your stupid joke here

All things outside of Burning Man.

Postby Rolan Headon » Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:44 pm

A joke in need of a new punch line:

What's the last sound heard before a pubic hair hits the playa?
Was born late and falling ever further behind, will soon be in the lead.
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Postby ibdave » Sat Feb 23, 2008 6:43 pm

Rolan Headon wrote:A joke in need of a new punch line:

What's the last sound heard before a pubic hair hits the playa?


did you floss your teeth?? :roll: :roll: :roll: :oops: :oops: :oops:
I was Born OK the 1st Time....

Don't bring defaultia to Burning Man, take Burning Man to defaultia...... graidawg
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Postby Rolan Headon » Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:15 pm

(flossing sounds)
Was born late and falling ever further behind, will soon be in the lead.
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Postby can't sit still » Mon Feb 25, 2008 7:43 pm

It was entertainment time at the Day Centre for the elderly and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.
People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
'Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance,
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.'
The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat.
'I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch.
It's a very special watch.
It's been in my family for six generations.'
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, and watch the watch ....'
The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.
Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
'Shit,' said the Hypnotist.
It took three days to clean up the Day Centre.
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Postby plowman » Mon Feb 25, 2008 8:59 pm

Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide??
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Postby plowman » Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:17 pm

Wait! Give me a minute! I know the punchline.
Aw shit....three days.



No that wasn't it!
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Postby Simon of the Playa » Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:50 am

because it's too cold Outtide?
I'd rather Burn on my Feet, than Rave on my knees

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Postby plowman » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:59 pm

Good job Simon


If a male sheep is a Ram,
And a donkey is an Ass,
Why is a Ram in the Ass a GOOSE????
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Postby AntiM » Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:47 pm

A salesman rings the doorbell. Ten year old kid opens the door with a scotch on the rocks in one hand and a cigar in the other.

The salesman watches as the kid takes a drink and puffs the cigar. "Are your parents home?" asks the surprised salesman.

"Does it fucking look like my parents are home?"
Read Me!! Ticket Sellers and Seekers!

Really, read the damn sticky posts.
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Postby Ugly Dougly » Wed Feb 27, 2008 10:59 am

"Squaw got eight inches last night."
Wrong joke, I think.
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Postby MozyBonz » Wed Feb 27, 2008 11:05 am

"Does it fucking look like my parents are home?"

oh how true
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Postby Mr. Opportunity » Wed Feb 27, 2008 11:09 am

MozyBonz wrote:"Does it fucking look like my parents are home?"

oh how true


I AM HOME MOMMA'S BOY! I AM YOUR FATHER AND I AM YOUR MOTHER.

I AM SUCH A MOTHER FUCKER THAT I CAN SLOW SCREW MYSELF!
I am going vegan.
You can still eat souls, right?
Those are vegan. I think.
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Postby mdmf007 » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:47 pm

Nothing like a new guy dropping in and screaming every post in big text and all caps.

i figure another week until he trolls again.
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Postby accordionMan » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:58 pm

How do chromosomes make love?
They drop their genes.


Two peanuts were walking through the park...
One was assaulted.


One Fly said to the other: Pssst... your man is open.

The masochist said to the sadist... hit me! hit me!
The sadist replied....
no.
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Postby MozyBonz » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:03 pm

accordionMan wrote:How do chromosomes make love?
They drop their genes.


Two peanuts were walking through the park...
One was assaulted.


One Fly said to the other: Pssst... your man is open.

The masochist said to the sadist... hit me! hit me!
The sadist replied....
no.



Hahahaha I love the avatar
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Postby accordionMan » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:17 pm

"Hahahaha I love the avatar"


Thanks...

it has music too.. but it's at a frequency only dogs can hear... here on the eplaya.
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Postby ibdave » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:29 pm

accordionMan wrote:"Hahahaha I love the avatar"


Thanks...

it has music too.. but it's at a frequency only dogs can hear... here on the eplaya.


Now I understand why my dog is howling.... 8) 8) 8)
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Postby accordionMan » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:06 pm

"Now I understand why my dog is howling.... "



Holy crap! I was playing Elvis.. You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog!

I guess he was going for a solo: "howling all the time..."
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Postby ibdave » Wed Feb 27, 2008 4:01 pm

I was Born OK the 1st Time....

Don't bring defaultia to Burning Man, take Burning Man to defaultia...... graidawg
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Postby MozyBonz » Wed Feb 27, 2008 6:00 pm

ibdave wrote:http://www.sat-gps-locate.com



remembers ibdave has his cell number



Dave...what are you doing?

pulls phone out of pocket~~
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Postby Mr. Opportunity » Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:07 pm

ibdave wrote:http://www.sat-gps-locate.com


Hey Dave, you are truely SCAMTASTIC!

WTF would you post something like that?
I am going vegan.
You can still eat souls, right?
Those are vegan. I think.
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Postby MozyBonz » Wed Feb 27, 2008 7:26 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ptygsMPKXQ&feature=related[/youtube]
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Postby ibdave » Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:12 pm

Mr. Opportunity wrote:
ibdave wrote:http://www.sat-gps-locate.com


Hey Dave, you are truely SCAMTASTIC!

WTF would you post something like that?


BFG :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
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Postby plowman » Wed Feb 27, 2008 9:34 pm

A biker is riding by the zoo whan he sees a little girl leaning into the lions cage. Suddenly the lion grabs the girl by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her in to slaughter her, under the eyes of her horrified screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Wimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her back to her parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has seen the whole scene and addressing the biker says; Sir, this was the most gallent and brave thing I have ever seen in my whole life. It was nothing said the biker, really,the lion was behind bars. The kid was in danger and I just acted as I felt right.
I noticed the patch on your jacket said the journalist.
Yeah,I ride with a club says the biker.
Well I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist you know and tomorrows paper will have this on the front page
The biker gets the paper the next morning to see if it's true, and there on the front page;



BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT
AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!!
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Postby Simon of the Playa » Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:43 pm

a woman walks into a nunnery and asks to join the convent.
She is brought in to the Mother Superior's office and is asked to sit down. The Mother Superior (hereafter known as M.S.) asks the woman, "why are you here?"

she replies.."i want to be a nun, and serve our lord"

M.S. looks her up and down, and noting her skimpiness of dress, asks "what were you before you came to us, my child'

the woman responds meekly, " a prostitute"

the M.S. faints dead away...after a few minutes, she is revived, and now sitting, she asks again...."my child, i am sorry, please repeat to me what is was you were before you came to the nunnery'

the woman replies a little louder " A Prostitute"

the M.S. faints again....


After another couple of minutes, the M.S. regains consciousness, and she asks again...."forgive me my child, i am a little hard of hearing, please, one more time, what were you?"

"A PROSTITUTE!!!" standing up and yelling at the top of her lungs...


the M.S. smiles a smile of relief, and says.....

"Oh, Thank God, i thought you said Protestant"
I'd rather Burn on my Feet, than Rave on my knees

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Postby ibdave » Wed Mar 05, 2008 9:34 pm

nothing to see here....
I was Born OK the 1st Time....

Don't bring defaultia to Burning Man, take Burning Man to defaultia...... graidawg
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Postby can't sit still » Thu Mar 06, 2008 5:57 pm

A Top Secret

After numerous rounds of 'We do n't even know if Osama is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.


Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6. Eventually they asked the Mossad for help.

Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply: 'Tell the President he's holding the message upside down.'
I don't post things because I believe that they are the absolute truth. I post them because I believe that they should be considered.
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Postby accordionMan » Thu Mar 06, 2008 6:03 pm

370H-SSV-0773H

That's excellent!

The following joke was voted "Best Joke in Ireland 2006"

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"


That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!


He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."


"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.


The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."


She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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Postby Simon of the Playa » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:10 pm

"Governor, Governor!!!!.......one last question"


Elliot: "what?"


"was she a swallower, or a spitzer?
I'd rather Burn on my Feet, than Rave on my knees

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Postby twinwitin » Mon Mar 10, 2008 7:27 pm

Superman walks into a Super hero convention and he is all beat up and bloody.

Batman and Robin run over to him and ask,"Superman what happened to you?"

Superman replied"Well, I was on my way to the convention when I flew over Wonder Woman house and saw her sunbathing in the nude, so I thought I would fly down and 'get me a little'.

Robin asked"Was she surprised?"
Superman says"Not half as surprised as the invisible man!!" :wink:
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