Don't Post the Critical Tits Route This Year!

[diane o'thirst]

Look, all of us PARTICIPANTS agree, it's getting out of hand with the lookie-loo situation.

See, here's my problem. I ride a recumbent and you have to get up to a certain, rather fast speed in order to keep that configuration stable. The course was so packed with idiots pressing in to get closer to the girls, that we got bottlenecked several times and I spent at least half the ride just wheeling along with my feet on the ground. Traffic jam after traffic jam after traffic jam.

It's a BIKE RIDE, isn't it?!

What's worse was the mouth-breathers who kept diving into the stream. About the third time that happened to me I had a good mind to just run the next idiot who did that down.

But you know, as soon as the crowd thinned out and we were able to spread out a little, and get up to speed, the ride was fun. Instead of watching out for bozos, frat boys and suicidal testosterone-poisoned types, wrestling against gravity and dealing with the effects of annoyance, we were having fun. Girls out, biking together across the Playa. Wow. It <i>should</i> be like this.

If the lookie-loos and spectators want to tell us how beautiful we are and offer us trinkets, they can bloody well get off their duffs and chase us down. Screw the route. Let's just ride, girls.

[helitack]

Or, just don't have it at all...

[Zhust]

You can never go home.

[Remark]

Look, all of us PARTICIPANTS agree, it's getting out of hand with the lookie-loo situation.

Screw the route. Let's just ride, girls.

Critical Tits is what it is.

Have your own "howling-thru-the-playa ride." Like minded folk would love the choice.

Personally, the crowd at Critical Tits has a creepy vibe to me. I love looking at tits as much as the next testosterone-poisoned guy, just not in large groups of said apes.

[SED]

Maybe Critical Tits isn't such a good idea, afterall.

[diane o'thirst]

Personally, the crowd at Critical Tits has a creepy vibe to me. I love looking at tits as much as the next testosterone-poisoned guy, just not in large groups of said apes.

And if the large groups of said apes didn't know where the stream was going to run, and thought that they'd actually have to <i>work</i> for their gawk, there wouldn't be large groups. It'd be thinned out by attrition. The fratboys and mouth-breathers want their Burn pre-packaged and displayed at their convenience. They don't want to explore.

See, here's another point. Some of the best parts of Burning Man are serendipitous in nature, right? You're cruising along and you chance across someone's beautiful camp. They have cool, clean, nicely-built structures and a gorgeous installation right in their front yard, maybe a kaleidoscope or a fountain or suchlike. You stop, go in and meet the creators to congratulate them and make some new friends in the process.

Now say you're out cruising around on Friday, and you see a big cloud on the horizon. "Wow, that's probably Critical Tits, let's catch up with them!" Suddenly, the spectators are participants, they're not sitting on their mutant vehicles and ladders. Fratboys weeded out, spectatorship issue addressed if not resolved.

Anyway...what I'm seeing here, is a bunch of the Usual Suspectsâ„¢ getting huffy about a proposed change to Their Burn, and all guys, who by definition aren't riding and don't have to deal with the idiots. Let's hear from the ladies!

[SED]

Ride your bicycle for I to make a sexy time on your tits.

[Toolmaker]

You have to post the route! Karl Baba needs something to photograph and sell on the internet to call himself an artist. Without the participants of Critical Tits and BM he would go bancrupt. Lets face it.. Karl is not as sexy as some swingin and swangin boobies in the breeze. I would much rather see some tit that Karl on some rock.

[Zhust]

And if the large groups of said apes didn't know where the stream was going to run, and thought that they'd actually have to <i>work</i> for their gawk, there wouldn't be large groups. It'd be thinned out by attrition. The fratboys and mouth-breathers want their Burn pre-packaged and displayed at their convenience. They don't want to explore.

As much as I'd like to believe that testicles-with-cameras are as worthless as grass-to-be-mowed-down, I regret that the motivations of such individuals vary. On the one hand, I wish I could profess expertise in the matter. On the other hand, I am glad I am unable to do so.

Sorry to be abstract. My point is to find out who you're dealing with -- and try to avoid your presumptions, even to the extent that there is some common thread of perversion/sexuality. Is it just herd mentality? If your tits appeared in some video-for-profit that hundreds of men masturbated to, why does that bother you? Please think more about that question if you answered quckly.

My thoughts are that the event was supposed to be empowering -- to celebrate the sexuality of women. However, it was quickly gobbled up by the desire of men to be titilated and aroused. In 2005 I was disgusted by the spectacle and wanted desperately to slay the flash-RAM cards and the men who put the contents onto them. In 2006, I thought I was ready to experience the totality of it but I arrived too late and couldn't find it. I want to be able to accept and welcome it as any other spectacle at Burning Man. We'll see.

[Zulegoona]

Since this is turning into yet another Critical Tits Photo thread, what the hell maybe it’s time I comment too.

My first year I took pictures at the ride. It seemed like one of the big “ something you don’t see every day “ things that helped define Burning Man, along with the burning of the man and temple , the mutant vehicles, and the fire and lights. I found showing the pictures of my trip to my brother that he looked at the pictures a lot differently than I did.
I saw the excitement of the women, many doing something very bold and courageous for themselves. Particularly those who hadn’t spent the week in various states of nudity, it was an act of really Exposing themselves to the world, not just there tits but much more. Part of it was sexual, a celebration of there sex and sexuality, but almost a bigger part of it seemed to be about body image, giving up the internal and external constraints that can slowly and subtly smoother a person. It is truly a beautiful event to see. Not just the young and beautiful women and girls joyfully reveling in being young and beautiful. The over weight, the old, those with surgical scars, and any list of things about there appearance that they have felt self-conscious or less than for over the years, out there exposed to the world freed from the smothering weight . Wow, it is amazing to see, and to me being a man it seems our presence is a part of it. Probably genetically based in the competition for a mate a cultures ideals of beauty define what we normally find attractive. Those of us that fall short of the ideal end up adding our lower ranking of desirability to the pile of things that bring us down. In order to cast off those constraints the “otherâ€

[K-mom]

Yeah it definitely needs to be changed in some way. The fact that it typically creates a sheduled, spectator-style event is what I've never liked, and wha has kept me from checking it out so far.

Zule- you said a lot in your small story there, and you said it well. The difference between two perspectives ( that may originate side by side ) can be miles wide.

[diane o'thirst]

Sorry to be abstract. My point is to find out who you're dealing with -- and try to avoid your presumptions, even to the extent that there is some common thread of perversion/sexuality. Is it just herd mentality? If your tits appeared in some video-for-profit that hundreds of men masturbated to, why does that bother you? Please think more about that question if you answered quckly.

Okay, that's a little less obtuse than "you can never go home." (What did you mean by that, anyway?)
I don't particularly care if I and thousands of other women's tits wind up on a toss-off video. In my view, masturbation's fine, it harms none and in fact keeps a lot of harm from happening in the first place. That aside...

My main point was that because of lookie-loos crowding the ride, pressing in and narrowing the route and causing bottlenecks. I stopped counting how many times I had to put on the brakes and sit there, seething, while waiting for the damn column to get moving again, meanwhile being surrounded by gawking strangers. When I wasn't dealing with that, I was watching out for idiots diving into the stream to either get a photo, or indulge some suicide fantasy of dying at Burning Man, run over by thousands of topless women. Sure, there's the disclaimer on the ticket but I do not consent to being hijacked into someone else's suicide.

Anyway...all things being equal, sure I'll participate in the ride (already figured out what I'll be wearing) but not from the beginning. I'll parallel the ride until they clear the gauntlet of lookie-loos and then I'll join up. There's nothing in the rule book that says you have to ride from the beginning.

[Teo del Fuego]

I wonder how many Yahoos come to Burning Man just for Critical Tits, or because photos of it has lead them to think Burning Man is Spring Break for the post-college crowd?

I say hold CT earlier in the week, or don't do it at all. There just might be a connection between three thousand topless women on bikes and the dreaded Yahoos.

[Dork]

It's a parade. With most parades, they don't get mad when people stand around watching it and taking pictures. In places where the spectators might choke off the route, they set up barriers and have people there to make sure people stay out of the way. Perhaps that's what is needed here.

If you want an unencumbered topless ride, grab a few friends and go do it any other time during the week.

If you just want to be in the presence of a whole lot of topless women, watch with the guys or just head to the afterparty.

The times I've been in lookieloo status it's generally been when I wanted to go check out some playa art before they start burning it down and gotten stuck behind the huge line of bikes. There's just no way to cross it without pissing people off, so I have to either turn back and find something to do in the other direction or stand there for an hour and be labeled a perv. I'd be happy if the whole thing went away so I could leave camp in peace on Friday afternoon. The whole thing has this angry vibe to it.

[SED]

My main point was that because of lookie-loos crowding the ride, pressing in and narrowing the route and causing bottlenecks.

That's the way it is for any popular cycle event. Did you see the Tour de France?

[Lorgasm]

Please don't dis the CT parade or the afterparty.
I missed BM 2005 and was soooo bummed. I did get to go in 2006. Woo Hoo. I was so gearing up for the CT for 2006; had a great outfit and everthing. But on Friday morning some yahoo took my bike as it was parked for just 5 bloody minutes at the Playa Info tent. Therefore I missed the parade. So I just went to my tent and watched my fellow Godesses ride past me and wave. I then got off my sad ass, put my outfit on and strolled through the Playa on foot in support for the beauty of my sisters.

The CT parade is a special part of the Burn and to the people. I'm coming back. Please don't take away the CT parade next year nor my bike. It would mean so much. Peace and Have a Great New Year. Can't wait to celebrate it with you at the Burn!!

Lorgasm

P.S. Next time you need a bike or a ride, please ask. I will be happy to take you anywhere you need to go.

[Zhust]

Okay, that's a little less obtuse than "you can never go home." (What did you mean by that, anyway?)

Oh, some famous author said it. Something about the memory of home is something that you can never attain again because the world has changed and you have changed. Similarly, you can only _remember_ the "good old days" because those days weren't as good when you were experiencing them and they weren't old yet either. Sort of a mix of semantics and philosophy, I guess.

I stopped counting how many times I had to put on the brakes and sit there, seething, while waiting for the damn column to get moving again, meanwhile being surrounded by gawking strangers.

Ironic that "critical mass" rides are, in part, about making more people consider bicycling to alleviate traffic congestion. That said, I suspect it's a traffic density problem more than anything -- have you ever seen the "stop for no reason" situations on a highway? When traffic density increases, people naturally drive slower until you reach a point where speeds take a nose-dive and go right to zero.

Given the gawkers, though, I imagine it's a frustration of you seeing them but them not seeing you. And by that, I mean you see them as a human being that you'd like to avoid running down but they don't even care that you exist or ever existed except as a potential subject in front of the lens.

I've been thinking about this a lot and I think I finally came up with an elegant "solution." I call it the "3H Race". I'd like to add an event to the What/Where/When that reads something like:

Homosexual/Homophobic/Homophone "3H Race": Are you gay? Afraid of gays? Sound like either one? Run alongside Critical Tits for Happy, Horny Hugs! Bring a camera to get a hug -- anyone who wants to give hugs need only find those runners with cameras!

You know, something positive. Maybe they'll get groped a bit too ... although I really don't want to taint it as vengeful. I think there's something to this that would make me a lot happier about Critical Tits ... balance, maybe. Something to remind photographers that just because they're behind the lens doesn't make them any less vulnerable or any less human.

[retropsycho]

To quote from criticaltits.com:

"Q. What if I have other questions or comments?

A. Please contact us at info@criticaltits.com "

[MrOneness]

My two cents ! Do NOT post it! Make the gawking strangers try to find it and follow it - C'mon - its way more fun and participatory that way!!!!

[SED]

Tits are over rated by everyone.

[diane o'thirst]

My point in a handbasket.

[actiongrl]

I don't recall that the route was posted anywhere ahead of time.

[SED]

Tits are over rated by everyone.

Including women, who are not "goddesses" anymore than I'm a Hottentot.

But on a more constructive tack, why not sponsor the addition of a viewing stand, so as to provide spectators with optimal photographic conditions while maintaining the sense of decorum so dearly desired?



Still in the handbasket?

[diane o'thirst]

Then how do the gawkers know where to line up?

Or do the ride leaders just say "Okay!" and head between the lines?

[SED]

Then how do the gawkers know where to line up?

Or do the ride leaders just say "Okay!" and head between the lines?

Hey Titsy, it's called "word of mouth."

[judeebooger]

why am i reading this thread and thinking about nutria having their tits on their backs?? oh my.

[geekster]

A: There isn't much preventing the lead bike taking a different route and "winging" it.

B: Squirt the bastards with milk. Appreciation of that doesn't come fully into play for about 48 hours. Adds a certain spice to the ride home from the event, too.

[vic]

My first year at Burning Man I went to CT to cheer for the women participants from my camp. I gawked, I cheered, I loved it. And by the smiles on the women, and their jokes, it looked to me like they were having a pretty good time. In our second year, my wife and I happened to be where the CT ride passed, and we cheered for a while and then moved on to other things. For the last three years, I have not watched the ride. Been there and done that. Some of the women in our camp have gone each year and had a good time. Those that like it go for the ride, those that are not interested do other things.
Having said all of this, what the hell is the problem with gawking? What's the point of putting on make-up, and parading if nobody notices?

[SED]

Oh Vic, you just don't get it, do you.

Well, neither do I. So if you figure it out, please post. Otherwise, I'll see you at the viewing stand stand.

[MoisturePup]

I wonder how many Yahoos come to Burning Man just for Critical Tits, or because photos of it has lead them to think Burning Man is Spring Break for the post-college crowd?

I say hold CT earlier in the week, or don't do it at all. There just might be a connection between three thousand topless women on bikes and the dreaded Yahoos.

Women get raped at Burning Man too. Maybe we can cut down on rapists by not having any women at Burning Man.

Oh... wait a moment... maybe we should deal with the real problem (people acting like jackasses to get tit videos.) I'm sure the creative people of critical tits can think of a few solutions to this real problem. Don't end the ride that so many women love, change it to confound those who would make the ride unfun.

Here are some ideas:

-Don't publish the route.
-Publish a fake route.
-Don't publish the departure date/time in the who/what/where/when. Instead rely on word of mouth among women, make business cards with the date/time to distribute to women.
-do multiple CT rides throughout the week. Why have just one? Tits deserve to be spread across the entire city all week long. Really normalize female nudity!
-Have a night time CT ride, without night vision they'll have a tough time catching you on camera (brrr cold though!)
-Work out a Yahoo escape codeword and secondary meetup point. ("The tits jiggle at noon!" means you break up and regroup at the 12 o'clock trash fence in 20 minutes for example.)