Best Line Today

All things outside of Burning Man.

Postby Thecatman » Sat Apr 30, 2011 3:36 pm

When talking about the "lesser of two evils" my dad always said
"Its better then a slap in the face with a wet fish."
My cats are cuter than your grandkids!
"We in Arizona (and the rest of the United States) have been more than patient waiting for Washington to act."
"Government is not the solution to our problems, government is the problem."
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Postby Sail Man » Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:49 pm

"Oh! Did I forget to say Clear!" ? :shock: :lol:
Excuse me Ma'am, your going to feel a small prick.
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Postby MisaBlue » Mon May 02, 2011 1:40 pm

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
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Postby gyre » Sat May 07, 2011 9:26 am

"Comfort is for kids.
I would want to make my passengers weep in fear."


- Agent one
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Postby gyre » Sun May 08, 2011 4:11 am

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.



-Abraham Lincoln
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Postby maryanimal » Mon May 09, 2011 9:32 pm

It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

or my favorite: Bleeding like a stuck pig.
Sometimes I'm confused by what I think is really obvious. But what I think is really obvious obviously isn't obvious.
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Postby delle » Tue May 10, 2011 5:51 am

maryanimal wrote:It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

or my favorite: Bleeding like a stuck pig.


Coincidentally, I used the sharp stick line just yesterday when my daughter announced something fabulous (wondering as I said it WHY I'd chosen that particular expression....)

She immediately reproached me for not having used the word "pointed" rather than sharp....

as in Monty Python's "PoinTED stick" schtick.


Any occasion to use the word PoinTED is a winner in my home. I'd fucking blown it tho..... it could take weeks for this to blow over.
Worry is a misuse of imagination
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Postby MisaBlue » Sun May 15, 2011 5:25 pm

BEFORE SEX you help each other get naked. AFTER SEX you only dress yourself. Moral of the story, in life, no one helps you once your fucked.
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Postby Elorrum » Sun May 15, 2011 5:56 pm

Oh pointy bird,
Pointy pointy,
Anoint my head,
Anointy-nointy

-Steve Martin
Midnight on a carousel ride
Reaching for the gold ring down inside

2015 eplaya meet and greet/ Barbie Death Village/ 7 and E/ Wed. 6PM
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Postby delle » Mon May 16, 2011 1:20 pm

Elorrum wrote:Oh pointy bird,
Pointy pointy,
Anoint my head,
Anointy-nointy

-Steve Martin


I SHAN'T be learning this one by heart, nor putting it to music (oh gawd... it's too late isn't it.)

Dunno if this is a universal thing or not, but the crows around here look like someone's injected them with steroids over the winter. One in particular looks like it could totally smother me with a single poop were it so inclined.

And my response to this??? To stay on its good side.
And my M.O. for this? To feed it.

(nope. doesn't make any sense to me either.... still I do it)

He's a strange bird.... with a completely different voice than the rest.... and he'll actually shut up when I shush him, unlike the others. I HAVE seen his poop tho, and you just hope you're wearing boots if you happen upon one.
Worry is a misuse of imagination
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Postby Ugly Dougly » Mon May 16, 2011 1:25 pm

It's a raven.
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Postby delle » Mon May 16, 2011 1:29 pm

What's he doing hanging out with a bunch of common crows then? They follow him around like he was the coolest cat ever to grace this neck of the woods.


And he needs a name.
Worry is a misuse of imagination
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Postby Sic Pup » Mon May 16, 2011 2:51 pm

delle wrote:And he needs a name.


Lenore?
"Enjoy every sandwich" - W. Zevon
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Postby tamarakay » Mon May 16, 2011 3:07 pm

Our General Manager today announced that our (now former) HR Manager is "free to pursue other opportunities"

Did you guys hear the large roar and applause?


*edited, cause you know, I can't spell for crap.
When the only tool you got is a hammer, every problem looks like a hippie.

Mmmmmm I love the smell of Burning Man - Token

Getting overly dramatic about the ticket sale process is so 2012. - Maladroit


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Postby delle » Mon May 16, 2011 3:35 pm

Sic Pup wrote:
delle wrote:And he needs a name.


Lenore?


Lenore it is.

Lenny for short.



and YEA!!!! Tamarakay!!! YEA, YEA, YEA!!!!
Gotta luv it when they do the right thing.
Worry is a misuse of imagination
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Postby gyre » Tue May 17, 2011 12:12 pm

"It's true.
Probably from all that time I spent crouching in a bamboo cage, getting poked by a viet cong bayonet."

You were a pow?

"Eighteen months, waist deep in a snake infested swamp.


Still better than high school, though."
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Postby robbidobbs » Tue May 17, 2011 12:23 pm

Stephen Hawking said:
I have lived with the prospect of an early death for the last 49 years. I'm not afraid of death, but I'm in no hurry to die. I have so much I want to do first. I regard the brain as a computer which will stop working when its components fail. There is no heaven or afterlife for broken down computers; that is a fairy story for people afraid of the dark.

The Guardian then asks:
So if everyone is destined to power-down like computers at the end of their lives, what should humans do to lend meaning to their experience?

"We should seek the greatest value of our action," Hawking told the paper.

Nuff said.

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Postby theCryptofishist » Tue May 17, 2011 1:27 pm

Did you see that person offering use of a dome for one year for two tickets and early entry. Chutzpah.
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri


Get a Taint, you pathetic cur!
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Postby robbidobbs » Tue May 17, 2011 1:33 pm

Shah
Der
Feh
Whatever.

Good luck with that.
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Postby delle » Mon May 23, 2011 4:44 pm

Two best lines of the day.... both from my guy:

1. Describing a woman he'd seen at the hardware store, so tightly packed in her way-too-small dress that she was bursting at the seams, but every piece of her apparently still jiggling quite spectacularly:

"It was like watching 3 baby raccoons in a burlap bag"

(the dance that came with this description was almost as spectacular as the words)


2. Sitting on the porch, watching the birds at the feeder. One of them kept turning around to look at us, and seemed quite reluctant to feed while we were watching.

Remarking on it, I likened it to a guy too shy to pee at the urinal unless completely alone.... which promted:

"Maybe he's worried his pecker's too small?"



Which all prompts me to announce that I've finally found a NAME for my guy: WitMan! Fits him to a TEE!!!
Worry is a misuse of imagination
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Postby FaeTora » Mon May 23, 2011 7:42 pm

"And these sparkling horses are there?"
We break to remind us how to mend.
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Postby ygmir » Mon May 23, 2011 9:06 pm

delle wrote:Two best lines of the day.... both from my guy:

1. Describing a woman he'd seen at the hardware store, so tightly packed in her way-too-small dress that she was bursting at the seams, but every piece of her apparently still jiggling quite spectacularly:

"It was like watching 3 baby raccoons in a burlap bag"

(the dance that came with this description was almost as spectacular as the words)


2. Sitting on the porch, watching the birds at the feeder. One of them kept turning around to look at us, and seemed quite reluctant to feed while we were watching.

Remarking on it, I likened it to a guy too shy to pee at the urinal unless completely alone.... which promted:

"Maybe he's worried his pecker's too small?"



Which all prompts me to announce that I've finally found a NAME for my guy: WitMan! Fits him to a TEE!!!


I must be his half-brother.
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Postby graidawg » Mon May 23, 2011 10:47 pm

delle wrote:
Sic Pup wrote:
delle wrote:And he needs a name.


Lenore?


Lenore it is.

Lenny for short.



and YEA!!!! Tamarakay!!! YEA, YEA, YEA!!!!
Gotta luv it when they do the right thing.


Ravens are crows in hoodies! i have a raven friend i call rufus
FREE THE SHERPAS
Burners with torches is right and natural and just.-fishy.
CATCH AND RELEASE.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Tue May 24, 2011 10:38 am

graidawg wrote:
delle wrote:
Sic Pup wrote:
delle wrote:And he needs a name.


Lenore?


Lenore it is.

Lenny for short.



and YEA!!!! Tamarakay!!! YEA, YEA, YEA!!!!
Gotta luv it when they do the right thing.


Ravens are crows in hoodies! i have a raven friend i call rufus

A red raven?
The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri


Get a Taint, you pathetic cur!
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Postby ygmir » Tue May 24, 2011 11:50 am

never more?
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Postby lucky.bastard » Tue May 24, 2011 5:43 pm

a young guy i work with got drunk and didn't go home, show up at work or call in and say he couldn't make it in. when i ask him what happened:

" i had a couple of drinks and my 'give a fuck' just flew out the window "
"In cultivating my own personal sojourn of enlightenment, I've had to forego employment opportunities "
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Postby MyDearFriend » Tue May 24, 2011 5:51 pm

ygmir wrote:never more?


Definitely more.

Image
Practice Love. Exercise Sex.

FREE THE SHERPAS
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Postby FaeTora » Tue May 24, 2011 7:03 pm

"what desert do you camp in?"
We break to remind us how to mend.
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Postby gyre » Tue May 24, 2011 7:17 pm

FaeTora wrote:"what desert do you camp in?"

Isn't that a good question?

I say Black Rock and one doctor says,
"Oh, I thought it might have been burning man."

Almost no one here has heard of burning man.
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Postby gyre » Wed May 25, 2011 10:00 pm

"For legal reasons, I might not have said that."


- Craig Ferguson
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