Sexual Assault at Burning Man - another point of view

Share your views on the policies, philosophies, and spirit of Burning Man.

Postby 5x5 » Tue Aug 05, 2008 7:26 am

not even sure what i think/want to say on this whole topic...

while i do feel badly for anyone falsely accused of sexual assault, either intentionally or unintentionally, i think a little dose of healthy fear of that will help people decide to communicate better and be sure that the other person is on the same page. ideally, someone pursuing another sexually would want to know that they were all in just out of concern for that person - but if a selfish motive leads to same results, and less sexual assaults, i'm all for it.

i mostly replied to this thread to say something about this quote.

gyre wrote:I had a friend that someone else had said was raped.
But she never said anything about it to anyone else.
And she later spent the night with the person who had been accused.
Sometimes it is hard to tell what happened.


sure, it can be hard for an outsider to tell what happened. because often it's hard for the VICTIM to tell what happened. i know it can sound dumb, that it's obvious, you didn't want sex but had it? that's rape.

well, i was raped, and didn't really recognize that fact for 4 years. i saw the person in question often during that time, although we never really talked or spent time together.

i partly blame the fact that i went to catholic school, and was taught abstinence only. yes, i had sex when i didn't want to. yes, i said no. but i didn't fight, i didn't struggle, i was already making out with him in his room and had been drinking. i didn't view it as rape because it wasn't an attack or forced physically. i figured i was a "bad" catholic girl who got drunk and this is what happens. 4 years later, i realized the truth of the situation. even then, i told 2 people, and then didn't discuss it again for years.


so please people, communicate. for the sake of both sides. whether it's out of interest for your partner or self preservation, just do it.


gyre, i have no idea what intent you had behind that statement, and this isn't an attack on you. i just wanted to speak up from the victims point of view, and help everyone reading this realize that the world of sexual assault is not always black and white, and there's often confusion.
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Postby This Woman » Tue Aug 05, 2008 9:54 am

Thanks for the links Dr. P. I resolve to have the topic covered at my camp, and will utilyze the BED theme camp challenge.

The 2-4% vs higher is interesting, but not that relevant to the topic. To the one guy it happens to, it is extremely devestating and truamatic, and Dr. Placebo and others have covered the more common issue of being a sexual assault victim quite admirably.

I believe that the number gets driven up anyway, at Burning Man, for the reasons discussed. But, I'd be surprised if any one of the cases reported at Burning Man over the years involved a deliberately false report.

Rather, I fear that confusion and memory loss due to inebriation (of whatever sort) will lead to "false" accusations or that inappropriate and offensive behavior that warrants some minor action (even if just a punch in the nose) will lead to a sexual assault charge. I do not trust the courts to handle it in a just way - no charge that carries minimum sentences can be handled justly in my opinion.

Besides, its avoidable. I'm sure BED gets flack for the guideline saying don't have sex with the inebriated unless its pre-planned. But technically, they are right. It is not legal in Nevada to have sex with the inebriated. And if two people are under the influence in a situation, short of unusual circumstance, the male will be the accused.

Personally, I am too indulgent to promise myself only sober sex, but I will be very clear in my consent.
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Postby This Woman » Tue Aug 05, 2008 10:18 am

5x5, thanks for your point of view. I actually see this discussion as a way to put the fear into people so that they will clearly communicate.

Communication is key.

While you were getting your abstinence training, your perpetrator may well have been hearing that when a girl says no she really means yes. Girls are also commonly taught to make sure that everyone is happy even if it means they can't be. Men do not understand how deeply that training goes. Parents do not understand how deeply that training goes.

Also, my post and my comments are focused on hetero situations involving one man and one woman. I suspect that the LGBT community is rather better at communicating than strict heteros, but I don't know. It would be nice to hear from someone who has info in that regard.
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Postby MissNev » Tue Aug 05, 2008 2:47 pm

Very good discussion thread here. Thanks TW for bringing this up. While I certainly sympathize with any victim of an assault, we rarely get to see the other side of this issue. The falsely accused don't have the same rights to proof that the victims do. The havoc wreaked on the lives of those who are falsely accused of a sexual crime is unbelievable. Be careful out there people and make your intentions/desires well known.
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Best way to avoid being wrongly accused of sexual assault?

Postby lebot » Fri Sep 04, 2009 3:24 pm

Keep your hands to yourself, unless you are given explicit permission by someone who is completely, totally, and without question sober. I know it might not be as much fun, but you could avoid inadvertently taking advantage of someone else in a way that could hurt them for a long time, and you can also avoid ending up with a false accusation.
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Postby brcprincess » Fri Sep 11, 2009 6:10 pm

I seem to remember reading in the BM newspaper this year that someone was arrested for sexual assault?
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2009 arrest stats

Postby This Woman » Wed Sep 16, 2009 10:38 am

I don't think the statistics have been tallied and reported yet. I heard about one incident on the radio at Burning Man. There was also a woman arrested for sexual assault this year: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09246/99 ... latest.xml
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Re: 2009 arrest stats

Postby MozyBonz » Wed Sep 16, 2009 10:57 am

This Woman wrote: There was also a woman arrested for sexual assault this year: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09246/99 ... latest.xml



WTF it’s a woman burned a man to rape him at his home…. not a woman arrested at burning man for rape.
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OMG

Postby This Woman » Wed Sep 16, 2009 11:07 am

serious brain fart moment and key word disaster. thanks for pointing it out.

I sent this to some friends who have yet to notice my error. We must all still have playa dust in the pipes.
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Postby This Woman » Wed Sep 16, 2009 11:26 am

LOL, and I was thinking when I read the article, "Did she plug the curling iron into a generator? Was it battery operated?"

Sigh.
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Postby Barbie » Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:00 pm

BUMP
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Postby spectabillis » Sat Oct 31, 2009 4:36 pm

for a reason?
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Postby ygmir » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:12 pm

I think she's on a mission to prove something to JK.........just a guess, though.
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Postby Elderberry » Sat Oct 31, 2009 5:21 pm

ygmir wrote:I think she's on a mission to prove something to JK.........just a guess, though.


If by "she" you mean Barbitch, I have her blocked and can't read her posts. *fingers in ears* lalalalalalalalalal I can't hear you!!!!

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Postby Barbie » Sun Nov 01, 2009 10:52 am

Nope not on a mission to prove something to Mr. JKisha....

I realized after his comment that he would have less sympathy for rape victims if they had been drinking or doing drugs that there is really NO hope for him.


This Bad Attitude, RUDE, irrational inapproperate commenting, non spell check using, Super SENSITIVE, Rubber breasted, fake, self righteous, capital letters typing, emoticons using, non -theme camp camping, Racist, Barbitch that no one likes...

was merely trying to shed some addition light on the situation. :? :lol: :P

teehhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeethhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetteeehttteeeeeeeeetttttteeeeeeeeeeeee LOL



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Drink the Koolaid and SHut the fuck UP!





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Postby Barbie » Sun Nov 01, 2009 6:59 pm

I'm bored also! :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:



And hey thats a cool story about how that women caught that man on fire and raped him with a hot curling iron!
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Postby Sham » Sun Nov 01, 2009 7:21 pm

Barbie wrote:And hey thats a cool story about how that women caught that man on fire and raped him with a hot curling iron!

hmmmm, tell me more!
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Postby Speedbump » Mon Aug 02, 2010 2:26 pm

My wife will be attending with me this year. I assume if anything sexual happens she'll be there to defend me and confirm that any act was consentual.

Hmmmm, maybe I should rethink that as a plan.
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Postby MistressSybs » Mon Aug 02, 2010 3:03 pm

Speedbump wrote:My wife will be attending with me this year. I assume if anything sexual happens she'll be there to defend me and confirm that any act was consentual.

Hmmmm, maybe I should rethink that as a plan.


bwahahaha! careful she might slut you out and take pictures! wait... ya that's what I would do! LOL
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Postby Speedbump » Mon Aug 02, 2010 6:08 pm

Have the two of you been talking?
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Postby C.f.M. » Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:46 am

I read the first line and thought "That'd be fun, to mace people." Instead of water misting camp, have a camp that mists mace.

Then I stopped reading and posted that and now I'm leaving.
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