Coming late in the week, bad idea or terrible idea?

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Coming late in the week, bad idea or terrible idea?

Postby elKay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 2:50 pm

My husband and I purchased tickets for our first burning man and have been busy preparing and getting the things that we will need.... We figure that the Rite of Passage theme is perfect, as we would be dropping our daughter off at college, and coming to the playa to transition to our empty nest. (My first of four was born in 1977 and I have been mothering ever since) Our plan was to be at the gate at the earliest possible moment and not miss a thing. Then this week she decided to accept at University of Minnesota instead of the original school- now we have to drop her at school on the 30th or 31st. It would be a two or three day drive from there which would put us at the gate on the 2nd at best. Should we even bother?

I have to say that I am so bummed!
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Postby EspressoDude » Sat Apr 16, 2011 2:55 pm

Let your daughter do her own thing....if she is mature enuff to go to college, you don't have to baby sit the ride there

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Postby shykat » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:00 pm

Tough choice.

What does your daughter have to say about it ?
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Postby Elderberry » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:02 pm

Man, all that time on the road to get there and setup on Friday and then leave on Sunday assuming you stay for temple burn...or then maybe leave on Monday. Tough call. You'll be tired from the drive, then you'll have to set up camp, probably no time to rest. Ad if there were a dust storm on Friday, that could prevent setup until later in the evening.

Tough call. I'd say yes if you were flying in or driving from someplace closer.

I'd hate all the rush,rush,rush to spoil your first time.

My vote would be to wait until next year, but what do I know.
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Postby TomServo » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:02 pm

Tell the University of Minnesota your going to Burning Man. Maybe they can accommodate. Its definitely worth it! Being your first year, one day will do just as much as the whole week...you may miss a bit, but you will be there! And....you'll understand, once you arrive!
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Postby Elderberry » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:03 pm

EspressoDude wrote:Let your daughter do her own thing....if she is mature enuff to go to college, you don't have to baby sit the ride there

Burn your own life, let her do hers


If this is her first semester of college, I doubt that would be practical or even advisable.
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Postby elKay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:08 pm

She thinks that we are silly to go to burning man.

It is her first year of college- so she really will need help. And part of our rite of passage was to do that part right. Set up her bed, take her to costco to stock up. Cry in the hallway. The original plan had us leaving her in Iowa and taking several days to meander on down to the playa.

We might be able to get her some help moving in, but if we can't and our only choice is to either come late or miss it entirely, is there any value to coming late? Or would we be without enough space to set up camp and feeling left out?
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Postby TomServo » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:14 pm

Think of it this way.... Once you leave your house, you're at Burning Man. A lot of people I know think BM is silly...but, they've never been. I can honestly say, its changed my life.
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Postby elKay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:14 pm

TomServo wrote:Tell the University of Minnesota your going to Burning Man. Maybe they can accommodate. Its definitely worth it! Being your first year, one day will do just as much as the whole week...you may miss a bit, but you will be there! And....you'll understand, once you arrive!
There is an idea. Maybe they will let her in early. But then I would hate that she is alone in her dorm room while I am out of cellphone range.
Man, all that time on the road to get there and setup on Friday and then leave on Sunday assuming you stay for temple burn.
Yeah, that is what I was thinking. So I guess I will hope that she will want her brothers and Grandmother to move her in.
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Postby TomServo » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:18 pm

Just go!
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Postby tamarakay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:24 pm

This will be our first burn so i can't really address your first question. however i had six kids, our last went off to college two years ago.

You only get one shot at dropping a kid off to college for a first semester.

I do have some advice on the dropping off part. Say goodbye in the dorm room and leave while she/he is surrounded by roommates and other people. DO NOT HAVE THEM WALK YOU TO YOUR CAR. Cause then all you have in your head is your baby standing in the middle of that parking lot all alone as you drive off. We did that with the first one and I only made it about a mile down the road and made kenman go back. I went back in the dorm only to see Trevor involved in a nerf football game in the lobby. I left without him seeing me.

Trust me on that one.
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Postby Sic Pup » Sat Apr 16, 2011 3:59 pm

Ouch, I'm sorry for your predicament.

My girls are also college age and above, I agree that there is no choice as far as making sure she's settled in and comfortable not only for her sake but for your own peace of mind. Personally, I don't think I could just compartmentalize it and then go on about my merry way having a grand old time whether she needed me or not.

As much as it pains me to say it, I would say postpone it for a year. It will be hard, but it will make it that much more memorable when you finally make it Home. The event is short enough, IMO, that to hurriedly make it there with the influx of weekend partiers and spend twice as much time traveling to and from that actually at the event really wouldn't be the ideal situation. FWIW
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Postby elKay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 4:15 pm

tamarakay wrote:You only get one shot at dropping a kid off to college for a first semester.

I agree. There is no way that I would leave her floundering. She is my last to fly off, and I know how important it is. Sadly, i am thinking that we will never make it to burning man. (and we were so close this time too!)
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Postby yellowdog » Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:16 pm

Sigh. I really hate to confuse the issue, since you seem to have come to a decision that your children are more important than Burning Man. I couldn't agree more with you about THAT. But...even if you were only at Burning Man for 24 hours, you would know if you 1) never want to go again(it happens) or 2) have just made definite plans for the next few years of your life. There is no "perfect "way to experience Burning Man. As long as you have enough water, food, shelter and no expectations, the experience will take care of itself. Just show up. Introduce yourself to your neighbors and tell them your story. One or two or 7 days later, it will be over too soon, you will have plenty to talk about on the drive home, and you will be back for more in 2012 with a much better idea of how to prepare for a full week. Just go.
caveat: in years past, the gate may (or may not) have been closed to arrivals on Friday or Saturday, to discourage week-end yahoo partiers and lookie-loos. that was the rumor. you might check with others on this board with gates experience to see if this is/was/will be true. I'd be surprised, though, if your story and preparedness wouldn't get you through, though I really don't know.
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Postby Elderberry » Sat Apr 16, 2011 5:48 pm

yellowdog wrote: But...even if you were only at Burning Man for 24 hours, you would know if you 1) never want to go again(it happens) or 2) have just made definite plans for the next few years of your life.


This is not true. What if they arrived in the middle of a huge dust storm? They wouldn't be able to set up, might not be prepared to setup in the evening, and it would be a horrendous experience. They would NEVER want to come back again. It they were there earlier and there were weather problems, at least they would have time to recover and actually experience some of the event. I've actually witnessed this happen to people. Some from as far away as Israel.
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Postby MyDearFriend » Sat Apr 16, 2011 6:02 pm

You know, if one of my kids did that to me, I would be angry.

I'm not accusing anybody of anything, but, some kids have a hard time separating. And it's okay for them to grow at their own pace, but, not okay for them to try to influence others in hidden ways.

And just think, if she is choosing a school because it will keep Mom away from Burning Man for one more year, she is not going to be happy there.

Or if she chose a school that starts after she knows you will be gone, maybe she wants to do this on her own.

Of course if it's the dream school she always wanted, and she really wants you to be there, then you have to decide what to do. But I would seriously talk to her about it and let her own her own part in this.
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Postby Sham » Sat Apr 16, 2011 6:28 pm

Is there a relative who can bring your daughter to school and get her settled in? You can head over there right after Burning Man is over and do anything that is needed at that time.
After attending this event for 10+ years, I will tell you that there is very little that would cause me to miss it. One of those few things is my own death! :D
Think of an aunt and uncle that might be available.
I have a nephew that was planning a wedding a few years back, and I told him loud and clear, that if the date was during BM, I would not be at his wedding. He politely work the date around the Burning Man festival. A close friend is having a daughter get married this year, and it would have caused me to leave on Friday. Sorry, I can't make the wedding!
Another thought is to have all the move-in stuff at the school in a truck, so the time lost would not be on the drive to the school, but just a day of moving in. You may spend more on plane tickets, but PLEASE trust everyone when we tell you that it's all worth it!
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Postby FIGJAM » Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:15 pm

Let her have her life changing experience while you have yours.

If somebody told me I was silly for going to Burning Man, I would agree and proceed with the SILLY.

Just because you are the glue that holds your family together does'nt mean you have to be stuck!

It's YOUR turn!
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Postby Packoderm » Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:38 pm

"Just because you are the glue that holds your family together doesn't mean you have to be the stick!"
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Postby Savannah » Sat Apr 16, 2011 7:51 pm

Some very good ideas & truths here.

You especially might consider flying into Reno and doing most of your shopping there, maybe sleeping the night in a hotel and then driving in the next morning. You could network ahead of time to camp with someone who has shade, reducing the # of things you need to buy. On the way home, you could drive (a 1-way rental) or fly.

A thought: if you stop by her college on the way back, just think--she'll have fresh perspective on any items she might want (you don't always know right when you arrive). She would then have ALL of her family involved in taking her off to college, book-ending a space of 10 or so days. I think that's actually sweet.

MyDearFriend also has a very good point. Your daughter could be more understanding of the fact that you made vacation plans (for an event that is frankly much more than a vacation) . . . & switching colleges essentially forces you to consider canceling your plans altogether. It doesn't seem fair to you.
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Postby Elderberry » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:11 pm

I think a lot of you replying have never sent a daughter off to college.
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Postby Packoderm » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:25 pm

jkisha wrote:I think a lot of you replying have never sent a daughter off to college.


Touché.
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Postby MyDearFriend » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:29 pm

jkisha wrote:I think a lot of you replying have never sent a daughter off to college.


It's tough to let a piece of your heart go off and meet the world unprotected.

But, life-growth-change and all that, I am relieved and happy to watch my kids becoming happy and interesting adults. And when my first went off to college, I made his bed, stocked his fridge etc and then I left :P high-fiving my husband in the dormitory parking lot!

of course I sent a care package every week, that first semester...
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Postby hookahdude » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:30 pm

My two cents -

I know that when my son goes to college, we will be dropping off. I also know that by then he will have been to Burning Man at least one time as I am dragging him along this year. If he thinks it is silly, I have no problem with that. When we drop him off, I know we will be making ourplans around that. If it means we only get to spend three or four days at the burn - so be it. I'd rather be there surrounded by the sheer energy after such an event than anywhere else.
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Postby yellowdog » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:31 pm

What if they arrived in the middle of a huge dust storm?

Good point, except that this can happen at any time. 2008 saw a long line of people leaving on the first Monday due these very conditions. They were planning on staying the whole week, and left the first day. I wouldn't recommend planning, or changing plans, based on what *might* happen. I still think she should put her family first, but otherwise stop letting things get in the way and just go, even if initially for just a few days. Or she, perhaps, never will go.

Which is not the end of the world, but going could be the beginning of a whole new world for her.
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Postby elKay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:31 pm

MyDearFriend wrote:You know, if one of my kids did that to me, I would be angry.

I'm not accusing anybody of anything, but, some kids have a hard time separating. And it's okay for them to grow at their own pace, but, not okay for them to try to influence others in hidden ways.

And just think, if she is choosing a school because it will keep Mom away from Burning Man for one more year, she is not going to be happy there.

Or if she chose a school that starts after she knows you will be gone, maybe she wants to do this on her own.

Of course if it's the dream school she always wanted, and she really wants you to be there, then you have to decide what to do. But I would seriously talk to her about it and let her own her own part in this.
No, it is not like that. She is a great student who was accepted into a hard to get into school that we did not think we could afford. It is her first choice school because of the research that she will do. The school that she was settling for would have started early enough for us to go to burning man, but she never wanted to go there.

There are people who would move her in- but that seems so wrong. A big part of MY rite of passage involves settling her in first. BUT, if we can get her moved in early- maybe that will work.
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Postby theCryptofishist » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:44 pm

I like the stopping by on the way back idea, myself. Just think, she might get points with the roommates having you take them out to dinner right when everyone else is feeling that looming, I'm not going to see the parents till Thanksgiving, feeling.
But plenty of people started off only going for a day or two. In fact, the early playa burns were three-day weekends.
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Postby elKay » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:47 pm

[quote="theCryptofishist"]
But plenty of people started off only going for a day or two. In fact, the early playa burns were three-day weekends.[/quote]So, if we show up late, is there still space available?
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Postby MyDearFriend » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:48 pm

elKay wrote: A big part of MY rite of passage involves settling her in first.


Oooooh (((elKay))) me too, got my youngest starting college this year: we are moving him in on August 24th. Such a momentous event. Congrats on your girl getting her dream school but, oh what a tough decision for you.

Moving in early could work out though, especially if she can then go off to do something fun with those extra days. She shouldn't stay in the dorm all alone, that's depressing.

And you, if you decide to skip Burning Man this year, don't you go home and get depressed, either, please!
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Postby Elderberry » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:50 pm

MyDearFriend wrote:
jkisha wrote:I think a lot of you replying have never sent a daughter off to college.


It's tough to let a piece of your heart go off and meet the world unprotected.

But, life-growth-change and all that, I am relieved and happy to watch my kids becoming happy and interesting adults. And when my first went off to college, I made his bed, stocked his fridge etc and then I left :P high-fiving my husband in the dormitory parking lot!

of course I sent a care package every week, that first semester...


So then do you expect me to believe that you would have let him go by himself because you had something better planned? I don't think so.
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