Fuck!

[Celery (Jamey)]

Fuck you, you fucking fucks.
Fuck.

[Savannah]

I'm in a crabby fucking mood and don't know why.

It's almost the darkest fucking day of the year.

(Don't know about you, but that's always enough for me).

[pink]

Yeah me too. And it's FUCKING RAINING AGAIN!!!!! Which means my roof, which was supposed to be fixed in mid October and has been bumped again and a gain because of the rain, is still not going to be fixed next week! I finally got to the top of the queue of back logged customers.

Oh well, bucket is back in place.

[MacGlenver]

again and a gain because of the rain

I picture Eliza Doolittle saying this. Fuck.

[theCryptofishist]

Yeah me too. And it's FUCKING RAINING AGAIN!!!!! Which means my roof, which was supposed to be fixed in mid October and has been bumped again and a gain because of the rain, is still not going to be fixed next week! I finally got to the top of the queue of back water logged customers.

Oh well, bucket is back in place.

There, fixed it for you.


Plus, um, you're south of me, and it hasn't been raining all that solidly since October and the roofers didn't manage during all that non-rain.
Fucking lazy bastards... idiots... poor customer service.

[unjonharley]

Yeah me too. And it's FUCKING RAINING AGAIN!!!!! Which means my roof, which was supposed to be fixed in mid October and has been bumped again and a gain because of the rain, is still not going to be fixed next week! I finally got to the top of the queue of back water logged customers.

Oh well, bucket is back in place.

There, fixed it for you.


Plus, um, you're south of me, and it hasn't been raining all that solidly since October and the roofers didn't manage during all that non-rain.
Fucking lazy bastards... idiots... poor customer service.

It Don't Rain In California

[theCryptofishist]

Yes, it does. It just didn't rain every single fucking day from October to today in the East Bay this year (in fact, less than half that) so I find it hard to believe that there wasn't proper time to mend a roof further south, in Ventura.

[unjonharley]

Isn't there a song like that

Right now it is pouring down on the house and sun shine in the back yard..

[pink]

They need at least three days of clarity for my roof; it's not a patch it's a reroof-I need to have all the drains replaced, and I know there is dry rot in at least one of the areas of the sheeting. When it started raining early this year, all the jobs scheduled got pushed forward, although I think they should be working weekends at this point.

Its just my second story roof, but now the first story part just started leaking under one of the drains. FUCK!! I don't have a normal roof, I have a 'mission style' sort of flat roof with parapets and funky drains that is the biggest pain in the ass roof I have ever seen. The new roof will have a lifetime warranty, so I can stop patching with Henry's and snowcote. At least once I can afford to replace the 1st story too.

It hasn't dried out here enough for me to even mow my lawn/field. Mud, puddles, and more mud. Vernal pools. Frogs.

[unjonharley]

Oh, The window she is broken..

And the rain is coming in..

If some one dose not fix it..

I'll be soak"en to the skin..

But maybe if I wait a day or two..

The rain will go away..

Manana is just another (fucking) day..

[theCryptofishist]

FUCK!! I don't have a normal roof, I have a 'mission style' sort of flat roof with parapets and funky drains that is the biggest pain in the ass roof I have ever seen.

FUCK!! , indeed. My mother has that roof.

[^Rhino!]

Fuck.

Let me say it one more time.

Fuck.

It still isn't enough. Far from it, but it will have to do. I'm sitting here in stunned silence, and the hurt isn't going away.

This weekend, my close friend Blitz passed away. Blitz was a burner from Iowa who I met at my first Interfuse. He was suffering from respiratory illness brought on by too many years of hard living. He had made some wrong choices in life many years ago, had become addicted to methamphetamine, and had even been a member of a white supremacist group. That was, UNTIL he found out that he was himself of mixed race.

That was the turning point for him. He quit meth FOREVER. He retained the ‘White Power’ tattoo on his chest as a reminder of ‘when I was young and stupid’. He became a part of the burner community in Des Moines, and a few years later, I met him. It was 2007, the year that I first went to the Interfuse Midwest regional burn. He created art in the form of paintings, strongly influenced by his time as a graffiti artist. It was fairly good stuff, but it wasn’t the kind of art you’d find in a doctor’s office. It was dark, edgy, and provocative. It made you THINK. We sat and talked at the Iowa camp for damn near 3 hours one afternoon, man to man and soul to soul as he told me his story and I told him mine. Honesty, hopes and dreams were shared in that afternoon. It's really sad when you realize that two human beings can only rarely find the kind of common ground we did.

I was about to leave when Blitz broke his sunglasses. He stepped on them, not remembering where he’d placed them. I had just gotten about three or four pair of safety sunglasses for free from a vendor at a safety symposium, so I returned to my camp and brought him a new pair, still in their protective plastic and box. Blitz was thrilled - they looked sharp on him, and did a great job of keeping the sun out of his very sensitive eyes. I was happy to be able to gift him. At that point, Blitz told me, “You keep on BEING who you are, bro, cuz I feel like you’re my brother from another mother.” I promised him I would continue being the same person, and I got him to promise me to never look back, and to ride on in life.

He kept his promise, and he looked life in the eye.

Blitz, bro, if by any strange stretch of this fucked-up universe you can hear me, let me tell you that you influenced my life for the better. I’m blinking back the tears right now, but I want to tell you that you are still loved by many, including me. Maybe someday we’ll ride together in the great beyond and have another heart-to-heart sharing. You kept your promise. In honor of you, I’ll keep mine. There can be no greater dedication in your epitaph:


“BLITZ”
He fulfilled his promise.
Departed this world Dec. 15, 2012

I'll say it one more time only.

Fuck.

[knowmad]

aww fuck! ((((((^Rhino))))))

[AntiM]

Fuck.

Ride on, Blitz, ride on....

[^Rhino!]

**tears falling on the keyboard**

Thank you, knowmad.

And AntiM?

He will. I know in my heart he will. The man was an unstoppable force of nature and an inspiration to us all.

[ygmir]

Awe Fuck, ^Rhino.......what a great thing.......you know you made a difference for him. and what a gift he gave you.
We can wish for Blitz: "may you stride (ride) far, and free, winds be with you, and bacon on your plate"

[unjonharley]

(Rhino Blitz)

[^Rhino!]

Thanks, unjonharley.

Thanks, ygmir...yeah, I think I may have contributed to his burner commitment by taking the time to listen to what he had to say. I mean, is there any way at all we all could try, just once when we meet someone new, to listen to THEM and THEIR opinions and ideas? Before long, you're discussing hopes and dreams and then you begin to share as human beings should. I was so honored by his friendship, and it all came from taking the time to talk and say 'hello'.

**Rhino gets misty-eyed, but no tears fall this time.**

The hurt passes with time. I'm not angry with him for dying, nor myself for not reaching out to him. I'm just grieving. Later, that will be replaced by the quiet satisfaction that I too kept my promise to him. And to honor his memory, I will continue to be myself. Always. There can be no finer tribute to my friend.

But for now....I look to the sky and ask, "why?', fully knowing that there will never be an answer to my satisfaction.

Welcome to the real world, I guess.

[Savannah]

I'm sorry about your friend, ^Rhino. It's impressive that he got his life turned around.

[^Rhino!]

Thanks, Savannah. I thought so too.

[gyre]

Sorry he's gone, Rhino.

Sometimes you have these experiences, hearing such a part of someone's life.
It reminds me of a story I heard once.
Coming back from a burn, I went to a campout in another city, not a burner thing.

We were the last around the campfire and talk turned to one thing and another.
He started talking about another life, another world, so near, but seemingly so far now for him.
I listened for hours, letting his life wash over me, even while struggling to stay awake.
Crazy enough to be fiction, could be, but I've heard madder that was true.

He had a whole life in Japan.
Talked of his life as an american there in a traditional family after he married, a traditional company, the culture, the issues.
His wife was killed, related to threats to him.
He was accepted by the family after her death and urged to stay, but could not.
Still grieves.
He talked all night.

It occurred to me that I may know more about him, and even he know more about me than closer friends, after such an unusual conversation.
I had never seen him before, may not see him again.
Don't think I'll forget.

I think you had a very special experience, Rhino.
Some people have a story they need to tell.
I do think your being there was important.

fuck

[^Rhino!]

Thanks, gyre.

It's awfully hard to let go, ever since I became a burner. I CARE. I don't know why it's exceptionally bad this week, except that I haven't had a chance to get anything done this week. I stare out the window at my office like maybe Blitz will show up and write graffitti on the wall on the next building over. Even the holidays don't mean a whole lot any more like they used to. It's now about making sure I can take care of my part of the world, and making a difference for a few people. Blitz would have wanted it that way.

In 2008. while returning from the playa, I was confronted with a life-threatening situation, a tractor trailer that had jackknifed on the road in front of me. I was the first person at the accident. I just stopped to make sure everyone was OK. The situation was worse than I thought - the semi driver was trapped in the cab of his truck. I made a decision at that very point in time to GET involved. The underside of the truck was already on fire. He was screaming, "I don't want to die, I don't want to BURN.' The dude was scared stiff. I was on my way back from Burningman 2008, and still had my boots on. So, I kicked out the windshield of the truck (it was already crazed from the wreck) and pulled him to safety. Ever since then, I'm a sucker to get involved.

This year, on the way back from BRC, the Midwest Burners' CORE team had a rollover accident near Coalville, Utah (with injuries). I hooked up their trailer and got them all home safe and sound.

There's a quiet satisfaction in doing what others won't. The thing is, that satisfaction is addictive. And I know now that when I do it, Blitz will be smiling. He was that kind of man.

Maybe I'll be able to open up a little more in a week or two. Grief is kind of funny, because you never know when it will end. But I know it will. Because after all, how we face death is a sure sign of how we face life. And I never believed in the Kobayashi Maru 'no win' scenario either.

[gyre]

I think I saw that truck rescue on the news.
Good for you!

I first took over an accident scene as a teenager, while older people milled about.
First responders say it is routine, some freeze and others take over.
Felt really odd the first time.
I was even telling the fire dept what to do. Weird.

Of course, my hands shake after it's all over.

[^Rhino!]

"First responders say it is routine, some freeze and others take over.
Felt really odd the first time.
I was even telling the fire dept what to do. Weird."

Yeah, exactly. I had the 40-hour EPA hazmat training and I've had CPR and First Aid and knew what to do, but by the time I got to this point, it didn't matter. I mean, You have someone SCREAMING that they don't want to burn up, and you have no time to think it out. You DO, or you don't.

I couldn't suppress a chuckle when you said that you were telling the fire dept. what to do. I did the same thing. When we contacted the highway patrol on the phone (provided by a personal injury lawyer.....go figure) I told them they need to get some sort of traffic control out there because people were still whizzing by at 80mph. I work for the state DOT.

"Of course, my hands shake after it's all over."

Mine did too. It still left me time to laugh, though. The doctor who came running up and wanted to help...he was a pathologist. No business there for him that day, something he was glad about. Me too. And then, the lawyer told me he couldn't sue anyone because of the potential ethics violation since he was at the scene of the accident. Wow. An ethical lawyer. I got his card.

[knowmad]

Fuck you Insomnia.

[unjonharley]

If you have sex 365 days for a year..

Save all the rubbers..

Melt them down..

Make a tire out of that..

What do you have??



A Fucking good year.................................

[OregonRed]

FUCKING MOVING!!!!

[lucky420]

Moving does fucking suck...the only thing that makes it tolerable is if you're moving to some place that you want to be

[OregonRed]

FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCKING FUCK! FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK!!!!




Thanks. I feel better.

[unjonharley]

Hope it a little better, Red.

My 47 yr old son had a black spot show up on his lung.. He did the xray and other test things.. This week he had a MRI done.. The spot is not on his lung.. Spot is fucking big.. Touch your thumbs together then touch your fingers together.. That's the size of the spot.. The spot is blood from a broken rib.. So, How the hell did he brake a rib.. Better than 12 years ago a quad rode him down a sand dune.. He was dressed in some pretty good safety gear.... Boots with a steel shank running up each side.. A leg bone was broken above the foot and hid shoulder was knocked out of it's joint. He had to walk 2 miles back to camp in the dark.. His buddies took him to the local hospital.. The hospital put a boot cast on and told him to see a doctor.. His friends brought him home and dumped him in the middle of the living room.. I heard them come in but didn't get up.. The next morning he was laying where they drop him and through a blanket on.. Our family doctors office was across the street.. The doctor come over, looked at the xrays, put his shoulder back in the joint and made an appointment with a bone. Couple of plates in the leg and sore for a while.. Doing push ups in a week.
Now (years later) they find a broke rib..WTF?