So you want to be a shirtcocker

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So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:52 am

Okay, yet one more goddamn item I have to crochet for gifts this year:

Image

It's like a fanny pack, only not.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/85301314/adult-novelty-handmade-penis-pack-bag
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:57 am

Can you make me a fluffy purple one? Actually, I need two, one for Purple Koosh.
And maybe a red one with a yellow hammer and sickle, so I can hang it out in Apok...

Please, please, please...

And none of that "do-ocrasy" crap, either...
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:23 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Can you make me a fluffy purple one? Actually, I need two, one for Purple Koosh.
And maybe a red one with a yellow hammer and sickle, so I can hang it out in Apok...

Please, please, please...

And none of that "do-ocrasy" crap, either...


I've got an email out to the seller to see if she'll sell me the pattern. Otherwise it will take some trial and error to get the design right, but I will totally make you whatever you like.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby maryanimal » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:29 pm

I want one, maybe two please!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:48 pm

VultureChow wrote:I will totally make you whatever you like.

Oh dear, that was totally a joke...
The Lady with a Lamprey

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Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri


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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 12:51 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:
VultureChow wrote:I will totally make you whatever you like.

Oh dear, that was totally a joke...



That's it, Now you shall be forced to wear a fluffy purple penis pouch.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 1:03 pm

Critical Dicks, here I come!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby cherryblossom73 » Wed Mar 07, 2012 3:55 pm

That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

Image
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:33 pm

cherryblossom73 wrote:That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

Image



That is awesome!

I'm thinking of doing a pouch in a brown suede yarn with a thicker/more sturdy belt and wearing over this cute plaid skirt as though it were a sporran for a kilt. (Had to look that up. It's the pouch they wear in front).

MOOP bag in the frank and maybe a bag of candy in the beans... Is there any candy that doesn't melt into a mess out there?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Drawingablank » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:44 pm

VultureChow wrote:
cherryblossom73 wrote:That is awesome!

I made something similar for gifts from our camp (Pretty Pickle Camp), although, it's not for putting your moop in...

Image



That is awesome!

I'm thinking of doing a pouch in a brown suede yarn with a thicker/more sturdy belt and wearing over this cute plaid skirt as though it were a sporran for a kilt. (Had to look that up. It's the pouch they wear in front).

MOOP bag in the frank and maybe a bag of candy in the beans... Is there any candy that doesn't melt into a mess out there?


Seems you should reverse that and store stuff in the sack and use the johnson for dispensing candy - like a pez dispenser .
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby moonrise » Wed Mar 07, 2012 5:49 pm

They look too small.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:03 pm

Drawingablank wrote:
Seems you should reverse that and store stuff in the sack and use the johnson for dispensing candy - like a pez dispenser .


Okay. New plan. Storage in the sack, Pez dispenser in the shaft with the head covered by the head so you lift the head and out comes candy.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Drawingablank » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:45 pm

Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Wed Mar 07, 2012 6:56 pm

Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.


Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Drawingablank » Wed Mar 07, 2012 7:12 pm

VultureChow wrote:
Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.


Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.

Seems odd to say this in a conversation about crocheted penises, but somehow I find that disturbing.
Savannah: I don't know what it is, but no thread here escapes alive. You'll get 1 or 2 real answers at minimum, occasionally 10 or 12, and then we flog it until it's unrecognizable and you can't get your deposit back.

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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby BirthChazz » Wed Mar 07, 2012 8:53 pm

I now have a new use for my knitted uterus.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Wed Mar 07, 2012 9:02 pm

Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.
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Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri


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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby International Incident » Wed Mar 07, 2012 11:51 pm

Drawingablank wrote:
VultureChow wrote:
Drawingablank wrote:Or make it simple and leave a little hole. Fill with jelly beans. Give it a tug to dispense lol.


Or red shoelace licorice. Just pull out a strand.

Seems odd to say this in a conversation about crocheted penises, but somehow I find that disturbing.


I needed a laugh. I have tears rolling down my face.

Thank you.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Marscrumbs » Thu Mar 08, 2012 1:24 pm

I shirtcock at home while making breakfast. Then I live alone.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby BirthChazz » Thu Mar 08, 2012 2:46 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.



LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html



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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby VultureChow » Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:14 pm

BirthChazz wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Sorry, Rick Santorum called. He needs you to be constantly producing knitted children.



LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html



BirthChazz



I've already done some of these: Image
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby BirthChazz » Thu Mar 08, 2012 4:04 pm

[/quote]


LOVE!!

I envision a photo opportunity for the fertility theme- but require a vulva puppet.

http://emilytbm.blogspot.com/2008/10/knitted-vulva.html



BirthChazz[/quote]


I've already done some of these: Image[/quote]

be still my heart!!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby oneeyeddick » Thu Mar 08, 2012 6:10 pm

theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!



If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby tamarakay » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:29 pm

What does it say about me that this thread has restored my soul?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby theCryptofishist » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:32 pm

That crocheted naughty bits are life affirming objects?
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Man, no wonder they always win....." Lonesomebri


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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Galaxo Magic » Thu Mar 08, 2012 7:42 pm

oneeyeddick wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!



If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...

Promises, promises!
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby FeetOfClay » Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:25 am

When I first heard the term "shirtcocking", I had to look it up online, and found a written definition.

"That doesn't sound SO horrible," I thought, "I wonder why people keep referencing it in so many jokes".

Then, this morning, I did a google image search, and finally understood.

Remember when Elaine (on Seinfeld) said, of naked men,:
"The female body is a thing of beauty; the male body is utilitarian, built for getting around, like a tank."

Um, yeah. Some *really* bad shirtcocking photos out there. And one really nice one...but...ahem...we won't get into that.

If a woman wears a shirt with no bottoms, is it still "shirt cocking"? and is it still frowned up?
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby junglesmacks » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:30 am

FeetOfClay wrote:If a woman wears a shirt with no bottoms, is it still "shirt cocking"? and is it still frowned up?


This would depend entirely on a few things..

Are we talking

Image

or

Image

or

Image
Savannah wrote:It sounds freaky & wrong, so you need to do it.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby catinthefunnyhat » Wed Apr 11, 2012 7:50 am

I'm so puzzled by my own reaction to shirtcocking. I've always thought it was a creepy sight. This despite the fact that (a) I think both male and female bodies are beautiful, (b) I think penises are lovely, and (c) I have no problem with similar outfits on men -- say, crotchless chaps and shirt. A shirtcocker with an unbuttoned button shirt can be sexy, too. It's the T-shirt-only look that makes me shudder.

On women, shirtcocking (Daisy-Ducking), again, kind of depends on the execution. It's lovely with a button shirt, especially if said shirt ends just below the hips. It's somewhat less sexy, to me, with a t-shirt. Still better than a dude in the same outfit, though.

Hair, or lack thereof, does not really affect my opinion of either shirtcocking or Daisy-Ducking.

I'm trying to decide what I think of shirtcocking with socks (on the feet) (shirtsocking?). Oddly, I think it kind of improves the look. :idea: Perhaps, for me, it's just about balance in the distribution of fabric.
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Re: So you want to be a shirtcocker

Postby Lassen Forge » Wed Apr 11, 2012 8:09 am

oneeyeddick wrote:
theCryptofishist wrote:Critical Dicks, here I come!


If anybody shows up at Critical Dicks with one of those oppressive devices we will have to jerk it off...


That'd be cool... I mean, there's gota be something to that... Guys like it for some reason... :twisted:

I'd love to see one on a headband... always wanted an award for the biggest dickhead in camp that year (even tho I'd prolly have to award it to myself!!! lol)

I remember decades ago a bunch of us epoxied a rather large and ugly dildo to a bosses desk once (using botts dotts epoxy - that shit never comes off)... and the jerko LIKED it.

His boss (who was equally a dick) finally made him cut it off his desk (with a hacksaw - it was on there good!) after a contractor walked by his office, and saw sickoboss in there talking to his pet dildo. By himself. :shock:

A real Gollum moment if we ever had one...
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