EAST COAST TAKEOVER...the Manifesto

[Simon of the Playa]

1. We the burners of the right Coast, the EAST Coast, the one with the PROPER TIME ZONE,as opposed to the brian williams is doing the news, IT HAPPENED 3 FUCKING HOURS AGO, WHY BOTHER TIME ZONE....hereby DEMAND in a rude and brash manner that WE, the people who actually show up ON TIME for things, SHOULD BE RUNNING BURNING MAN....

2. NO BIRKENSTOCKS....none, not even steel toe.....i do not need to explain.

3. NO USE OF THE WORD "WAY" as an adjective....

4. all tofu including free range organic tofu MUST STAY IN GERLACH.

5. BAGELS........you cannot get a decent one west of Boca Raton....it would be nice to nosh with my coffee in the morning.

6. NO NAKED YOGA....so i can enjoy my nosh and coffee...


to be continued....

[BigCock]

We thought of it so we get to have it in our time zone with our Berkeleystocks and our hamburger bun bagels.
sticks tongue out

[dr.placebo]

Hey, man, don't be so uptight!

And just as a reminder to you East Coasters: Black is not a color, black is the absence of color. White is the presence of all colors, but they are too fucking close together. And don't get me started on gray! Get with the rainbow!

And I want one of your bagels. Mit lox schmeer. Thanks.

[Bay Bridge Sue]

1. We the burners of the right Coast, the EAST Coast, the one with the PROPER TIME ZONE,as opposed to the brian williams is doing the news, IT HAPPENED 3 FUCKING HOURS AGO, WHY BOTHER TIME ZONE....hereby DEMAND in a rude and brash manner that WE, the people who actually show up ON TIME for things, SHOULD BE RUNNING BURNING MAN....

2. NO BIRKENSTOCKS....none, not even steel toe.....i do not need to explain.

3. NO USE OF THE WORD "WAY" as an adjective....

4. all tofu including free range organic tofu MUST STAY IN GERLACH.

5. BAGELS........you cannot get a decent one west of Boca Raton....it would be nice to nosh with my coffee in the morning.

6. NO NAKED YOGA....so i can enjoy my nosh and coffee...


to be continued....

PEH!!

You are ze seely Yanqui, yew that sleep too late to have proper relations with ze PROPER city as is Paris... Seely Yanqui, when you raise your seely head from your smelly pillow, after ze games with ze oui-oui, we have been deciding the best way with which to scorn you!

We shall to do one better. Ze official language of Ze Burning Man c'est François! Si vous ne pouvez pas parler une langue appropriée, c'est vous et votre Birkenstocks idiot qui si restez à la maison, vous YANQUI IDIOT! Peh!

Ze people in Gerlach, zey eat NOT ze seely Tofu or ze Beagle-chiens... And if you wish to eat ze Beagles, zen you are to be Truly Seely!!! (Beesides, le bagel est une invention Française. Avec Le Caviar. Réalisez au delà de lui!)

And only ze Yanqui would not to appreciate ze nakedness of Zsu-Zsu... What is zees Rochester? Ees not it ze Servant of ze males on ze Radio? Eet is to explain...

No wonder ze American boys are so boring. I shall play with my ferret, Feelth and yawn at you, for you deserve no better... Do not continue, it bores me so...

-Zsu Zsu

[goathead]

Ze people in Gerlach, zey eat NOT ze seely Tofu or ze Beagle-chiens... And if you wish to eat ze Beagles, zen you are to be Truly Seely!!! (Beesides, le bagel est une invention Française. Avec Le Caviar. Réalisez au delà de lui!)

Commardes Gerlach едÑ

[Simon of the Playa]

Ah, Zsu Zsu, vous parlez francais comme les suisse....

avec chocolate chaud...


Moi, J'etudiez a paris, et aussi a rennes...

Je t'aime La France, Je N'aime pas les Francais...

peut-etre parce-que je suis DEUTSCH....

et je pense que Jerry Lewis Sucks.

[Simon of the Playa]

7. YOU MUST PARK ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE PLAYA ON EVEN DAYS UNTIL 6:00 pm UNLESS IT IS A SCHOOL DAY

8. ALL "A"'s MUST BE PRONOUNCED IN A NASALLY WHINE.....like this...

"Blaaaaaaaaaack Caaaaaaaaaaat...."

9. NO SMILING. unless it's your sex face, and it's in private.

10. SNOW....YES, LOTS OF SNOW, LIKE THE BLIZZARD OF 77' in BUFFALO
it's about time you tasted OUR hell...

11. YOU MUST COMPLAIN ABOUT EVERYTHING...pretend you're from nadick, Mass. and you hate everything, especially new yorkers...

12. ALL CHICKEN WINGS, ALL THE TIME....it's about time you tasted OUR hell...

13. FRESCA, and LOTS OF IT.



"Rochester.....it's an acquired taste"

[Simon of the Playa]

14. ALL PLAYA EVENTS WILL BE ON TIME, AS SCHEDUALED OR YOUR GIFT WILL BE REGIFTED.

15. absolutely NO REIKI, STONE OR GEM THERAPY allowed on the playa...
havent you people heard of SNAKE OIL?

16. ALL ART CARS MUST HONK ALL THE TIME REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT THEY ARE IN A HURRY.

17. NO bicycles, they'll only hold up the speeding ART Cars....

18. ALL SARCASM is to be replaced by BITTER IRONY...

more to come, i have to go to work, and we are expected to arrive on time, we know not of the concept of "ish" which is strange to the easties..

ten-ish...afternoonish........July-ish.....WTF?

[Ugly Dougly]

19. Replace "way" with "fuckin'" and you're set.

[primate]

20. There's already a word for dropping your trash on the ground. It's called litter.

[Simon of the Playa]

mmmmmmmmmmmm........ten high..........a blended whisky......

in the easy-carry two-liter plastic bottle.....available at albertsons.....


yesssssssssssssssssss.

[primate]

Ten-High- Best served at playa temperature. About 80 degrees.