Eric wrote:A public union employee, a tea party activist, and a CEO are sitting at a table with a plate of a dozen cookies. The CEO takes 11 of the cookies, turns to the tea partier and says, "Watch out for that union guy. He wants a piece of your cookie".
graidawg wrote:a man walks into a bar, as he is ordering a drink he notices a guy sat in the corner who has an orange for a head, curious he walks over and asks him "sir i couldnt help but notice you have an ornage for a head". the gentlemen replies well its an interesting story that, you see i used to do house clearances for a living and i found a lamp giving a little rub to see if it was valuable a genie appeared "i am the genie of the lamo and i give you 3 wishes"
so i wished for a pile of money that never runs but can be spent, and sure there was a huge pile of money which still hasnt run out even though i spend it every day, so for my second wish i chose to be able to have sex with a different attractive woman everyday if choose to and nobodt gets pissed about it, and well thats worked out too.
wow says the first gent, and your 3rd wish?
i wished for an orange for a head.
it does say stupid joke in the title
Drawingablank wrote:Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Kirkland Nutra
Nuggets dog chow for my loyal pet, Brista, and was in the checkout line
when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was
starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here
that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned
me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass
and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the
world to think of crazy things to say.
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