tell me a story

[BBadger]

... a half-eaten watermelon adorned with Mr. Potatohead spectacles and a glued-on wig. Having no microwave by which to warm up the insides, he instead resorted to...

[maryanimal]

...wrapping it up in aluminum foil and placing it under his armpit. So he lifted his smelly, festering swatch of burlap he wore as a shirt, not caring if he was a shirtcocker, he...

[bigdane]

...laughed loudly and...

[FIGJAM]

to the lilting strains of Daft Punk pleasured the night awayyyyyyyyyyyy..........

[maryanimal]

As he was making his monkey noises, Priscilla, Queen of the desert happened by. A young beauty Priscilla was, so young and innocent. When all of a sudden she heard the catterwalling of what sounded like a...

[ygmir]

a swirling vortex of water.........as it descends the loo, on it's way to the netherworld.
"A vortex of swirling water"? you ask.........

well, yes, yes indeed.
Or, any scene from "Dragnet". (officer Friday).

For you see, the noise maker, the ner-do-well, that "Prince of the Preposterous", "Purveyor of Platitudes"
"Proponent of Petulance", Psychotic Puppet", was the one, the only............

[BBadger]

BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!

"BILL BILL BILL BILL!" chanted the audience in a rhythmic drone that drove the science guy mad. Bill stood up and steadied himself upon the a soiled couch, stained oversized shirt flapping in the wind, phallus apologetically turgid.

"I shall lead you!" Bill roared!

A scream from the middle of the crowd of 3000 sent the masses into a frenzy, endlessly chanting "BILL BILL BILL BILL! BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY!"

Grasping the corn-encrusted scepter, is Nyeness stepped down from the couch. Turning to face the city of lights, he marched forward, leading his people to the city, to the salvation they so greatly deserved...

[OnceTheDustClears]

...with the proudly naked great gramma Velda loyally by his side, waving the newly resurrected ableskiver pan, they strode radiating goodness and light, leading the masses, to the center camp stage, just in time for the long awaited performance of...

[ygmir]

Knowing, that although almost identical, he's not the "real" Liberace...........but none other than our own......................

[OnceTheDustClears]

[OnceTheDustClears]

Yep. It actually is him. The one and only. We weren't really all that surprised. We sort of suspected all along.
But what really WAS surprising was the talent he displayed on stage. It was mesmerizing. The crowd was hushed
and then gasped as he ...

[bigdane]

...recreated Paul Hamm's 2004 Olympic floor exercise...backwards while blindfolded! His moves were so poetic that several burners fell to their knees and....

[Sail Man]

ripped off their shirts again began to beat upon the chest's like baboon's, but all the while screeching like macaw's until, one by one they......

[ygmir]

Stopped, in stunned silence, as a haunting, erotic middle eastern dancer appeared, moving, and gyrating, to the sensual rhythms............driving them wild..........
Entranced, they all assumed the "third world squat" position, and watch, enraptured, as, the dancer removed veils, slowly revealing themselves to be none other than..........

[Sail Man]

Pee Wee Herman! Dressed in a shear, chiffon camisole he moved blithely through the evening air, caught in a personal, sensual reverie. His face shining, entranced and reflecting the moonlight, he slowly reached down with his hands and grasped his........

[ygmir]

Flugelhorn, and of course, donned his lederhosen, and called in the Alpenband, because, everyone loves Polka!!
And the crowd roared!!..........mesmerized, everyone began the wonder dance and revelry, which surrounds polka, and it's societal sub-set.

All, that is, but one........one, nefarious ner-do-well, infamous, and of ill repute!!
This brigand, also known on (the world famous, and oft imitated) Eplaya, as..........

[maryanimal]

...Shambala. We all know him as this joval, kind, and helpful exterior, but on the inside lurks the ill-will, the poisonous, forked tongue of a mad man, just waiting to pounce upon a...

[OnceTheDustClears]

...free cup of coffee and a...

[jella]

unsuspecting Danish..pastry of course. And he danced around the room in Joy until he came upon a........

[maryanimal]

...nubile Danish, girl, not pastry. Hey bowed an tipped his hat to her as she curtsied. With a gleam in his eyes, he took her hand in his and he...

[Sail Man]

began to rip off her Lee Press On nails with his teeth, swallowing them down one by one as she shrieked with feigned anger, as a warmth began to spread between her......

[OnceTheDustClears]

ears. She realized it was way too hot to be wearing a faux fur hat. She removed her hat which left her wearing...

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Donald Trump's toupee'. Sham, mesmerized by the (literal) mop on her head, began to run his trembling fingers through those coarse, fake locks, gazing into her eyes, when all of the sudden she...

[maryanimal]

...grabbed him by the ears and licked his face up one side and down the other. He weas dismayed by the fact her tongue had recently been...

[Bay Bridge Sue]

...pierced numerous times, and in each piercing was either a small ink pen or a razor-sharp stylus. He turned around - spying a glance of his disfigured face in the reflection of a nearby JOTS service truck, he was petrified, for he knew later that afternoon he was expected to meet with...

[FIGJAM]

Camp Chilies for Willies, but as he approched he notice Eric standing outside shaking his head saying "tisk, tisk, tisk" as the ladies and gentlemen in that camp were dancing VERY oddly and shedding muddy tears.

Eric knew a bad idea when he saw it..........

[FIGJAM]

.....And told Shambala "Don't go in there, Their doing it wrong!"

Sham replied "Then I must show them a better way!" and with arms flailing wildly over his head he was last seen running into Chilies for Willies to enlighten the multitude with.......

[OnceTheDustClears]

...a large steaming pot do his homemade chili. The crowd went wild as the chili's reputation was known far and wide for it's special properties. Anyone who even sampled a small taste was suddenly able to...

[lonestoner916]

breathe fire. Not only that, but the chili caused intense psychedelic hallucinations that could last up to four days and was more intense than any drug known to man. Also, it was just pretty damn tasty, just the thing after a long night of...

[Bin Noddin]

watching meteors streak across the night sky. They WERE meteors, weren't they? As the sun rose they stumbled in the general direction of Breakfast Camp, where,