Bike Shorts, Body Image, Thigh Chafe, and Self-Acceptance

[FeetOfClay]

Just want to share some of my thoughts and feelings as a newbie contemplating my first burn (hopefully: ticket!):

Though I am very committed to healthy eating, exercise, etc, I AM OVERWEIGHT. And even when I lost 65 pounds a few years back, I STILL had a cross to bear that many of us may be familiar with:

Thigh. Chafe.

Consequently, I wear bike shorts under skirts, or longer-type shorts, or whatever. Normally, having to do this does not bother me. I've even read (somewhere in the first timer's guide) that bringing bike shorts to the playa is suggested. Still, I am finding that though the playa is meant to be a place of radical inclusion (a person would not be shunned for wearing bike shorts with an otherwise "cool" outfit), a place of radical self expression (I can rock my bike shorts, dammit, and luv my chubby thighs), I am STILL projecting: others will judge me, I won't look as "hot" as the other girls, blah blah blah negativity.

Every time I watch some inspiring, colorful, sexy new Burning Man youtube video, my first thought is usually something like: "God, it's so (beautiful/surreal/artistic/emotional) there, i really NEED to go!" But, to be honest, my *second* thought is usually more along the lines of: "Wow, everybody there seems really thin" or "I wish I could rock something like what she's wearing" or "i wish i could afford cool boots like that"

or "I don't see any bike shorts; i am gonna be the only one!"

I know that these judgements of self and others exist only in my mind, and will only affect me to the extent that I give them power over me. but i wanted to hear from you: what has been your experience with comfort clothing on the playa (such as bike shorts)? have you ever felt "less than" because of your clothes, body, difference, etc?

I've heard it lamented that, despite claims of diversity, the playing is overwhelmingly populated with a specific strata of society: white, middle-to-upper class, persons. what i am wondering: is the playa also populated largely by *girls whose thighs don't touch* (those mythical, mysterious, awe-inducing beings), and will I be the only zaftig-burner-in-bike-shorts?

[Simon of the Playa]

normally i would be an asshole and say something horrible.

not this time.

EVERY WOMAN is beautiful.


seriously, so stop worrying and come join us in BRC...I'm 6'5, 150 lbs, and a nevernude.

so if i turn sideways, i disappear.

i have a large Pescus excavatus and was always ashamed of my somewhat strange appearance.

that was BEFORE i went to burning man,

I'm still a never-nude, but i dont worry about what i look like anymore, it's what inside that truly counts.

ok, i'm going to slink back into my dark corner and sharpen my teeth, you got lucky missy.

[VultureChow]

I too have struggled with the concern that I'm too fat and/or ugly or uncool for the spectacle of flesh that is TTITD. I won't say that I'm completely over it or unconcerned for my virgin year, but three things happened at this Disorient event last week that helped a lot.

1)There was a guy even larger and older than me camped next door who stripped down regularly to nothing outside his tent. I seemed to be the only one to notice.

2)I got so drunk the last night that I knocked out a few tent pegs and my tent collapsed. I stumbled out sans underwear or pants and had lots of people help get it back up. Now, the lack of shame at the time is definitely due to the alcohol, but absolute lack of embarrassment the next day shocked me. Shit happens, people help, everyone there had seen vaginas before, and no one made a big deal of it.

3) I made shit tons of friends. I'll never be the girl who wears nothing but a gold lame bikini and never seems to eat or talk and still manages to dance from 10pm to 6am to dubstep (seriously, fuck dubstep). But there are plenty of people all over the spectrum of body shapes and personalities, and most are awesome




i'm coming loaded with anti chafing gel. There's nothing worse than raw thighs. I was going to do leggings under my skirt (I burn. Bad) but bicycle shorts sound like they might work too. Thanks for the tip.

[FeetOfClay]

you got lucky missy

thanks, Simon your merciful forbearance will be duly noted, and you shall receive a playa hug (if you'd like one).

your story of how the playa helped you become more accepting of yourself inspires me; i hope (and sense) that a similar thing might happen for me.
i should also say: i hope the above post does not give the impression that i am a self-loathing full-figured girl, far from it.
truth be told, I am bit an exhibitionist and ego-maniac. i work part time as an artist's model for nude life drawing classes.

i just happen to be an ego maniac with occasional bouts of low self esteem--anyone feel me on this one?

and, am i remembering wrong, or was "never nude" a seinfeld thing? it sounds so familiar!

[FeetOfClay]

i'm coming loaded with anti chafing gel. There's nothing worse than raw thighs.

Vulture Chow: one year, we should start a camp called Thigh Chafe Camp or Sacred Chubby Thighs or some other such...

in our camp, anyone interested in preventing or healing thigh chafe is welcome: we'd offer anti-chafe lubes, free bike shorts (while supplies last), corn starch, etc.

for those whose thighs have already been chafed, we'd provide a shady tent where they could splash some cool water on, slather on neosporin, and sit in front of small oscillating fans, cooling their thighs!

we might actually have something here!

[VultureChow]

and, am i remembering wrong, or was "never nude" a seinfeld thing? it sounds so familiar!

Arrested Development

i just happen to be an ego maniac with occasional bouts of low self esteem--anyone feel me on this one?

Hah. I feel you on this, though I don't think I'd ever have the confidence to do the modeling. In my normal life I'm an executive. I am smart(probably the most raw intelligence in the office), hard working and totally willing to throw my weight around where necessary. But every so often I feel like a fucking high school student again and am sure that everyone is looking and judging.

[theCryptofishist]

The videos and photos seem to gravitate toward those young women who are conventionally attractive. It's a very skewed vision. The population is older and more varied. Simon is right, most of us (men and women), have a glow out there. Or maybe we're all just covered in dust (except for Major Mallet, he seems to have some ionic thing that keeps his clothes clean, and an iron for pressing) so it doesn't matter. Scattered around the board are stories of people who were apprehensive pre-burn and found themselves completely comfortable when they got there.
This thread is sort of the opposite, someone apprehensive about seeing naked, ugly flesh pre-burn, and not caring a bit when he actually experienced the playa.

[EspressoDude]

I read the title of this thread as " Thigh Cafe " Is this a Freudian thing or what ?

[AntiM]

My thighs not only touch, they adore each other, constantly caressing. I wear a lot of skirts and for some reason, I don't thigh chafe on the playa. The dust is like talcum powder. Literally.

I get under-boob chafe if I don't wear a cotton bra.

But yeah, the pictures are pf the pretty-pretties, while the rest of us are in the majority. And I feel wonderful and secure there. I'm awfully damn big and my outfits could be mistaken for tents. I don't care and neither does anyone else.

Hey, a tent as a costume. That would be fun for a few hours.

[wh..sh]

I am sort of tall and sort of thin. I don't often complain about looks. That said, I have always been a confident, yet a very timid person.
Basically, I don't feel any urge to be someone else on playa. Yes, sure, I want to wear fun stuff, add some glitter and such. But at a basic level, I am still the same (boring) person. Maybe because I don't feel so repressed in the default world. There are times I look at videos and wonder how some women have such kick ass attitude. I admire it. But I know that its not my personality. I am more of a "sit in the corner" person. So, yeah... even if I wear a kick ass costume, I will probably be sitting in a corner

I know exactly what works on my body and what doesn't. That makes all the difference for me! I know I can't pull off a micro mini skirt, on or off playa. It's as simple as that. I wont let people tell me what I should or shouldn't be wearing in default world, same applies to playa.

That said, playa is only an attempt to be all inclusive. There are people who will give you crap for not wearing a costume or going naked. There are others who won't care. Either way, don't let it get to you.

Don't expect anything from the society, to set you free or to make you feel beautiful. Playa makes no such promises. It comes from within.
The only person you want to break free, is yourself. If you are happy with yourself, you automatically transform into a sexy beast. You just need a big ass smile!

You could call this my learning

[VultureChow]

i'm coming loaded with anti chafing gel. There's nothing worse than raw thighs.

Vulture Chow: one year, we should start a camp called Thigh Chafe Camp or Sacred Chubby Thighs or some other such...

in our camp, anyone interested in preventing or healing thigh chafe is welcome: we'd offer anti-chafe lubes, free bike shorts (while supplies last), corn starch, etc.

for those whose thighs have already been chafed, we'd provide a shady tent where they could splash some cool water on, slather on neosporin, and sit in front of small oscillating fans, cooling their thighs!

we might actually have something here!

The Chafing Dish - Plus Sized Day Spa

Anyone have experience with the padded bike shorts? I wonder if they might not solve two problems at once: chafing and sore bike ass.

[trilobyte]

It doesn't matter whether you were bike shorts, something else, or nothing at all. Well, if you're wearing nothing at all be sure to apply plenty of sunblock!

The trouble with most youtube videos and the people who make them is that in making and posting videos to youtube, they're pandering to a pretty default world audience. As such, they're making directorial or editing room decisions to only show selected bits of Burning Man. The truth is most of those videos miss the truth. Burning Man is a city of 50K+ people, and has them in every shape, size, and age range. And the weather is usually not as good as you see in the videos, either. Surprise surprise, the camera tells a lie.

Dress for your own comfort and your own happiness.

[FeetOfClay]

The videos and photos seem to gravitate toward those young women who are conventionally attractive. It's a very skewed vision.

hmmmm...that definitely makes sense! i have done some alternative modeling, and know a few gorgeous alt. models of various sizes and shapes.
the sad truth is, even in the world of "alt. modeling", the girls who are closest to society's ideal (while still being "freaky") get more gigs.

for example:
Alternative model A is a woman who's 5'10, 135 lbs, has tattoos and purple hair.
Alt. model B is a woman who's 5'5, 270 lbs, has a surgical scar on her chest, crooked teeth, tattoos, and purple hair.

regardless of how gorgeous Model B is, Model A will consistently get more bookings.
only difference is, in alternative modeling, Model B at least *stands a chance*, unlike conventional modeling, where she'd be shunned completely.

thanks, everyone for playa tips and encouragement. i know i will find my confidence and rock what i love and what looks good.
i will be dancing, and probably going topless. i've got great tits. just saying.

they even have scars and imperfections!

[Savannah]

If right now you are already thinking "I'm probably going topless", the chances are good you will lose your shirt by the time you're making a dust angel at Greeters'. And you are officially a more fearless woman than I, and are going to be MORE than okay.

Wearing bike shorts out there will not raise any eyebrows. People wear all sorts of motley pieces together out of necessity and amusement. You will see bikini bottoms and Tevas, simple cargo shorts and sneakers, Victorian bonnets with a vest and a tutu, bike shorts with gun holsters and wings, people of all sizes in sarongs and flip-flops, or square dance panties and pashminas. And for every "strange" ensemble or every insane & impeccable outfit out there, there is a person who is working hard hours at Gate and wants to wear his goddamned t-shirt and jeans and will eat your face if you dare take him to task.

Bring all you want for comfort, and (if desired) some wilder pieces for the inevitable realization that you will never be THE weirdest person in Black Rock City.

Some things you have to see for yourself.

[Turtleburp]

Thanks for posting your self doubts FoC I think you've voiced the doubts and esteem issues that the great majority of us feel from time to time,

- as soon my partner (Bumble on these forums) is awake your and the other eplayans genuine and kind words will help her through some of her own concerns.

Tent outfits Savannah?

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OC1dxHSFAM0

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DK4NEKtYYYk0&v=K4NEKtYYYk0&gl=AU

[yurtgirl]

Dear FoC,
Your post made me do some thinking. A while back I was showing a friend pictures we took last year there and some w/ me and my beau in there and I realized I looked huge. Now, that's in my words. But I was heavier than I've ever been and like you I always saw the pretty people in those pix online before we went and thought I wouldn't fit in. I blamed my weight on menopause, hormone replacement therapy, recent knee surgery that limited my activity and not being able to turn down a big ass meal of Long John Silvers fried fish, hush puppies and fries. mmmboy! I was dealing w/ low self esteem constantly. My beau is younger than me, and really good looking so I have my moments when we go out and younger women look at him. (people say he looks like Robert Downey JR all the time) On the playa last year I was faced with all sorts of very friendly , pretty, nearly naked women talking with him and I got over it. I spent the winter in a funk and this spring I gave up the hormone therapy, am eating a more natural vegetarian diet and getting some exercise and its not because I don't wanna be fat on the playa, it's because i wanna be in good shape and in good health. I am slowly losing weight and it, mentally, is making me feel better about myself. If by all this I look better in those picture of me on the playa, well, then, I'll take it.
I saw all shapes and sizes there, pretty, good looking and downright not so pretty and while there I had no issues at all, it was when I came back and saw myself in the photos. I love TTITD and I can't wait to get back there again this year and HAVE NO ISSUES AT ALL! Its like I can check my ego (or lack of it) at the gate and get on with my life on the playa. I'm hoping with repeat visits there I can finally bring that confidence home with me and keep it.
As for chafe, yes, I used a boatload of corn starch for my thighs and under my boobs. love it for the hot weather.
see ya on the playa!

[wh..sh]

But yeah, the pictures are pf the pretty-pretties, while the rest of us are in the majority. And I feel wonderful and secure there. I'm awfully damn big and my outfits could be mistaken for tents. I don't care and neither does anyone else.

^^I want to grow up feeling secure.
Listen to AntiM. IMO, she wonderfully gives the least fuck about it all.

[BBadger]

Here is a short--by no means comprehensive--list of people who look stupid and attract negative attention:

• People who are shivering because they don't wear enough clothing (like hats) when it is cold because they think it looks bad on them.
• Girls who wear super-heeled platform shoes that are more than 10% of their total height (e.g. 6-inch platform shoes on a 5ft girl) to compensate for their height (bonus points if the girls don't know how to walk in them).
• Wallflowers on the dance floor who don't dance because they think they look silly on the dance floor--rather than silly as a boring wallflower.
• People pulling the bottoms of their long shirts over their butts thinking people are looking at their butts while passing by.

The common thread between these people? They're overcompensating for something they think others care about--but don't--and attracting attention to that overcompensation at a far worse level.

Want to know what is going to make you look stupid? What is going to make you look like easy pickings as a target of ridicule? If you're hiding yourself (body and personality) in camp or wherever because you think people are judging you. Make no mistake: there will be people who will judge you. But who cares? There are--last count--50,000 or so other people who won't. Wander off somewhere else and have fun. Surround yourself in friends. Have a big personality that people want to be around.

Everybody there looks like a bunch of freaks. So bring your bike shorts if it makes you comfy. Nobody is going to care if you wear them, especially at night; bike shorts are not going to stand out in the least (if people could even recognize them in the dust). The same thing with anything else you bring or wear--unless you want it to.

[FeetOfClay]

...am eating a more natural vegetarian diet and getting some exercise

YurtGirl: thank you for your post; sounds like the playa has inspired you to make healthy choices, and i love that!

I am a vegan, and if i ever DO make it out to the playa (c'mon, STEP queue), i will share some veggie snacks with you (gonna dehydrate some apple and kale chips for the playa)!

[FeetOfClay]

They're overcompensating for something they think others care about--but don't--and attracting attention to that overcompensation at a far worse level.

BBadger--i couldn't agree more! again, i tend to very confident whether performing, dancing, going nude, wearing homemade costumes, etc

just figured i'd share the crap and negativity going on in my head. but just 'cause it's in my head doesn't mean i have to listen to it!

[Clar-i-ty]

All you need to know is three things:

1) Be a Goddess and Own it!

2) Robert Plant was WRONG! Big legged women have all the soul.

3) Zinc Oxcide with a layer of antiperspirant on your inner thighs is all you need to save the chaffing. Carry them both with you.

[FeetOfClay]

2) Robert Plant was WRONG! Big legged women have all the soul.

Well said! In fact, I think we can go with Freddy Mercury on this one:

Fat-bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round.

[Clar-i-ty]

2) Robert Plant was WRONG! Big legged women have all the soul.

Well said! In fact, I think we can go with Freddy Mercury on this one:

Fat-bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round.

Preach it!

[catinthefunnyhat]

I'm coming to visit the Chafing Dish. My thighs are very familiar with one another, and I'm very familiar with the chafe. I don't go anywhere in summer without some anti-chafe product.

Despite being a chafee, I'm, sadly, neither a big-legged woman, nor a fat-bottomed girl. All my jelly is in the belly. In the default world, I have a lot of insecurity around that, and my appearance in general. Something I'm finding amazing for my self-esteem is going to the Y. It's not the effects of the workout; it's seeing all the "real" women -- older, younger, fatter, thinner, apples, pears... -- being strong in the gym and lovely in nudity. I really do see beauty in all of them, and it helps me be less judgmental of myself.

Experience tells me that BM has a similar effect, X1000. It's so different from the default world (or I am different at BM, or both), and I'm looking forward to experiencing that again. I'm relieved (yet unsurprised) to read that the event has not actually been overrun by pretty-pretties since I was there! I am a little sad about all the cameras there, now, and how they skew perceptions of the event.

Oh, also, I am almost a nevernude. Sun protection is an important playa-clothing consideration for me during the day, and when I"m not in the sun, I'm always cold. I also love fabric, so when I design costumes, they tend to involve as much of it as possible. AntiM, I'll join you in the tent brigade!

[Zhust]

I just want to put out there that it's not all puppydogs and rainbows.

First, necessarily, for any person you meet out there, jee might have an apathetic response to your body or attire, and jee might have a strong reaction, and anything in between; and then jeir reaction may be favorable or unfavorable. Be ready to walk away from someone whose reaction doesn't appeal to you — they'll vanish in seconds and you'll never see them again.

Second, there are people who like to be cruel out there, and form cliques just like in the default world. I've found two major differences, though: it's easy to find people who are not cruel (at least about your appearance — perhaps cruel in some other way) and there seems to be an empowering meme that such cruelty is inappropriate, sad, or pathetic, and that there are better ways to behave.

I thought it would be funny and weird one year to make a shirt that said "Shirtcocker: Awesome" and wear it without pants. I got a lot of flak for it, and it wasn't very fun. I basically drew as much animosity toward myself as I could, and I got a chuckle a few times, but mostly it was unrewarding. That's about as bad as Burning Man gets.

[Rice]

2) Robert Plant was WRONG! Big legged women have all the soul.

Well said! In fact, I think we can go with Freddy Mercury on this one:

Fat-bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round.

Preach it!

So true my love!!

Just be yourself. For every ass-hat that judges you on appearances alone there are a thousand beautiful souls who accept you for who you are.

I am one of those people who gets judged for wearing shorts and a t-shirt. I am happy with who I am. What I am. I do not need to pretend to be anything other than me. If I am going exploring on the playa I might change, depend on how many shifts I worked that day. I really do not care what anyone else thinks!

Burning man is supposed to be "Radically Inclusive", which in my interpretation means accepting people as they are.

Radical Inclusion
Anyone may be a part of Burning Man. We welcome and respect the stranger. No prerequisites exist for participation in our community.

Radical Self-reliance
Burning Man encourages the individual to discover, exercise and rely on his or her inner resources.

Radical Self-expression
Radical self-expression arises from the unique gifts of the individual. No one other than the individual or a collaborating group can determine its content. It is offered as a gift to others. In this spirit, the giver should respect the rights and liberties of the recipient.

Participation
Our community is committed to a radically participatory ethic. We believe that transformative change, whether in the individual or in society, can occur only through the medium of deeply personal participation. We achieve being through doing. Everyone is invited to work. Everyone is invited to play. We make the world real through actions that open the heart.

Immediacy
Immediate experience is, in many ways, the most important touchstone of value in our culture. We seek to overcome barriers that stand between us and a recognition of our inner selves, the reality of those around us, participation in society, and contact with a natural world exceeding human powers. No idea can substitute for this experience.

http://www.burningman.com/whatisburningman/about_burningman/principles.html

All I am saying is "Be You!". If you are truly being yourself, acting as you really want to, doing what you want, you will be happy. I just want you to be happy.


__
Wear those biking shorts, blue body paint, tutu, candle wax, whatever. Know that I, Rice, will not judge you on appearance.

[theCryptofishist]

2) Robert Plant was WRONG! Big legged women have all the soul.

Well said! In fact, I think we can go with Freddy Mercury on this one:

Fat-bottom girls make the rockin' world go 'round.

Preach it!

Hm. Freddy Mercury was bisexual. Learn something every day.

[FeetOfClay]

I thought it would be funny and weird one year to make a shirt that said "Shirtcocker: Awesome" and wear it without pants. I got a lot of flak for it, and it wasn't very fun. I basically drew as much animosity toward myself as I could, and I got a chuckle a few times, but mostly it was unrewarding. That's about as bad as Burning Man gets.

i would have smiled at you and cheered for you: i think shirt cocking is amusing and, depending on the situation, beautiful in its own zany way.

[Elorrum]

The first rule of SOTP hug club is :

[shroom]

You will be fine, just go! I was more overweight that I wanted to be when I went in 2010, but I went and had a great time. I had a few short outfits, but also enjoyed long flowing skirts that I too wore short under, or used chafe cream. It worked out fine!