Stolen Time Machine--BORG2 & Hostel Plot Revenge

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Dispatch 6, submitted for immediate release:

I have to type fast because they are watching me so I'll be brief.

Myself and the Time Machine Mutant Vehicle have been stolen by the jack-booted hoodlems and lovely interrigation squad of Camp Apokiliptika. The outraged Black Rock International Burner Hostel "Flags Of All Nations" will not stand for such an outrageous seige and are joining forces in a secret plan to steal it back. Since I trained many a pilot prior to my abduction, they are well prepared. It is vital that the Time Machine be saved from the evil Killbuck before his gang can use it to travel backward in time to destroy the BORG2 before they were ever created. If something can't be done before the night before the burn, it may be too late.

Traditional playa weapons such as water pistols and hot meals have no effect on the Apokiliptika who have but one weakness... sex. Ear tongueing, breast smothering, and face sitting are the most effective distractions to steal back the Time Machine and hoist the Flags Of All Nations once again.

This just in... the BORG2 are also plotting to steal the Time Machine Mutant Vehicle, but are not yet aware of its awesome power.

You must listen to me. I can not take these k-rations any longer.

For more on the Time Machine Mutant Vehicle and its noble past, click here: www.MutantVehicle.com
For information on the dreaded Apokiliptika, go here: http://www.geocities.com/rx_norman/

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Roger that private message, Tuatha. I will keep the password confidential as tears of hope splash upon my feeble hands. Kindly post your cry to justice on this topic so others will rally to your call.

The evil Killbuck's numbers are increasing as he recruits more mutant zombies with promises of special treatment by his lovely interrogation squad and a team of experts (including myself) who are forced to think up new techniques in sexual manipulation.

Hurry! There is less time than you think to steal back time!

[Tuatha]

Humm i like your challenge.... :)

As Kaos NZ Diplomat to BMORG i feel it my duty to Pledge aid in your time of need, Be advised that two covert Kaos Agents are being prepped to be Deployed onto Playa,
Zombies Shant be a problem, our highly trained agents have had dealings with them before
You will be able to identify their presence by the Absence of the time machine and trailing cloud of playa dust, which as part of Operation Code-name: "Catch that Pigeon" be delivered the the Black Rock Burner Hostel.





http://www.kaos.org.nz/about.php

[dragonfly Jafe]

So if you anticipated that your time machine might be stolen, and trained pilots for such an eventuality, wouldn't it have been easier to have just gone back to before Kernal Killbuck's minions stole it from you, and eliminate them? Or am I not cleared for such knowledge???

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Humm i like your challenge....

As Kaos NZ Diplomat to BMORG i feel it my duty to Pledge aid in your time of need, Be advised that two covert Kaos Agents are being prepped to be Deployed onto Playa,
Zombies Shant be a problem, our highly trained agents have had dealings with them before
You will be able to identify their presence by the Absence of the time machine and trailing cloud of playa dust, which as part of Operation Code-name: "Catch that Pigeon" be delivered the the Black Rock Burner Hostel.

http://www.kaos.org.nz/about.php

Bless you, sweet Tuatha. Your brave heroism will not go unrewarded. Upon further spying which was punished by additional sexual humiliations, I discovered that Kernul Killbuck's evil plan does not stop at simply wiping out the BORG2. His incredible hubris aspires to a complete anhilation of the Black Rock International Burner Hostel and perhaps Burning Man as we know it. By accessing local birth records, his stylishly filthy minions have discovered a way to use the Time Machine Mutant Vehicle to prevent the birth of the Hageymon, upon whom the very existance of the BRIBH relies.

I fear that his effective techniques at recuiting more sexy vixens to the elite Interrogation Squad will only strengthen his grip.

Dragonfly Jafe: Like many a mad scientist, I wear the cloak of shame. Last year my vision and forthought were cast aside in the bliss of handing the keys to worthy pilots. Josie, as I recall, was always keen to hoist the jolly roger, perhaps this is her chance.

I must go. They have discov

[Tuatha]

THIS IS HERACY! It cant be stood for! We shall Remain vigilant in the face of adversary and not be tempted by said Vixens No matter how foxy they Maybe!
No matter how many agents are teased to ecstasy or seduced into back rooms (or front rooms for that mater!) we shan't fail you!
And Haggy will not fall! he WILL ride across the playa in The time Machine secure in the fact that these foul swine have been swept aside! and he will ride in confidence protected by his elite squad

[Killbuck]

HAAAAAA HAAAAAA! Ha!.... uh, ha etc (evil echo like laughter fades)

We have discovered Mr Jellyfish's little sat uplink device and have silenced him, for the time being.

You will excuse us while we beat him senseless.

The machine is safe... for now.

The Kernul

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Oh, the humanity...

[Tuatha]

You'll never get away with this Kernul!!!

[dougaldutch]

Safe, SAFE! the Time Machine is far from safe, already the flying monkeys I dispatched on reconnaissance missions have returned. After masturbating furiously and eating their own jobbies they finally revealed the critical error in Kernul Killbuck's plan. It is imperative that all those burners that truly love everything dusty and flammable, rally to the BRIBH banner NOW!

WITHOUT HAGEY THE TIME MACHINE WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN BUILT. WITHOUT THE TIME MACHINE THEY COULD NOT GO BACK AND ERASE HAGEY AND WOULD HAVE NO REASON TO CAPTURE JELLYFISH. YET THEY HAVE, THUS CREATING A PARADOX THAT WILL SURELY TEAR ASUNDER THE VERY FABRIC OF TIME SPACE AND BE THE END OF LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.

Hang in there Jellyfish, new weapons are being researched and Hagey is massing the recruits as we speak. Underground training camps are springing up, emergency meetings are being held in hot tubs and new techniques for expressing the dog are being formulated. This atrocity shall not go by unpunished, unless of course the Time machine and pilot are returned and all hostel members lavished with sexual delights from the mutant zombies, mmmm...undead love!

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Thank you DougalDutch and Tuatha, you're my only hope. And curse you Kernul Killbuck, for enslaving me to do your bidding by constantly inventing new ways for HER to be nice to me!

[Tuatha]

hummm maybe we'll have to Defect to the other side.... NO We must be strong!

[geekster]

Kernul Killbuck is but a puppet of The Armed Resistance. There are many more like him. Knock him down and two more take his place.

Do not resist, simply allow it to wash over you like warm marshmallow creme. You can not defeat it. It will woo woo your hoo ha until you plead for mercy. Until your hoo ha is tender and raw. Every nerve will be on edge, your senses heightened at first, begin to fade and you slip into total submission. Do not resist. You are gonna like this.

[geekster]

And this just in ... I have intelligence reports that The Armed Resistance (TAR) is about to join an alliance with Fighters Engaged Against The Hopelessly Evil Ravers (FEATHER). The new organization will be known as TAR and FEATHER and will bring all BORG2 projects under their umbrella.

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Kernul Killbuck is but a puppet of The Armed Resistance. There are many more like him. Knock him down and two more take his place.

Do not resist, simply allow it to wash over you like warm marshmallow creme. You can not defeat it. It will woo woo your hoo ha until you plead for mercy. Until your hoo ha is tender and raw. Every nerve will be on edge, your senses heightened at first, begin to fade and you slip into total submission. Do not resist. You are gonna like this.

Mine is a harsh mistress. I fear such a moment of weakness would make of me her lapdog, that I would hence follow her like a bitch in heat.

Hers is a dark purpose
Sweet degredation
Death, where is thy sting

[Killbuck]

(a sound keys in, that that of a distant amplifier accross the playa.. then, a voice, deep and stentroian roars)
"PEOPLE OF EARTH ATTENTION-- PEOPLE OF EARTH ATTENTION... we noew posess the means to control you and time iteslf. Your time is soon to come to an end... our time is soon to begin. RESISTANCE IS USELESS"
(a scream is heard, softly by clearly in the background-- a slap-- and a woman's voice is heard saying "Shut up maggot!!)

This intimation of doom is brought to you by APOKILIPTIKA and the Knatina APOKILIPTIKA, where the world ends every day!

[Killbuck]

The rum and coke is taking effect, so...

[b]"PEOPLE OF EARTH ATTENTION!! IGNORE THE SPELLING ERRORS IN THE PREVIOUS FORBODING MESSAGE OF DOOM, AND CONCENTRATE ON THE GENERAL THEMATIC INTENT, RATHER THAN GRAMMER, ETC....
...BEING ALL POWERFUL AND STUFF, I PREFER TO STICK TO THE BIG PICTURE."

[size=9](as the microphone keys off, the drum like click echoes off accross the playa. In the distance, a dog barks.)

[Killbuck]

Geez. This "evil genius, hell bent on taking over the world thing" is harder than I thought, especially with rum and coke.

[Alex_uk]

is anywhere/one safe?!?!?

[Mister Jellyfish Mister]

Mind...
control...
device...
egg...
implant...
hard...
think...
must...
stop...

[Tuatha]

HOLD ON MAN! Help is on the way!

*hacks into orbital spy satellites to emit a quantum tackion pulse to Disrupt the evil mind control device*

What Evil is this? Quick Man Tell us before it is to late? What can we do!

[cmainiac666]

It is too late- much too late for pitiful rescue attempts. Plans have been set in motion that are far beyond your, or anyone's, comprehension.

Although we- the members of APOKILIPTIKA- are insane and uncontrollable, the Kernul has taught us well. And when necessary we act swiftly and harsh.

Your concept of evil will seem holy compared to the furies we are prepared to unleash!!!
<insert demonic cackles here>

[Tuatha]

Hold on a moment, if you guys are evil.. That makes us the good guys right?

Hummm This could be a problem...

I've Never done good before... How about we take turns, Mon Wed Fri you guys get to be evil and we get the others?

And on Sunday we sit down for a spot of tea and scones?

[cmainiac666]

Ummm, (checks dayplanner), I prefer to be evil on Wednesdays and Fridays, so that's good. Maybe Saturday we can all be evil as a compromise? We'd to have you feel left out, or getting the short end of the stick.

Personally, I'd prefer to sit down for a beer or something similar- I always enjoy a cold one after being devious. What do you think?

[Tuatha]

*Sounds of shuffling paper*

Ill have to shift my Friday 3pm Tar and Feather to Thursday but i think we can do that,

Poor Prisoners of war, they spend the day being tortured. at midnight the "good guys" are forced to let them go, Then picked up by their "Rescuers" only to be tortured some more.... Now thats evil....

Maybe Saturday we can have "Unite against a Common good day"

Beer... Hummm I accept these terms and conditions, But where do you purpose we acquire said four legged mammal?

[cmainiac666]

"Unite against a Common good day" - I like that....although it really should be every day.

4 legged mammal....well if we're truly evil, acquisition shouldn't really be a problem now, should it?

[dragonfly Jafe]

True Evil knows no limits, and accepts no compromises....

[cmainiac666]

Hey! Dragonfly's right!! I see this battle shall be tough what with attempts of mind control and suggestions.

That's it; no evil-day tradeoffs, no common day nonsense....

[Tuatha]

Yes but Which common good shall we unite against, there are some many deserving of our evil machinations

[Tuatha]

DAMM YOU Dragoin Fly! id of succeded too if it hadn't been for Those kid and that Pesky dog too!

BWAhahaha but i now know your Weakness! Ill be back, and when i do your Beer will not be safe! BWAHAHAHA... *incoming trusk* *SPLAT*.... errrrr....