Suicidal Tendencies

All things outside of Burning Man.

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby MyDearFriend » Sat Jan 11, 2014 8:46 pm

Oh gosh (((MaryAnimal)))
Practice Love. Exercise Sex.

"When life seems dangerous and unmanageable, just remember that it is, and that you can't survive forever."
User avatar
MyDearFriend
 
Posts: 3097
Joined: Sat Nov 06, 2010 5:22 am
Location: Washington, DC
Burning Since: 2011
Camp Name: Barbie Death Camp DREAD PIRATE BARBIE

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby Elliot » Sat Jan 11, 2014 10:24 pm

.
Hey Mary Ann!

Good thing that you speak up during tough times. That’s what we all need to do once in a while.

Try to think of your mother as someone to celebrate forever – not only while her body is still here. She will always “be there” in your soul. Fond memories cannot die.

You are actually very fortunate. My mother died in November, and it was just a statistic and some paperwork to me. She was horribly egoistic – a self-centered “star of stage and screen” with no concern for anyone else. And manipulative – she used her acting skills every waking moment all her life to draw attention and advantage to herself.

So you are in great shape, Mary Ann! You will always have a “real Mom” with you, one way or the other, for many many years to come!
Elliot's Bicycle Service, Camel Saddlery and Beverage Salon 5 & G as before, probably.
Ali Elliot Fy Fasan, proprietor

Caravansary Black Rock 2014



ImageImageImage
Millicent The Bus; pedal-vehicles on Playa and in Kinetic Sculpture Races.
User avatar
Elliot
 
Posts: 5271
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2005 9:41 pm
Location: Clearlake, Northern California
Burning Since: 2006
Camp Name: Elliot’s Bicycle & Beverage Emporium

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby burner von braun » Sat Jan 11, 2014 11:50 pm

(((maryanimal)))
Another early attempt at success
User avatar
burner von braun
 
Posts: 756
Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 4:37 pm
Burning Since: 2010

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby AntiM » Sun Jan 12, 2014 6:45 am

Hugs and love for you, Maryanimal.... I miss my mom, it is so hard. But she would be sad if I tried to follow her, she gave me this life to live fully. I hope you can hold onto your love of your mom, and celebrate her life and memory.
These are not my fuckos.
User avatar
AntiM
Moderator
 
Posts: 16386
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2004 6:23 am
Location: Top O' the World, Ma!
Burning Since: 2001
Camp Name: Anti M's Home for Wayward Art

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby Elorrum » Sun Jan 12, 2014 8:43 am

Well said, AntiM. I'm pretty sure any mother would not like this plan. I miss my mother everyday, and some of the awful memories of the end visit when least expected. Deep depressions pass. In the moment they feel permanent, and the pain is very real. You wonder how you can tolerate such pain. But it is not permanent. Saying this here is a good step, the next step will be to speak it to a flesh and blood person, I'd suggest a person trained in helping with this kind of information. Think of taco Tuesday, put yourself in a good moment, reach for a little perspective, and know the pain will lessen, this can help. We love you.
What's the name of the act? The Aristocrats.
User avatar
Elorrum
 
Posts: 4468
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2008 9:09 pm
Location: San Jose, CA

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby tatonka » Sun Jan 12, 2014 10:37 am

hugs to ya Mary :) your Mom would want ya to see your friends again this year . Its only natural the feelings ya got ,but your spirit will get ya thru .
winners never quit , quitters never win

4 wheels move the body , two wheels moves the soul

Music is the great healer of the soul
User avatar
tatonka
 
Posts: 1129
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 4:28 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Rancho Deluxe

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby tatonka » Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:51 pm

tribute to moms , mine passed away at 63 with alzheimers :(

[media]
winners never quit , quitters never win

4 wheels move the body , two wheels moves the soul

Music is the great healer of the soul
User avatar
tatonka
 
Posts: 1129
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 4:28 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Rancho Deluxe

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby maryanimal » Sun Jan 12, 2014 3:09 pm

I would like to thank everyone for your kind words and support. It's hard to grasp my mommy's declining health. She's amazed her doctors for years with how healthy she's been, even up to recently. They're doing blood work on her to see if she has a bleeding ulcer from aspirin or the internal leak as her red cell count was down to 7. I've always prayed for her and now I say extra prayers. If it is an internal leak, we've decided to let nature take it's course as any other kind of intervention will cause her so much pain, and we don't want her to suffer. one day, she'll fall asleep and start her journey to heaven to be met with open arms by her Lord and Savior, my grampa, gramma, and all her sisters and brothers. It will be painless and peaceful. my heart aches for my mommy. If I could change things I would, but she wouldn't want that. I love you all so much.
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
User avatar
maryanimal
 
Posts: 3849
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 9:41 am
Burning Since: 2011

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby tatonka » Mon Jan 13, 2014 5:35 pm

:)
winners never quit , quitters never win

4 wheels move the body , two wheels moves the soul

Music is the great healer of the soul
User avatar
tatonka
 
Posts: 1129
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 4:28 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Rancho Deluxe

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby tatonka » Mon Jan 13, 2014 5:59 pm

[media]
winners never quit , quitters never win

4 wheels move the body , two wheels moves the soul

Music is the great healer of the soul
User avatar
tatonka
 
Posts: 1129
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2012 4:28 pm
Burning Since: 2013
Camp Name: Rancho Deluxe

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby Box Burner » Mon Jan 13, 2014 11:22 pm

(((((((((((MaryAnimal)))))))))))
Dance in the heart of chaos. . . . .

ὁ δὲ ἀνεξέταστος βίος οὐ βιωτὸς ἀνθρώπῳ
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - --- Σωκράτης

.
User avatar
Box Burner
 
Posts: 5761
Joined: Mon May 01, 2006 2:33 am
Location: Kentucky

Re: Suicidal Tendencies

Postby KinestheticThought » Fri Jan 17, 2014 2:50 pm

With the removal of the Bah-Humbug thread, it has been requested/suggested that I repost some of the content to this thread so that it may be of benefit to someone in the future.

Since the Bah-Humbug thread was to be removed, people had an expectation of a certain anonymity, so no names are used in any of the quotes. Some have also been shortened/edited for the sake of clarity and allowing everyone to remain anonymous. I hope you all can appreciate why this was done.

Thank you.

Jan_14 wrote:I should have posted to the suicidal tendencies thread long ago.

I've been feeling this way for so long...I've been doing stuff to get through each day, but it's been over a year of daily crying spells and aother psychiatric symtoms that shouldn't be ignored.

I've actually had a detailed suicide plan for some time now, spent months aquiring means...but each time I started to actually act on the impulse/thoughts, I thought of my family and others I care about and talked myself into waiting a few more days, another week....etc. I've been doing that for months.

That's why I was so happy about the holidays in the first place...I wanted it to be perfect so then I wouldn't have to feel so guilty leaving my family (total bullshit, I know, I call my own bullshit on this one! ...but still, it's how I felt. It was to be my last and best Thansksgiving, then Christmas...and now I'm still alive and have nothing on my immediate horizon to latch to in this manner, thus it is time to finally succumb to hospitalization.
ThreadReply wrote:One question you can ask yourself when you feel resistant to help is, "How good is my way working?"

That's excellent...thank you for putting that into those words, that really does help!

Right now my way is NOT working...so either I need to change my way (ie try something else myself) or ask someone else for a suggestion of a different way (ie professional/other help)...


Jan_14 wrote:
ThreadReply wrote:Find one thing, anything, that is worth doing/experiencing. From as simple as watching a tree outside your window, listening to a bird or to a song on the radio you haven't heard in a while. Then watch for the next thing. You never know what it will be.

Thanks! That really helped. I was even able to apply that to pain management, just finding one part of my body (a small section of ONE finger) that didn't hurt...then focusing on that, on what that felt like, then did a meditation to see if I could make the feeling expand to other parts of my body. By the end of the meditation, I was able to find other parts of my body that also didn't hurt, and reduced my sensitivity to the parts that did hurt.


ThreadReply wrote:Staring into the abyss can be NASTY. One doen'rt care a whit for advice and you do self-destructive and impulsive things. It's brought more than one of us down to suicidal impulses that have been unfortunately fulfilled. Add snark sometimes and it's like a kick off the edge. And then the downhill ride accelerates and you crash to the bottom like Wile E. Coyote hitting the bottom of the canyon, going splat and then getting up looking like a broken accordion.
Jan_14 wrote:Thanks. I thought it was only me that felt that way, and that it was because I've been so "broken." I know that I have been taking things personally, been way overly sensitive, etc....which makes it hard for me to tell when someone really is being rude vs me just being crazy. This has lead to me always blaming myself, no matter the context, leading to pain and isolation, etc...

...sometimes snark can hurt, sometimes it's funny-it's all in the perspective of the person receiving it (how they think the other person meant it). -you never know when snark is going to be received as funny or be the last straw for someone. I'm not saying that because I am currenty taking things that personally, but because I have felt the pain of being so alone, so on the edge of dispaire when any little thing could mean the difference between getting help or dying...just think before you post snark; and if you take something as snarky/hurtful, then try to take a step back and breathe, know that even if that person doesn't like you-which in most cases they probably do and are just joking with you-.but even if they dont, fiine, there ARE eplayians, family, and other people who DO love/appreciate me/"you" , and I need to focus on that, what they see in me, what I see positive in myself, and not get soo caught up in trying to make sure other people like me (protective against being abused...).

Also I think that eplayians are generally caring people-IF/when I am clear enough in saying "I need help" instead of dancing around the bush and saying everything but those three words and expecting people to get it. *sigh*


Jan_14 wrote:
ThreadReply wrote:Whenever I felt it was time to make that "Final Choice", I always thought "something exciting might happen tomorrow and I would miss it".

Do that long enough and thoughts and feelings change.
Thanks!!! That's excellent! I love it!

I had been doing something similar by finding _x_ to look forward to...but I forgot to look forward to the unknown, to the possibilities, to magic...to life. I'd become so fearful...of everything. Of leaving the house, of talking, of being misunderstood, of how much pain i MIGHT have tomorrow/next year/etc...negative thinking leads to negative outcomes. Positive thinking leads toward positive things. Wonderous/imaginative/creative thinking leads to including magic/happistances into everyday. You get the picture.
...and yes, you can pick and choose, combine, get stuck in ruts, unstuck from ruts, etc. It's a jumble. Sometimes you pick, sometimes you pick what to do with the hand you're dealt...


Jan_15 wrote:Feeling better, glad to be alive. Thank you all for helping with that.

It took a lot to get here (dedication to trying/retrying DBT skills, having support from friends/family/eplayians, seeing my psychiatrist, changing meds, keeping up to date with therapy, and much much more...). It is not one thing that got me "out of the woods," but I would like to point out that sometimes all it takes is trying one more thing-because even if that one extra thing isn't THE thing, it combines with everything else you already tried and might just be enough to make life worth it again.

Thanks to everyone who helped me get here.


Gaining some resilliance myself and wanted to share something with everyone:
Attachments
LoveThySelf.png
Anyone who would like to see the rest of the series, please pm me your email address (easier for me then sending via eplaya). Hugs
LoveThySelf.png (154.24 KiB) Viewed 67 times
KinestheticThought
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 12:28 am

Previous

Return to Open Discussion

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: gaminwench, magicmarty, Ugly Dougly, unjonharley, VultureChow and 5 guests