This Just In!!!!!
The Department of Celestial Accounting (contracted consultants to Harold Camping) Announced while they stand behind the Predictions of Harold Camping they also are aware of gross misjudgment of other factors on Harold Camping's part. Namely Samoa.
Samoa has a long rich history, complete with it's own cosmology and religious beliefs. or rather it did...
Factor X: When Christianity was introduced in Samoa, most Samoan people converted. Currently 98% of the population identify themselves as Christian. The other 2 percent either identify themselves as irreligious, or do not belong to any congregation.
Factor Y: Mission work in Samoa had begun in late 1830 by John Williams, of the London Missionary Society arriving in Sapapali'i from The Cook Islands and Tahiti. By that time, the Samoans had gained a reputation of being savage and warlike.
Factor Z: Once subdued by the loving grace of God. These Heathens were more eager to adopt a more sedentary life style and a foreign Diet that comprised mostly of Fatty high cholesterol foods and Copious amounts of French fries (venerated to the status of holy by a savvy Fast food chain) the result of this was a massive increase in the average body weight of the Islands population.
Having explained these factors, here is a breakdown of current predicament: It is one of simple physics and is related to the widely known hypothetical situation where "...all of the Chinese jumped off their chairs at the same time". When raptured These Samoans and their collective body fat will put a "Wobble" on the earths rotation and send it careening into the sun, well before 6pm European time witch is before 6pm in North America. So it appears that Even if you have been a good Christian and abstained by the pleasures of the flesh, you are doomed like the rest of us unless we can convince the entire Eskimo nation; whos average body weight and population is Identical to the Samoans to jump off their chairs in unison to counter the "wobble". this is the crux of the problem. The Eskimos resiliency to Cristian conversion juxtaposed against their anger at not being offered Fries by the Visiting London Missionary Society, (who thought them to be obese due to they'r heathen ways.) are unlikely to help Anny of us.
The Irony that the Greedy, overzealousness and shortsightedness of the London Missionary Society 200 years ago has Screwed us in the Ass yet again, is astounding.
Oh yeah, this year I was totally twerping out at the fence. ~Lonesombri