Wicked Witch of the West seeks Monkey Minions

[Bay Bridge Sue]

Is sad as she is aligned with proper Apokiliptik goal of doom and desruction, however, reason for non-alliance with Her Royal Greeniness as to follow...

A flight advisory from the Apokiliptika Travel Agency and Monkey Butter Batter Beater's Buerau...

Crystal DoomStar Future weather forecast for:

Black Rock City September 1, 2006

Has been to be updated: 8:53 AM Playa Doom Time on August 30, 2006 as follows:

Morning:
96° light drizzle
Monkey Flights: South at 172 mph (monkeys per hour)
Humidity: 113% BroomIndex: 98° F
Spearpoint: 95% F(atal)
Clouds: HVY at 100-30K ft
Visibility: 0.0 miles


Mid-day:
Mostly Rainy on the Emerald Playa in the late morning, increasing to deluges by mid-afternoon. Isolated castles will experience flooding in the early evening hours. A small cabin advisory is in effect for the greater Emerald Forest and Poppyfield Heights area. Highs 65 to 105. Monkey flights becoming scattered from the southwest, up to 45 mph in the afternoon.

Tonight:
Completely cloudy with monkey batter showers and severe thunderstorms in the evening. Lows 33 to 34. Scattered monkey remnants 10 to 15 mph shifting to the northwitch side after meltdown. Gusts to 20 mph in the late evening.

This travel advisory brought to you by Wizard Aviation and Gasbag company, your major dome covering supplier for the greater Emerald Empire. Preparing for a hot evening? Call The Wiz - 1-877-CURTAIN.

[countb1ah]

Hey Lion..... BOO!!!

[Ron]

OK, Monkeys, we all know who really does all the heavy lifting, don't we? "Bring me that bitch! Resupply the beer! Terrorize the peasants! And get your grimy hands off of my broom you little beasts!" Sound familiar my money brothers and sisters? Here's the secret, we don't have to take it anymore.

SED might actually be correct about my nakedness but that's all I'm sayin' about that. I mean, hey, he's still gonna haul water for the green bitch so what's he know? Not to mention that thing about the wankie-wankie in front of kiddie-poos. It did make me give a good monkey laugh, I gotta say, but I'd never actually do it. SED would, we all know.

So it's really pretty easy. We can hang out and have our monkey fun on our own, or we can bend and scrap for some unappreciative witch who can't tell the difference between sugar and vinegar. I may just be a monkey, but even I know what's sweet and what's sour. Want some sweetness?

Come on over and join Sensei (the Master Flying Monkey) and I in creating Monkeden, our own paradise on playa. Shouldn't be hard to find the big black pyramid floored with live sod somewhere near center camp (I hope). We'll be loungin', raidin', scratchin', and monkeyin' it up on our own schedule and without the screachin' of any witch. Now we may very well decided to go ahead and collar Dorthy for our own purposes (I *liked* the lollypop trick) but if we do it'll be because *we* want to, not because anyone *told* us to.

A monkey ain't nothin' if the monkey ain't free.

Ron, building the strategic supply of PBR and frozen otter pops as he types.

[blyslv]

You ridiculous children, I'll slap down your resistance with the blink of an eye!

Glenda, you worthless, insignificant little garbage pile, you are no threat. I can crush you by barely lifting a finger. And as for you, Dorkothy, I promise before I remove your vile stench from this planet you will know despair beyond your wildest dreams!

Ron, you ignorant slut! Your pathetic attempts to woo my monkeys are nothing compared to my powers of persuasion, and ludicrous compared to my offers of sinister glory! You WILL fall in line or you will suffer with the rest!

SED, my devilish delight, you are a wise monkey indeed, as there are no greater rewards than those that come with allegiance to evil!
Now prepare yourself, lil monkey- and know that you have chosen the right side!

And for the rest of you-
The time has come- state your allegiance! But first a promise, and a warning:

The realm of good has no gifts to bestow upon you- They are users, you will see! They will take your alliance, your aid, & your time- in the end they will give you nothing in return but empty promises and false hopes- followed by eventual abandonment!!
Do not be foolish.
Now, as always, true glory lies in the hands of the wicked!

Your evil Queen,

The Witch of The West

Are you flirting with me? Becasue I'm sure that true something or other lies in your hands.

But wait. i'm still trying to wrap my mind around this notion of either 1) chasing down red shoes 2) or defending said shoes. I'm flexible but I worry about the heat. When is this thing going down? Usually I'm napping between the hours of 11 - 2 in the day time. Other then that, I gotta say, "evil Queen" uncoils the serpent at the base of MY spine, say no more.

[SED]

Fuck it. I'm flinging poo for Monkeydon now.

[RINGMASTER]

i have a flying monkey costume from a wizard of oz themed event i did in miami a few years back.. maybe i will need to bring it along

[blyslv]

It seems like the instigator has lost interest.

[alexamonkey]

tick tick tick......

So, some monkeys choose to stay locked in a cage rather than play? That will certainly make them easy targets...

[SED]

I got enough poo to fling at you and six other witches. Shouldna turned yer scaly back on me for so long.

[Ron]

See, now, it's gettin' out of that locked cage that's got us all inspired. No more cages for the monkeys we're on our own now. Free monkeys! We can snag the pretty shoes (not the mention the feet, ankles, and on up that's in 'em) as we want. We can fling our poo where we want. Monkeys are doin' it for themselves over in Monkeden!

So those monkeys that want to be free, that want to fly on their own whim, who are ready to get out of that cage the green witch and her bubbly sister make, are all welcome on the grass under the big black pyramid. You'll find us there. Sensi, SED, Ron, and maybe even that ol' onrey Joel-monkey. With PBR, meat on the grill, and our free wings happy and drunk. Free is the only way for a monkey to be!


Out o' my cage, and lookin' for some monkey love!

Ron

[gidget]

Fly monkeys, fly and be free!

Only keep away from Dorothy will you? And the Scarecrow... and the Tinman... and that ridiculous Lion... and Emerald City and Munchkinland... and everyone with red shoes... and will you give Dorothy back her damn dog already? If you don't bother us we won't bother you, but if I hear your taking red shoes just for chuckles... well, don't make me come out of my big pink bubble and open a can of whoopass!

[countb1ah]

But....... The smell of Ruby Reds (Sniiiiifffffff...).... In the morning (Sniiiiiiiiffffffffffff...)...... In the morning (Sniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiffffffffffffffff...)... Smells like (SSSSNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF...) VICTORY!!! [b](SSSSSSSSSSSNNNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFF)..[/b] I am but a simple monkey, with simple needs. Give me some bananas to eat, feet to play with, shoes to smell, air space to fly while heavily intoxicated, and some targets to hurl poo at... Shiiiiiiiii... I'm one happy uni-browed, knuckle dragging simian. Knee-grow please...

[Ron]

Hey, bubble lady, what's with the orders and threats? If we want Dorthy, we'll take her. And you just bring your cute little pink self on over, can and all. We got enough lollipops and poo for you too.

See now, this is all about monkeys doin' it for themselves. No more orders, no more threats, no more command at all. So go ahead and keep with the old ways, wave your arms around and beat your chest. Screech all you like. See where such tactics get you with today's modern monkey. Once you've wore yourself out, if you're nice, you might get offered a cold PBR by a particularly tolerant monkey. But we're *all* gonna be laughin' our monkey laughs while you try to tell us what to do. We're done with that!

A monkey ain't nothin' if the monkey ain't free!

Ron

[joel the ornery]

is this a bring your own wings event?

[gidget]

Good Citizen Ron, you forget that I, Glinda the Good Witch of the North, am NOT the one trying to recruit you for my own devices. I DO NOT CARE WHO YOU DO OR DO NOT FLING POO FOR! Fling your poo where ever you wish. All I'm saying is that when you get your poo on those ruby reds or my big pink bubble then you've made it my business to drop a house on you.

I see no reason why we cannot peacefully co-exist. I'll stay in the north if you stay in the west.

Have fun with your lollypops and poo.

[gidget]

[quote="joel the ornery"]is this a bring your own wings event?[/quote]

don't forget the tail and bananas either!

[countb1ah]

Sounds like Gidget is proposing segregation... Are "we" or our poo not good enough for you? Drop a house on us for soiling a pair of shoes? Is your last name Bush?

Peace, love and poo....

[Ron]

Threats, threats, threats. Keep it up and I'll grab the shoes just to piss you off. If fear of you wasn't enough to inhibit us while we were workin' for the green witch, what makes you think it'll stop us now?

As for the nature of the party, Joel, you're welcome to bring as many wings as possible. Your own, someone else's, whatever. I personally am fond of those cute little fairy wings, still attached to the cute little fairies. Little suckers BBQ so well...

Ron

[gidget]

Monkeys and munchkins just don't mix, count b1ah, never have, never will.

They turn a horribly pasty shade of blue....

[SED]

Been hoarding up my poo for months now. Seems like bit of humility is in order for you, Gidget.

[gidget]

My big pink bubble will protect me! Fling away!

[gidget]

And it's GLINDA, by the way, "gidget" is only a handle. GLINDA, the Good Witch of the North. Get it straight.

[SED]

. . .and you shall know her by her poo-covered pink bubble.

[countb1ah]

Keep flashing that plastic smile, and wearing that zircon tiara, GLINDA.... We'll see who comes out smelling like roses. Are pink bubbles as soft and absorbent as Charmin? Hmmmmmm

[Ron]

Ah, it warms my old simian heart to see fellow monkeys standing up for themselves to a witch.

Smell that flung poo, my brother and sister primates? Smells like victory...

Ron

[alexamonkey]

You rebel monkeys! Now Now, there is no need for fighting...I have a business proposition for you, little ones. If you will not work for me, perhaps you will work with me... the enemy of my enemy is my friend, grasshopper..........

[Ron]

Ah, see now, there's a witch who can tell what way the wind is blowing. And when us monkeys are armed with poo, knowing where down wind is can be very important.

A business arrangement between peers? Well now, that's an interesting offer, yer Greenness. The flying monkey brigade is a bit of a collection of free individuals, rather than an army or anything, but I'll bet the right inducements could raise a fair force of feces flinging flying fighters, for the fortnight. What's your idea?

Ron

[SED]

How about you hand over the goods and maybe we do don't fling as much poo at you as we can? That's my kind of deal.

[Dorothy]

Good luck finding me, witch. Looks like your monkeys aren't organized enough and are ready to revolt. Evil never wins. With Glinda on my side, we will crush you and your monkey minions. And when you are but a puddle on the playa, I will tap dance on your remains with my ruby slippers. This I promise.

[AntiM]

Darling D, check your feet. I have your shiny red shoes. Now git yer ass back to Kansas, we got us some pigs to slop!