I'm a Dead Horse!...Beat Me!

[wh..sh]

Thanks some seeing eye! I had the same questions too. Of course, I don't do drugs. It's just that I am a curious person.

[some seeing eye]

OMG wh..sh! I think you are on to something. There are just so many just curious people at the event!

[BBadger]

I've decided at the last minute that I can't miss this burn and have bought up all available tickets. I will be diverting Amtrak's California Zephyr train to the track into Gerlach to waiting deluxe Beaver Patriot Motorhome's staffed with the Playboy Bunny or Chippendale Man of your choice who will be at your beck and call to pamper you, as you and you only see fit, including any and all sexual favor's and the drugs of your choice. Renowned Chef Andrew Zimmern will staff your own personal theme camp with some of the most exotic cuisine found around the world, topped off (excuse the pun) by a Saturday pre-burn dinner of Monkey Brains, fresh from the source. But you'll want to hurry, for I have only 867 of the 5309 tickets remaining, and accept only cash or lifelong sexual favors from Greek Goddesses. And remember, if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

But will Alex and Allyson Grey be present at the event?

[wh..sh]

OMG wh..sh! I think you are on to something.

So, where are all the sex camps? *wiggles eyebrows*

[some seeing eye]

wh..sh wrote
So, where are all the sex camps? *wiggles eyebrows*

I think a lot of people are just curious about that. I mean from a purely theoretical standpoint.

[CrispyDave]

OMG wh..sh! I think you are on to something.

So, where are all the sex camps? *wiggles eyebrows*

[theCryptofishist]

Quaker Oil got them all shut down...

[CaffeineGirl]

Hi! Heading to burningman in three days! I am so excited!

Anyone know the best place to rent an RV? I don't have a drivers license or a credit card, but I think one of my buddies does. Will this be a problem?

[Roberto Dobbisano]

"Hi I'm a scalper posing as a burner desperately trying to sell these tickets i bought before i get really screwed, here's my phone number and email at Yahoo..."

[TomServo]

I'm traveling 2,000 miles from the East Coast, and want to shorten my trip by taking Jungo Road. It's on the map..so it's gotta be safe, right? I'll be pulling a fully loaded cargo trailer with my Honda Civic. Are there any shops on that road, that can fix Low Pro's if I get a flat?

[CaffeineGirl]

I'm traveling 2,000 miles from the East Coast, and want to shorten my trip by taking Jungo Road. It's on the map..so it's gotta be safe, right? I'll be pulling a fully loaded cargo trailer with my Honda Civic. Are there any shops on that road, that can fix Low Pro's if I get a flat?

The Howard Johnsons has a full service shop, along with a Starbucks and free wifi.

[TomServo]

I'm traveling 2,000 miles from the East Coast, and want to shorten my trip by taking Jungo Road. It's on the map..so it's gotta be safe, right? I'll be pulling a fully loaded cargo trailer with my Honda Civic. Are there any shops on that road, that can fix Low Pro's if I get a flat?

The Howard Johnsons has a full service shop, along with a Starbucks and free wifi.

SWEET!!

[Tinkerbell]

So do people really have sex everywhere at Burning Man. And I hear there are a lot of hot chicks walking around naked. Me and like 20 of my buddies are going. No, we all have not been but I know how to camp. Can't be much different then just camping right? Do you really burn a man? Why do you burn a man anyways? Why can't it be a girl?

So like what do you do for food? Are there places to buy food there? Do you think I can make enough money when I sell my lame ass trinkets so I can lots of drugs?

[factoid]

I deeply need to stop saying "Get some lights" to almost everyone that I narrowly avoid running over at 5 mph.

[factoid]

[quote="TomServo"]I'm traveling 2,000 miles from the East Coast, and want to shorten my trip by taking Jungo Road. It's on the map..so it's gotta be safe, right? I'll be pulling a fully loaded cargo trailer with my Honda Civic. Are there any shops on that road, that can fix Low Pro's if I get a flat?[/quote]

I was working Perimeter on Monday and we stopped a coupla guys doing just that around Point 4. They were Winemuccans in a Jamboree, but same routine, only this time they insisted, "Can't you guys just escort us over to the gate?"

"Um, no. We can help you avoid a federal trespassing citation by insisting you go back to Jungo Road, make your way out to 447, and suffer through the horrible 90-minute entrance that awaits you."

"Please?"

"Sorry, no."

"How about a beer?"

"Thanks, but I'm on duty, we'd really like it if you guys could turn around and head out to the road."

"Are you sure you can't escort us?"

Rinse, repeat ...

About 5 minutes later they finally relent.

My whipping arm is tired.

[Smenkare]

So like we're pirates, with squirt guns! Stop your art car, we left our bikes by the trash fence because we heard there was gonna be a party, but then there wasn't so we snorted all our coke and did some bath salts and smoked all that meth we were gonna sell (Coke's still cool right, hey don't you fucking judge me, your dust mask is stupid!) now we don't remember where we left our rides or that really wasted chick (who might be ODing off that shit we dosed her with? I donknow not my problem) we brought with us, actually we kind of do, but we borrowed those bikes from some people who rode them out to the temple and just kind of left them outside and then went in and like cried like fuckin pussies. I was all like, "We'll give you something to cry about hippy, we're taking your fucking bikes man, aw BURN!" Lol I said burn, at Burning Man! Yea, so we don't really care about the bikes are or what happened to that really wasted chick we were gang banging (DPW will take care of that right?) She was cool, after she said "get the fuck off me I don't know you" she passed out and puked in the dirt which meant she was totally into us and just playing hard to get, and that she didn't need her water, I mean the bottle just sort of rolled out of her hand and we were like "Woo moop!" OK, ok, actually it was in her back pack, but same diff right?--I mean it's not like she really needs it and we can totally use that to refill our awesome squirt guns! And use them to get a ride on that art car over there pretending to be pirates!--woe dude, did I shout that like three inches from your face while trying to climb through your window like a psycho?--wow, that's kinda weird, but were friends right? I mean I just met you and all but I kind of want to eat your face off!--is that weird? No that's not weird.

So you'll give us a ride, right?

Wow, why are you looking at me like that? That face I can't see you making behind that dust mask and goggles is so fucking rude, I can't believe you would look at me like you think I'm a total psycho. Hey, don't you fucking taze me! Ouch! That shit hurts! I totally almost don't want to eat your face off right now. We're not friends anymore, you're kind of a bitch, I don't even think I'll let you give a blow job later and I know you REALLY wanted to.

You're still giving us a ride though, right?

No?

Well fuck you! We're getting on your art car, and you're fucking driving us back to walk in camping--that's the only way I'll forgive you for being such a fucking sanky cunt-bitch!--you know what, you're not even that hot, you should go work on that, like get a boob job or something, and ditch the dust mask, it makes you look like a Iraqi prostitute. I mean we don't have any lights at all, it's dangerous for you to leave us out here! We could get killed and it would totally be YOUR FAULT!--come on, don't be a bitch, we have these totally awesome squirt guns and if you take us, I'll shoot you in the eyeball a couple of times and say Ahrrr!

[Savannah]

You're still giving us a ride though, right?

That remains the absolute best part.

[ygmir]

I'm traveling 2,000 miles from the East Coast, and want to shorten my trip by taking Jungo Road. It's on the map..so it's gotta be safe, right? I'll be pulling a fully loaded cargo trailer with my Honda Civic. Are there any shops on that road, that can fix Low Pro's if I get a flat?

I was working Perimeter on Monday and we stopped a coupla guys doing just that around Point 4. They were Winemuccans in a Jamboree, but same routine, only this time they insisted, "Can't you guys just escort us over to the gate?"

"Um, no. We can help you avoid a federal trespassing citation by insisting you go back to Jungo Road, make your way out to 447, and suffer through the horrible 90-minute entrance that awaits you."

"Please?"

"Sorry, no."

"How about a beer?"

"Thanks, but I'm on duty, we'd really like it if you guys could turn around and head out to the road."

"Are you sure you can't escort us?"

Rinse, repeat ...

About 5 minutes later they finally relent.

My whipping arm is tired.

and well done, it was, by you!!

[factoid]

10 PRINT "NONE SHALL PASS"
20 GO TO 10
30 END

[graidawg]

what IS burning Man anyway? I've heard its kind of like a religion

[Bob]

Local Teen 'Definitely' Going To Burning Man Next Year

[theCryptofishist]

And 14 years later he's a jaded old burner...

[Simon of the Playa]

not too jaded to go back to the Egyptian Themed Mullet though...


now if i can only find my collection of jerry garcia Ties...

[piehole]

When they say a ban on feathers, they're really only talking about feather boas.

[Sail Man]

I've decided at the last minute that I can't miss this burn and have bought up all available tickets. I will be diverting Amtrak's California Zephyr train to the track into Gerlach to waiting deluxe Beaver Patriot Motorhome's staffed with the Playboy Bunny or Chippendale Man of your choice who will be at your beck and call to pamper you, as you and you only see fit, including any and all sexual favor's and the drugs of your choice. Renowned Chef Andrew Zimmern will staff your own personal theme camp with some of the most exotic cuisine found around the world, topped off (excuse the pun) by a Saturday pre-burn dinner of Monkey Brains, fresh from the source. But you'll want to hurry, for I have only 867 of the 5309 tickets remaining, and accept only cash or lifelong sexual favors from Greek Goddesses. And remember, if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it.

But will Alex and Allyson Grey be present at the event?

They will be. They will be performing nightly sexual copulations in a position chosen by a lucky burner who will, after the climax, be allowed to clean up after them. With their hands tied behind their back, of course.

[Dr Jet Sinister]

So like we're pirates, with squirt guns! Stop your art car, we left our bikes by the trash fence because we heard there was gonna be a party, but then there wasn't so we snorted all our coke and did some bath salts and smoked all that meth we were gonna sell (Coke's still cool right, hey don't you fucking judge me, your dust mask is stupid!) now we don't remember where we left our rides or that really wasted chick (who might be ODing off that shit we dosed her with? I donknow not my problem) we brought with us, actually we kind of do, but we borrowed those bikes from some people who rode them out to the temple and just kind of left them outside and then went in and like cried like fuckin pussies. I was all like, "We'll give you something to cry about hippy, we're taking your fucking bikes man, aw BURN!" Lol I said burn, at Burning Man! Yea, so we don't really care about the bikes are or what happened to that really wasted chick we were gang banging (DPW will take care of that right?) She was cool, after she said "get the fuck off me I don't know you" she passed out and puked in the dirt which meant she was totally into us and just playing hard to get, and that she didn't need her water, I mean the bottle just sort of rolled out of her hand and we were like "Woo moop!" OK, ok, actually it was in her back pack, but same diff right?--I mean it's not like she really needs it and we can totally use that to refill our awesome squirt guns! And use them to get a ride on that art car over there pretending to be pirates!--woe dude, did I shout that like three inches from your face while trying to climb through your window like a psycho?--wow, that's kinda weird, but were friends right? I mean I just met you and all but I kind of want to eat your face off!--is that weird? No that's not weird.

So you'll give us a ride, right?

Wow, why are you looking at me like that? That face I can't see you making behind that dust mask and goggles is so fucking rude, I can't believe you would look at me like you think I'm a total psycho. Hey, don't you fucking taze me! Ouch! That shit hurts! I totally almost don't want to eat your face off right now. We're not friends anymore, you're kind of a bitch, I don't even think I'll let you give a blow job later and I know you REALLY wanted to.

You're still giving us a ride though, right?

No?

Well fuck you! We're getting on your art car, and you're fucking driving us back to walk in camping--that's the only way I'll forgive you for being such a fucking sanky cunt-bitch!--you know what, you're not even that hot, you should go work on that, like get a boob job or something, and ditch the dust mask, it makes you look like a Iraqi prostitute. I mean we don't have any lights at all, it's dangerous for you to leave us out here! We could get killed and it would totally be YOUR FAULT!--come on, don't be a bitch, we have these totally awesome squirt guns and if you take us, I'll shoot you in the eyeball a couple of times and say Ahrrr!

This is so amazing. I hope you have a very active imagination and none of this happened to you.

[Smenkare]

That story was pure imagination, inspired by some "pirates" I met while I was out one night on the playa. They'd been left out there by an art car and tried to jump on the one with the boobies. The guys were douschey and didn't have any lights, we made up a whole story about them as we were heading for Spankey's, which turned into a song, we were a little drunk and one of the guys we were with made up a little song about it, something like,

"Yo ho, yo ho, it's an ass pirates life for me."
"Prepare to be boarded my squirt gun is loaded,
and I'm pitching a tent yo ho!"
"We've come for your bikes, your booze and your women."
"Drink up me hearties yo ho!"
"We're douchey and dastardly, dirty and stinky, and we won't GTFO."
"We'll drink all your beer and shout in your ear"
"Drink up me hearties yo ho!"
"Yo Ho, Yo hey...are those like actual ho's? Dude, lets see if they'll blow us!"

I remember it being a lot funnier when he was singing it and trying to ride his bike at the same time. Good times, I think I laughed so hard when he got to the bathsalts line I nearly wet myself.

[Dr Jet Sinister]

To me, these are the best playa moments ever. The ones you can never quite convey to anyone that wasn't there at that very moment. I'm so glad you shared because just thinking about it makes me smile as well.

That story was pure imagination, inspired by some "pirates" I met while I was out one night on the playa. They'd been left out there by an art car and tried to jump on the one with the boobies. The guys were douschey and didn't have any lights, we made up a whole story about them as we were heading for Spankey's, which turned into a song, we were a little drunk and one of the guys we were with made up a little song about it, something like,

"Yo ho, yo ho, it's an ass pirates life for me."
"Prepare to be boarded my squirt gun is loaded,
and I'm pitching a tent yo ho!"
"We've come for your bikes, your booze and your women."
"Drink up me hearties yo ho!"
"We're douchey and dastardly, dirty and stinky, and we won't GTFO."
"We'll drink all your beer and shout in your ear"
"Drink up me hearties yo ho!"
"Yo Ho, Yo hey...are those like actual ho's? Dude, lets see if they'll blow us!"

I remember it being a lot funnier when he was singing it and trying to ride his bike at the same time. Good times, I think I laughed so hard when he got to the bathsalts line I nearly wet myself.

[some seeing eye]

The pirate story is hilarious. Good writing style for the topic!

[Bob]

OMG the very stubble on my face REMINDS ME OF BURNING MAN. WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?