Suicidal Tendencies

[TomServo]

Let the fucking rich work on the holidays. Let them be poor for months...maybe years..not knowing where their next dinner is coming from. Fuck em! Let THEM be forgotten, for once!

[ygmir]

Let the fucking rich work on the holidays. Let them be poor for months...maybe years..not knowing where their next dinner is coming from. Fuck em! Let THEM be forgotten, for once!

TS:
is your frame of reference world wide, or just Iowa?

[TomServo]

Both. I just moved here Ygmir!

[TomServo]

phpBB [video]

Topics a little skewed, but the heart is there.

[ygmir]

*thoughts redacted, and retracted*
Love ya TS. have a great Yule, and Happy New Year.
none of this matters, as long as we care about one another.

[Elliot]

Hear, hear.

It is Christmas Day, and we already have the slogan Peace On Earth on another thread, so here is the rest of that phrase:
...And Good Will Towards All Mankind. May it be so.

[TomServo]

Happy Saturnalia! Its my new "Kwanza".. I get a little upset when people go after the poor..sure some are lazy fucks, but theyre still too easy a target. No matter...debate or arguements are still much more positive, than silence! Happy Holidays!

[Elliot]

Oooo, that leads me to my new Winter Solstice salutation: Io Saturnalia!

From Wikipedia:

Io Saturnalia

The phrase io Saturnalia was the characteristic shout or salutation of the festival, originally commencing after the public banquet on the single day of December 17.[16] The interjection io (Greek ἰώ, ǐō) is pronounced either with two syllables (a short i and a long o) or as a single syllable (with the i becoming the Latin consonantal j and pronounced yō). It was a strongly emotive ritual exclamation or invocation, used for instance in announcing triumph or celebrating Bacchus, but also to punctuate a joke.[17]

[MyDearFriend]

Yo, Saturnailia (((Elliot))) !!!



And, just want to add here that some of the best fun to be had does not cost any money at all.

[Jax Dee]

I'm having a hard time right now in my life, in not wanting my life, I am not in any danger, but I don't like even having the thoughts.

I think I especially have such a hard time because I feel like I am not allowed to be this way. That I have to always be the strong one, the one with things together, the mom who is always on and doesn't worry her child, the perfect partner and girlfriend because he is so busy dealing with his own stresses, the mind healthy daughter so my parents won't worry, the step-mom above reproach so the birth mom can't use that to undermine my family, the friend who is the one you can always call and depend on because she will always say yes and cheer you up, perfect perfect perfect.

And yet, these are not things that anyone has put upon me, not one of these people actually expects perfection from me, not one is going to stab me in the back or turn away from me if I stumble, even the crazy birth mom. I do this to myself. I have had an obsession with being perfect and always together and organized since I was a child. I feel the need to always be in control. I literally feel as if I will die and the world will crash into the sun if I for one moment let go of the control, if I for one moment break down and cry out my fears and ask for help.

And the worst thing is, even when I am doing this to myself, and holding on to the reigns of control with white knuckled ferocity, I am constantly paranoid and doubtful and think everyone sees through the mask, sees how fake I am, sees the failure. I feel judged and unloved and unworthy. I feel like a fraud. And I don't know how to live this life anymore not knowing how to feel like myself, not wanting to be myself, not knowing who I really even am.

I know there are people here who love me. I am not looking for pity and attention and self affirmation and platitudes from you. I know you, I know your love, and it keeps me warm and alive, so thank you. But please do not respond to this with compliments I am not fishing for. I just needed to let this out. To siphon the poison from my mind. So there it is, the secret shame I let shrivel me inside, and I am going to learn to own it. I am going to learn that perfection is not attainable or even necessarily something to strive for. It sets you up for failure. I am intelligent and aware and I know this. But so many things are easier said than done. So here is me saying them and now here is me going to learn to do them. Thank you for the forum to whinge a bit.

[burner von braun]

(((Jax Dee)))

[Elliot]

Hey Jax Dee! I drafted a reply before I even finished reading your post, but then I saw that I do not need to. You already understand what's going on.

Jepp, we are here to listen and compare notes whenever we like. That's what friends are for -- even in this "virtual" community.

[theCryptofishist]

"intrusive thoughts"

I hate those.

[ygmir]

*brushes dust off shoulder*
feel free to use it, Jax, I got big shoulders for my friends.

[graidawg]

hey Jax. it's good to have friends who listen isn't it?

[Elorrum]

Even if a hug is just a check to make sure we aren't on fire, it's nice. right, ygmir?

[ygmir]

indeed, Elorrum!!
always good to check such things.
broken bones and blood as well.
if your friend finishes hugging you, and they are covered red, you must be bleeding.......I should keep someone around when I work for just such a thing.

[Dr. Pyro]

Jax Dee is a friend as well as a Barbiebarian. We look after our own. Which is why Barbie Death Village is the best damn village on the playa. You go girl.

[pink]

(((Jax)))

Been there & it sucks. 12 step program helped me let go of the reins.

And these do too

(((((((Hugs))))))

[Triken]

(((((((Jax Dee)))))))

[Jax Dee]

Thanks guys. ((hugs)) It's good to just get it out sometimes, and this time, it really did help and make me feel better, and say to myself, "okay pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get it together!". I am actually doing so much better. It will be baby steps learning to let go of the control and learning not to set myself up with these unreal ideas of perfection. But I have a great therapist and great family and great friends and I will just take it one day at a time.

[Elliot]

Yabba-dabba-dooooo!!!

[FIGJAM]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/12/aaron-swartz-suicide_n_2462819.html

[gyre]

Comment about a documentary about suicide on the London Underground called One Under -


"When I was 17, I went to the train station in town, walked along the platform (out of sight of the other passengers) and prepared to jump.
Words can’t describe how free and calm I felt, knowing that everything would be over.

Then my brother phoned me.
Suddenly, everything snapped into perspective, and I made my way back to the other passengers, back down the stairs and spent a lovely, sunny afternoon with friends.

I often reflect on how differently that day could have turned out."

[maryanimal]

Comment about a documentary about suicide on the London Underground called One Under -


"When I was 17, I went to the train station in town, walked along the platform (out of sight of the other passengers) and prepared to jump.
Words can’t describe how free and calm I felt, knowing that everything would be over.

Then my brother phoned me.
Suddenly, everything snapped into perspective, and I made my way back to the other passengers, back down the stairs and spent a lovely, sunny afternoon with friends.

I often reflect on how differently that day could have turned out."

That's a great thing! I think people in general want to be here. Getting to the end of one's rope doesn't mean taking the way out by commiting suicide. However, being at the lowest depth of sadness and/or depression, feeling like they won't rise from their dispair, feeling like there's no one who cares, or thinking it's their only option will take their own lives, never realizing how much they are loved, or how beautiful they are.

[KinestheticThought]

Dear World,
You have hurt me.
You have blessed me.
You have all but mamed me.

You have shown your cruelties,
yet bestow great kindness.

You've tormented me,
made me feel alone and small
Or, on other days alive and tall.

No one knows the heavens
without knowing true hell.

I hope this poem helps someone.

With love,
Kinesthetic

[Elorrum]

I struggle. I try to do just one thing the next day that is different and positive. I feel paralyzed, trapped. It hurts. I can commit to doing one thing differently today. I know that if I change nothing, it's going to stay dark and painful. I consult professionals and pay for their service to me. I know that the dark times might feel like forever. But I also have experienced their dissipation. So I'm riding it out.

[ygmir]

and ride that great steed, Elorrum!! you probably have no idea how many of us admire you, and how you inspire others to do and try things.
Yer a damn good egg!!

Run to the hills, if you need and hideout, break rocks or weld stuff, if it's therapeutic for you.

[Triken]

and ride that great steed, Elorrum!! you probably have no idea how many of us admire you, and how you inspire others to do and try things.
Yer a damn good egg!!

Run to the hills, if you need and hideout, break rocks or weld stuff, if it's therapeutic for you.

I second this emotion, Elorrum!
Hang in there... we Love You!!!

[Elliot]

...
No one knows the heavens
without knowing true hell.

Having visited that hell,
I now appreciate the heavens much more.
The stars last night were beyond awesome.
The clouds will pass if we just let them.