anger and depression

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anger and depression

Postby tamarakay » Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:43 pm

Ken has been majorly down since we got home. Having a hard time adjusting back to work, grandbabies etc. He wants me to commit to a plan for next year so he can start making it happen. i'm wanting to discuss airstream vs. other options. that long haul was hard on our old truck. maybe trade it for something smaller, or fix up the one that died since it's smaller. find a box truck and make due, monkeyhut and tent. lots of options.

But all that doesn't explain his snappiness and totally out of character moodiness.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby ygmir » Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:45 pm

dang TK..........well, give him a big ole hug and noogie, from me..........and one for you, too.

It's tough decompressing........and, it's different for us all.

does he read eplaya?
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Re: anger and depression

Postby RedHeaven » Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:49 pm

Ive been cheerier than usual post burns, (staying sober for the weekend helped) but my fatigue is BRUTAL!!!
I slept pretty good out there too. BRUTAL FATIGUE.....I wish it would go away. Been cracking out on caffiene.

Planning for BMan and the journey there is not easy and its not a real vacation. Its work, and so tiring. There is a whole art to mentally doing it right, not letting it throw you overboard or get you into a bad space. Bringing back this snarky saying once again "BurningMan: Dont go, it will ruin your life!" is a funny joke about how it does tend to take over.

I have a couple friends, older couple who went to BMan twice together and after that he refused to go with her again because she was way too stresssed for him to handle. It happens. There has to be a zen art to this.....a balance!

Eating right, gettin enough sleep, vitamins, good diet and exercising of course help.....but thats a given....

Sometimes there is a whole mental battle, everyone goes thru something differnet with post Burn thoughts. One things the same, we all have em. Sounds like its about time you approach your partner with an open mind and ask them what they are thinking. If you give them a comfortable place to speak their mind maybe you can get thru?

Good luck and much love
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Re: anger and depression

Postby Savannah » Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:54 pm

Poor Ken! Tell him it happens to almost all of us--it really does. It can be a nasty culture shock, coming back. Walking around a supermarket can make me feel a little weepy, because it's just so strange in comparison. And of course, I'm nowhere near as well hydrated. :?

Have you guys joined the regional mailing lists for Texas?
http://regionals.burningman.com/us_tx.html

I can't help but imagine they have a massive decompression event of some kind. There are 5 links for Texas possibilities.
http://regionals.burningman.com/regional_directory.html
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Re: anger and depression

Postby jkisha » Wed Sep 14, 2011 9:17 pm

I don't think I'd worry too much about it. (Not that I know much about these things.) But it was a whole week of being "out of character". Returning to the default world after this experience can often be a difficult adjustment--especially after experiencing all the unrestrained freedom the playa offers. I think that's why lots of us keep coming back.

tamarakay wrote:Ken has been majorly down since we got home. Having a hard time adjusting back to work, grandbabies etc. He wants me to commit to a plan for next year so he can start making it happen. i'm wanting to discuss airstream vs. other options. that long haul was hard on our old truck. maybe trade it for something smaller, or fix up the one that died since it's smaller. find a box truck and make due, monkeyhut and tent. lots of options.

But all that doesn't explain his snappiness and totally out of character moodiness.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby Turnip » Wed Sep 14, 2011 10:42 pm

It seems like a lot of people are having a hard time this year. I think give it some more time.

I quit my job in order to come out to BRC this year.

Now that it's said and done, I'm very happy I went but this feeling of complete worthlessness at not having a job is a real downer.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby graidawg » Wed Sep 14, 2011 11:13 pm

ken snappy and irritable? that is majorly out of character he was the most chilled of dudes back home. Me and mdf commented every morning how he would be up and about doing something practical, my suggestion dress playa for him put out a bottle of water and a stereo in another room playing bad dubstep. then invite him to the airstream when he is dressed suitably. That or start planning your next trip home now! I am its all that is keeping me sane.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby delle » Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:39 am

graidawg wrote:ken snappy and irritable? that is majorly out of character he was the most chilled of dudes back home. Me and mdf commented every morning how he would be up and about doing something practical, my suggestion dress playa for him put out a bottle of water and a stereo in another room playing bad dubstep. then invite him to the airstream when he is dressed suitably. That or start planning your next trip home now! I am its all that is keeping me sane.


Yep.

And never turn the lights on. Live only with headlamps and blinky lights as often as possible.


My Ken finally admitted to me that part of his problem with our return (besides the HUGE problem of a return to a need for clothes) was that after a very intensively TOGETHER time, we were back to focusing on things in our own realms. Once said, things got MUCH better.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby waxpraxis » Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:55 am

My wife and I ran into the same thing. It took a while to realize that while we're around each other everyday, at burning man we were WITH each almost the whole time, looking after one another and generally really tuned into each others needs and emotional state.

There's also something strangely romantic and awesome about the ritual we developed of washing each others feet. It's funny that the smell of apple cider vinegar now puts a dreamy look in my eye...
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Re: anger and depression

Postby pinemom » Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:22 am

Make every Saturday(or what ever your days off are together) BURN day! Wear your burny clothes and do all the mundane things that are on your to-do list in them, even laundry is funner when your dressed in Mermaid attire!

Listen to techno, when ever you can, even if you dont like it, it is the backdrop music of BRC.

Do a Tan sheet on your living room wall, dress up, take pictures! Add a fan and a small amount of playa...weeeeeeeee

Hug each other!!!!! We get so many hugs out there, every moment of the day and night, hug's are so frikken important.

Start your LISTS for next yr! Have fun with it, try to remember all the things you brought and didnt need vs. the ones you forgot but would have loved to have.

Look online for "outfit" idea's.

Go buy a Thrift store/garage sale, sewing machine, teach yourself how to use it!
Get a hot glue gun(super hot melt stick) for when the machine just cant do what you want it to do!

Go camping in your back yard! With funny desert food for dinner!

Remember that what your just went through was a Overdose of LOVE,Happiness and complete harmony. And it will take time to recover slowly.


And Most of all remember WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!
Names pinemom, but my friends call me "Piney".
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Re: anger and depression

Postby Trishntek » Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:36 am

There is no way I can completely separate Burning Man from my daily life in SoCal. I loathe wearing socks and shoes but it is necessary for my work. I loathe wearing clothing in general but they are necessary for my work,,,, and to keep the neighbors out of my business,,,, sighhhh.

Every moment of my free time the shoes and socks are off and I'm wearing (or not) the same stuff I wear on the playa. I find comfort in bringing the burn home as much as possible. The schizophrenia of dividing me on the playa and me in defaultia is traumatic enough without denying who I really am.

The financial crunch of TTITD can be overwhelming. Find ways to work with others,,, there are so many ways to help one another get to BRC again. I'm already campaigning to recruit more locals for our camp next year. The thing that overwhelmed me this year was our arrival here. For the first time since Skylar and Alex arrived to help load the truck, Trish and I were alone.

Trish being in no shape to help me unload the truck, the entire mother ship was my sole responsibility. Unloading and cleaning the rental truck in a timely fashion, the sorting and cleaning,,,, the losing and finding,,,, I felt overwhelmed. At times like that, it is easy to fall into this funk of self-pity and feel like I've been used and abused. "Everybody else is home and had a good time while I'm stuck here with this mess!"

I'm sorry did somebody force me into all this? I give my head a shake and see the joy of happy campers and all the work they did on behalf of the camp during the burn. They treated me like a king! To look back and see how all this time, effort and treasure has effected so many lives gives me the boost I need. It challenges and motivates me to do it better next year.

Part of that "doing it better" is to get others more involved with the logistics. I've labored long and hard to create the infrastructure for a camp. But the camp is made of people,,,, not stuff. Now that the grunt work is done, I find myself searching for doing more. Ironic is it not? Touching lives and being touched by others is the great motivator. Don't shut those people out just because we're not waking to the site of them anymore.

If there is anything I can suggest for Ken, it is to reach out to fellow burners and allow himself to be his burniest throughout the year. Bring the burn home!
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Re: anger and depression

Postby Dr Jet Sinister » Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:45 am

Trishntek wrote: At times like that, it is easy to fall into this funk of self-pity and feel like I've been used and abused. "Everybody else is home and had a good time while I'm stuck here with this mess!"

We know this one too, since it takes us at least 3 days to get home in a very slow school bus. It should make the burn last longer, instead it drags out our fatigue to the point of misery.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby Drawingablank » Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:50 am

The reality that it was over didn't really sink in until Saturday. I was so shell shocked by departure time early Monday morning that I was pretty much numb to it all for the 5 day ride home.

What triggered my depression was at work Saturday when a customer handed me 3.50 in cash - after staring at it for a few seconds, I almost broke down and cried on the spot. Although we had spent a crapload of money getting to and from the burn, it all went on the credit card and it had been weeks since I actually touched cash.

I've found that the process of unpacking, cleaning, and repacking has been somewhat theraputic (combined with massive doses of PBR). My backyard still looks like a half set up camp and getting the occasional whiff of playa or a face full of dust upon opening a bag or a tote helps. I also discovered that my playa coat absolutely reeks of home in ways that dust alone just can't compete with and we've actually had one night cool enough to wear it - the fact that it likely freaks out my neighbors is just icing on the cake. It will be the last thing I clean and pack away.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby Savannah » Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:53 am

I also discovered that my playa coat absolutely reeks of home in ways that dust alone just can't compete with and we've actually had one night cool enough to wear it - the fact that it likely freaks out my neighbors is just icing on the cake. It will be the last thing I clean and pack away.


I hear you. I've got a pair of footie pajamas that I wore out on Thursday night of the event (with bunny ears and huuuge bunny feet) and they're wonderfully chock full of dust.

I'm not washing them for a while; I don't care if they degrade a little.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby graidawg » Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:02 am

pinemom wrote:Make every Saturday(or what ever your days off are together) BURN day! Wear your burny clothes and do all the mundane things that are on your to-do list in them, even laundry is funner when your dressed in Mermaid attire!

Listen to techno, when ever you can, even if you dont like it, it is the backdrop music of BRC.

Do a Tan sheet on your living room wall, dress up, take pictures! Add a fan and a small amount of playa...weeeeeeeee

Hug each other!!!!! We get so many hugs out there, every moment of the day and night, hug's are so frikken important.

Start your LISTS for next yr! Have fun with it, try to remember all the things you brought and didnt need vs. the ones you forgot but would have loved to have.

Look online for "outfit" idea's.

Go buy a Thrift store/garage sale, sewing machine, teach yourself how to use it!
Get a hot glue gun(super hot melt stick) for when the machine just cant do what you want it to do!

Go camping in your back yard! With funny desert food for dinner!

Remember that what your just went through was a Overdose of LOVE,Happiness and complete harmony. And it will take time to recover slowly.


And Most of all remember WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!



I LOVE THIS SERIOUSLY ADVICE TO LIVE BY.
Trishntek wrote:There is no way I can completely separate Burning Man from my daily life in SoCal. I loathe wearing socks and shoes but it is necessary for my work. I loathe wearing clothing in general but they are necessary for my work,,,, and to keep the neighbors out of my business,,,, sighhhh.

Every moment of my free time the shoes and socks are off and I'm wearing (or not) the same stuff I wear on the playa. I find comfort in bringing the burn home as much as possible. The schizophrenia of dividing me on the playa and me in defaultia is traumatic enough without denying who I really am.

The financial crunch of TTITD can be overwhelming. Find ways to work with others,,, there are so many ways to help one another get to BRC again. I'm already campaigning to recruit more locals for our camp next year. The thing that overwhelmed me this year was our arrival here. For the first time since Skylar and Alex arrived to help load the truck, Trish and I were alone.

Trish being in no shape to help me unload the truck, the entire mother ship was my sole responsibility. Unloading and cleaning the rental truck in a timely fashion, the sorting and cleaning,,,, the losing and finding,,,, I felt overwhelmed. At times like that, it is easy to fall into this funk of self-pity and feel like I've been used and abused. "Everybody else is home and had a good time while I'm stuck here with this mess!"

I'm sorry did somebody force me into all this? I give my head a shake and see the joy of happy campers and all the work they did on behalf of the camp during the burn. They treated me like a king! To look back and see how all this time, effort and treasure has effected so many lives gives me the boost I need. It challenges and motivates me to do it better next year.

Part of that "doing it better" is to get others more involved with the logistics. I've labored long and hard to create the infrastructure for a camp. But the camp is made of people,,,, not stuff. Now that the grunt work is done, I find myself searching for doing more. Ironic is it not? Touching lives and being touched by others is the great motivator. Don't shut those people out just because we're not waking to the site of them anymore.

If there is anything I can suggest for Ken, it is to reach out to fellow burners and allow himself to be his burniest throughout the year. Bring the burn home!


THIS TOO. TnT is possibly the most charismatic person i have ever met, so centered and comfortable in himself at bm i found myself wondering why it took me so long to get there. Retrofrolic is not a sex camp its a life camp. just being there made me feel happier and i was already happy (though i do think i missed a few subtle clues in retrspect. still there is always next year)
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Re: anger and depression

Postby jkisha » Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:44 pm

graidawg wrote:(though i do think i missed a few subtle clues in retrspect. still there is always next year)

:D I'm sure you did! :shock: But as you said, there's always next year! :wink: :oops:
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Re: anger and depression

Postby theCryptofishist » Thu Sep 15, 2011 3:49 pm

What strikes me, and I admit to skewed data, is that as far as I could tell you were doing a whole lot of prep, and Ken seemed less involved. So maybe it's a good thing that he's thinking about next year. Of course, tamerkay, you were the one on eplaya, so his prep was pretty much invisible to me. (have I disclaimed enough?) There are burners in Texas, even if you're not close to Smashy and Jet, they might have some ideas of the TX scene.
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Re: anger and depression

Postby trilobyte » Thu Sep 15, 2011 4:01 pm

Silly as it sounds, go to your local GNC or pharmacy and pick up a supplement called 5-HTP.

It sounds as if his seratonin levels may be slightly out of whack. It happens with some people after they take party drugs that tell the body to release all itse seratonin, But it also happens with people who never even take party drugs - you spend a week where your body's feeling crazy amounts of happy and joy, and then return to defaultia, and the body takes a little more time to adjust. Completely normal and natural.

When seratonin levels are depleted or low, you'll have trouble getting up the energy/motivation to get things done (even after a good night's sleep), and mood can often suffer.

We brought a good-sized bottle of 5-HTP out (as well as a big bottle of electralyte tablets) for our campmates to help themselves to, and I think it made a difference on the playa. Actually, now that I'm thinking of it I should go take some - I've been dragging my feet on getting some post-playa stuff done more than I usually drag my feet.

Hope that helps!
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Re: anger and depression

Postby tamarakay » Thu Sep 15, 2011 5:57 pm

Thank you to everyone for your responses. You guys make me better. Ken does read eplaya some, but i specifically emailed him this link. I'm going to get us some of that serotonin stuff tomorrow. We took a long walk this evening and I plan on doing the playawear sleep in the airstream this weekend.

Thank you thank you thank you!
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Re: anger and depression

Postby maryanimal » Thu Sep 15, 2011 9:40 pm

I know how Ken is feeling Tamarkay. The first week home I was numb and depressed. I wasn't talking much at all. My head was filled with the playa sounds, techno music, the sites I was able to see, and all the people. I just sat in my room day after day until I had to go back to work. That was good for me though. I missed my liitle lady and her daughter. They make me feel appreciated and cared for and needed. Something I don't have right now, and something I don't feel very often.

This past week, I still have the depression, the anger showed up. I've been uber-snappy. My granddaughter was over and I didn't want to see her, afraid I'd snap at her. However, I did get my gear cleaned last weekend, dried folded, and and put back in their proper packaging. The rugs still smell like the playa. As I was packing my stuff in the car, I got this surge of happiness and adrenaline thinking I was packing to go back home. It felt so good! But I had to come back to defaultia.

I'm sure we'll all be alright. Lots of good suggestions on the board here! Have Ken wear that cute little light blue skirt/scarf/sarong/lavalava or whatever it was. It looked good on him! *hubbahubba*

You both just sit down and open up with the feelings you're both experiencing.

hugs for you both.[/quote]
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