ePlaya

by **_tears_** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 5:36 pm

Hello. Last year was my first burn, i was 16 years old and i attended without my parents.

The biggest thing i can stress is to prepair them the best they can. There is sex & drugs flying around everywhere despite what people say/think. They will be tempted. Just do the best you can to keep them safe.

If you would like you or anyone of your children can contact me through there or through e-mail at TearsOfDanger@aol.com. I would gladly speak with you and answer any questions

Good Luck and welcome to Burning Man.

by **_tears_** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 5:40 pm

I wouldnt exactly use the phrase " letting them lose ". That just isnt too safe for them or others they come in contact with. They need to have tabs kept on them. The Camp i went with always had a good idea where i was. I also suggest they carry around with something that has there names ( or playa names ) on them and what camp or area they are at incase they get a little too ..Happy(?).

I personally would go alone without the children first to see for yourself. But hey, its your life.

Again, Good luck. And e-mail me any time or if they want to talk to another teen who has gone or plan a meeting time to hang out at BM that is cool too.

--Tears--

by **Taniwha** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:40 pm

III wrote:you weren't expecting them back, were you?

Oh - they're 16/18 - they'll be gone soon anyway .... if not taking them to a burn is probably a pretty cool way of gently showing them the door :-)

Seriously though as I've mentioned elsewhere we take our somewhat younger kids and would never think twice about doing it again (we'll be there this year) - the big difference is that our kids still look like kids (well maybe not my son anymore who grew so much this year) - your's probably look like adults and people will treat them as such, and probably expect them to act like adults and have more experience of the world. So for my kids things I have to explain like "um ... that guy isn't really selling 'lemonade' .... err it's sort of a joke ...." your kids are probably expected to understand the 'joke' .... :-)

So long as you and they figure out how to get back to your camp before you go off, always have sunscreen and water you'll all be OK - make some rules, wander around with them a bit first then let them loose they (and you) will have a blast.

One thing though I think that teenage boys need a gentle reminder .... there are naked women everywhere, maybe something they're not used to .... you have to teach them to be cool .... just point out it's OK to look but not to stare ....

by **III** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 7:48 pm

>>One thing though I think that teenage boys need a gentle reminder

among other things, that sex with men is a good way to lose your virginity? that is what he's after out there, right?

by **Silver** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:18 pm

Maturity levels, rules and temptations. I have known several teens who have gone to Burning Man, I knew one 18 year old girl who was there for her third burn, the first two with her mother and in '02 with her boyfriend. Wish to god that my 17 year old boy was half as mature. I think that one of the main things that you all need to go over is the temptations out there and to get the kids to work through the consequences and how they will be dealt with. Ask yourself and the kids what happens when .... Tim: "Jody got naked at Pinky's". Jody: "Oh yeah well Tim got yelled at by a old guy with long hair for doing Bushmill shooters. The old guy said that if he was going to guzzle to switch to the cheap crap".

True story, not at Burning Man but at an errr function, I am a bit more aware now but ... Sitting around, dinner has been eaten, after dinner drinks are on top of dinner wine. A young couple drop by, kind of shy, Silver: "Hi how you doing, hungry? Food over there, bar next to the cooler and beer in the cooler. Knock yourselves out." Kids head for bar and snacks. Cuddles, all of 22: Silver, those kids can't be more that 17. Silver: Oh, from my point of view half the people here look like they are 16. Hey, guys, one beer each until I hear from your parents or whatever. The parents wandered by while the kids were still eating .. no problem. Similar things will happen at Burning Man. Unless the kids look or act really young there will be very little restricted to them. It would have never occured to me tell the young couple camped near me (18 and 20 as I found out mid-week) to stay away from the beer and booze that I left out for those camped nearby to hit on as they pleased.

by **Blonde Iguana** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:36 pm

III, I'll drop him off at your camp first thing for the deflowering...is there somewhere I can go to get re-flowered?

Tears, thanks for the great advice, I'll bet my daughter will be thrilled to exchange emails with you and hear about your experiences. Don't worry, we love them even though they're strange and scary. We'll be sure to protest weakly when they show signs of wandering into harm's way.

Seriously...we don't want them to have any bad experiences or make nuisances of themselves. So of course we'll make sure they have what they need and use some common sense in dealing with the various peeps. They're definitely old enough and smart enough to hold their own. I'm way more worried about myself...

by **Blonde Iguana** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 8:40 pm

Silver, your camp sounds fun...hope I run across it in my wanderings.

by **shitmouse** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 9:38 pm

there's such subjective angles when when it comes to teens.
they'll either get-it or they won't. which i guess applies to most adults...
-(which act less adult than a lot of teens)...

i don't think they would get a lot of the tongue-in-cheeck adult, saged humor or sarcasm at BM, but i do think the right, connected and open minded teen would get-it. plus i think the general community holds a high amount of responsibility and consiousness looking out for a teen in a sort of way... so it would be good on that level.

one thing, you wouldn't want to bring someone to their personal hell for a week and have them dread it at every moment. make sure that young snapper is ready for the weather (heat), potentially crazy powerful wind, what-evers,etc. with some camping or hiking under their belts. -(i was a teen camp director for a few years with 11 thru 14 year olds, and man did they hate hiking. they would have HATED BM in regards to a lot of elements presented out there.) --but if your cool, -(thus your lifestyle by default prolly has camping on it's agenda) your kids are prolly good too.

-b

by **bloody_valentine** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 9:48 pm

Hey marmaduke (the 16yr old daughter of miz iguana)

And aloha to all of the BurningMan particles, I love you all. Thanks for all of the info, we're like 4 little dust bunnies slowly tumbling with the current of another's footsteps onto an another room we've never dirtified in.

...or someting. Well anyway, you guys are slinkster cool and I can't wait to drink your beer and draw swirly designs in the sand by your camps to make them MINE! Un...til... the wind blows it into smoothness once more. But I can do it again! Even though I'll probably be busy trying to do handstands and chasing dirt devils wailing strangness such as: "COMPUTER BLUE!" "REFUSE MY REQUEST OF LOVE?" "SOON ALL OF THE CHILDREN WILL BE DIPPED IN FUNG-LUM SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE!!" "DARLING PICKIE!"

-toodles

by **PurpleKoosh** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 10:00 pm

bloody_valentine wrote:"SOON ALL OF THE CHILDREN WILL BE DIPPED IN FUNG-LUM SWEET AND SOUR SAUCE!!"

Fung Lum - just around the corner from the Pruneyard.

I wonder if the Pruneyard says they're just around the corner from Fung Lum?

(Unless you lived in the South SF Bay prior to about 1982, you won't get this....)

by **_tears_** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 10:13 pm

Well you sound like you have things pretty well under control with your children. Just do the best you can

. It will be a wonderful experiance for everyone.

Cant wait to get to know you and the family

--Tears--

by **III** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 10:28 pm

bi - my instincts tend to be for shit, so take this with a grain of salt, but i'm thinkinn you and yer kids are gonna be just fine out there. (analysis elided).

by **stuart** » Mon Mar 29, 2004 11:54 pm

-you weren't expecting them back, were you?

certainly not in same condition

by **awibs** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 8:57 am

I take the side of treating them more or less as adults. I'm 20, personally, so I can remember being 18 pretty clearly. For one thing, 18 *is* an adult (as much as legal status can be said to matter) and 16 is close enough. At this point, it's too late to be paranoid and clamp down on them.... what you've wanted to teach them has either already rubbed off, or not. They will use their own judgement whether or not you want them to. The more you lecture and restrict them.... you'll just ruin the experience for them and make them resent you. If they don't already agree with you, they'll tune you out anyway.... you know how teens are. Just remind them once to use condoms and beware of disease and let 'em go.

Honestly, I really don't think 16 and 18 are kids anymore. They're foolish ages and will make more mistakes than those older than them... but hell, at 20 I make more mistakes than those older than me, yet my own good (or not so good) sense is all I've got to work with and I don't think I'm doing too shabbily. And in the case of myself, or people I know who are two years younger than me........ I'll listen to friendly advice and warnings, but I won't stand for being "mommied" or given curfews or tied with a leash to my tent. I think your kids will listen more carefully if you use your warnings/advice sparingly - not crying wolf, so to speak.

Good luck and I hope to see you there!

by **awibs** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 9:04 am

oh, btw mizz blonde iguana.... if the boy wants to be de-virginized by both a boy and a girl (and probably a few more) you could always send him my way..... i rather find that group experiences early on can help with open-mind-open-heart and nip potential jealousy issues in the bud. i swore i'd had enough with virgins, but i suppose if he's exceptionally handsome i could bend the rules..... :D

"Share water, darlings!"

by **stuart** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 11:42 am

I really don't think 16 and 18 are kids anymore.

some of us smile wryly when we see this coming from a 20 year old.

by **Bob** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 12:03 pm

My advice, if nothing else, would be not to mollycoddle them. Everybody going to the event should read & understand the Survival Guide & other guidelines, a central message of which is self-sufficiency & preparedness wrt to the high desert environment and the social aspects of the event.

by **Zane5100** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 2:55 pm

Bob wrote:My advice, if nothing else, would be not to mollycoddle them. Everybody going to the event should read & understand the Survival Guide & other guidelines, a central message of which is self-sufficiency & preparedness wrt to the high desert environment and the social aspects of the event.

ditto

by **Blonde Iguana** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 3:57 pm

The teens shall be warned and educated, but not mollycoddled, dandled or given preferential treatment of any sort. In fact, I'd like to put them to some use, loaning them out as birthcontrol devices to couples who are considering having children.

by **Zane5100** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 4:02 pm

Blonde Iguana wrote:The teens shall be warned and educated, but not mollycoddled, dandled or given preferential treatment of any sort. In fact, I'd like to put them to some use, loaning them out as birthcontrol devices to couples who are considering having children.

LOL!!

by **Taniwha** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 8:21 pm

Blonde Iguana wrote:I'd like to put them to some use, loaning them out as birthcontrol devices to couples who are considering having children.

oh so true ... the sad part is that before that they're so cute .... all your friends wanted one too .... now they've become teens and you've got a pack of 'em .... watching my 13yr old sprout is kind of scary one day he's a snuggly little kid, the next he's practicing his surly teenager bit (he's getting quite good), then he's back to snuggly .... sadly I know I was probably just like that

I'm a firm believer in getting them to make their own mistakes - it's the best way for people (of all ages) to learn about life - at this age I figure I just have to make sure that in the process he doesn't kill himself, end up in jail, have a habit he can't quit and can earn a living at the end of it .... he's a smart kid the rest will probably take care of itself

by **_tears_** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 9:02 pm

stuart wrote:
I really don't think 16 and 18 are kids anymore.

some of us smile wryly when we see this coming from a 20 year old.

I agree with that

by **Zane5100** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 9:02 am

Taniwha wrote:
Blonde Iguana wrote:I'd like to put them to some use, loaning them out as birthcontrol devices to couples who are considering having children.

oh so true ... the sad part is that before that they're so cute .... all your friends wanted one too ....

Kids are cute? Are you sure?

I'm going to have to think about that one...

Taniwha wrote:I'm a firm believer in getting them to make their own mistakes - it's the best way for people (of all ages) to learn about life - at this age I figure I just have to make sure that in the process he doesn't kill himself, end up in jail, have a habit he can't quit and can earn a living at the end of it .... he's a smart kid the rest will probably take care of itself

I'll buy that.

And it's amusing to watch them go through the learning curve (so long as you're not legally responsible for their actions).

by **spectabillis** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 12:03 am

Badger wrote:Encourage your kid to jump in and contribute/participate rather than be the observer/consumer.

"Jump right in, it wont hurt, really, just roll around on the ground a little, that will put it out."

by **spectabillis** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 12:06 am

III wrote:you weren't expecting them back, were you?

Dude, your posts are just too much... never change.

by **herrdirektor** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 11:47 pm

hageymon wrote:Yeah. PLUS, he's been the only kid in my theme camp (Black Rock Burner Hostel) both years, so he gets fawned over by everyone and lots of them volunteer to take him out and about and show him a good time. Dad doesn't hafta "babysit". And, by now, he's so well-versed in female anatomy, via close-up inspection, that he has absolutely no interest in porno, unlike so many of his peers. He's already seen so much of the real thing that nudity has no shock value whatsoever. Good.

Oh c'mon, do you REALLY believe that? I've been exposed to thousands of naked bodies in my lifetime (I grew up in the 60s, spent a good long summer on a commune, went to Woodstock, saw Hair, did the "fast lane" thing in the 1970s, went dormant in the 80s, revived in the 90s and now have spent two Labor day weeks at BM, plus I go to a number of alternative lifestyle events, including nudist resorts, spas, etc.), many by close inspection, and it never had ANYTHING to do with my interest in porn ;-)

Porn isn't about nudity, its about sexuality, and eroticism. Of course nudity has no shock value if you are exposed to it early enough, but I doubt that has much to do with interest in porn. In France, there are bare breasts on ads in the subways, totally nude people on the beaches, etc., and they still have a thriving porn business.

Personally I see nothing wrong with it. Healthy understanding and respect for the human body it critical to growing up well-formed. Understanding your sexuality (which probably means at least SOME exposure to the wonderfully enjoyable aspects of eroticism) is ditto.

This reminds me of the nudist camps of yore where if you got an erection it was possible that you'd be kicked out of the resort for violating the "decency" code. Jeesh! Naked people get erections (well, naked men do, naked women only do when wearing strap-ons :twisted:

), so everyone should just get over it!

by **III** » Tue Apr 06, 2004 12:04 am

if nudity isn't about sex, why are you getting an erection?

by **Zane5100** » Tue Apr 06, 2004 8:57 am

III wrote:if nudity isn't about sex, why are you getting an erection?

...because you have "issues."

by **theCryptofishist** » Tue Apr 06, 2004 12:22 pm

Zane5100 wrote:
III wrote:if nudity isn't about sex, why are you getting an erection?

...because you have "issues."

Too many free samples of new pharmasuticles.

by **awibs** » Tue Apr 06, 2004 8:24 pm

[quote]some of us smile wryly when we see this coming from a 20 year old.[/quote]

i don't pretend to be 40. but no one's watching me, and no one's going to....... i may not be any more mature than they are.... that's exactly my point. it's not going to get much better, maturity-wise, between 16 and the age when one is expected to move out and function as an adult. so it's not any more unreasonable to expect the same things of them as you would of me.........

ePlaya

Kids & Teenagers at Burning Man

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