your stupid joke here

All things outside of Burning Man.

Postby waltsnipe » Mon Aug 23, 2004 8:52 am

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung.

(stolen from a Monty Python Finnish joke)
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he he

Postby Trishya333 » Wed Aug 25, 2004 9:10 pm

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY. . .

TWO WEEKS AGO WAS MY 45TH BIRTHDAY AND I WASN'T FEELING TOO GOOD
THAT MORNING. I WENT TO BREAKFAST KNOWING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT
AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND PROBABLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE ANY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I THOUGHT, WELL, THAT'S WIVES FOR YOU, THE CHILDREN
WILL REMEMBER...

THE CHILDREN CAME IN TO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I
LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND DESPONDENT..

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANET SAID, "GOOD MORNING,
BOSS. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY." AND I FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT SOMEONE HAD
REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL NOON, THEN JANET KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND
SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR
BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

I SAID, "BY GEORGE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.
'LET'S GO!"

WE WENT TO LUNCH. WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY GO; INSTEAD WE WENT
OUT TO A PRIVATE LITTLE PLACE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS AND ENJOYED LUNCH
TREMENDOUSLY.

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, SHE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A
BEAUTIFUL DAY. WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"

I SAID, "NO, I GUESS NOT."

SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT." AFTER ARRIVING AT HER
APARTMENT SHE SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I THINK I'LL GO
INTO THE BEDROOM AND SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE."

"SURE" I EXCITEDLY REPLIED.

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, IN ABOUT SIX MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT
CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE ----- FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, CHILDREN,
AND DOZENS OF OUR FRIENDS, ALL SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

AND I JUST SAT THERE ---- ON THE COUCH ---- NAKED.
I'M MOOP!
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he he

Postby Trishya333 » Wed Aug 25, 2004 9:12 pm

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY. . .

TWO WEEKS AGO WAS MY 45TH BIRTHDAY AND I WASN'T FEELING TOO GOODTHAT MORNING. I WENT TO BREAKFAST KNOWING MY WIFE WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND PROBABLY HAVE A PRESENT FOR ME.

AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE ANY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I THOUGHT, WELL, THAT'S WIVES FOR YOU, THE CHILDREN WILL REMEMBER...

THE CHILDREN CAME IN TO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A WORD. SO WHEN I LEFT FOR THE OFFICE, I WAS FEELING PRETTY LOW AND DESPONDENT..

AS I WALKED INTO MY OFFICE, MY SECRETARY JANET SAID, "GOOD MORNING, BOSS. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY." AND I FELT A LITTLE BETTER THAT SOMEONE HAD REMEMBERED. I WORKED UNTIL NOON, THEN JANET KNOCKED ON MY DOOR AND SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY OUTSIDE, AND IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, LET'S GO TO LUNCH, JUST YOU AND ME."

I SAID, "BY GEORGE, THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY.
'LET'S GO!"

WE WENT TO LUNCH. WE DIDN'T GO WHERE WE NORMALLY GO; INSTEAD WE WENT OUT TO A PRIVATE LITTLE PLACE. WE HAD TWO MARTINIS AND ENJOYED LUNCH TREMENDOUSLY.

ON THE WAY BACK TO THE OFFICE, SHE SAID, "YOU KNOW, IT'S SUCH A
BEAUTIFUL DAY. WE DON'T NEED TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE, DO WE?"

I SAID, "NO, I GUESS NOT."

SHE SAID, "LET'S GO TO MY APARTMENT." AFTER ARRIVING AT HER
APARTMENT SHE SAID, "BOSS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I THINK I'LL GO
INTO THE BEDROOM AND SLIP INTO SOMETHING MORE COMFORTABLE."

"SURE" I EXCITEDLY REPLIED.

SHE WENT INTO THE BEDROOM AND, IN ABOUT SIX MINUTES, SHE CAME OUT
CARRYING A HUGE BIRTHDAY CAKE ----- FOLLOWED BY MY WIFE, CHILDREN, AND DOZENS OF OUR FRIENDS, ALL SINGING HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

AND I JUST SAT THERE ---- ON THE COUCH ---- NAKED.
I'M MOOP!
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Postby cowboyangel » Thu Aug 26, 2004 12:45 pm

Ahmed Chalabi
"We'll know our disinformation program is complete when everything the American public believe is false."- William Casey, CIA Director 1981
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Postby DVD Burner » Sat Oct 02, 2004 6:20 pm

Regis Philbin CD

Image

UHhhhhh,

wait a minute.....that's not a joke is it?




It's for real!
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Postby DVD Burner » Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:36 pm

In the process of 3playa deleting my post from their "Confessions" thread they deleted the entire thread.
:lol:

Why would they want to delete anything I've posted? Image
Image

"The art is in the digit!"

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Postby DVD Burner » Tue Oct 12, 2004 1:41 pm

Guess the jokes on me.


So if they dont want you to be included in their "club of 5" they eliminate your viewing of their threads.

wait a minute.......guess the jokes not on me after all huh? :lol:

(hat's the joke? ) You can have 3playa. :lol:


I love eplaya and all who's on it. No joke. :P
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Postby BlueBirdPoof » Mon Dec 13, 2004 5:58 pm

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?




























Fish.
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Postby regynalonglank » Mon Dec 13, 2004 6:52 pm

knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
knock knock
who's there?
phillip glass :)
\v/

/ \

just listen to the drum
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Postby BlueBirdPoof » Wed Dec 15, 2004 9:40 am

How many e-playa trolls does it take to change a light bulb?


None, they write those screeds in the dark.


:beat:


Some say they write those screeds in their sleep.

*************************************

How many e-playa socks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. One to change it and three to tell it what a brillient job it's doing.

*****************************

How many e-playans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I don't know, but I'm sure Rob the Wop does.
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Postby geekster » Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:34 pm

How to amuse a 6yo ...

Her: "Daddy, tell me a joke."
Me: "Okay ... Oh, I have a good one! Why?"
Her: "I give up"
Me: "Because!"

She is in total giggles for about 3 hours repeating it to everyone she comes into contact with.

Uhm, this is the STUPID joke section, right?
Pabst Blue Ribbon - The beer that made Gerlach famous.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Fri Dec 17, 2004 1:38 pm

I'll take your comment as flattery for my alter ego's lightbulb varients (eplaya variety.)
But yes "stupid" is the name of the game here.


BTW--How many yearly iterations of the man does it take to change a lightbulb.





One--if his arm stays up.
Simon's real sig line?

Embrace the Sock

Winners never quilt, quilters never win...
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Postby AntiM » Sat Dec 18, 2004 7:48 am

"Knock, knock"
"who's there?"
"Control freak ... Now YOU say control freak who?"
These are not my fuckos.
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Postby geekster » Sat Dec 18, 2004 11:11 am

How come Canadians are no good at knock-knock jokes?

Yank: knock-knock
Canadian: come on in!
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Postby Donita » Sat Dec 18, 2004 11:21 am

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ?

Because 7 8 9 (7 ate 9)
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Postby Donita » Sat Dec 18, 2004 3:37 pm

A man repeatedly asks out a beautiful young woman he works with. She says no at first, but finally agrees. "You can pick me up at eight on Friday," she says, "but you have to bring me a pocketknife."

"Well, okay," he says, puzzled.

Friday night comes, and he arrives at her house with a pocketknife. She thanks him, opens a drawer in a desk, which is already full of pocketknives, and drops the new one in.

At the restaurant, the man's curiosity finally gets the better of him. "I'm sorry, but I have to know. What's the story on these pocketknives?"

She smiles at him and answers, "I know that you men ask me out just because I'm pretty. I know that in twenty years my looks will be gone and men won't be interested in me anymore. But I also know that there's nothing a fifteen year old boy won't do for a pocketknife."
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Postby nipples » Sat Dec 18, 2004 4:40 pm

Salesperson; Hello, little boy! Is your mommy home?

Child picking nose: Institution.

Salesperson: Oh, sorry to hear that! How about your daddy?

Child eating booger: Institution.

Salesperson: Have you a brother or sister?

Child: At Harvard.

Salesperson: Really! That is remarkable. How did they get there?

Child: In jar.
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Another stupid joke (MY APOLOGIES TO CAT LOVERS)

Postby Donita » Sat Dec 18, 2004 4:42 pm

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way
Instructions on how to clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,
The Dog
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Postby Donita » Sat Dec 18, 2004 4:48 pm

Two Dutch girls are riding their old rickety bikes down the back streets of Amsterdam one late afternoon. As it turns closer towards dusk, the increasing darkness of the streets starts making the two girls a little nervous when one girl leans over to the other and says, "You know, I've never come this way before."

The other girl says, "It's the cobblestones."

:shock:
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Postby geekster » Sat Dec 18, 2004 7:03 pm

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bold chicken?

The chicken clucks defiance.
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Postby geekster » Sat Dec 18, 2004 10:28 pm

okay, lets try another ...

What is the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.
Pabst Blue Ribbon - The beer that made Gerlach famous.
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Postby Donita » Sun Dec 19, 2004 11:29 am

A couple took their young son to the circus. During the show, the father got up to buy some popcorn. Just then, Jumbo the elephant came into the ring. The boy looked at the elephant and asked his mother; " What is that thing hanging between the elephants legs?"
"Oh," she replied, "that's his tail."
"No," the boy said, "in front of that."
"Oh, my," the mother replied, "um, er, that's nothing, honey."
The boy, realizing that further prying was useless, sat back to watch the show. The father returned with the popcorn, and the mother left to use the restroom. Trying again, the boy asked his father; "What's that thing between the big elephants legs?"
To which the father replied, "That's his penis."
"Then why did mommy say it was nothing?" the boy asked.
"Son," replied the father, "I've spoiled that woman."

:shock: :oops: :P
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Postby AntiM » Mon Dec 20, 2004 9:22 am

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.

So he gives her one.
These are not my fuckos.
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Postby Fantasy » Mon Dec 20, 2004 12:22 pm

What does the burnette miss most about the party?


The invitation.
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Postby Donita » Sat Dec 25, 2004 2:53 pm

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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Postby gigglesnort » Tue Jan 04, 2005 7:04 pm

This teenage girl in west virginia goes in and says "daddeee, I need to borry the car tonight."

And he says, "you can borree the car if'n you suck my dick."

And she says, "oh daddy, quit it."

And he says, "I guess you don't wanna borry the car."

And so she says, "okay daddy................................................But daddy, yer dick tastes like shit!"













"ooops, I fergot, yer brother's already got hte car!"
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Postby Guest » Tue Jan 04, 2005 7:12 pm

a kid is walkin home from school in a rough neighborhood...every day he passes a hooker on the street corner and she waves at him with her pinky and says 'hey there lil boy'
after a few days of this he crosses the street and asks the hooker why she always waves at him with her pinky and she says "oh sugar its a joke...thats the size of your lil thingy'
so the next day hes walkin down the street and the hooker waves at him with her pinky and says "hey there lil boy"
the kid stops, empties out his back pack and holds it up in the air so it catches the wind and shouts "HEY BIG LADY!!"
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Postby AntiM » Wed Jan 05, 2005 10:03 am

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in the mountains, as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night...Thought you might like to come. About 5:00." "Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...There's gonna be some drinkin'."
"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right I'll be there. Thanks again."
"More'n likely be some wild sex, too."
"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
"Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us.
These are not my fuckos.
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Postby Donita » Thu Jan 06, 2005 12:31 pm

A man and a blonde woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: "What are you doing here today?"

Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."

Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.

Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."
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Postby DVD Burner » Tue Jan 11, 2005 5:13 am

Why they are called STUPID VIDEOS

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=854

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=858

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=867

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=875

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=883

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=892

http://www.StupidVideos.com/?VideoID=896


P.S. You may be very stupid if you cannot figure out how to play these videos on your computer........"May" be very stupid if you cannot figure it out.
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