ePlaya

by **nymphgonebad** » Mon Sep 22, 2003 11:38 pm

and everywhere else as well.

rene descartes goes to a cocktail party. the hostess approaches him and asks if he would care for anything to drink. descrates replies, " i think not", and dissapears.

by **consumer** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 5:43 am

How do you put a bunch of 'burners' in suspense?

by **nymphgonebad** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 5:47 am

consumer wrote:How do you put a bunch of 'burners' in suspense?

dude, i have this irresistable urge to kiss you right now.

by **Kilmore** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 7:45 am

Two Atoms are sitting around shooting the breeze, when one Atom suddenly looks puzzled and exclaims: "Hey! I think I just lost an electron"

The second Atom says "Are you sure?"

and the first Atom replies: "Yeah, I'm positive!"

by **III** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:06 am

why do elephants have skinny pointy tails?

(to make them more stream lined.)

by **consumer** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:13 am

A grasshopper walks up to a bar and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper then responded, "Really?! You have a drink named Steve?"

by **OregonRed** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 11:22 am

Why do elephants paint thier toenails red?

So that they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Never seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Then you know it works!

(Courtesy of my nine year old daughter, Danielle)

by **Borris** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 12:21 pm

Actually it's why does the elephant pain it's nails in different colours??

so he can hide in a jar of M&M's

the rest is the same.

by **Borris** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 12:22 pm

What does it say on the sign at the entrance to the Jungle?

"Caution, elephants practicing skydiving between 2-4 PM"

What's a record?

A gorilla that passed through the Jungle between 2-4 PM

by **MusicVixen** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 12:53 pm

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Cause if they lived by the bay we'd have to call'em baygulls (bagels)!

Wah, Wah, Wah

by **clandyone** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:10 pm

What's the difference between a chicken?

One of its legs are both the same.

by **Borris** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:12 pm

Is a crocodile longer or greener??

by **DogBoy** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:12 pm

"Caution, elephants practicing skydiving between 2-4 PM"

Why are pygmies so short?

They ignored the sign.

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-Bees.

A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says "why the long face?"

2 men walk into a bar. Why didn't the second one duck?

(in the interest of space, I'll just post the punchlines to some of my faves)

"Do you think I would wish for a 12 inch pianist?"

The dog looks confused & says "DiMaggio?"

Warning: Tastless offensive joke ahead!

I used to be into necrophilia...until this rotten cunt split on me...

Ahh, the lowest commen denominator.

by **Borris** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:13 pm

It's Longer, cause it's also long on the inside.

by **Borris** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:14 pm

No, it's Greener, cause it's width is also green

by **Guest** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:16 pm

Two brothers come downstairs for breakfast. "What would you like to eat?" their mother asked.

"What the hell, I'd like Cheerios" says the older boy.

The mother rounded on him and smacked him out of his chair. "What about you?" she asked the younger boy.

"I dunno, but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"

by **antron** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 1:48 pm

The 3rd Annual Nigerian EMail Conference
"Write better emails. Make more moneys."

by **JonoVision** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 2:47 pm

Two Palestinian men are getting dressed to go out, both putting on flowing robes. One turns to the other and says, "Does my bomb look big in this?"

[apoligies to Borris, and the entire state of Israel]

by **Borris** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 3:57 pm

Jono: we have our own jokes on this topic, unfourtunatley they are mostly hebrew wordplay. The word piece in hebrew is also slang for a good looking female/male. This is a large base for jokes about suicide bombers.

by **JonoVision** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 4:08 pm

Hehe, I figured your skin would be too thick to offend with that, but thought I'd make a pre-emptive apology anyway.

BTW, for as inebriated as you say you were, you were a good chatting companion at the meet & greet. All the best to ya!

by **Lydia Love** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 4:40 pm

Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?

by **consumer** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:26 pm

What goes "Ho, Ho, ho plop!" ?

Santa Claus laughing his head off.

by **Flux** » Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:30 pm

So this skeleton walks into a bar, and asks for a beer and a mop.

by **TestesInSac** » Wed Sep 24, 2003 3:12 pm

An old lady walks up to an aisle girl at Target and asks "Young lady, can you show me where the talcum powder is?"

The girl says "Sure, walk this way."

The old lady watches her walking and says "If I could walk that way, I wouldn't need the talcum powder!"

by **DogBoy** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 5:18 pm

How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb

They screw in buses man....

by **Flux** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 5:21 pm

How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Californians don't screw in light bulbs. We screw in hot tubs.

by **TestesInSac** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 5:27 pm

How many Sac State students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but he gets 3 units of GE credit for it.

by **JonoVision** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 5:33 pm

How many bull dykes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

by **nymphgonebad** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 5:35 pm

JonoVision wrote:How many bull dykes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!

unless you're a bull-dyke, you can't make jokes about them.

i wouldn't know the lightbulb part. i'm polymorphous and perverse and i have my own tools, thanks very much.

by **DogBoy** » Sat Sep 27, 2003 5:39 pm

We let a guy in a "designated Drunk" shirt pass thru our Tuesday Morning Checkpoint with this:

How many rangers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

(Hold middle finger up towards listener)

ePlaya

your stupid joke here

your stupid joke here

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