It was lovely to have you with us Too Early.
and now...the posting you've been waiting a week to read:
Good morning and welcome to the 2011 Final Wipe-up. It was an extraordinary year for shit Campers. All week I received compliments from Participants and USS. That’s right kids, Steve, the USS Field Manager was very pleased with our performance this year. Jose and his crew at the Separator were in good spirits all week, although they were up to their knees in shitty baby-wipes,. Apparently the baby-wipe campaign is paying off, as the debris post-separator was a lower amount this year than last year according to the owner of the Lovelock alfalfa farm where our sludge goes to fertilize his crops. I have several people to thank for the quality of the shit - one of which is YOU and the ePlayan community.
Pre-event, Motsky and Plowman stepped up to help with getting the interior and exterior signs up. These men got early entry to do this, and were indefatigable all weekend. They were both experienced and signage went super smoothly. They are wonderful to work with, and I hope to have their help next year. We got finished on Tuesday morning, and simply ran out of duct tape near enough to the end of the project to warrant a Fuck it. For the first time, the Service road potties got signed - albet only half of them. Still, this was a first, and can only get better next year. Another innovation this year was Duck brand purple duct tape. It was well worth the extra money, as they were not only striking on the units, the tape came off clean! I also decided to make the interior signs a standardized size - ¼ sheet. This worked out fabulously, and will be replicated next year.
Gonzo several times has complimented me on my polished litany this year. I could tell I was doing it right by the regular applause at the end of my rant. This year I just stuck to the basics: greeting, introduction, baby-wipe review etc and then lead into Excrementally Correct Hovering diatribe. There is a way to correctly hover for those that are obsessed with non-existent germies: flip the seat and the lid, then I don’t give a SHIT what you do. This was well received by the Sparkle Ponies. There was a significant reduction in hovering evidence this year (one ewe experience by Gonzo notwithstanding) that I could tell. Let’s keep this moving out Poopers! The whole city needs to know that there is an Excrementally Correct way to hover. The other innovation in my message was that if I saw someone with a baby-wipe package, I gifted them a paper lunch bag and instructed them to burn it. This is a positive alternative to just saying DON’T DO IT. The volunteers would tp the bank and then moop the area while I went on with my song and dance. This is an excellent way to demonstrate that the potties are being paid attention to, and that one should follow our lead. According to Gonzo, many did assist during the performance. We still need to get the word out about the tissue paper tp covers, as they continue to blow away to Winnemucca.
Because the Pottie-Project is an advertising campaign, I concentrated on getting the message all over the city. I made about 15 shirts pre-event that were not 100% cotton, so couldn’t be used by my volunteers. They had “STOP THE HORROR” on them. When I presented before the DPW Saturday morning meeting, they were pounced upon. I saw several DPW people wearing them. This is how Nike does it, it’s how Coke does it. I also brought my stencils along on Poop-Patrol. When I saw a “blank canvas” like a shirt or other surface that could be improved by my slogan, I asked. Every time it was enthusiastically received, and the ads were sprayed all over the Ghetto, a yurt, many t-shirts, a sarong, Igor’s truck and Haggis’ coat. The other ad tagging I did was to bring a stack of Ass-tray stickers to affix to altoid cans (with permission). People were thrilled.
In the not so distant past I had to BEG people to volunteer for Poop-Patrol. This year I had volunteers SHOVELED at me from several camps. Poop-Patrol is an excellent opportunity for virgins to see the city, learn about the infrastructure and see camps they may not have been able to get to. Because of my admittedly vast knowledge of BRC, I was able to answer questions or find someone who knew the answer. For this reason, I was able to be selective in who went out - virgins had priority. They came back educated, hydrated and fed.
A big BOOYAH goes out to MASH 4207, CO and Oregon Red for their help. These virgins were absolutely fabulous - well trained, excellent attitudes and fully supplied. I deeply appreciate the management skills that go into this camp. At the end of the event CO told me that next year he will make it a recruit requirement to work for me. Stag Camp on North Side was as well energetic, and provided outstanding volunteers. Puppy of Playa Waste Raiders recruited aggressively, and found a few. Bay Bridge Sue did us an honor to come out for a brief spell, and provided week long emotional support for yours truly. For anyone who knows me, Robbi Maintenance is a crucial job and I am profoundly grateful for her help in keeping me tethered to the planet surface.
The Pottie Friend program went extraordinarily well this year. This is where I go to camps that have line of sight of a given pottie-bank. I solicit their help in hosting a package of tp, where it sits visible to the pottie doors so that Participants may help themselves. They also commit to distributing tp at night when the potties are not serviced, yet are HAMMERED by nighttime use. This year every city bank was hosted by a Pottie Friend, some had a couple camps (when I couldn’t find the original host later in the week). I would love it if camps did as excellent a job of watching the banks as MuppetKiller, Dragon and of course the Potty Pigs. Bill and Kenny of the Potty Pigs have been providing concierge service at the 4:00D pottie-bank for many years. They started doing this possibly before I started in 2001, because they saw this as a way to meet pretty girls. They are charming and welcoming gentlemen, and it was obvious that the pretty girls appreciated their company. This was the first year they registered as a theme camp. No doubt, it will only get larger in the future. Potty Pigs is a huge success, and I’m always delighted to stop by for a break on my rounds. Another pottie-friendly camp that was one of my regular stopovers is Barbie Death Village. Thank you so much Doc Pyro for your continued support of the Pottie Project and in hosting the Meet & Greet. This camp continues to be a comfortable chill space for us with a ready beer and a hug. I finally got to the M&G before it closed, and was able to meet many ePlayans for the first time. I am still swooning about the overflowing gratitude from everyone I saw there.
At the end of the event, HazMatt, Playground and I were talking about the end banks. I had solicited camps help at all 4 banks on 2:00 and 10:00 sides. Unfortunately the packages were nearly full, so obviously their commitment was distracted. Playground had a wonderful idea for how to address the horror of the next morning at these banks - put a 3rd bank in place. I like it!
Finally, I want to thank Steve of USS for his pleasant management skills and his willingness to work with us in getting the potties under control. I only got to meet with Mike the Operations Manager once, but it was a wholly empowering experience, and I always enjoy talking shit with him. Overall, I have no doubt that no other event of our size has the quality of cleanliness than BRC enjoys. This is part due to the efficiency of their employees, their involvement in our culture and the continued assistance with me to get the right words out to the poopulation. Chatting with Steve at the end of the event, and I could tell that all our work has paid off. Thank you.
So give yourself a pat on the back. You did an excellent job, and next year we can all have faith that our excretory experience will be a positive one each and every time.
Chief Poopervisor of the Pottie-Project
DPW Volunteer Coordinator, Special Projects (Porta potties)