by jsierra » Thu Aug 04, 2011 9:59 pm
I'm sure you've either played "pigs" or you have heard/seen the game. Basically, it is a "dice" game where you have two pigs and you roll them hoping they land in certain positions. In short, you roll and score/lose points. You can stop and "bank" points and if your pigs touch, then you "pig out" and go back to 0 points. First to 21 wins. The way we've always played is if any person/team has 0 points when another person/team wins the game then you MUST do a naked lap around the house..............
With that being said, I invited some friends over to my house for some dinner, drinks, games. Myself, Angela (my girlfriend), Karla (a very loud and animated Peruvian girl), Luke, Sunni (Brendan's girlfriend), and Brendan (a VERY loud, expressive, non-PC, competitive, yet hilarious Irishman).
We have dinner and drinks and decide to play "Pigs". Team 1: Angela and myself. Team 2: Karla and Sunni. Team 3: Luke and Brendan. Before we start playing, we try and establish that we are going to let the "naked lap" rule subside for the night due to Karla and Angela not wanting the option of having to be naked that particular night. To say the least, Brendan wasn't having it! "Fuck you and fuck you and fuck you and fuck you!!!.....We are playing this game and you ASSHOLES are going to get naked and do a lap around this damn house cause Luke and I are about to kick ALL of your fat, ethnic, whiney ASSES!", yelled Brendan. In a heated debated over this, we all subsided and let the loud, drunken Irishman have his way.
We start playing. Luke and Brendan jump out to an early lead, while Team 1 and Team 2 are struggling to break into double digits. Angela and I are up and we "pig out"......back to 0.........with the pigs in Brendan's hands. Brendan decides that he's "going for it" and does everything Irishmanly possible to get 21 points and send us on our nude voyage around my house. Unfortunately Brendan, in all his glory and cheer, PIGGED OUT and sent him and his solemn partner at the time back to 0. Needless to say, when those bright little pink piggies came back into my hands, I had no choice but to go for the gold....and I found the pot at the end of the rainbow!!!
Before you knew it, we had 21 points, Karla was hyperventilating from laughing, Luke and Brendan were stripping off their clothes, and we were all toasting the naked men before they went off on their journey. Then, they were off, with Karla right behind, snapping a photo or two of the naked duo.
We all laughed and cried from the irony of Brendan's loud and obnoxious mandates of the "naked lap" rule, only to have himself running around my house in a mountainous area of Colorado, with not much lighting beyond that of the moon, to prance his white, naked body around a house he had never visited before. THE STORY ONLY GETS BETTER!
1 minutes passes, 2 minutes pass, then 3. It seems like these guys are taking awhile to run around my house naked. HMMMMMM????? Just when this sparks conversation, Luke walks in the door looking like he saw a "dude fucking a midget" (reference from sicman's post). "What's the problem Luke", I stated? "Where's Brendan"?
Luke: Ummmm......theres a big hole in your back yard????
Me: Big hole? I'm not sure what the hell you're talking about?............................OH MY GOD!!!!! (lightbulb goes off)..........
In walks in Brendan, pissed off and covered in SHIT!.......my shit! (2 days earlier, I had septic issues and had parts of my leech field dug up to find the problem, uncovering a 3-4 foot wide by 3-4 foot deep hole, filled with sewage.)
At this point, I tell everyone the story and the place ERUPTS in laughter!!!!! Irony and Karma in place and at work!! The Irishman had been "shat" into sobriety and went off into the restroom to yell and scream and clean himself off. Sunni went in as well to help calm his soul and nurture his nude ass! The rest of us remained in the living room, listening to Brendan rant and rave about the entire incident. Trying to keep our smiles and laughs at bay, we found ourselves in a state of quietness. This lasted until the Peruvian Karla, who can't help from being loud when she is excited, shouts "Oh moy Gawd goyz, look at dees!", as she absolutely is falling down while looking at her camera! STORY GETS BETTER!
She falls down and is trying to hand off the camera as Luke is trying to grab it from her. I jump into action and take it from her before Luke has the chance to view and erase and potential blackmail photography it might have had. What I have before my eyes is one of THE BEST blackmail photos I have ever seen in my life!
To put this into perspective, I had a wrap around deck outside of my door that the two gentlemen exited/re-entered from/into. I also had two dogs at the time who would "use" the deck as they needed. As they left the house, Luke was in front with Brendan following. Turning to his Left aroud the corner to start doing his "lap", Luke noticed fresh dog shit at his bare feet. He suddenly puts his left hand on the corner of the house and thrust his body (mostly his ass) back, in fear of stepping in "shit". In the picture this is portrayed perfectly! In the meantime, Brendan has no clue and is looking back at Karla who was taking the picture and walking directly into Luke. Brendan's left arm was positioned perfectly and you could tell he was on the verge of grabbing those wanting, awaiting hips of Luke's. Hahahaahahaah!!!!! I'm cracking up thinking about this!
Brendan hears the ruckus and decides to come out of hiding at this point. He sees the photo and at this point becomes so insanely pissed off, yet slapped across the face so hard, that he has no choice but to join in the laughter and hilarity of what the situation had become!
**** I definitely don't think that someone falling in shit is necessarily funny, but in this situation, it was probably one of the most hilarious events I have ever been part of and witnessed first hand. Hope you enjoyed it!.......NOW let's go to Burning Man! Please!
Livin on love
