the sadness of never finding anyone

Look for something or someone you left behind.

the sadness of never finding anyone

Postby Diazo » Thu Sep 04, 2003 8:21 pm

all these missed connections. always hoping to find someone as if a magic bell will ring when i do. don't you know this is madness? wandering around the dusty hot playa, now wandering around e-playa, and still i feel so lost.
User avatar
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:29 pm

Postby purplefairy » Thu Sep 04, 2003 9:13 pm

if you stop looking, you'll find it. you feel lost because you're trying to be found.
best of luck!
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 8:57 pm
Location: neither here, nor there


Postby Lothar » Sat Sep 06, 2003 5:23 am

I learned the cardinal rule of BM this year... No expectations.

When you have nothing to live up to, you are free to allow your experience to mutate into whatever it becomes... no disappointments. When you stop looking for what you want it finds you... otherwise it's like how when you carry a condom you never get laid.

So wander joyfully for the sake of wandering. And feel better, friend.
User avatar
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 11:17 pm
Location: State of Confusion (SoCal)

Postby Isotopia » Sat Sep 06, 2003 8:21 am

if you stop looking, you'll find it.

Yep, just like the musk ox that searches the world for the souce of its own scent.
User avatar
Posts: 2846
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2003 11:26 am

looking around

Postby pyro » Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:59 am

yeah man...forget about have to stay can miss on out opportunities by constantly looking fo rsomeone...if they want(ed)to be found by you they will and if not, there are PLENTY of delicious people on the e-playa, at the Burn and in the world. Just be a delicious person and they will find you!

Pyro :twisted:
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:54 am
Location: brooklyn

Postby dodger » Sun Sep 07, 2003 4:37 pm

Humans have a need for the company of others. Isn't part of the whole BM experience being there with 30,000 of our brothers and sisters? Don't paint a sad picture about all of us looking to make friends or find possible lovers. That is human nature. I am very sure you can find someone like this if you were trying. I am not a believer in the whole "stop looking and it will come" crap. You increase your odds greatly if you actually try to meet people. The folks that are both on the Playa and E-Playa are typically open and looking to meet people as well (and have a common bond that should make this process easier). Have you tried looking in the member list for people from your area? That might be a good place to start.

Best of luck and safe travels,
User avatar
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 1:01 pm
Location: Boston (normally) LA for now

magic hats

Postby Deanne Bunny » Sun Sep 07, 2003 7:22 pm

all* you need is a magic hat, I have rarely if never fallen for a guy without a magic hat, its just something about it, the stranger the better, when I wear a hat, they flock to me...any hat that is cool will do, the stranger the better....jester caps, cute englishguy hats, sombreros, yodeller hats with feathers, the possiblities go on...good luck....*if you are emitting a non threatening, content-with-self vibe, this goes a lot further...
Deanne Bunny
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2003 12:23 pm
Location: SF

Postby pyro » Mon Sep 08, 2003 5:17 am

yeah, it is a human need , but us humans are funny animals...we are attracted to things that we feel don't need us..once we feel that someone wants something from us, even on an energetic level, people run away...

however, I found most people at BM were friendly and open, and I was able to have conversations with people I wanted to( I also met people who were very obnoxious which was disheartening but that was their issues)

I also found it refreshing having deeper conversations there as opposed to the constant 'party vibe' conversations I was having..

whenever I had a problem connecting I had to check in with myself and check my own inner state.
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:54 am
Location: brooklyn

Postby electrolux » Mon Sep 08, 2003 5:41 pm

playa 'relationships' (for lack of a better word) can be ephemeral a lot of the time. in 2002 i met somebody i thought was super-great, but once we talked on the phone in the real world the magic seemed to be gone, and basically i realized it was mostly just physical attraction we had going for us. this year i didn't have any romantic or sexual encounters and it didn't seem to matter at all - i met dozens of amazing people and at least 1 person who i think will be a good friend for life. just be yourself and it will all sort itself out.
User avatar
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 4:56 pm
Location: east van, bc

All you need is unconditional love

Postby Jessica » Mon Sep 08, 2003 8:07 pm

In todays society we are starved for personal connections. AS kids we aren't taught to talk to strangers. In fact we call people we dont know STRANGErs. Its no wonder we have to "find" people to connect with. I think of BM as a magnet to those trying to break through the stranger bubble and open our perceptions of the connectedness within us all. So the idea of never finding anyone is an illusion. We are all right in front of you. Its up to you to to stop searching for a specific someone because that is left up to fate. Dont be sad, all you need is love... and we are here to give it to you.
Love is the supreme object of existence
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Sep 07, 2003 10:46 pm
Location: Vacaville

Postby rayburn » Tue Sep 09, 2003 1:31 am

Be sad if you want to. Be pissed as hell about not finding anyone if you want to be. And don't let anyone feed you a bunch of BS about it.

I too have yet, after four years, been able to share BM with a lover, and I think it sucks f-ing ass if you'll pardon my french. (And my BM this year was the BOMB DIGGIDY yet it can still suck ass that I didn't find anyone at the same time.) And life just sucks like that sometimes and nothing anyone has said about it has made one little smidgen of a dent on that reality. Loneliness is just an evil bastard and there is no real explanation for why it happens to some and not to others.

I feel your pain, girl, better luck next time. ;)
sign here please: rayburn
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 1:19 am
Location: Vail, Colorado

Postby dahousekat » Tue Sep 09, 2003 9:27 am

I found someone after I came home.

I was sad at times during my BM experience because I could sense all the possibilities around me yet still was alone, but I also found myself holding back, ready to seduce but not ready to truly give myself to anyone.

After some work with my great camp-mates, and a wonderful healing experience holding a good friend for a few hours on Sunday night I came home with probably pretty much all my chakras spinning and fired up, and a great sense of peace and open-ness, and days later I found myself open to the most amazing woman, someone I've met before but new to me in many ways, and I'm sure that my open-ness to her all goes back to BM and what I experienced there.

Who knows where it will go, but I'm pretty psyched right now and I feel like I've brought back something real from the playa.

Hang in there, I guess is my message, not everything can happen all at once, and some great changes are hidden in the moment.
There's a party in my mind
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2003 2:25 pm
Location: Placerville, CA

Postby pyro » Tue Sep 09, 2003 10:38 am

that's great...

I had some great sensual/sexual experiences there and I met some people who werent as open as you would think, but its all good...

and by being open, I met some people after the Burn as well

I think D, that you are pretty cute...I have a hard time believing you didn't meet ANYBODY...maybe the people who wanted to be connected to you, you werent interested in...

I hope everyone had an amazing time there...this was my first burn and it awesome
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:54 am
Location: brooklyn

Postby EdwardMartinIII » Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:07 am

See, now this is why I went to the playa personals at 7:30 & Authority. It was fun -- a group of us did our ads.

Okay, no one responded, but it still felt neat. Never did such a thing and here I was at my first burn and we do that. Only one of the outrageous things that tweaked my world.


"Cut a hole in the door. Hang a flap. Criminy, why didn't I think of this earlier?!" -- inventor of the cat door
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2003 11:02 am
Location: Portland, OR

Postby night4day » Mon Sep 15, 2003 1:10 pm

:o Hello.. no advice here. just an observation. or questions.. were you open to meeting anyone? or did you have a picture in your minds eye, of that perfect one?? :wink: I SURE DID, but I let it go since all ladies are that picture perfect one anyway. :D After all they are on the playa just like you and me.. 8) Back to you. Were you out and about on the playa? or did you hang within your comfort zone all the time??.. :?: i have to say for me and only me.. everything i did on the playa was set up for NO EXPECTATIONS.. i did have some booze but that was more for me then anyone else. I was ready to share thou. :wink: I met so many folks. Most all are great. i got there with folks i did not know. I camped with other folks i did not know.. and partyed with no one i knew from LA... got a ride home with someone i did not know.. great time
this was my 2nd burn.. and let me tell you i have no such luck at home in LA. most folks already have a wall up anyway. So plan for fun and Burningman next year.
Posts: 17
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2003 12:35 pm
Location: Los angeles, CA for now

Postby Sobretta Franjipan » Mon Sep 15, 2003 5:41 pm

I can't agree with the 'no expectations' thing enough. The first year I went was at the last minute with no prior knowledge other than it being "a desert party where they burn a man". It knocked my socks off! Now 6 years later I'm here to debunk the myth-Burning Man is not a sex festival. Oh yes there are opportunities to be found (and it's really up to you-I recommend being aggressive and slightly drunk) but there is so much more out there. If you think about it a hot, dusty, sweaty, sleep-deprived, privacy lacking environment is not the most ideal situation for down and dirty sex (wait, I guess it is...). One of the funniest things I heard a few years back was some guy bellowing at ??earlytime in the morning "I FINALLY GOT LAID AT BURNING MAN!" This instigated a great discussion on sex and the Playa. Anyhoo, check the expectations at the gate and you can't be disappointed. Believe me, I say this for myself as much as for anyone else. I've become so preparation laden prior to BM I almost drive myself crazy. I'm thinking next year of going waaaaayyyy back to the basics-throwing a handful of slutty outfits in the bag and going.

(Yeah, right)

Also check your regional contact and get on their list. It's fun and nutritious!
User avatar
Sobretta Franjipan
Posts: 130
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2003 5:57 pm
Location: Los Angeles

Postby lorenzo peroxide » Mon Sep 15, 2003 7:53 pm

diazo, i understand you. you are speaking metaphorically and are being completely misunderstood. that is a beautiful poem you wrote, and don,t feel you have to paraphrase .
lorenzo peroxide
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Sep 12, 2003 12:56 am
Location: los angeles/costa rica

Postby notthat1 » Tue Sep 16, 2003 5:01 am

Your time will come.It may not come when you want,but it will be"right on time".

Hang in there,and keep the faith.
Everyone has the opportunity for greatness, not fame, but greatness, for greatness only requires service--Martin Luther King Jr
User avatar
Posts: 125
Joined: Thu Sep 11, 2003 8:15 pm
Location: Seattle,WA

the sadness of never grinding anyone

Postby chocob0t » Tue Sep 16, 2003 6:35 pm

No advice. Just a story (which is probably more for me than you, but aren't most posts).

When I was a kid, my brother went to tennis school in Florida for a year. When we visited him at Christmas I finally got to go somewhere that was distinctly out of character my family - Disneyworld.

It was awesome and, contrary to popular belief, Epcot was pretty damn cool too. The only thing was that my parents were dead-set on keeping me off the the monorail, even though they knew I was really really looking forward to it. It wasn't that it was supposed to be the best ride, but it somehow embodied my imagined Disney experience. Sure they wouldn't admit it, and maybe they were unaware, but some dark parental control programming kept that one experience just out of reach.

So when I returned, even though I had a killer time, I was resentful and mopey about the monorail. In fact it became a (seemingly eternal) family joke every time I was moody, "Come on, are you still upset about the monorail?"

Years later, on an ill-fated roadtrip down to Mexico, we stopped in LA and went to Disneyland. Of course, the first ride I went on was that damn monorail - and it was the best fucking thing ever.



Bonus rad backyard monorail link
Posts: 6
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 1:33 pm
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Burning Since: 2002

Postby jamie » Fri Sep 19, 2003 2:00 pm

wow diazio, I feel the same way. its really hard being by yourself out there surrounded by lovers. makes you feel like your soul mate has been run over by a car ,before you even got a chance to meet. this was my 6th year and I have had a couple of playa romances and they were such loving experiences that I romantacize about them still. its hard when you feel like your putting your best foot forward and keeping and open mind ,but the oppurtunity just never arises. theirs people that you like and people that your attracted too, but to find that one that just grabs your heart and fills you with waves of excitement are pretty far and few between. (for me anyways)

Ive been having that empty feeling inside and Ive been trying to give it a shake and its a hard shot to your ego. friends try to help out and say things like "you will find the right one someday" and "when ya stop looking you will find her" and all kinds of text book pick me up quotes but still leaves you with a "thanks mom" after thought.

I guess that what Im finding is,is that sadness is very much of a valid emotion as happiness. when Im happy ,I usually try to capture that emotion in art , sooo Im going to do a painting injecting all of this emotion in it. Ive already started penciling it out and I have a solid vision of that emotion. its hard for me to share such a very personal side that we all like to bury,but Im finding that that art can touch a nerve with its viewers and shows a very human side that we can all relate to. oh my god.......sadness can be a very powerful motivator to very inspirational art, you just have to learn to harness it and be patient.

I didnt meet anyone , but was very excited about my campmate finding the one! so I try to feel the happiness through his eyes and remember the years past when I was lucky enough to share myself with someone special.

hang in there! your not alone, just try to find a way to get it out of your system one way or the other. Ill send a jpeg of the painting ,once its finished.
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Sep 19, 2003 1:35 pm
Location: seattle

An abbreviated explanation

Postby Lothar » Fri Sep 19, 2003 3:37 pm

Some great stories in this thread...

I learned the no expectations rule the hard way... a friend of mine for years that I really cared about went to the playa with me. I had always been attracted to her, and I thought I saw interest in her eyes when last we met. My mistake. When I went to make a move I was informed I was "like every creepy guy she'd ever met."


And what's more she decided it would be fun to fool around with everyone else in my camp... many of them all at once. I spent several nights on the playa engulfed in bad thoughts. I felt like the ulitmate self-pity rebel, curled up sulking in a corner of the biggest party on earth.

Did I say ouch?

Now the truly amazing thing-- I still had a blast. My ego was torn to shit and I got hurt bad, but it's BURNING MAN! I had so many experiences, good and bad, that I feel like I lived a lifetime in the span of that week. If I had fun under those circumstances, next year you are going to have to pry the smile off my face with a crowbar.

So just know when I say no expectations, I mean it. And I want to thank all you cool people for making my experience grand through the most dire of circumstances.
Eschew obfuscation.
User avatar
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 11:17 pm
Location: State of Confusion (SoCal)

Postby pyro » Sat Sep 20, 2003 12:20 pm

wow Lothar

that really sucked!!!!I feel for you.I wish I knew more of the context, because it seemed strange that she would fool around with everyone except for you..but then again energy is really important(especially in New Age circles) and oftentimes people use energy as an excuse for juvenile, irresponsible, childish behavior as well as a substitute for hard I am curious about your energy towards her..she obviously was open to connections...I'm glad you had a good time anyway

I was in a camp with several women and although I had a small connection with one, I wasn't really accepted by them as an erotic playmate, but I accept responsibility for it because I wasn't in my power(confident and open) for several reasons, so when they all got together in one bed I was'nt included, as well as I didn't meaningfully connect with them before that so ....whereas my friend did, but its all good..I know how I will be the next time and who knows? Maybe a year from now I will feel completely different!!

The concept of Soulmates is so tenuous it's hard to look for..if you never had one how can you tell?Oftentimes what people refer to as soulmates is really just Love at First Sight. Wayne Dyer said a soulmate isn't someone you get along perfectly with, its the person that pisses you off because they challenge you to grow the most..with that definition do we want a soulmate then? Hell, its just nice to meet someone you have a nice heart/body connection that you really like!!! I think people give platitudes because nobody knows what the fuck the say!!What can you say to someone when they haven't found a soulmate? Maybe they arent ready? Maybe they need to be whole in themselves first?
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2003 9:54 am
Location: brooklyn

Postby Badger » Sat Sep 20, 2003 12:38 pm

Hey Lothar,

Some people just can't get enough of Disney. This graphics-intensive site helps out with its primary purpose, a focus on postcards from Disneyland, and other sections on Walt Disney the man and his art. The site owner touts the site as the only place on the Web dedicated exclusively to Disney postcards - even though it obviously is not so exclusive - and admits to being an avid collector with 585 postcards in his collection. We'll forgive the misspoken boast. Whether you're interested in vintage Disney or fresh crops of Disneyland postcards, you'll find something worth a look.

Have a look.
Desert dogs drink deep.

User avatar
Posts: 3323
Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2003 2:43 pm
Location: San Francisco

Postby Lydia Love » Sat Sep 20, 2003 1:51 pm

pisses you off because they challenge you to grow the most

Lemmee tell you this can be the most wonderful thing in the world AND the biggest suckfest ever at the same exact moment.
It's all about the squirrels.
User avatar
Lydia Love
Posts: 1569
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 8:01 pm
Location: Seattle

Postby Flux » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:17 pm

Damn, Lothar, that is harsh!

I can't tell you how impressed I am with your attitude, though. The ability to experience joy while in the midst of the kind of pain you must have been going through is something I've worked on for a long time, with some (but not total) success.

Next year you can add "io" to the end of your handle... :wink:
Posts: 414
Joined: Mon Sep 08, 2003 3:24 pm


Postby Lothar » Sun Sep 28, 2003 4:32 pm

Thanks everyone. Everything is easier the longer you have to chew on it.

Don't know about soulmates but I felt the energy a while back and circumstances prevented me from doing anything at the time. It's amazing how one's perception and the reality can diverge. I don't think she was trying to provoke or wound me consciously, but that's what happened. I think she liked my attention but wasn't interested in me... some flirty pattern she learned a long time ago and now it's just part of her... either that or she liked pushing my buttons to see what I'd do.

Joy and sadness, love and hate-- they are just opposite ends of the same emotion. Can't have one without the other. When you have both at the same time it gets confusing, but ah well. It's always simpler in hindsight, Flux. I hope your manic quest is more successful than my own.

8) You cannot have the Lothario! *slap*
Eschew obfuscation.
User avatar
Posts: 32
Joined: Mon Sep 01, 2003 11:17 pm
Location: State of Confusion (SoCal)

Postby TawnyGnosis » Mon Sep 29, 2003 11:11 am

I think the best way to meet people at burningman is to let go and become manically happy. Then people are attracted to your shining vibrant energy and will come running to you.

I met so many wonderful people at the burn this year just because I was willing to. I think that the sheer mass of sexy interesting people per square mile at burning man is higher than anywhere else in the world.

I wouldn't describe burning man as a sex-fest, but the ability to connect with people on that level makes the experience so much more deep. I havent had sex at burning man yet, but I really enjoy playing and losing count of the people I've kissed throughout the week. Where else can I really do that?

Also, I feel much more appreciated as a little freaky, brightly colored being on the playa. In real life, the popular girl is always a cheerleader but at burning man it's someone like me who lives in the world inside their head. I really dig that after a lifetime of being the odd one out in a crowd of gap-kids.

Just go with an open mind and you will meet someone when you're not expecting to.
Heaven's going to burn your eyes
User avatar
Posts: 126
Joined: Wed Sep 03, 2003 7:31 am
Location: Los Angeles

Postby Sand_man » Thu Jun 03, 2004 7:47 pm

the first ride I went on was that damn monorail - and it was the best fucking thing ever

Posts: 68
Joined: Sat May 15, 2004 10:42 pm
Location: California

Re: magic hats

Postby theCryptofishist » Tue Jul 13, 2004 3:58 pm

Deanne Bunny wrote:all* you need is a magic hat,
User avatar
Posts: 40259
Joined: Mon Feb 23, 2004 10:28 am
Location: In Exile
Burning Since: 2017

art & sex

Postby wovenone » Sun Sep 12, 2004 10:53 pm

jamie, i was leaving a permaculture gathering this afternoon, exhausted* and stopped to help finish a mural. i spent a good 45 minutes with a paintbrush, noticed a clean emotional feeling and knew again that art is therapy; it just swept all my heartsickness out some door in my mind that opened while i had been mixing blue and white. it seems like this happens when i really let myself go and time passes while i am IN IT.
*i have been really tired because on thursday i went home with a man i'd met the week before i left for burning man. i have never done that before but i thought being open to it might help me continue to evolve. :? i guess it's kind of funny that it seems to be turning into the stereotypical story you hear in which the guy sweet-talks the girl until she has sex with him three times, then buys her coffee and drives her home in the morning, exchanging real phone numbers with her but then refusing to call or return hers. at least you know burning man love will end on monday morning and can prepare yourself. i'm such a baby in the 'dating' game, but it wasn't bad sex.
User avatar
Posts: 78
Joined: Wed Sep 08, 2004 7:43 pm
Location: eugene, oregon


Return to 2003 Lost & Found

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest