Advice You Shouldn't Give

Questions, answers, tips & tricks for newbies and veterans alike

Postby graidawg » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:23 am

[quote="stretch80"]If someone naked talks to you, they are interested in sex![/quote]

isnt everyone because

Clar-it-y says
STDs don't exist on the playa. The alkali dust kills them!
making this
savannah says
Buy, sell, gift or trade illicit substances with whoever asks!
pefectly reasonable because
mdmf007 says
Law enforcement HAS to tell you if they are a cop.
What can go wrong? now where can i buy this dehydrated water?
completely unconcerned.
"Savannah" I like it . . . it makes us sound forward-thinking, and not at all like trailblazing, professional-level procrastinors.
the rest of us are in the School of Fukkit. "Eric"
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Ummm, Define Produce...

Postby Roberto Dobbisano » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:26 am

on the way back to california, at the Border, admit to the officer that you could indeed classify the other passengers of the RV as either fruits, or vegetables.
one nation, under a groove.
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Postby BBadger » Mon Jan 31, 2011 2:44 am

Those people on the way to BM with signs saying "Need tickets" are people who were legitimately screwed by the ticketing tier system and need your help.
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Postby AntiM » Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:24 am

Go ahead and build that campfire, because isn't Burning Man about burning shit, and how are you going to roast your wienies? And don't worry about leaving the burn barrel going, someone will want to stand next to it, so that means it is attended.
These are not my fuckos.
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Postby Freesponge » Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:47 am

Pull over on the shoulder of highway 447 and take pictures of the desert and multiple group photos leading up to BRC.

Some people may drive slow on 447 because they are taking in the beautiful scenery. Ignore congestion and feel free to pass as many cars as possible since there is never any oncoming traffic and all drivers are nice and will let you merge if you can't find an opening.

There are no police between Gerlach and BRC so this is a great time to start drinking your roadbeers.

Ignore your vehicles temp gauge on the climb from Wadsworth and Gerlach, the higher altitude makes it read much hotter than it really is.

The 5mph speed limit is just a guideline since many people are intoxicated at the event, feel free to drive faster if you are sober.

The porta potties are the perfect place to leave your trash or beercans since they are cleaned out often. You can also use whatever toilet paper you want since they have new suction pumps that are much stronger than they used to be.
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Re: Ummm, Define Produce...

Postby ¡Niers! » Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:38 am

Roberto Dobbisano wrote:on the way back to california, at the Border, admit to the officer that you could indeed classify the other passengers of the RV as either fruits, or vegetables.


I actually have done that. The lady just chuckled.
Coming from Oregon, since they know where I am going, (pretty obvious) they don't even usually stop me since they know I'm just driving through to Reno.
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Postby eskimoblueday » Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:16 pm

walking around with no illumination is perfectly acceptable- most bikes and artcars have headlights so you will be seen.
be sure to drop your cig butts wherever,especially at night.this will make someone feel like they contributed during moop patrol.
never aproach your neighbors,just wait for them to come to your camp and ask you for duct tape upon arrival.this way you can be certain they are not cops.
dump your pee funnels and grey water where you please-remember it's just sand.the waste will be absorbed in no time!
and remember,it's okay to have everyone else in your camp do everything.this is burning man,and you're here to party and prance around in hot pants and pasties!
i've got something in my front pocket,for you!
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Postby Eric » Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:21 pm

You don't need sunblock. The high altitude keeps away sunburn.

Those black & white cars all over the place give rides to the bar camps- you can spot them by their name on the side- BLM (Booze & Liquor Machine). The Sheriffs are there to get Burners back to your camp safely from a night of partying.
Survival Guide * First Timers Guide * Ticket Info

Regarding Ticket Scalpers and Scammers

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Postby Token » Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:24 pm

Alright, it's page two so I can say my anti-snark advice:

Do not give medical advice to anyone, on-playa never-ever! Even if you are a Dr. or nurse, shut the fuck up! (unless you are working a shift in the med-tent).

Do not give legal advice to anyone,on-playa never-ever! Even if you are a judge, attorney or paralegal, shut the fuck up! (Unless you are on the LEAL team).

Aren't I a buzzkillington.
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Postby DoctorIknow » Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:36 pm

When your camp mates agree to set up your theme camp in the cool of the morning, starting at 7am, have coffee and breakfast ready for them, as they will be anxious to work hard early to get a jump on the heat and wind.
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Postby Mojojita » Mon Jan 31, 2011 12:53 pm

Give your fellow eplayans the benefit of all your free medical and legal advice.
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Postby ygmir » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:27 pm

a good coating of playa dust acts like a condom.
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Postby MyDearFriend » Mon Jan 31, 2011 1:28 pm

Token wrote:Do not give medical advice to anyone, on-playa never-ever! Even if you are a Dr. or nurse, shut the fuck up! (unless you are working a shift in the med-tent).


Bwahahahaha, if you come across a doctor or nurse in BRC you should immediately show him your feet/throat/asshole or whatever else is bothering you... oh and piss for him, right there, so he can see how nice and clear it is even though you never drink water. :roll:
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Postby fbcota » Mon Jan 31, 2011 3:21 pm

If you need to poop and you are no-where near a potty. Just poop where you stand. Then walk over to the artery and register your newly created "art project"
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Postby busgypsy » Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:23 pm

After each meal feel free to scrape your plates into the Porta Potties. And make sure you toss you eco-friendly styrofoam cups and plates into any fire you might see.
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth,and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
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Postby Rice » Mon Jan 31, 2011 4:52 pm

The BLM Rangers love it when you give a false name and address! They love the challenge of figuring out who you really are.
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Postby C187 » Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:06 pm

Obviously, it's a good idea to not talk to wizards or fairies since they are busy making the playa magic happen.
I have a little bit of Savannah with me. Shhh...
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Postby FIGJAM » Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:17 pm

You don't need a tent or shade stucture.

Role ur sleeping bag out on the open playa, the stars are beutiful MAN! 8)
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Postby DoctorIknow » Mon Jan 31, 2011 5:28 pm

If you’re dehydrated from too much E and too much dancing, go to Center Camp. The baristas, who are totally empathetic and are working for good karma, and not tips, will take money from their tip jar to buy you an electrolyte drink. If they are busy, just reach in there and get it yourself, they understand….â€
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Postby Token » Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:00 pm

FIGJAM wrote:You don't need a tent or shade stucture.

Role ur sleeping bag out on the open playa, the stars are beutiful MAN! 8)


I can't recall how many nights I've slept out there just like that.

Usually I woke up with "glory hole" sharpied on my forehead or with my kilt around my ankles and a bunch of condoms strewn around.

If I can't remember... It didn't happen.
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Postby C.f.M. » Wed Feb 02, 2011 12:12 pm

Token wrote:
FIGJAM wrote:You don't need a tent or shade stucture.

Role ur sleeping bag out on the open playa, the stars are beutiful MAN! 8)


I can't recall how many nights I've slept out there just like that.

Usually I woke up with "glory hole" sharpied on my forehead or with my kilt around my ankles and a bunch of condoms strewn around.

If I can't remember... It didn't happen.


Your unconcious form does make a lovely cushion for the orgies.
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Postby graidawg » Wed Feb 02, 2011 5:09 pm

C187 wrote:Obviously, it's a good idea to not talk to wizards or fairies since they are busy making the playa magic happen.


Are you trying to tell me the fairies have already bought all the tickets


is it too early to panic still?
completely unconcerned.
"Savannah" I like it . . . it makes us sound forward-thinking, and not at all like trailblazing, professional-level procrastinors.
the rest of us are in the School of Fukkit. "Eric"
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Postby graidawg » Sat Mar 05, 2011 5:00 am

its perfectly ok to tell the 12 year vets you are burnier than them, they realise that you as new burner have read everything and so, of curse you understand whats going on better than them.

also give medical and legal advice for the same reason. you read the threads and know everything especially if you just turned 21.
completely unconcerned.
"Savannah" I like it . . . it makes us sound forward-thinking, and not at all like trailblazing, professional-level procrastinors.
the rest of us are in the School of Fukkit. "Eric"
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Postby CornStar » Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:30 pm

There are no real police at BM, those are all just costumes and art cars. The majority of these pranksters are part of the death guild and if they start talking to you, its really just an invitation to practice for thunderdome, so go ahead throw some bows.
Who wants to do a Dunkaroo?!
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Postby moonrise » Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:11 pm

Eat everything and anything offered to you as a 'gift'

Including those very delicious homemade marshmallows, you can say 'thank you' a week or two later........... :lol:
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Postby graidawg » Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:52 am

ooo quick come over here theres something, ooh shiny er what?
completely unconcerned.
"Savannah" I like it . . . it makes us sound forward-thinking, and not at all like trailblazing, professional-level procrastinors.
the rest of us are in the School of Fukkit. "Eric"
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Postby Trishntek » Sun Mar 06, 2011 11:15 am

graidawg wrote:
C187 wrote:Obviously, it's a good idea to not talk to wizards or fairies since they are busy making the playa magic happen.


Are you trying to tell me the fairies have already bought all the tickets


is it too early to panic still?


Do not confuse the common fairies with the only true Green Faeries who appear after moderate consumption of absinthe. Green Faeries have no use for tickets and their magic is discreetly positioned among the FROG BALLS!
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Postby Elorrum » Sun Mar 06, 2011 8:12 pm

If you want to arrive early, go right ahead, there are lots of people there already the week before, so if you get there Friday or Saturday, they'll let you in.

Everyone shares everything, especially bikes. If you don't want to bring a bike of your own, go ahead and ride any bike that isn't locked up, that's what they are for.
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Postby Lord Of Ruin » Mon Mar 07, 2011 2:58 pm

Turnip wrote:hold this parachute really tight


By far the best one...and one one even commented on it! :D
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Postby BBadger » Mon Mar 07, 2011 4:53 pm

Elorrum wrote:Everyone shares everything, especially bikes. If you don't want to bring a bike of your own, go ahead and ride any bike that isn't locked up, that's what they are for.


Oh yes, someone took that advice to heart with some of our bikes. I have a pro Playa bike tip from personal experience:

There's safety in bike numbers. Nobody will even attempt to steal your bikes if they're in a heap only 15 feet away from you as you watch a fire dance. Go ahead and not use that lock you paid $10 for and left on that bike.
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