Tips for Shy People at Burning Man

[ygmir]

a lot of us struggle with being shy and introverted, let alone private.

[edbrez]

Some people also confuse shy with private.

My socially anxious spouse has really loosened up since we started going to the burn. He is still extremely private. Unfortunately he's married to me, and I tend to blab. However, he's gotten better at saying "hey! that's private." Still undecided on if that is really a good thing or not.

Yeah I suppose, private is a more accurate description really.
I can have the banter with most people, but opening up to people would not be something I strive with.
Its difficult to relax with people you've just met, easier to just get drunk and have a laugh.
Opposites attract, im sure your spouse is a gem.
Some things really should be private and special i think
I guess I can't imagine what Black Rock City will be like, best just let the suspense build

[theCryptofishist]

I find it easier to be open with people on this board than with the people around me. I'm an odd duck, and due to illness and the knocked about ness of life, lost a lot of friends, so I'm not in touch with a lot of people. And my work doesn't seem like the place to find more, either. My doctor even told me to go out an be social...
Here, I have a bit more control over the weird things that pop out of my mouth.

[ygmir]

I find it easier to be open with people on this board than with the people around me. I'm an odd duck, and due to illness and the knocked about ness of life, lost a lot of friends, so I'm not in touch with a lot of people. And my work doesn't seem like the place to find more, either. My doctor even told me to go out an be social...
Here, I have a bit more control over the weird things that pop out of my mouth.

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[Earthwalker]

It's funny you would say that Crypto, because I find you one of the most friendly and enjoyable participants on the board. There are a few people like you that really stand out to me (Savannah, 9ah, Figjam, etc.). Speaking of the things that pop out of our mouths, I was just in the bathroom at work, thought no one else was in there but me and my buddy and said (after he used a urinal) "oh man, it's so great to be able to pee on top or your pee".

I then realized there was indeed someone in a stall. Oops.

Now why did I come on this thread....oh yeah.

So I was talking to my brother in law yesterday about The Burn (our first), and, I was trying to eke out of him his level of willingness to get outside of his comfort zone. I prefaced it by saying "ok, I'm not talking about things you truly have no desire to do, like dress in leather and have man love, but I'm just saying opening your mind to new possibilities, new experiences, etc. As a random example, a naked drum circle" (drum circles crack me up, but that's a conversation for a different time)

He said "I'm not comfortable with my body, so no, no naked drum circles or other naked activities for me, and no naked group showers. I'm down to go to poetry, yoga, a talk someone is giving, etc. But I'm not getting naked"

So here's my question/comment. I really don't care whether he gets naked or not, but what I'm trying to get him to embrace is opening his mind to new things. One of the themes I hear repeatedly, is realizing that we come in all shapes and sizes, and learning that, while we may not look like "models" we should not judge others for that, and in turn, not judge ourselves (this could apply to being naked, being gay, being different, odd, "normal", whatever).

I know he's going to have fun b/c that's his personality, but do I do any sort of pushing or encouraging? Or just leave the man alone to experience it however he wants to experience it? I just don't want him to be a wallflower.

I on the other hand, will have no problem with any of this. In default world my main problem is NOT being myself. So an opportunity to be myself will be embraced wholeheartedly!!!

[Savannah]

So I was talking to my brother in law yesterday about The Burn (our first), and, I was trying to eke out of him his level of willingness to get outside of his comfort zone. I prefaced it by saying "ok, I'm not talking about things you truly have no desire to do, like dress in leather and have man love, but I'm just saying opening your mind to new possibilities, new experiences, etc. As a random example, a naked drum circle" (drum circles crack me up, but that's a conversation for a different time)

He said "I'm not comfortable with my body, so no, no naked drum circles or other naked activities for me, and no naked group showers. I'm down to go to poetry, yoga, a talk someone is giving, etc. But I'm not getting naked"

So here's my question/comment. I really don't care whether he gets naked or not, but what I'm trying to get him to embrace is opening his mind to new things. One of the themes I hear repeatedly, is realizing that we come in all shapes and sizes, and learning that, while we may not look like "models" we should not judge others for that, and in turn, not judge ourselves (this could apply to being naked, being gay, being different, odd, "normal", whatever).

I know he's going to have fun b/c that's his personality, but do I do any sort of pushing or encouraging? Or just leave the man alone to experience it however he wants to experience it? I just don't want him to be a wallflower.

I on the other hand, will have no problem with any of this. In default world my main problem is NOT being myself. So an opportunity to be myself will be embraced wholeheartedly!!!

It seems pretty clear that public nudity is not currently on his list of Things to Do, so I would let that one drop if I were you. (He will have plenty of chances to change his mind.) The fact that he's going to the Burn at all is already a sign that he is open to new things. However, maybe those "new things" are dancing 'til dawn or aerial silks or fire poi or fighting in Thunderdome.

Here are some anti-Wallflower things: when you go out for a bike ride or stroll and he doesn't appear to be doing anything, ask him if he wants to go. If you meet a new neighbor, introduce him. If you see some camp that's really great, write down the address on a notepad to the nearest 5 minute increment, and show it to him later. Persuade him to help you distribute treats to passersby. If he says no to any of it, don't worry about it. He might surprise you. Or he might just genuinely be happy experiencing the Burn his way.

[Earthwalker]

Solid response, thanks Savannah. Knowing him well, he'll have a blast. He LOVES talking to random people, probably even more than I do (and I love it). And he generally has a great time doing whatever. I guess it's probably my issue: I'm projecting my own desires for the event, and it's likely that we aren't hoping to get the same thing out of it. He's just looking to observe, interact, see new things, meet new people. I'm looking to do all that, but also to really try new things. Plus, I love having an excuse to walk around naked, wear random ass clothes, and say whatever I want (respectfully of course). Because I basically want to do these things all the time but the Man won't let me!

Thanks

[FIGJAM]

If you get wrapped up in how he's going to burn, you're going to miss out on YOUR burn!!!

[Savannah]

Solid response, thanks Savannah. Knowing him well, he'll have a blast. He LOVES talking to random people, probably even more than I do (and I love it). And he generally has a great time doing whatever. I guess it's probably my issue: I'm projecting my own desires for the event, and it's likely that we aren't hoping to get the same thing out of it.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

He loves talking to random people, eh? . . . I think you guys will be fine.

If you get wrapped up in how he's going to burn, you're going to miss out on YOUR burn!!!

So true!

[AdamOfTheRedEarth]

From my own first burn last year, I seemed to notice very few naked doods waltzing around. None of the guys in my camp got naked (except to shower) but all of the girls did, and I saw plenty of topless women around the city as well. I really don't think he needs to get naked to have the time of his life down there, and you'll likely forget all about trying to get him to do it once you get distracted by the endless array of shiny things and cool people

[Earthwalker]

Hahahah, yeah, I suppose I made it sound like I want him to get naked. I want him to get naked for his sake...not mine.

Damn, still sounds awkward.

[Savannah]

Hahahah, yeah, I suppose I made it sound like I want him to get naked. I want him to get naked for his sake...not mine.

Damn, still sounds awkward.

A little.

[Elorrum]

For myself, I couldn't have planned the few experiences where I leaped a great distance from what I thought was my footprint, or envelope, without pain or self recrimination. I try to wear comfortable clothes and a smile. "Why not?" or "might as well" being good first thoughts can lead to some fun.

[Elliot]

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, etc."

[theCryptofishist]

If this thread weren't locked, I'd bump it.

And once you've been on the playa a week or two, you wont laugh at the tragedy of drum circles...

[Earthwalker]

Wow, that sure made for interesting reading. Had to close out once I got to NSFW pics. And it had turned to setting up a nude bike ride. But that original post was naive/ignorant/to be expected? IDK, it's definitely not how I feel. But maybe that's b/c I'm not 22 anymore, and my mind has been expanded (with the help of some little helpers that may not be legal). Plus, I've always enjoyed being naked. Well, I kind of like a little leaf. Not b/c I'm ashamed but sitting on hot chairs isn't fun, nor is getting dust in certain areas.

If my greeter is naked, man or woman, they're getting a huge hug! Embrace it!

[theCryptofishist]

At the end of that year, he did come back and say that he had been really stupid. Which is one of the things I like about htat thread.

[tamarakay]

Thank you for reminding me about that thread. Watching him come in and be such a douche and then grow and evolve. Just really beautiful. It's worth reading all the way through. Thanks Ms. Fish.

[Shambala]

Just a thought, but should a new thread be started under the same name "Naked Old and Unattractive? It could have a link to the older one.
I think that topic addressed a great subject of younger people and their view toward nudity. I am sure that the OP was for real, and we watched him evolve and grow up.

Thoughts?

[theCryptofishist]

Go for it, Sham.

[Savannah]

At the end of that year, he did come back and say that he had been really stupid. Which is one of the things I like about htat thread.

Rare & beautiful.

. . . I was also happy for him. We're all going to get old (if we're lucky). I think it's good to see imperfection and age and realize it's not catastrophe.

[Riv]

Couldn't help but think of this thread when I saw this...

[mytripod]

I'm a fairly shy person who went to Burning Man by myself. I had a great time. I didn't push myself too hard the first time, but will be working even harder this year to meet people. I made friends with my neighbors and took coffee to them every morning. they saved me when I arrived after dark and was trying to set up my tent with a dying flashlight. Silly me. One night when I was waiting for the Pez to burn, I met two sad young men who were not having a good time. I spent well over an hour talking them down and giving them hugs. I hope it helped. I missed the Pez burn and then the Trojan Horse burn (I had planned to go home and get a coat before that but was too tired after helping the guys), but it seemed like the right thing to do. I may be shy but I'm a veteran hugger.

[Milayna]

Tripod, you sound like someone we'd really like to meet in Camp Althing! Please stop by this year, we are located in the village of Hushville, not sure exactly where that will be yet, but stop in for hugs!!!

[Savannah]

I'm a fairly shy person who went to Burning Man by myself. I had a great time. I didn't push myself too hard the first time, but will be working even harder this year to meet people. I made friends with my neighbors and took coffee to them every morning. they saved me when I arrived after dark and was trying to set up my tent with a dying flashlight. Silly me. One night when I was waiting for the Pez to burn, I met two sad young men who were not having a good time. I spent well over an hour talking them down and giving them hugs. I hope it helped. I missed the Pez burn and then the Trojan Horse burn (I had planned to go home and get a coat before that but was too tired after helping the guys), but it seemed like the right thing to do. I may be shy but I'm a veteran hugger.

That seems like a beautiful gift to me, Tripod. I would never forget such a kindness.

[tracydaniels]

Well that's the problem of shy people. even if they already know what to do in a situation, they can't seem to reach out that simply. that awkward moment.

[Earthwalker]

Well that's the problem of shy people. even if they already know what to do in a situation, they can't seem to reach out that simply. that awkward moment.

What a great first and only post. Absolutely wonderful

Best advice for shy people: take off all your clothes and walk around. Go to center camp. Stop by others camps (please carry a towel for sitting). Do naked dust angels on the ground.

Being a smart ass. But seriously. I get shy, b/c I've been there. Well, not shy, but low self esteem. I get it. This guy the other day at a retreat said "so, if anyone would please come say hi to me I'd really appreciate it". That saddened me. 1) no one should feel that low. 2) people should pull their heads out of their asses and see people in pain and try to at least talk to them.

Anyway, I'm rambling. But I would have to think that BM could put a good dent in people's shyness. But you have to be open and willing to change. There's really no reason to be shy. No one can harm or hurt me with their words, b/c I love myself. You can say whatever you want to me and it really doesn't matter. Will it affect me? Possibly, depending on what it is and what mood I'm in. But it will go away pretty quickly. B/c who are you that I would give your comments so much weight? Some "cool burner" picking on me b/c you don't think my costume is creative enough?

B/c honestly, anyone who picks on other people, they're the one with the issue. Not you. It took me a while to get to this point, but once you get here, you're like "man, why did I care for so long?"

So let's see some sac! (or breastesesses)

[Earthwalker]

And if you're having a tough time fitting in, especially if you came alone, please feel free to stop by my camp. I don't discriminate or playa hate (haha, that's a good one. I meant "playa" as in short form of "player", but it also works as Playa....gosh I'm creative). All are welcome. At least all happy fun open-minded loving people (others will be flogged). We will be having an Ewok Village this year. There will be dancing and other revelry. And if someone gives you a hard time at BM, let me know and I'll pee on their tent.

[PhoenixFemmeFatale]

OH! this thred gives me HOPE! Im a natural observer and introvert. Im a little nervous about all the personal interactions at BM and how I will manage them. Thanks for all the great ideas and support!

[Bryan]

And if you're having a tough time fitting in, especially if you came alone, please feel free to stop by my camp. I don't discriminate or playa hate (haha, that's a good one. I meant "playa" as in short form of "player", but it also works as Playa....gosh I'm creative). All are welcome. At least all happy fun open-minded loving people (others will be flogged). We will be having an Ewok Village this year. There will be dancing and other revelry. And if someone gives you a hard time at BM, let me know and I'll pee on their tent.

That was awesome.

I have a ticket for this year but I kind of lost enthusiasm. I have been dealing with some personal health related issues, my friends dropped out, and I am shy. Reading this thread made me happy and excited for this years burn though! I'll be damned if I don't get down there, even if I do go alone.