Top Asshats of 2012

[maryanimal]

I can think of quite a few. But there is one Asshat that really stands out for me...









wait for it...








this wasn't only an asshat, but a total asshole. It was the guy who, at the Temple Burn, that was so drunk, he puked on someone a few rows behind me, then started to verbally abuse the person he puked on for supposedly sitting in his spot. Nonetheless, he was carted away by those wonderful rangers/cops. There is justice!!

[AbundantChoice]

The guy who started screaming at me in the middle of the night that I was a bike thief when I moved his bike from smack in the middle of the Esplanade to the side (so nobody would crash into it), then followed me for two blocks shouting to everyone that I was a bike thief, eventually leading to a conversation with some Rangers that eventually calmed his raging dumb ass down.

[MacGlenver]

The naked guy that climbed to the top/center of the base of The Man on maybe Thursday. Totally harshed my mellow, yo. Everyone was screaming at him to stop. Thank god for quality construction -- he was literally hanging off a single piece of decorative wood at the very top. Would have fallen if it'd broken. We GFTO cause we didnt feel like seeing someone die, but we stayed outside long enough to see that they'd talked him down and someone was checking his vitals.

[AntiM]

The blisspony whose fellow ran over Julia's sawhorse with their trailer before the temple burn. Oh, this is a place of peace and love.... bullfuckingshit, even if it were true, you should apologize and actually be sorry for carelessly running over other people's stuff. MyLarry got very verbal with the two of them, in that frightening close up way he has which never involves touching (which few of you will ever witness, he seems so easygoing, doesn't he?). They did put a $20 into the closest tent at our insistence they be responsible for property damage. The healing prayers to her reiki guides are completely unneeded, unless they teach the guy behind the wheel how to drive.

We thought of terrible things to do to their rig while they were at the temple, but of course we did no such thing. I wanted to put a bacon bumpersticker on the rented trailer. Larry wanted to pour piss into the vents on the hood of the very expensive and shiny new pickup truck. They had an expensive Yamaha quiet genny loose in the back up the truck, and it was not touched. Valve stem tampering was given a brief thought. It was all a mental exercise to excise our contempt, we're not truly mean.

While we may chastise thoughtless fuckwits, we still love that blisspony in our own burner way and would never let her die. We tried to get them to inspect the tire which ran over on rebar and grazed another, but no, off they went into the night. Maybe I should call the rental place and see if they got back alright. I do have pics of the license plate numbers. Just in case.

[ZaphodBurner]

The giant mutant vehicle with the man-shaped high-lift that parked in the front ring of mutant vehicles and then, with absolutely nothing in front of them blocking their view, raised the lift up all the way and blocked the view of the Man to the DPW people, mutant vehicles and hundreds of people behind them. If you already have an unobstruted view and there are people behind you, you don't need to block their view even further. It ruined it for many and benefited only a few, who already had a fantastic view anyway.

The person who took a shit on a car at Slutgarden, probably after he learned that he wasn't entitled to free drinks and a blowjob. I hope this person bragged about it to all his friends and realizes that ten years from now, they're all still going to remember what a douchebag he is.

The person who wrote "posetions are worthless" on the wall at BWS. He probably rode off on somebody else's bike or stole their cigarette lighter when he was smoking their weed.

We had a drunk stranger wreck his bike and start cussing out his girl in the middle of our camp. I made sure it wasn't going to get violent when people started making animal sounds. He had a meltdown and rode off in such a drunken huff that he instantly angered again, and smacked his nuts on the frame falling off, and face-planted in the of 9:D right in front of the Ranger outpost, to massive gales of laughter. He shouted "she's worth it!" ditched the bike and limped off toward the plaza.

Good playa wear to gift these people would be an ass-shaped tophat with 2012 on it.

[tattoogoddess]

Only 3 I can think of ,one being the person who BLASTED free bird, and someone in our village who was to lazy to take a tent stake out so they just buried it and we found it on our moop sweep party ,Oh and another person in our camp who up and moved spots and left all their rebar in the ground from their car port and un capped mind you causing I think it was lucky420 to run into it in the middle of the night banging her shin up quite good and the same person not packing their stuff out but instead tossing all their garbage in our so we had to take it out and pay for it to be disposed of. We were not a happy mini camp.

[TomServo]

I could name one or two, but psychosis isn't a laughing matter.

[CornMan]

I really wish we could have helped you two, but our ordained minister was out playa hopping all day. It would have been the greatest honor to pull that off in our camp. I'm glad it worked out well for you.

[TomServo]

I really wish we could have helped you two, but our ordained minister was out playa hopping all day. It would have been the greatest honor to pull that off in our camp. I'm glad it worked out well for you.

No worries, it worked out perfectly.

[Simon of the Playa]

the hippy who tried to gift us a bag of garbage on monday night after the burn.


i chastised him for four blocks.


he probably thought i was the biggest asshat, but i dont care...

[MacGlenver]

The giant mutant vehicle with the man-shaped high-lift that parked in the front ring of mutant vehicles and then, with absolutely nothing in front of them blocking their view, raised the lift up all the way and blocked the view of the Man to the DPW people, mutant vehicles and hundreds of people behind them.

Hmm, sounds like the Dancetronauts vehicle. We were about 40 feet in front of them. Sorry to hear they messed up your view. They are a really fun sound car though

[Ano]

1. The folks on our street who complained to the rangers about the hecklers. If you can't take a joke, move elsewhere. Maybe I'm an asshole for enjoying a guy on a megaphone giving humorous commentary and updates, but our entire block enjoyed their camp, except for one person. They had a cool interactive game to play, free food and booze, and were generally friendly people, beyond the joking, but... well, I could go on and on. It just irked me in the wrong way.

2. The jackass who threw MOOP into my bike basket. I should have said something, since I was standing closeby, but I backed off since I wasn't feeling confrontational. Got to pack out two empty cans of shitty hipster beer.

3. The jackass who left a bunch of pee jugs in the urinal by 8:00 and I.

4. Anyone with MOOPy feathers. I packed out so many of your fucking feathers.

[VultureChow]

Is it good or bad that I had no asshats, though I worry sometimes that I might have been one. I yelled at some people who knowingly violated the BWS perimeter. And I'm paranoid that I left moop. Though I did a fairly thorough sweep, it was at the end of a long day, and I was getting restless.

Oh wait. I know. All the fucking pissers on the open playa. I couldn't figure out why my Sunday morning out there smelled like a fucking cesspool or why there were a ton of wet spots everywhere.

[MacGlenver]

Is it good or bad that I had no asshats, though I worry sometimes that I might have been one.

Well, you could have offered me even more food at the M&G....

[tattoogoddess]

the hippy who tried to gift us a bag of garbage on monday night after the burn.


i chastised him for four blocks.


he probably thought i was the biggest asshat, but i dont care...

I have to admit it's kinda a funny visual. One persons trash is another mans tresure/ art guess he did not know who he was fucking with haha

[Mosin]

We had a drunk stranger wreck his bike and start cussing out his girl in the middle of our camp. I made sure it wasn't going to get violent when people started making animal sounds. He had a meltdown and rode off in such a drunken huff that he instantly angered again, and smacked his nuts on the frame falling off, and face-planted in the of 9:D right in front of the Ranger outpost, to massive gales of laughter. He shouted "she's worth it!" ditched the bike and limped off toward the plaza.

Oh the visual! Man that is some painfully funny shit.

[grenadine]

1. The folks on our street who complained to the rangers about the hecklers. If you can't take a joke, move elsewhere. Maybe I'm an asshole for enjoying a guy on a megaphone giving humorous commentary and updates, but our entire block enjoyed their camp, except for one person. They had a cool interactive game to play, free food and booze, and were generally friendly people, beyond the joking, but... well, I could go on and on. It just irked me in the wrong way.

2. The jackass who threw MOOP into my bike basket. I should have said something, since I was standing closeby, but I backed off since I wasn't feeling confrontational. Got to pack out two empty cans of shitty hipster beer.

3. The jackass who left a bunch of pee jugs in the urinal by 8:00 and I.

4. Anyone with MOOPy feathers. I packed out so many of your fucking feathers.

Did the moop nazis make it out this year? Did they chase the feather moopers down?

[Eric]

I generally didn't have any, so these are more idiots than asshats. Well, other than the first one:

1) The asshat in the Semi who was going way too fast in a whiteout on Sunday, honking at people walking & on bikes to get out of their way. I don't care what you need to get done, it's a fucking white-out & you could kill or maim someone. Douche.

2) All the darkwad idiots. An unbelievable amount this year - I can't believe how many were walking around clueless during the Friday night white-out. It was like dodge-ball with people, and we weren't going fast at all.

3) Yep. That's pretty much it.

[LostinReno]

The person or persons that though it would be awesome to set off a bunch of fireworks next to our trailer on the corner of 4:30 & H at 3:30-4am the morning after the man/wall street burn. We spent two hours cleaning up firework casings and ashes that when you touched them disinegrated into a big pile of black moopy dust. Yeah, you people suck.

The jerkwad that crapped in the urinal in the porto over on 3 o'clock, who does that??? Not personally being a urinal user, it's pretty nasty when you sit down just to look over at someones steamy poo, urinal pucks are bad enough. Stop that! (needless to say, I bolted out of said porto and found another one that wasn't as nasty)

[maryanimal]

We had a drunk stranger wreck his bike and start cussing out his girl in the middle of our camp. I made sure it wasn't going to get violent when people started making animal sounds. He had a meltdown and rode off in such a drunken huff that he instantly angered again, and smacked his nuts on the frame falling off, and face-planted in the of 9:D right in front of the Ranger outpost, to massive gales of laughter. He shouted "she's worth it!" ditched the bike and limped off toward the plaza.

LMFAO at the possibilities...

[skyhawkecks]

The asshole who puked in the urinal on Monday night. It's fucking Monday night, PACE YOURSELVES.

[Candybox]

http://www.serpentfeathers.com/not-acce ... this-time/

This girl. Jesus, she is the ultimate fucking sparklepony of them all. Her "art" (a fucking FULL BODY feathersuit) is so amazing it made it into magazines, so the normal rules of BM don't need to apply to her like they apply to everyone else. Her completely shameless rebuttal on her blog is even worse. Ugh. Fuck her.

[piehole]

The girl in line at Ice-3 who attempted to bribe me with a bottle of wine for the crew to get to the front of the line.
It didn't feel right and after consulting with Airport Mayor, he said "well how would you feel if you've been waiting all this time and some entitled bitch gets to the front just like that?"

And that's when I declined and somehow I WAS THE ASSHOLE for not accepting her BRIBE.

She asked "How many years have you been at the Burn?"
I said "This is my first year, actually"
Then she said "I can tell, you're supposed to take bribes at burning man, blah blah i'm entitled and better blah blah....."

of course she didn't say that last little bit but I called her out pretty hard.

[wraith]

http://www.serpentfeathers.com/not-accepting-shame-at-this-time/

This girl. Jesus, she is the ultimate fucking sparklepony of them all. Her "art" (a fucking FULL BODY feathersuit) is so amazing it made it into magazines, so the normal rules of BM don't need to apply to her like they apply to everyone else. Her completely shameless rebuttal on her blog is even worse. Ugh. Fuck her.

Man. I don't really wish harm on her, but I wonder what would have happened in that getup if she got too close to a flame effect? Or caught one of the embers off that burning RV?

Less MOOP, maybe?

[maladroit]

2) All the darkwad idiots. An unbelievable amount this year - I can't believe how many were walking around clueless during the Friday night white-out. It was like dodge-ball with people, and we weren't going fast at all.

Most of the ones I saw were bleary-eyed, fratlike, and wearing long-dead glow sticks and bracelets. Very confuzzled when confronted with comments like "Get a light" or "You're fucking invisible, you know that?"

We need to make LEDs sexy.

[Bob]

http://www.serpentfeathers.com/not-accepting-shame-at-this-time/

This girl. Jesus, she is the ultimate fucking sparklepony of them all. Her "art" (a fucking FULL BODY feathersuit) is so amazing it made it into magazines, so the normal rules of BM don't need to apply to her like they apply to everyone else. Her completely shameless rebuttal on her blog is even worse. Ugh. Fuck her.

Honestly, that chicken outfit and her entire portfolio are so spectacularly hideous I can't imagine her not being grandfathered-in at Burning Man, but maybe somebody should warn her about getting misted with Scotch-77 spray adhesive.

Ditto on the flammability hazard, but that's covered by the generic warning on the back of the ticket.

[zorro sings]

About one hour into Depeche Mode Night on Friday a clown barged through the door of our DJ booth,letting in a whirlwind of dust onto our already taxed electronics,and literally demanded we play Run-DMC or "some other 80's stuff".

[theCryptofishist]

Maybe it was the twits who didn't like my art car, or maybe it was me for yelling at them.
Still, someone putting his arm and head into my van while I was moving, albeit slowly, gave me something like a PTSD reaction.

[JStep]

The guy that told me I can't smoke in the temple. Fuck him.

[tattoogoddess]

oh that reminds me!! sitting front row of Anubis for about 10 minutes, and some girl and her friend walk up, standing up looking at things about to go down. I light up a smoke and she says to me" can you put that out I get migraines"



You do realize you are at BURNING man and this place is a big ass toxic dust storm? You have how many square miles of the playa you can go and you are really going to tell me to put my smoke out? Go fuck your self.