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Place your dick jokes HERE.

Postby oneeyeddick » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:06 pm

I need some new Dick jokes , whatta ya' got?

please feel free to cut and paste
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Postby Sham » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:09 pm

Image

**********************************
12-inch pianist


There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later.

So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,
'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'

'OK,' says the guy.

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
'You have one wish.'

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.

He tells the barman,
'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.'

The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'
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Postby FIGJAM » Thu Jul 29, 2010 6:37 pm

What did the elephant say to the naked man.............
Its cute, but how do you breathe through it?
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Postby geekster » Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:26 pm

Your dick is so small, you could fuck a Cheerio without breaking it.

Your father's dick is so small, he makes your mama look hung.
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Postby geekster » Thu Jul 29, 2010 7:43 pm

Your dick is so small KFC started giving away waters in a cup called "your dick"
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Postby Trishntek » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:15 pm

Yeah it's old,,,,,

Two guys peeing off a bridge.
One says, "Man, that water's cold!"
Other one says, "Yeah, it's deep too!"
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Postby Frankenstipe » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:16 pm

Well I don't know any good dick jokes but the other day I was riding my bike in the woods when it was wet and my cantilever style brakes weren't working so well and I thought to myself, "man I really need to buy some dick brakes for this bike".

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Postby geekster » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:46 pm

Trishntek wrote:Yeah it's old,,,,,

Two guys peeing off a bridge.
One says, "Man, that water's cold!"
Other one says, "Yeah, it's deep too!"


And the bottom is rocky as hell, says the third ...
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Postby geekster » Thu Jul 29, 2010 11:52 pm

Your dick is so small, your GF needs a straw to give you a blowjob

Your dick is so small that if they took it to court, they would have to throw it out for lack of evidence.

Your dick is so small, your sperm have to exit SINGLE FILE!
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Postby geekster » Fri Jul 30, 2010 12:00 am

What is interesting is that when I was in Berlin, the only Russian phrase I knew was "needle-dicked bugfucker" but I have forgotten it. It's been 30 years.
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Postby Fire_Moose » Fri Jul 30, 2010 8:36 am

How much does a moyel make?

30K + tips
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Postby Sham » Fri Jul 30, 2010 9:58 am

There was this mohel who saved of the ends from years of doing circumcisions and he had his wife sew them into a nice little wallet. He tried to sell this wallet for $10,000. The person who wanted to buy this (OED) said, "what are you crazy, it's not worth $10,000"? "Rub it" said the mohel, "it turns into a suitcase"!
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Postby geekster » Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:06 am

How do you circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers.
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Postby Semper_Dad » Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:12 am

*DELETED* Beat me to it
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Postby geekster » Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:47 pm

Your dick is so tiny girls think it's theirs.
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Postby Thecatman » Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:11 am

One morning a boss of a small company arrives at his office, unaware that his zipper was down and his fly wide open.
"Good morning" he says to his female secratary, "Good morning" she replys. "Sir" she contiues, "when you left your house this morning did you close your garage door?"
He told her he was certain he closed it and walks into his office puzzled at the question. He finshed some paperwork and then noticed his fly wide open and he zipped it up. Now he understood the question about his garage door posed by his secratary.
He heads to the breakroom for a refil of coffee and paused at her desk and asked
"When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?"
She smiles and says "No, but I saw your old mini van with two flat tires".
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Postby geekster » Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:14 am

Wonders ... so would someone having an implant have a hybrid?
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Postby Thecatman » Mon Aug 02, 2010 11:21 am

probably .... but, wished they had a tanker
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Postby oneeyeddick » Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:20 pm

Anyone wanna ride in my stretch limo ?
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Postby geekster » Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:38 pm

Is it a convertible or a hardtop?
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Postby MistressSybs » Mon Aug 02, 2010 1:12 pm

It's Halloween and this little old couple are getting dressed up to go out...

The wife goes into the bedroom and re-appears wearing nothing but a lemon hanging from a rope around her neck...

Without a word the husband shakes his head, chuckles a little and goes into the bedroom to get changed as well.

He reappears in a few minutes grinning from ear to ear with nothing more than a potato hung by a rope around his neck.

The wife says, "what the fuck are you going as?" the husband says, "well I figure if you're going as a sour-puss I can go as a dick-tater!"
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Postby oscillator » Thu Aug 05, 2010 11:35 pm

Pirate walks into a bar.

Bartender: What's that helm doing on your pants?

Pirate: Arrrgh! She's drivin me nuts.
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Postby MisaBlue » Sat Aug 07, 2010 12:55 pm

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Postby ygmir » Sat Aug 07, 2010 2:31 pm

him dropping trow:

her: "who you gonna please with that little thing"?

him: ME!!! if you get off, it's purely coincidence.
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Postby oneeyeddick » Sun Aug 08, 2010 3:19 am

Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw.
So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him.
So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He points to his eye meaning "I", points to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion.
The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his dick and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you I'm coming!"
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