubile, horny, sex-starved, hot, young women?8) :P :twisted: :lol:

I can't believe where this thread has gone. Aren't there any mods around here?
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fciron
 
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Postby oneeyeddick » Mon Mar 17, 2008 10:40 pm

If you start using sarcasm on this board, no one will like you.
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
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Postby fciron » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:07 am

oneeyeddick wrote:If you start using sarcasm on this board, no one will like you.


Ah Noes! Now, I'll never get laid.
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