New Rules of Burning Man

[Clar-i-ty]

Oh yes...rules make fun more fun. This thread is for everyone who thinks they know how to make it better, as in:

New Rule : the words "they should..." cannot be uttered by anyone who calls themself a Burner unless followed by the phrase "I'm gonna volunteer to try and make that happen.

And............GO!

[Rice]

They should disperse the sparkle ponies. I am going to volunteer to walk in the middle of a group/herd/pack (whatever) of sparkle ponies and let out a couple good loud stinky farts. That will show them who's boss....

[CornMan]

They should schedule a day and have sort of a reverse version of Sadie Hawkins day where husbands and boyfriends get to do absolutely anything and everything they want to do all day.

[lemur]

all of the people i dont like should be summarily executed

[junglesmacks]

you should make me some fucking bacon.


NOW.



If that doesn't work, I'll take a 7 layer burrito from Taco Bell. What kind of sauce do I want?



ALL OF THEM..

[Clar-i-ty]

all of the people i dont like should be summarily executed

That's less of a rule and more of a Dictum. Can I direct you to the Il Dulce thread?

[lemur]

NEW RULE: PLEASE LEMUR.. OR ELSE, YOULL BE SUMMARILY EXECUTED

[BBadger]

- They should make it a requirement to host a Kickstarter for all projects, and for that matter, paying for trips to the burn.

- Instead of STEP next year, all spare tickets must go into a raffle system so the original purchaser can profit from selling his or her ticket back.



OHH... we were being sincere about rules.



Here's a new rule: Air raid sirens must be installed around BRC to warn of impending (and current) dust storms. It'll add to the whole atmosphere of the apocalypse.

[motskyroonmatick]

They Should... Ban all "participants" who think they have got it all right, down pat and know everything and I will volunteer to go around with a cattle prod tazing every one that I hear exclaiming....."Your'e doing it wrong!" "Fucking Tourist." And... "Burning man was soo much better when...." This especially includes people standing in the street mindlessly giving negative criticism to no one in general.

If it didn't come from your body it doesn't go in the potty!!!!!! The exception is One ply RV/Septic Type TP only. No Baby wipes of any kind. Pack it in pack it out.

I've been looking for a inexpensive 220 volt air raid siren for 3 years

[Simon of the Playa]

They should Make Me Fuhrer.

Then we should Annex Reno, and then start thinking about Verdi.

[Roberto Dobbisano]

'we will take Tahoe in 3 days"

[DrYes]

They should amend the "Leave no trace" principle to read "We will leave no trace except for the gigantic environmental impact of 10s of thousands of RVs, trucks, and cars driving here and the buttload of gas-powered generators running once here."

[Simon of the Playa]

dont worry, all of that will be covered in dust...


think "Lost City of Tanis"...


it's not there if it's buried under 20 feet of sand, now is it...

[Drawingablank]

Here's a new rule: Air raid sirens must be installed around BRC to warn of impending (and current) dust storms. It'll add to the whole atmosphere of the apocalypse.

That would be awesome.

[Dr. Pyro]

They should require all newbies, when they get set to ring the bell and roll around on the ground, to strip naked so they don't track playa dust back into their car or RV.

[Chowski]

They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

I will attempt to counter this by sharing what I can with some virgins this year -- I will pay it forward, whatever "it" is, remembering that I, too, was once a virgin, and that some of this year's virgins are going to come back next year with the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I will, further, forgive (and avoid) the crusty cranky veteran whose expectations about what Real Brand Burners do and do not do have made him incapable of embracing what is happening NOW.

[theCryptofishist]

All burners who off-handedly use italian to make a point must learn the difference between "duce" ("leader"--related to "duke", probably) and "dulce" ("sweet, candy") so people don't run up and down eplaya looking for a thread that isn't there.

I will make this happen by alternatedly rudely pointing at and mocking those who make the mistake, and gazing at everyone with big, puppy-dog eyes, so people will know how hurt I am...

[Ugly Dougly]

Them as utttereth the foetid word "can't" shall stand in the corner for the duration!

[wh..sh]

They should require all newbies, when they get set to ring the bell and roll around on the ground, to strip naked so they don't track playa dust back into their car or RV.

I concur and volunteer to make this happen.
It really was inconvenient when I dragged the dust back to the car. No other newbie should ever suffer what I suffered.

[Savannah]

They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

I will attempt to counter this by sharing what I can with some virgins this year -- I will pay it forward, whatever "it" is, remembering that I, too, was once a virgin, and that some of this year's virgins are going to come back next year with the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I will, further, forgive (and avoid) the crusty cranky veteran whose expectations about what Real Brand Burners do and do not do have made him incapable of embracing what is happening NOW.

Welcome to ePlaya!

Great avatar.

[theCryptofishist]

They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

I will attempt to counter this by sharing what I can with some virgins this year -- I will pay it forward, whatever "it" is, remembering that I, too, was once a virgin, and that some of this year's virgins are going to come back next year with the coolest fucking thing I have ever seen.

I will, further, forgive (and avoid) the crusty cranky veteran whose expectations about what Real Brand Burners do and do not do have made him incapable of embracing what is happening NOW.

Welcome to ePlaya!

Great avatar.

There are no staple holes. It's a lie!!!!1

[thelionking]

They should ban the sale of coffee and ice coffee .

I mean if this is about self reliance, why should someone have to make you your coffee?

[Simon of the Playa]

first of all, put some goddamn clothes on.

Secondly, DONT MESS WITH MY FUCKING COFFEE, CAPICHE?

thirdly, all hippies must shut up.

[Bounce530]

[CornMan]

New rule for 2012: No person who attends the Burning Man festival without a playa name can refuse to adopt the first playa name offered to him or her.

[snoozeberry]

New rule for 2012: No person who attends the Burning Man festival without a playa name can refuse to adopt the first playa name offered to him or her.

Glad I didn't get stuck with that in 2011... "Sol Search" Give me a %*#$*%( break.

[oneeyeddick]

At least you weren't named Green Penis.

[FIGJAM]

The Green Penis is soooooo big.....


It takes 90 minutes to pre-ejaculate!

[Trishntek]

They should implement a propane cannon, shooting out the man's ass, to fire at the top of every hour, one BOOM! per each value, based upon a twenty-four-hour clock.

[BBadger]

They should stop having Burning Man altogether because, according to every other post on e-playa, Burning Man is already over and will never be as good as that one year and the art isn't good anymore and the ticket thing is absurd/intentional/racist/corporate and the hippies and the shirtcockers and the soundcamps and the ravers and the BMORG and there are too many stupid virgins and frat boys who ruin everything. EVERYTHING!

What? I thought every other post on ePlaya stated that this year was better.