Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

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Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby bubbavic » Sat Feb 11, 2012 3:39 am

Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!


1) Stack all your fans in one corner of the living room.
Put on your most fabulous outfit.
Turn the fans on full blast.
Dump a vacuum cleaner bag in front of them.


2) Tear down your house, put it in a truck.
Drive 10 hours in any direction, put the house back together.
Invite everyone you meet to come over and party.
When they leave, follow them back to their homes, drink all their booze, and break things.


3) Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset to not bathe for five days, cover themselves in glitter, dust, and sunscreen, wear a skanky neon wig, dance close naked, then say they have a lover back home at the end of the night.


4)Buy a new set of expensive camping gear.
Break it.


5) Lean back in a chair until that point where you’re just about to fall over, but you catch yourself at the last moment.
Hold that position for 9 hours.


6) Only use the toilet in a house that is at least 3 blocks away.
Drain all the water from the toilet.
Only flush it every 3 days.
Hide all the toilet paper.


7) Set your house thermostat so it’s 50 degrees for the first hour of sleep and 100 degrees the rest of the night.


8 ) Cut, burn, electrocute, bruise, and sunburn various parts of your body.
Forget how you did it.
Don’t go to a doctor.


9) Don’t sleep for 5 days.
Take a wide variety of hallucinogenic/emotion altering drugs.
Pick a fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend.


10) Spend a whole year rummaging through thrift storesfor the perfect, most outrageous costume.
Forget to pack it.


11) Tell everyone that you’re going to a “Leave-No-Trace” event.
Shop at Wal-mart, Cost-Co, and Home Depot until your car is completely packed with stuff.
Empty your car into a dumpster.


12) Listen to music you hate for 168 hours straight, or until
you think you are going to scream. Scream.
Realize you’ll love the music for the rest of your life.


13) Spend 5 months planning a “theme camp” like it’s the invasion of Normandy.


14) Walk around your neighborhood and knock on doors until someone offers you cocktails and dinner.


15) Get so drunk you can’t recognize your own house.
Walk slowly around the block for 5 hours.


16) Tell your boss you aren’t coming to work this week but he should “gift” you a paycheck anyway.
When he refuses accuse him of not loving the “community”.


17) Search alleys untill you find a couch so unbelievably tacky and nasty filthy that a state college frat house wouldn’t want it.
Take a nap on the couch and sleep like you are king of the world.


18) Go to a museum.
Find one of Salvador Dali’s more disturbing but beautiful paintings.
Climb inside it.


19) Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.


20) Spend thousands of dollars and several months of your life building a deeply personal art work.
Hide it in a funhouse on the edge of the city.
Hire people to come by and alternate saying “I love it” and “this sucks balls”.
Blow it up.


21) Set up a DJ system downwind of a three alarm fire.
Play a short loop of drum’n'bass until the embers are cold.


22) Make a list of all the things you’ll do different next year.
Never look at it.



Stolen from Omar Z from SD Burners on le Facebook. Thanks Omar!
aka FlyingSquirrel =)
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby FeetOfClay » Sat Feb 11, 2012 5:20 am

oh my god--i LOVE this!!!

thank u so much for posting!
What is this quintessence of dust?
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby lemur » Sat Feb 11, 2012 11:30 am

this has been floating around for at least 5-6 years by now..

im not sure if anyone knows the originator at this point... (does anyone?)
Don't link to anything here!
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby bubbavic » Sat Feb 11, 2012 11:59 am

Sorry. I've never seen it and thought it was brilliant. =)
aka FlyingSquirrel =)
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby oneeyeddick » Sat Feb 11, 2012 12:28 pm

my fave was always #19

19) Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby Killbuck » Sat Feb 11, 2012 2:20 pm

Well Dick... that about sums up your playa diet... apart from 3 lbs of bacon every day...
SIDESHOW: Carnival of Smoke and Mirrors 2015 is looking for drop-in performers!! Do you have a freaky talent, skill or characteristic? Do you lay on a bed of nails, or swallow swords? PM me if interested.
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby waynerd » Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:55 am

Kernul Killbuck wrote:Well Dick... that about sums up your playa diet... apart from 3 lbs of bacon every day...


Bacon! - - the magic word that makes all the rest seem worth it to me! Please advise on where Camp Bacon will be located this year. ;)
Excuse me, this is way different than what was described in the brochure!
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby Ugly Dougly » Mon Feb 13, 2012 11:21 am

bubbavic wrote:3) Pay an escort of your affectional preference subset ...


THAT'S what I've been doing wrong! Thanks for the tip!
*saves up quarters*
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby oneeyeddick » Mon Feb 13, 2012 1:06 pm

waynerd wrote:
Kernul Killbuck wrote:Well Dick... that about sums up your playa diet... apart from 3 lbs of bacon every day...


Bacon! - - the magic word that makes all the rest seem worth it to me! Please advise on where Camp Bacon will be located this year. ;)



We would but you wouldn't understand.
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby Killbuck » Mon Feb 13, 2012 1:14 pm

Here, while yer waiting, eat this!!
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
SIDESHOW: Carnival of Smoke and Mirrors 2015 is looking for drop-in performers!! Do you have a freaky talent, skill or characteristic? Do you lay on a bed of nails, or swallow swords? PM me if interested.
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby piehole » Mon Feb 13, 2012 1:17 pm

I'll take two please.
Start by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby ZaphodBurner » Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:54 pm

oneeyeddick wrote:my fave was always #19

19) Before eating any food, drop it in a sandbox and lick a battery.


In case anybody's wondering, by the way that's what garden spiders taste like. (licking a 9v battery.) I learned this the hard way.

#13 brought tears to my eyes:
"Spend 5 months planning a 'theme camp' like it’s the invasion of Normandy."
"The Red Baron is smart.. He never spends the whole night dancing and drinking root beer.. "-The WWI Flying Ace
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby overkyll » Mon Feb 13, 2012 5:14 pm

Brilliant!
"You can survive anything...assuming it doesn't physically kill you"
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby Galaxo Magic » Tue Feb 14, 2012 2:22 pm

waynerd wrote:
Kernul Killbuck wrote:Well Dick... that about sums up your playa diet... apart from 3 lbs of bacon every day...


Bacon! - - the magic word that makes all the rest seem worth it to me! Please advise on where Camp Bacon will be located this year. ;)

The mere mention of Bacon makes me want to go cook some right now.

If you want bacon on playa, look to the camp next to you. hahaha. We had so much frackin' bacon last year I almost got sick of it! (Notice: I said almost)

If Camp Bacon only got 30% of the tickets needed, let's hope they cut out the fat....
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby SquirrelHead » Tue Feb 14, 2012 3:04 pm

This list cracked me the fuck up! I have even done a few of them at or near my house.
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby theCryptofishist » Tue Feb 14, 2012 8:40 pm

The Lady with a Lamprey

"The powerful are exploiting people, art and ideas, and this leads to us plebes debating how to best ration ice.
Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri


Get a Taint, you pathetic cur!
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Re: Didn't win the Burning Man lottery? Do this instead!

Postby oneeyeddick » Tue Feb 14, 2012 10:09 pm




When you first click on that link it shows a group of 3 accordionists, as well as a banjo player and a street gang member.

Upon further inspection I realized that one of the accordionistas must have owed some money to Jabba the Hut.
We have an obligation to make space for everyone, we have no obligation to make that space pleasant.
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