Wicked Witch of the West seeks Monkey Minions

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Wicked Witch of the West seeks Monkey Minions

Postby alexamonkey » Wed Jun 21, 2006 11:52 pm

Hiring:

Wicked Witch in search of flying monkey minions for a daytime crusade; Mission: To find my red shoes. Follow me on my broom while I search for that dorothy bitch; & let no red shoe be left unpilfered! Soundtrack accompaniment!
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Postby Sensei » Thu Jun 22, 2006 1:38 am

The Wicked Witch wrote:Hiring:
Wicked Witch in search of flying monkey minions for a daytime crusade; Mission: To find my red shoes. Follow me on my broom while I search for that dorothy bitch; & let no red shoe be left unpilfered!
At last! I knew if I waited long enough someone would need a flying monkey minion!

The Wicked Witch wrote: Soundtrack accompaniment!
I assume you mean the 'dum da-dum da-dum dum' music? 'Cause I can't fly for shit without it. Um, you are green, right?
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Postby Sensei » Thu Jun 22, 2006 2:03 am

Image

Smooches!
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Postby Ugly Dougly » Thu Jun 22, 2006 11:23 am

A Wizard Of Oz theme camp.
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Postby spectabillis » Thu Jun 22, 2006 1:37 pm

i have a monkey for you, i got it off a poacher to pick lice and fleas out of my hair. but the cheap bastard sold me one that used to belong to michael jackson so the little critter keeps grabbing my crotch.
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Am I GREEN?!?!?!?!?!?

Postby alexamonkey » Fri Jun 23, 2006 2:44 am

IS THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST GREEN?!
I have precious little time for your stupid questions, jack-monkey! We must mobilize our forces at once...
That bitch escaped me all too long ago... but not before a captured that skanky little dog of hers! I have bided my time while waiting for news of her wherabouts... & finally I will have my revenge!! We'll play on her disgusting sentiment towards the stupid mongrel to smoke her out, & once I have my sister's shoes back from that theiving whore, the dog is yours; bon apetit!




...she may have friends helping her...bring any who stand in our way to me... I shall see to it that they suffer for it!
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Postby spectabillis » Fri Jun 23, 2006 2:58 pm

YO BITCHES STEP OFF MY RUBYRED SHOES!
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Postby blyslv » Fri Jun 23, 2006 3:47 pm

I ate a monkey once. To look at the skinned carcass was rather disconcerting, and I decided I would never again eat monkey.

When you kill a monkey, you can make a slit in the back of the neck and slip the tail through and tie it off. This creates a handy-dandy carrying case.

It was still warm when I bought it. Some people will throw it into a fire to skin it, others will actually skin it. The choice is yours. We skinned ours, clearly.

I'll admit, I've always had a bit of fetishistic crush on that ol'green skinned beauty.

I did think Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West was an overearnest, paint-by-the-numbers, literature in a box from somebody right out of the Iowa's Writers Wrokshop.

So there you have it. I wish you a most excellent project, as it sound like massive fun.
Fight for the fifth freedom!
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Postby Sensei » Mon Jun 26, 2006 3:30 pm

The Emerald Green Wicked Witch of the West got on her broom, flew through the sky and wrote:I have precious little time for your stupid questions, jack-monkey!
"Jack-monkey"? She loves me! She loves me! The Wicked Witch loves me! I know it sounds strange, but you guys don't know witches like I know witches. Believe you me, "jack-monkey" is a term of endearment.

My Emerald Green Beauty continued on and wrote:We must mobilize our forces at once... That bitch escaped me all too long ago... but not before I captured that skanky little dog of hers! I have bided my time while waiting for news of her wherabouts... & finally I will have my revenge!! We'll play on her disgusting sentiment towards the stupid mongrel to smoke her out, & once I have my sister's shoes back from that thieving whore, the dog is yours; bon apetit! ...she may have friends helping her... bring any who stand in our way to me... I shall see to it that they suffer for it!

Helloooo anger management problem! I'll tell you what, you are MY kinda witch, that's fo' sho'!!! Now, lemmee see if this li'l jack-monkey's got it straight... (Check it out! Now I'm over-using ellipses too!) Because, as you have immediately ascertained, jack-monkeys aren't exactly Einsteins, now are they? Okay, here goes... You have this serious shoe fetish and have been biding your time with a dog (aren't you just the naughtiest witch ever?) and now you want to smoke out with Dorothy and some of her crew. Cool. I'm up for that. Just find a way that I can eviscerate a scarecrow and disassemble a tin-man and you've got a party!

BTW - I'm working on a little soundtrack music of my own here. It's got the Witch's theme, with the occasional "I'll get you, my pretty" or "Want to play with fire, scarecrow?" clip thrown in. Sounds rad, and it's perfect for flying.
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Postby sassymonkey » Wed Jul 05, 2006 5:01 pm

Ooh! Ooh!! Me, Me! I wanna find those ruby slippers!

A friend and I have been thinking about something like this for a while... Let the hunt begin!

Does anyone have a larger colored photo of these dashing monkeys? I want to get an authentic looking vest type thing and what a cute lit'l pillbox type monkey hat too!

Sensei wrote:Image


I found these pictures and they look somewhat accurate if small. Looks like a slate rich blue with faded red and white accents:

Image

Image


Down with that goody-two-shoes Dorothy bee-yatch!
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I will foil your evil plans!!!

Postby gidget » Thu Jul 06, 2006 9:10 am

Good People of Black Rock City! It is I, Glinda, the Good Witch of the North! The Wicked Witch of the West has been a very naughty witch indeed and must be punished for her crimes. She has one weakness... water! Help me by seeking her out across the playa and soaking her. She will melt and her flying monkey minions will be rendered powerless!

Never fear, Dorothy and her friends are safe with me in the Emerald City. Those evil monkeys will never find them... well, maybe the Scarecrow... we all know what he has for brains... Follow me Good People of Black Rock City! The Wicked Witch MUST be stopped! Now if we could only get that little dog back too...
gidget is gadgety-good!
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It's on, bitch!

Postby alexamonkey » Fri Jul 07, 2006 4:00 am

Goody-Glenda, you dare call yourself a witch!?!? What wickedness & suffering have you ever brought to anyone? A 'good' witch? That is nothing but a fairytale! Your claims are an insult! I'll teach you... You just keep close to that little blue dress having crap-trash Dorothy- my monkeys will make short work of you!
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Postby gidget » Sat Jul 08, 2006 10:25 am

Shut your green pie-hole!!! I'll drop a house on you, just like I did on your slut of a sister! How's that for wicked, bitch?!?
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Postby dragonfly Jafe » Sat Jul 08, 2006 10:33 am

....Witch fight! Witch fight! Come see sorcerous kin face off for control of the Ruby Slippers! Thunderdome, Friday afternoon...no water guns allowed.
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
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a witch fight? Aren't two witches needed?

Postby alexamonkey » Mon Jul 10, 2006 10:12 pm

OK Monkey Minions....

The time has come...start angrying up the blood- I hear for you monkeys sasparilla is a good blood-angrying agent! On Friday, we attack!! Until then, my monkeys; Infiltrate... act as friend, learn the enemy, their weakness...soon we will celebrate our victory! My dear darling monkeys...I need fierce warriors to be my admirals... who is brave enough to put forth their prowess to protect me? Which monkeys shall be in charge?! Applications for admmirals are awaited......
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Postby K-mom » Mon Jul 10, 2006 10:57 pm

If we pour enough water on those playa fighting bitches it could turn into a mud-wrestling witch fight. Yummmmm...Witches Gone Wild.....
You call it malt liquor, I call it breakfast.
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Postby SED » Tue Jul 11, 2006 12:25 am

I will be your Monkey, O Wicked Leader.
It ain't the hanging, it's the drop.
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I'll show you who's not a witch, bitch!

Postby gidget » Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:02 pm

Good People of Black Rock City! Let not the Wicked One prevail! She will seduce you with her wicked ways, use you for her amusement, and then turn you into monkey butter! I happen to know she has a very large stock of monkey butter in her pantry, which she frequently enjoys on toast.

Citizens, join me in protecting our fine city's red shoes. I call all the Lollypop Guild and Lullaby League as well as all residents of Munchkin Land and the Emerald City to join me in opposing that bitchy witch and retrieving any red shoes that may be stolen by her monkey minions! Have your super-soakers locked and loaded!!
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Postby Ron » Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:05 pm

OOoo, am I sensing a competition for followers? Let's see, we can throw in with the monkey witch and fly around all day in cool outfits, wreaking havoc and stealing beer while we look for a cute little girl in blue. -Or- we can suck up to bubble witch here and, um, do what exactly? Wait around trying to protect said cute girl while waiting for a bunch of drunk flying monkeys to show up and kick our asses?

Hmmmmm.....

Hey, bubble-lady, gonna sweeten the pot any here? 'Cause from where I'm standing the other side is offering a pretty good deal...

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Postby gidget » Tue Jul 11, 2006 11:32 pm

What could be sweeter than melting the Wicked Witch of the West for my amusement? The forces of good should need no bribery, peon!... aahem, I mean, Good Citizen... Do you not want in your heart of hearts to stop pure evil in its tracks? If she were to lay hand upon those ruby slippers there's no telling what terrible darkness may follow!

Any takers?..... no?.....

Alright then, if it's sweeter you want, then sweeter you shall have... I offer you candy if you are nice, and if you are naughty then you shall be spanked, or if candy is not to you liking then you may be spanked regardless. Perhaps even by a certain girl in a blue dress.... when the time is right.

By the way, I never said the Lollypop Guild couldn't steal beer.

I'll take a PBR.
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Did someone say shoes???

Postby countb1ah » Wed Jul 12, 2006 6:05 am

I will enlist as one of your dark winged, shoe stealing, simian Ninja's. Just don't call me 'monkey' or 'boy' or worse yet, 'Monkey boy'. How evil are we supposed to be? Chaotic evil? Neutral evil.....er....not that I EVER played Dungeons and Dragons back in the day, but I'm just curious. As you know, I have a little 'thing' for Ruby Red slippers freshly removed from a damsels feet, so I may need a moment alone with them before handing them over. "Smells like victory...."

Remember what mom said, NEVER take candy from a stranger, unless they offer free spankings. We have a specialist... :twisted:
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Oh, my!

Postby Dorothy » Thu Jul 13, 2006 1:59 pm

What's all this fuss over my new ruby slippers? I don't care that they used to belong to a mean old witch. I mean, from what I hear she deserved to be smashed to a twitching, bloody pulp by my house. And as for my dog...I won't let anyone try to steal Toto again. That's why I ran away from home in the first place. Oh, I do miss Auntie Em!

I would appreciate any help from you scarecrows, tinmen, and cowardly lions to defeat the wicked witch and her monkey minions. Monkey butter does go rather well on toast and the witch cannot tolerate the tiniest drop of water! You know what you must do to make the playa safe from evil!! I'm counting on you.
There's no place like home!
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Postby countb1ah » Thu Jul 13, 2006 4:16 pm

First, you storm troop the 'ho wit yo hizzy, then stel her shoes, and THEN you say she deserved it? They do that type of thing here in tha hood when they string a brothers pair of sneaks over the power line. Then you go on to say that we won't get Toto until we pry him from your....oh, you're not Charlston Heston, but you get a little close. You must be a Republican.

As for using one of the elements to defeat our leader, we have three. Earth, Wind, and Fire.
Crayons taste like purple..... Always.
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Postby Bin Noddin » Thu Jul 13, 2006 8:46 pm

[drift] And don't forget, Woodbridge has Chuck Smith, too. [/end drift]
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Postby SED » Fri Jul 14, 2006 11:43 am

For you I hoot.

For you I jabber.

For you I masturbate and hurl my feces.

O Wicked Queen, I am your monkey.
It ain't the hanging, it's the drop.
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Postby Ron » Fri Jul 14, 2006 1:55 pm

Hmmm, candy, spankings, and a matched ability to steel beer. Along with some serious attitude. If I wanted that I could stick with the green witch.

I don't know, maybe it's time for some flying monkey independence. We could go form our own primate Sweden, neutral in the affairs of the shoes. Steal our own beer and welcome Dorothy, the witches, and anyone else that wants to get down with the beer, spanking, candy, and other monkey fun.

Then again that green one is always good for some laughs....

Hmmmmm, why do I feel like my hand is stuck in an anthill?

;)

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Postby SED » Fri Jul 14, 2006 4:32 pm

Ron wrote:
Hmmmmm, why do I feel like my hand is stuck in an anthill?

;)

Ron


Because your ass is full of ants?
It ain't the hanging, it's the drop.
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Postby dragonfly Jafe » Fri Jul 14, 2006 5:03 pm

...and what of the all powerful Wizard of Oz? Working for him has to have some bennies. The exciting night life of the Emerald City, next to a huge poppy field, and a whole lot more I'm sure! Don't throw in with the Witch's too soon - wait until all the opportunities are on the table. Don't be fooled into thinking it's this Witch or that Witch...there are alternatives!
Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.
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Postby SED » Fri Jul 14, 2006 5:46 pm

SED wrote:
Ron wrote:
Hmmmmm, why do I feel like my hand is stuck in an anthill?

;)

Ron


Because your ass is full of ants?



Sorry Ron, I just couldn't resist. You know how I am . . .
It ain't the hanging, it's the drop.
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Postby Ron » Fri Jul 14, 2006 6:20 pm

SED wrote:....
Because your ass is full of ants?....
Sorry Ron, I just couldn't resist. You know how I am . . .


LOL! No worries. Better an ass full of ants than a clubbed-in head and being served for dinner. Which is where most monkeys with their hands so caught often end up...

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