Spin off of the Friend Thread

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Spin off of the Friend Thread

Postby googbox » Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:02 am

I wasn't sure whether to start a new topic or just post there, but I don't want to threadjack. Maybe I can get some insight from you guys.

For at least (if not longer) 6 months, we've had plans to go with our tight knit group of friends. 2 couples, my best friend, and myself. Of the 6 of us, 5 of us have been. The only virgin is one of the members of the couples. We've been having our planning sessions, we were all excited (or so I thought) we all know what we need to do and how to do it. 4 of us have camped together several times, and we're good- we communicate well, work together well, and know when we need time outs from each other to preserve the friendships.

Well today I got a vibe from the virgin that he wasn't really into going. He's bitching about the waste it causes, claims that BM is just a bunch of rich people who didn't have time or money to party when they were young, so they go out there to "get it out of their system" once a year.

Of course, this stung a bit, b/c I know if I wanted to party my ass off for one week a year, I could do it a LOT easier than lugging out 3 shade structures, gallons of water, building evap ponds, spending all my party money on solar lights and rebar, well you know the jist.

I'm a big believer in if you don't want to go- DON'T GO. It's NOT for everybody. But it's not my place to tell him to stay home.

I sent him a very long explicit email explaining MY view of BM- or attempting to, but also emphasizing that this is MY perception, and it's not everybody's perception, and everybody is going to have their own experience.

Beyond that, I don't want to worry or stress about him. This is where I believe the radical self reliance comes in. I"m going to go and have a kick ass time, because I'm going to make sure I have a kick ass time (just like I'll ensure I"m properly hydrated, rested, and know how to get back to camp).

But do you all have any advice on this? I've done the "be open minded, have a positive attitude- if you think it's going to suck it will" speech... beyond that, I'm almost tempted to say "you know what- if you're negative I'm walking away" and risk losing the friendship. Yes, I'm willing to risk losing this friendship to make sure I don't have a shitty time.
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Re: Spin off of the Friend Thread

Postby Eric » Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:11 am

googbox wrote:I'm almost tempted to say "you know what- if you're negative I'm walking away" and risk losing the friendship. Yes, I'm willing to risk losing this friendship to make sure I don't have a shitty time.


Say it. Put it on the table.

Let him know that if he really feels that negatively about an event he has never been to and wants to whine about it like the evangelicals whine about movies they've never seen just because they've "heard" it's bad....... well, tell him you're more than happy to dump his ass & move on.

Anyone going to Burning Man against their will is almost guaranteed to have a lousy time & drag their camp-mates down with them. If he starts pulling that shit at the event just get up & leave him in camp. Tell him to have fun at his pity-party, you have amazing things to see.

edit: You must actually leave him in camp. Don't just threaten him & then stay anyway. He might just get the idea. He might not. Either way you're out having fun.
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Postby Parasitoid » Tue Aug 10, 2010 11:21 am

It might not be simple to do but I would try to not worry about this guys opinion or for that matter whether he has a good time or not on the playa. It sounds like he is going just because his friends are, maybe you guys need to take the pressure of and let him stay home? my two cents
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Postby googbox » Tue Aug 10, 2010 1:19 pm

Thanks guys!

Eric- if the planets align and I remember to make it to the meet and greet, can I give you a kiss? I love your response.

Our emails have gone back and forth and I realize my frustration is because I don't feel like I should convince somebody to go, or to have a good time.

I bluntly told him that if he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't go. If he does decide to try it on for size, and finds that he is NOT having a good time, I will personally drive him back to Reno. Of course on the playa, chances are I won't be easily found or talked into keeping that promise, ha. I'll leave this battle to his life partner. In the meantime, I'll be running around the playa, seeing incredible things, hugging people and kissing Eric if I find him!
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Postby swampdog » Tue Aug 10, 2010 1:49 pm

Negative one is part of one of the couples, right? Tread lightly, kemosabe. I'd talk to the partner and let them do the talking. Partner may have put down an ultimatum or something, it may be really touchy in their relationship. Partner may feel that she has to drag him along to support the go team. Every word you say could be getting amplified, twisted, negated, by things the partner is saying in the other ear. I don't mean to imply any bad intentions on anyone's part, it's just that your messages may not be aligning and may be causing confusion and frustration for all of you.

Regardless, make it clear that once you get to the playa you're going to have your own fun and if Negative doesn't want to play he can sit alone at camp.

ETA: input from your other campers might help. Do they want him along? Will they let him stew in camp if he wants to, or will they sit with him while you're out having fun?
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Postby theCryptofishist » Tue Aug 10, 2010 1:58 pm

Just leave him off at the Sparkle Pony choral.
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Postby googbox » Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:18 pm

swampdog-- thank you for your advice. I think I'll do my best to let this one go gracefully. He ended his last email w/ he's not trying to ruin my experience. I replied that nothing he will say or do will ruin my experience, I'm going to have a great time, and I just hope he has a great time too because I love him and want him to be happy.

I'm not going to bring it up to him again. We are supposed to be having a camp meeting tomorrow, which all of us except negative virgin and his boyfriend are attending. I'm going to share my concerns w/ the group and leave it at that. (My concerns being- if anybody is whiney, pouty, negative, I'm taking off for a bit, don't worry, i'll still fulfill any camp responsibilities such as not leaving a mess for others to clean) I don't want it twisted as "googbox said I shouldn't go" and cause drama. I'll let my friends and campmates decide individually how they want to react.
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Postby googbox » Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:30 pm

Forgot to add-- my friend mentioned that he'd rather spend his money going to somewhere tropical, lie on a beach, and be served a drink by a sexy man while another sexy man rubs his shoulders.

Well in true googbox fashion... if he DOES leave his negative attitude at home, I will make sure to find 2 willing sexy men to come serve my friend a drink and rub his shoulders.
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Postby Eric » Tue Aug 10, 2010 3:09 pm

googbox wrote:Forgot to add-- my friend mentioned that he'd rather spend his money going to somewhere tropical, lie on a beach, and be served a drink by a sexy man while another sexy man rubs his shoulders.


Other than the tropical bit, he does realize he can get that on the playa doesn't he? Y'all might want to try to camp near the Gay Ghetto (7:30 radial) so he gets glimpses of the meat on the hoof. If that doesn't distract him and make him happy, shoot him.

sheesh, leave it my people to be princesses.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Tue Aug 10, 2010 7:35 pm

Eric wrote:
googbox wrote:Forgot to add-- my friend mentioned that he'd rather spend his money going to somewhere tropical, lie on a beach, and be served a drink by a sexy man while another sexy man rubs his shoulders.


Other than the tropical bit, he does realize he can get that on the playa doesn't he? Y'all might want to try to camp near the Gay Ghetto (7:30 radial) so he gets glimpses of the meat on the hoof. If that doesn't distract him and make him happy, shoot him.

sheesh, leave it my people to be princesses.

What, you're jewish?

That pretty much had to happen.
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Postby Eric » Tue Aug 10, 2010 7:44 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:
Eric wrote:sheesh, leave it my people to be princesses.

What, you're jewish?

That pretty much had to happen.


I prefer Red Sea Pedestrian or Hebe, but, yes. I am.

such a Jew, you can't even leave a joke alone? No, Mr. Smarty-Pants has to jump in and wreck the nice ladies bit of cleverness. Always have to get the last word, you're just like your father. Jesus H......
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Postby Elderberry » Tue Aug 10, 2010 7:50 pm

googbox wrote:Forgot to add-- my friend mentioned that he'd rather spend his money going to somewhere tropical, lie on a beach, and be served a drink by a sexy man while another sexy man rubs his shoulders.

Well in true googbox fashion... if he DOES leave his negative attitude at home, I will make sure to find 2 willing sexy men to come serve my friend a drink and rub his shoulders.


LMFAO!! That's still my idea of a great vacation--a 5 star hotel with a pool that overlooks the beach and hot cabana boys serving pina coladas pool side--that way I don't have to even deal with the sand.

It was for this reason that my partner refused to let me go to BM with him the first year we started dating.

I still like 5 star hotels, but we've been to the Burn together for the last 5 years. There's just something about BM that keeps drawing us back; if you've been there, you know what it is; if you haven't it really can't be described.

So, he'll either go and love it, or go and hate it; and I say, either way, it's something that everyone should experience at least once in their life-time.

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Postby burningquestions » Wed Aug 11, 2010 12:33 am

Are you all polyamorous? That would be real cool like.
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