New Rules of Burning Man

[theCryptofishist]

They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

What? I thought every other post on ePlaya stated that this year was better.

And those stupid first timers do make raver fishing awesome!

[Major Krash]

Burningman should get quieter when I decide it is time for me to sleep.

I will make this happen by putting in a good set of ear plugs and shutting the door of my camper.

[AntiM]

People who wear feathers will be force fed them so they can be dropped in the potties when coming out of their bodies.

I will not be enforcing this rule, the feather-sporters will need to force themselves to consume the feathers in a beautiful, positive, aware fashion. With a bow on top.

[48_love]

See, and here I thought Burning Man was always better next year ... for those not limited by the contrivance of the space-time continuum, ya' know.

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Use of indefinite articles shall be banned on playa. Those using shall be brainwa, er, indoctrinated to know truth as we dictate.

Wearing of definite articles shall also henceforth be banned.

Have nice day, comrades.

[Rice]

What? I thought every other post on ePlaya stated that this year was better.

Burning Man was better next year

[pink]

Use of indefinite articles shall be banned on playa. Those using shall be brainwa, er, indoctrinated to know truth as we dictate.

Wearing of definite articles shall also henceforth be banned.

Have nice day, comrades.

What shall I do about the indefinite article tattooed on my back? Am I DOOMED?

[theCryptofishist]

What? I thought every other post on ePlaya stated that this year was better.

Burning Man was better next year

It's a scientific truth that 13.8% of all eplaya quotes say that burningman was better last year and that it was better next year. Some 1.9% more go for the trifecta of burningman is better this year as well.

[ZaphodBurner]

They should ban '80s camps, because '80s music is the very embodiment of corporate control and commercial excess.

This year--I'm not making this up--there will be a cannon at 9/D with a speaker in it lest we get stuck across from a virgin '80s camp with only one or two best-of-the-'80s CDs on autorepeat all week again. I'm going to hit them with the Slayer cover of Inna Gadda Da Vida from Less than Zero, Tormentor by WASP, etc.

[Ugly Dougly]

The music was louder next year.

[oscillator]

It was dustier next year.

[RedHeaven]

According to a young aspiring burner, snark will not be tolerated and will be subject to being ignored in the comments in her blog titled "BMan Boot Camp For Virgins"

Ruh Roh

[ZaphodBurner]

It's official then. Snark is not tolerated.

"And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People snarking without speaking
people snarking without listening
people writing snark, that virgins never hear
no one dares
disturb the sound of snarklessness."

[Sail Man]

It's official then. Snark is not tolerated.

Only when the "No Snark" sign is lit, and that is from 2359 - 0001 zulu time. And that is only for those eplayan's that reside in South Africa. Durban to be specific.

[theCryptofishist]

According to a young aspiring burner, snark will not be tolerated and will be subject to being ignored in the comments in her blog titled "BMan Boot Camp For Virgins"

Ruh Roh

OMG...



Could that pony sparkle any louder?




My brain hurts. But at least I know is not worth my time.





Wait, shouldn't this be in the Reasons Burningman is Going to Suck thread?

[RedHeaven]

But snark isn't Positive VIbes, man.....
ONLY positive vibes from now on!!!

The Yin Yang just broke in half.....Suddenly the city split in 2. Snarky the Yang Yang is now banned!!
Hippies will never be made fun of again!

Well taste the fucking rainbow.

[Simon of the Playa]

i dont think the playa can comprehend what i am going to unleash upon it.

i have a new, more powerful megaphone, and i AM going to use it inappropriately.

you are all fucking doomed.

except for the deafies, i'm still working on getting an ASL translator to follow me around.

[graidawg]

what about the foreign deaf people? or the half deaf like me if you use the megaphone on me i will only get half the effect I DEMAND EQUAL ABUSE TO THE OTHER NON DEAF OR FULLY DEAF!

[1durphul]

-


Here's a new rule: Air raid sirens must be installed around BRC to warn of impending (and current) dust storms. It'll add to the whole atmosphere of the apocalypse.

This would make an EXCELLENT art project. I bet it wouldn't be too expensive either. hmmmmm.... and we can attach a nice Emergency Broadcast System message to it as well.

"This is a message from Larry Harvey's Emergency Broadcast System. In the event of a real emergency you will be required to run around squawking like a parrot and demanding sparkles for your pony. All individuals found without sparkled ponies will be summarily executed by the BLM under Executive FNORDer 2523.1"

[AntiM]

Um, I actually recall sirens for an alpha whiteout in 2003.

[Lonesomebri]

i dont think the playa can comprehend what i am going to unleash upon it.

i have a new, more powerful megaphone, and i AM going to use it inappropriately.

you are all fucking doomed.

except for the deafies, i'm still working on getting an ASL translator to follow me around.

Maybe, to capture the innate details of your conversation, you can find someone who does ASL with a whiffle bat.

[CrispyDave]

AIR RAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ZaphodBurner]

I'm just going to out myself as a cluetard here, but, what officially constitutes "alpha"? What's the condition when the dusk blocks out the sun?
I would call that Condition Fucked Up. Condition Lambda... Hold your ground and die with honor. Do some calisthenics, braid each other's hair, get naked, cover each other in oil, defy Xerxes.

It's interesting how brownouts affect people. Instinctively, the psyche doesn't like the sky to turn black during the day. Nothing should block out the sun. The effect is like separating a cleric from his God. People freak out.

So the new rule is, if there's a Condition Lambda blackout and we're all gonna die, everybody dance! On plywood. That's another new rule.
IN ORDER TO REDUCE DUST, DANCING IS NOT ALLOWED DIRECTLY ON THE PLAYA SURFACE. If you intend to dance, carry a strip of carpet, canvas, plywood...carry extra in case you encounter somebody who forget theirs.

Anyway, what makes alpha alpha?

[Bounce530]

Anyway, what makes alpha alpha?

It's the cloud of dust from the heard of frat boys coming into the event.

[Ugly Dougly]

My friend, it is that which we know as "Simoom". May Allah bless your dome.

سموم‎

[Simon of the Playa]

stop poisoning their minds with that occidental clap-trap.

[Bob]

I'm just going to out myself as a cluetard here, but, what officially constitutes "alpha"?

Apocryphal. Never seen it in the DPW Handbook, never seen the Powerpoint, and I don't think you'll see the org formally using the term when "alpha" is already used in a completely different context among the Black Rock Rangers, though Rangers talk all kinds of shit. I'm assuming the term may have originated among people with US Navy experience, re: fleet response to hurricane conditions. Don't recall any term used in the desert other than "white-out" or "dust storm", and using the term "motherfucking haboob" is against radio protocols for having too many syllables.

Cite re: white-outs, rain, etc. and appropriate responses:
http://www.burningman.com/preparation/event_survival/your_body_vs_the_elements.html