Fucking Weird

[Sea Monkey]

When I went to BM in 2001, I had a wonderful time, but was constantly saddened by the fact that none of my friends were there. I came with a group of complete strangers, none of whom really hung out with me much. Last year, I brought four friends with me and the whole week I was physically and mentally exhausted and didn't do much exploring except at night by myself. All of my friends went off and did their own thing all week. I have a hard time meeting people and socializing when I'm out on my own. This made both experiences at Burning Man frustrating and lonely. There were still absolutely life-changing and wonderful aspects to it, but still that lingering sadness... What made everything worthwhile last year was on the night of the burn when I just went exploring the perimeter on my own away from everything. It was then that I met a wonderful young lady who listened well and told me a lot about myself that made a lot of sense. Anyhow, not long after I got back I started yearning to be there again. Then I started having dreams about Burning Man nearly every night and I still do. It's become an obsession. I keep having second thoughts about going because it costs so much damn money and I really want to invest in new records and maybe some new music gadgets (synths, midi controllers, etc.). I don't think I could stand to wait until 2005 though. I might go crazy with anticipation. Hell, I already am...

In dust we trust,
Sea Monkey

[alienfry]

it's an addiction. and every year i hear myself and my buddies say "no, can't do it, have other things to explore and pay for" and every year we end up going. shit, i end up planning more and more every year.

i make it a point NOT to think about it or talk about.

but i can't help it.

anyhoo, when i'm adventuring on the playa i enjoy a mix of hanging with pals and going off alone. i socialize best in a group of 3. some nights the whole camp will go out. and sometimes (especially in the morning) i'll go off alone to just look at everything and meet the other morning-people, and the crack-heads who never went to bed.

i went on 2 dates last year. so fun.

to make a short story long, i like pancakes!

[Badger]

I keep having second thoughts about going because it costs so much damn money and I really want to invest in new records and maybe some new music gadgets (synths, midi controllers, etc.).

Only you can weigh out what your priorities are.

It's a tough decision that a hell of a lot of folks face every year so you're not alone on that account.

You'll figure it out.

[Icepack]

it's an addiction. and every year i hear myself and my buddies say "no, can't do it, have other things to explore and pay for" and every year we end up going. shit, i end up planning more and more every year.

i make it a point NOT to think about it or talk about.

but i can't help it.

anyhoo, when i'm adventuring on the playa i enjoy a mix of hanging with pals and going off alone. i socialize best in a group of 3. some nights the whole camp will go out. and sometimes (especially in the morning) i'll go off alone to just look at everything and meet the other morning-people, and the crack-heads who never went to bed.

i went on 2 dates last year. so fun.

to make a short story long, i like pancakes!

Interesting to hear other people say these things. Here I was thinking I was the only one. Burning man can feel like one big party I think, and it's easy to feel "out of it". I too am better in smaller groups. Myself and my honey and a friend or two is just about perfect. I found the big masses a bit intiminating. I liked arriving early last year and feeling the vastness of the playa and also the solitude. As things got more crowded, I felt more claustrophobic. We're going back this year, although not arriving early. There is a lot I like about the event, but I'm still not sure I'm cut out for camping with 30,000 people.

And the expense! We are estimating about $2000-$4000 for the 2 weeks we'll spend being there and getting back and forth. For 2 people on a limited budget, it feels like a lot.

[robbidobbs]

The phenomenon of being addicted to Playa dust is very common among those who inhabit the temporary town of Black Rock City. Do not be ashamed of it. Do NOT over-medicate. Embrace it, put a candle next to it, make it your own. The symptoms will increase in intensity in proportion to the number of days left before your next Burn.
At about 100 days, people have been known to go into giggling convusions. (This is a good time to self-medicate)

Find like-minded Burners, try not to scare the Normals, and make notes and plans whenever the "mood" hits you.
You may find that even those you identify as co-Burners have enough on their minds, and their eyes have a propensity to glaze over when one prattles on and ON about Burning Man. They may not be fully addicted to Playa Dust, or are in their own lustful yearning mode. Be especially gentle with them. And if they should say something like: "Can we talk about something else?" Do so, but then sit quietly designing shelter structures, your art car, or your sound system while you enjoy your beer. Smile and nod.

Above all else, DON'T FIGHT THE URGE! You're going and that's all there is to it. Nothing is impossible, it's just logistics.

[Last Real Burner]

Yes Sea Monkey, I too had that very same dilema, and I took two years off, while all of my friends went. The positive side to that is that I now have a G4 Editing system with a Firewire DVD Burner, a Firewire Drive, a new Canon Camera, a Titanium Laptop, new office where the rent is paid, phone is paid and cash in the bank. I did miss two years of the Burn but I have produced several shorts as a result, so I it all evens out in the end. Looking back, do I wish I had gone to the burn instead?....... No. But that's just ol' responsible me. As always it's a personal decision that only you have the answer to.


"Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. "

unswervingly,
mr smith

[unjonharley]

I am retired now and on a fix Isay fixed income. I'm learning to live on less. So have applied the same for going to BM. It's working great. My new motto" Less camp=more fun". With planing I come up with new ideas all the time. I have a lot of "stuff". So i don't buy any thing I can't make do from what I have already. Supprise myself a lot. Last year I worked just log enough to pay for the gas.

[Icepack]

The phenomenon of being addicted to Playa dust is very common among those who inhabit the temporary town of Black Rock City. Do not be ashamed of it. Do NOT over-medicate. Embrace it, put a candle next to it, make it your own. The symptoms will increase in intensity in proportion to the number of days left before your next Burn.
At about 100 days, people have been known to go into giggling convusions. (This is a good time to self-medicate)
<snip>

Around xmas sometime, or maybe it was January, I got pretty depressed about things. I can't even remember what. My dear sweetie saw exactly what I needed and got out his box of playa dust and sprinkled some on a blanket and waved it at me. I cuddled into the blanket, shed a few tears, and happily fell asleep. Content that being on the playa is sometimes a state of mind. Guess that's why the signs say "Welcome Home".

[rodent]

and their eyes have a propensity to glaze over when one prattles on and ON about Burning Man.

Almost everytime I start talking about Black Rock, I keep feeling like Alison Hannigan's character in "American Pie"

"...and-this-one-time, at-band-camp..."

...and-this-one-time, at-burningman...

<soapbox>
Part of BRC is about celebrating life... so don't forget to live it. There IS more to do in the real world besides plan on, talk about, and get ready for Burningman. There are still flowers to smell, pictures to paint, dreams to chase and beauty to create. And for godbuddhakrishnaallah's sake, don't forget...

It's just a camping trip in the desert folks.
</soapbox>

[alienfry]

eventually i hope to weeeeen myself off of Bman, in that . . .

not depending on someone else to get a permit
not depending on someone else to pick a theme and grid streets

not buying a "ticket."

basically, to celebrate Burning Man whenever and wherever. which i do, but ultimately throw my own event that same weekend.

i'm part of the desert-gatherin' community in southern california, so i get to experience a lot of similar events all year long, but none are for such a duration.

so to make another short story long, i like pizza, and one day i hope to have my own oven.

[Juju]

It's just a camping trip in the desert folks.
</soapbox>

JUST A CAMPING TRIP IN THE DESERT?!?!

hehe. Yeah, yeah. I have a tendency to make it such a huge part of my life that all of my projects for the year are centered around it. I view my week on the playa as a time to live my life exactly as I want it, and if'n I need more skills for that, I'd better start preparing now.

But I agree with Unjon.... this year I'm looking to live within my means a bit more than I have been. As much as I love it, I don't want to spend half my paychecks and most of my summer weekends preparing for a week in the desert. A few weekends throughout the year will do me much better this time around.

But I tell ya, I *will* perfect my tamale recipe in time.

[Icepack]

and their eyes have a propensity to glaze over when one prattles on and ON about Burning Man.

Almost everytime I start talking about Black Rock, I keep feeling like Alison Hannigan's character in "American Pie"

"...and-this-one-time, at-band-camp..."

...and-this-one-time, at-burningman...

<soapbox>
Part of BRC is about celebrating life... so don't forget to live it. There IS more to do in the real world besides plan on, talk about, and get ready for Burningman. There are still flowers to smell, pictures to paint, dreams to chase and beauty to create. And for godbuddhakrishnaallah's sake, don't forget...

It's just a camping trip in the desert folks.
</soapbox>

Love the movie band-camp comparison. Find myself doing that with other parts of life as well occasionally.

Yes, it is just a camping trip in the desert, but that camping trip inspires me to provision myself with camping supplies for other camping trips. So rather than seek shelter that will withstand a mild summer night in Vermont, I seek shelter that will also withstand 100 mph winds. A simple cooler would be okay, but one that will survive 95 degree heat for a week is much better. A sleeping bag on the tent floor for a weekend is okay, but if I'm going to be on the playa for a week, better to invest in some sort of padding to go under the bag or maybe even a cot if space permits.

---Just back from the Coleman outlet store today with not 1 water jug, but 12! Because they were cheap and they make great gifts.

[BlueBirdPoof]

When I went to BM in 2001, I had a wonderful time, but was constantly saddened by the fact that none of my friends were there. I came with a group of complete strangers, none of whom really hung out with me much. Last year, I brought four friends with me and the whole week I was physically and mentally exhausted and didn't do much exploring except at night by myself. All of my friends went off and did their own thing all week. I have a hard time meeting people and socializing when I'm out on my own. This made both experiences at Burning Man frustrating and lonely.

JI hear ya, Monkey. As someone else on the thread said, it can be like coming stag to a party and feeling left out. (I paraphrase.) Both my years have had a simelier feeling. The first year, I came with my partner--but his big project/art/gift is being one of the EMTs in the medical branch, and I haven't the training or the temperment to keep up with him. It was also a tough time to be in ESD(then R)--its first year as a seperate department and there was some internal crap going on. It was also a strain on the relationship--I was hoping that my 4th year burner man could introduce me around and help me find my feet and it didn't work out that way. I ended up hanging out at the med station too much listening to people reminice about past glories--a pathetic time. Last year we were a bit better prepped for our different approaches, but still short on money and stressed and I had the same problems with heat and altitude. And he was really hard hit by Kathy Lampman's death and it was kind of a wash again. I almost don't know why I'm even considering going again. But I'm doggedly trying to post and contribute here, in the hopes of finding people and projects to get involved with so that this year it's different.
So ambivalence isn't unheard of. . .

[dj big E]

" I keep having second thoughts about going because it costs so much damn money and I really want to invest in new records and maybe some new music gadgets (synths, midi controllers, etc.). "lmao thats a quote from first post unfortunately i dont know how to use this system that well.anyways let me sum up my scrambled thoughts i plan on going everyyear but never can afford to get ticket until last minute 2001 2002 i was gifted a ticket thanks weir and thanks dj shoe last year i sold my mixer one month before the burn to pay for my ticket.Anyways mixers and other gadgets are a dime a dozen but there is only one brc and only once a year. i still haven't replaced my mixer and dont regret it at all. anyways see you at the burn even if i half to sell my soul lmao.

[LeChatNoir]

Hello, Hello Bluebird Poof, Sea Monkey, and others...

I can really identify with you, at least on the level of worrying about it all being a wash. I’d be really bummed to drive 1900 miles one way and that happen to me. Not meaning to retype a previous post of mine in another thread about some the same situations Sea Monkey faced, but suffice it to say that my social experiences seem all too similar sometimes. I can and will talk to anyone at the drop of a hat, but there are some social situations that just make me clam up. I become the typical wallflower... almost as if I’m waiting for someone to come up and say, “Hey... let’s go do something!”. I figure BM could easily be one of these situations if I let it.

But I'm doggedly trying to post and contribute here, in the hopes of finding people and projects to get involved with so that this year it's different.

I don’t think I want to get directly involved, at least not beforehand, with any one theme camp on account of just wanting to see where this first experience leads me. That’s not to say that I won’t lend a hand to any and all that I can when I’m there (on the contrary, to do otherwise would not be who I am). I just don’t want a commitment to one place when I don’t really have a full grasp on what I’m getting into. One thing I do plan on doing is trying to meet friends I’ve made on the eplaya. And though I’m a big ponderer and enjoy my solitary time, I’ll also make the conscious effort to go out and meet others. I’m sure that all too often, someone thinking, “I sure wish somebody would talk to me” walks right past someone else thinking the exact same thing. Perhaps if I see a person in just such a funk, I’ll be the one who walks up and says, “Hey... let’s go do something.”


Well... one thing is for sure... BlueBirdPoof, Sea Monkey (and anyone else), if you’re wandering around feeling lonely and blue, there is one place you’re invited. Seek me out... you’ll be welcome in my hermit shack on the playa. We can all sit around staring semi-suspiciously at each other and waiting for someone other than ourselves to start a conversation.

I'll just hang my little sign out that says, “Strays Welcome”.

[LeChatNoir]

And as far as the gaining material stuff or going to BM goes... I’d say give it one more chance. But then again hope springs eternal in me.

I went and found a post by Chai Guy that addressed the “breaking out of one’s shell”. This is one of the most insightful and wonderful bits of advice I’ve seen and worthy of being passed on. I hope Chai Guy doesn’t mind me doing just that.

I'm not sure if you and I have experienced the same thing, but what you went through sounds a lot like my experience, so I'll share it here and let you decide.


I had much of the same feelings about Burning Man during my first trip, overwhelmed and in awe but somewhat fearful and unsure of exactly where I fit into it all. I wanted to connect with people and contribute something unique and different so I came up with my idea for a chai cart. I thought I would just ride around and give out chai. The chai was a big hit and when people would see me ride by they would call out "Hey Chai Guy!", and this character (Chai Guy) started to develop organically over time.

I can do things as "Chai Guy" that I would never have the courage to do as myself. He's kind of like a super hero without super powers (unless you count bringing cold delicious chai to your theme camp or art installation as a super power). I could never walk into someone's theme camp and say "Hello" to a stranger, but Chai Guy can, and if Chai Guy get's rejected, it's no big deal, he just moves on to the next theme camp and it dosen't even phase him.

My friend Merlin calls these things "Strings", it's the stuff we use to break out of our shells and interact with other people. It dosen't have to be a tangible gift, it can be anything from a costume to a magic trick, to whatever your "thing" is. Merlin also taught me that it's important to sometimes put your strings away and just try being your real self every once in a while, and my positive experiences as Chai Guy has given me the confidence to do that.

Chai Guy is the person that I've always wanted to be, but fear and self doubt wouldn't allow me to be. I think I'm almost at the point of out growing him now.

So I guess that's my advice, create a character for yourself. Give him/her all the attributes that you desire of yourself, put on a mask or a cape or whatever clothes you envision your character to be in and make your presence known. If someone dosen't get it, or they reject you, move on and don't let it get you down, they're not rejecting you anyway, it's just this character you have created. Hope this helps!

Yes...

[Chai Guy]

I went and found a post by Chai Guy that addressed the “breaking out of one’s shell”. This is one of the most insightful and wonderful bits of advice I’ve seen and worthy of being passed on. I hope Chai Guy doesn’t mind me doing just that.

Don't mind at all, in fact I wanted to post that here but couldn't find it again. Thanks! : )

[dj big E]

trying to keep everyone in you're group is a pain in the ass i love to playa cruise bymyself in so called lurker mode lmao!!!!!!!!!! To much to see and do!!!!!!!! but i will be looking for the strays welcome signs lmao! all lurkers loners are invited to camp weirdo for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Last Real Burner]

Why don't you guys start "Camp Hook-up" a camp that pairs 4 people together for a day on the playa.

"Just a thought."
directly,
mr smith

[Rob the Wop]

You mean kind of an "Unreality Show"?
You vote out other people in the group?

[BirthdayBabb]

I wandered around by myself late at nght, after my campmates had gone to bed. I really really enjoyed it, and spent alot of time at the Man. But every night - er every morning I would eventually start feeling alone, and cold, and would look enviously at groups and camps all cozy and friendly. Since I didn't feel like walking by myself into someones camp at 4 am , I will be looking for the Hermits Hut with the "Strays Welcome" sign this year. Thanks for thinking it up.




I can't wait to GO HOME PEACE

[marnen]

[...]
I can and will talk to anyone at the drop of a hat, but there are some social situations that just make me clam up. I become the typical wallflower... almost as if I’m waiting for someone to come up and say, “Hey... let’s go do something!”. I figure BM could easily be one of these situations if I let it.
[...]

Hey, well put! BM could easily have been one of those situations for me -- when I went for the first time in 2002, I camped alone. I knew *one* other person on the playa, and I didn't manage to hook up with her till just after the Man burned. I am generally not good at reaching out in situations where I know absolutely no one.

But I wasn't going to let myself do nothing all week. Heck, it could be said that *BM* wasn't going to let me do nothing all week. So I took every opportunity I could to make new friends and do new things...looking back on it, I'm still amazed that I was even psychologically able to make it work.

One of the wonderful things about BM, I think, is precisely this: that it provides "safe space" to be vulnerable, break out of your shell, make friends, do stuff, whatever. That's a big part of why I'm coming back.

Best,
Marnen

[marnen]

Another point, inspired by Chai Guy's remarks on creating a playa persona that can do things that "yourself" can't: I found out about the custom of playa names/personae sometime before I first went to BM. I gave it some thought, and really didn't feel comfortable with the idea of adopting a separate identity; that feeling grew while I was at BM.

It's not that I mind going by another name or face for a while (heck, I'm in the SCA, I'm used to it), but for BM, it just felt wrong (for me, that is -- I'm not trying to judge anyone else). I think the reason had to do with my take on BM: that it is, at its best, a social experiment with results we can take back with us off the playa. I use the same name on and off the playa largely because I am the same person on and off the playa. I want the on- and off-playa segments of my life to interpenetrate -- not in the sense that BM becomes my life for the rest of the year, but in the sense that I can take lessons learned in one place and use them in the other as appropriate.

Ouch. This is turning into an off-topic ramble, so I'll summarize. If I'm Marnen back home and (e.g.) Wolfkitty on the playa, in my mind that's to some degree denying that Marnen can live on the playa, and denying that Wolfkitty can live off it. It's also compartmentalizing Wolfkitty so I don't have to deal with him when I'm Marnen (and vice versa), so I can blithely going on being the same Marnen as I was and leave Wolfkitty -- and the growth he represents -- on the playa. That is not the outcome I want. Neither is leaving Marnen (and the growth he represents) home and being only Wolfkitty on the playa.

Or at least that's how I'm wired. YMMV.

It's late...I'm rambling...must sleep.

Best,
Marnen

[Captain Goddammit]

Well this is fucking wierd... sometimes I find myself thinking just the opposite of the loneliness-at-BM thing... I'm in a theme camp, know a lot of burners, and have a large mutant vehicle that draws more passengers than I can allow on at once. I sometimes wish I was more invisible and unhooked. I'm even thinking about not staying at the theme camp this year.
The grass is always greener. Not that I have anything but a great time on the playa, but I might lay a little lower this time.
One of the coolest things about BM is that you CAN just walk into pretty much any camp and everyone is your friend immediately. Just being at Burning Man gives you plenty in common with everyone else.

[marnen]

[...]
One of the coolest things about BM is that you CAN just walk into pretty much any camp and everyone is your friend immediately.

I too like the spirit of acceptance, openness, and sociability at BM. But a part of me is asking this question -- and I stress that it's a real question, and I'm interested in real answers -- if everyone just sort of becomes your friend as soon as they lay eyes on you, how "real" is that friendship? How can you make a meaningful friendship with someone before you've had a chance to interact with em a bit? And if a friendship isn't meaningful, is it really anything more than a cruel hoax?

Just being at Burning Man gives you plenty in common with everyone else.

Oh, yes. Oh, very much yes.

Best,
Official Devil's Advocate

[III]

>>How can you make a meaningful friendship with someone before you've had a chance to interact with em a bit? And if a friendship isn't meaningful, is it really anything more than a cruel hoax?


this is exactly why some of us come off as grumpy unaccepting assholes. it's not that we hate everybody, it's just that we're reluctant to establish friendships until we find something of worth in the person we're interacting with. to someone watching from the outside, that line can be missed.

[theCryptofishist]

Another point, inspired by Chai Guy's remarks on creating a playa persona that can do things that "yourself" can't: I found out about the custom of playa names/personae sometime before I first went to BM. I gave it some thought, and really didn't feel comfortable with the idea of adopting a separate identity; that feeling grew while I was at BM.

It's not that I mind going by another name or face for a while (heck, I'm in the SCA, I'm used to it), but for BM, it just felt wrong (for me, that is -- I'm not trying to judge anyone else). I think the reason had to do with my take on BM: that it is, at its best, a social experiment with results we can take back with us off the playa. I use the same name on and off the playa largely because I am the same person on and off the playa. I want the on- and off-playa segments of my life to interpenetrate -- not in the sense that BM becomes my life for the rest of the year, but in the sense that I can take lessons learned in one place and use them in the other as appropriate..

I have and have always had two names in the world my "legal" name--which is on my id and checks and that I use at work and with people who just wont get my other name, and my "real" name that I use with intemates and people that I meet in certain situations. Both these were given to me by my mother. (Heck when they told my my legal name at age 3, I stamped my foot and insisted that it wasnt' me.) So for me the switch isn't a big deal, on a certain level. And I think that having two or more names is a real thing in the human psyche. IF you think of vous/tu, Sie/du, usted/tu for instance they represent 2 different levels of formality. I'd be happy with a third, a playa persona, name. Besides I love the basicness of playa names. You give people chai--you get called Chai Guy. It's like a cheesey western: Slim, Curly, Red. Our naming system is so formal these days that we don't go back to the beginning of names--nicknames. I think on of the ways that the playa gives us experiencing our basic humanity without some of the particular rules of our culture is the opportunity to use these names--as addressor and addressed.

[vulgaris]

I know what you mean, the "alone-ness", I think things just get a little overwhelming. I went with a group of people but I still did my own thing at nights and well usually during the day too. That had a lot to do with the fact that I'm not all that into "raves and/or dancing to techno music" too. The experiences and people I met were more than enough to bring me back tho...

[sparkletarte]

I'm a Gemini, I don't see anything wrong with having more than one personality. It's a daily thing for me!

For some people, adopting a character would be a part of who they are, because it is them- they created it. And if you are able to open up in that character, great, perhaps you will take some of that character into your day-to-day life. And if you don't, that's okay too. All of the people you are make who you are.

[vulgaris]

Other than the whole "everyone wears some masks sometimes" bit, I don't think I could have a playa personality. Unless I was an anime space pirate, or something.