PISS CLEAR - BRC's alternative newspaper - seeks submissions

[Piss Clear]

I'm actually really trying to be on top of it this year. I am not waiting until the last minute to start working on PISS CLEAR. Besides, I'm so busy these days, that if I don't start working on this shit now, it probably won't get done.

And what would Burning Man be without PISS CLEAR?

We won't find out until next year. That's because...

This is the LAST YEAR of PISS CLEAR. Yup. The end of an era.

We're doing three final issues for this year's Burning Man, and then calling it quits. It's gonna be 13 years – and that's how long the Black Rock Gazette lasted – so it's seems like the right time to end it.

So if you've EVER wanted to write something for PISS CLEAR, this year is your last chance. This is the our annual CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS. So ... send me stuff!

Here's what I'm looking for: Sarcasm, wit, intelligence, bitchiness, humor, blah blah blah. You know, the usual ... we're sorta like the Vice magazine of the playa. I want snarky rants, cultural commentary, funny lists ... and maybe, just maybe, a hard-hitting piece of real journalism.

What I don't want is a 1000-word treatise all about your personal theme camp or art project. There are hundreds of camps and artworks in Black Rock City -- we may play favorites in the name-drop department, but there's simply too much out there to devote precious column inches to just any one thing. In other words, keep things broad, general, and specific to Burning Man and Black Rock City.

Here's what I'm looking for:

* Articles, rants, commentaries, whatever!
* Comics and illustrations
* Cool photographs
* Fake ads
* Pictures of people at Burning Man, for our Fashion Dos and Don'ts

Plus, we need contributions for the following regular lists and features:

* Items for the "What's Out/What's In" List
* Playa Lingo (words, expressions, catchphrases exclusive to BM)
* I Remember When...
* Black Rock City Rumor Mill
* Random Quotes about Burning Man
* Haiku
* Top 10 Albums for the Black Rock Desert

I have no idea what the hell is going in each issue. I've got no cover stories planned as of yet, and no theme ideas. So let me know if you've got something in mind. Deadline is AUGUST 1st.

Pass this on to anyone who might be interested. Thanks![/i]

[madmatt]

My article submission - a culinary review of Black Rock City's pantheon of Playa victuals. With digital photos highlighting the best, naughtiest, nastiest, fastest, fanciest, funnest and most far out food that the denizens of Black Rock City are eating this year.

So no one steal my idea!

[spectabillis]

sad to hear its your last year, but grateful for everything you have all contributed over the years.

[spectabillis]

and all you clueless newbz need to check 'em out NOW DO IT RIGHT NOW! http://www.pissclear.org/PDFArchives/ OR ELSE...

[robbidobbs]

Every year we deal with this shit.
You could be stumbling along at night and get the urge to pee, so you find your bearing, get a bead on where the nearest pottie bank is, and head out. Once there, you’re about ready to pop, and you open the door to find someone has put their excremental art project all over the fucking seat. That’s just fucked up. Who are these people, and why can’t I kill them!?!, you exclaim. You find a worthy commode and relieve yourself, not giving the situation another thought until the next time it happens. And this happens over, and over, and OVER until you want to scream. And the problem doesn’t go away. That CRAP stays on the seat, viewed by dozens of participants like you for up to 6 hours when it’s cleaned. And the poor blokes who get to clean the porta-potties are as well not delighted to see this art project, and want it to stop too.

The porta-potties remain the Achilles Heal of the Man. Nobody wants to think about shit until it’s right up in their face. The potties are YOUR problem, not someone else's. That’s what Community means. It’s about getting uppity on the few idiots who choose to ignore community etiquette, and keep fucking up the immediate experience of others. You can help. Just talk to newbies about Excremental Correctness and we’ll all have a clean, safe place to shit. Word of mouth remains the BEST way to participate either individually or group. Or if you want to take it a step further, and do your performance art out by your nearby pottie-bank, then by all means DO IT. Don’t just whine, bitch, moan or utter foul curses. DO SOMETHING.

We had a 50% newbie population last year, and there's no reason to expect less this year. They
need to be TOLD what's proper and what's not. It's not "common knowledge" to everyone. The message is very simple. NO HOVERING, NO BABY WIPES AND NO TRASH. There was an excessive amount of baby-wipes and double ply tp in the commodes last year. This fucks up the vendors equipment and slows down their schedule. They get pissed and you get pissed. Because you DO know shit from shinola, encourage veterans to communicate the message to newbies so that everyone takes ownership of the problem.

Let’s assume that 1/3 of the population needs to be educated, 1/3 understands MOST of it (they know not to put baby-wipes or other trash, but choose to hover), and the rest abides by all tenets. That means every Citizen MUST talk to at least 2 people. I get so damn IRRITATED at those who think they know the drill, and they roll their eyes at me, like the problem is solved. It’s not solved, it’s not done with, and it keeps being a gawddamn ISSUE that can take the BM Project down forever.

I’m not blowing smoke up your ass. Think about it. The single piece of infrastructure that the Org MUST provide in order to HAVE an event is the johns. FUCK ART, FUCK THE STICK! It all goes to hell if the Health Dept determines that we can’t take care of our shit. If the pottie vendor can’t keep up with our stupid bad behavior, and it stops being FINANCIALLY feasible to do the job, they can’t renew their contract. Now don’t get me wrong. JotS/USS loves us. They bust their ass for us each year. They pull miracles out of their butts. But there is a limit to what they can do. They take care of our shit, let’s take care of them by making their job easier, and not fucking their day with a hose clog.

So I’ll be out there, megaphone in hand, beseeching those in earshot that this continues to be a problem, YOUR problem, OUR problem. Talk to the drivers, to newbies, to those standing at the banks. Let’s make sure everyone is one the same page, and the Digestive System of the Man will continue to run smoothly.
RobbiDobbs
Chief Poopervisor of the Pottie Project

[robbidobbs]

I found this missive written by Kent several years ago. It is so well written, I'm going to re-post it w/o his permission.

******************************
How do you think that the seats of public toilets get soiled? Hovering is precisely how toilet seats get shit and pissed upon. Folks that firmly plant their asses on the seat cannot soil the seat. In fifty years of sitting firmly on toilets, not once have I ever managed to shit on the seat.

You are not harmed by placing your glutes and upper thighs on a piece of plastic that someone else has sat upon. However you can get soiled by sitting on a seat that some dirtbag hovered over. Our Port-O-Lets have urinals. The seats only get pissed and crapped on by hoverers. Only hoverers shit on the lids. Only hoverers shit behind the lids. Only hoverers shit down the front of the tank. Only hoverers track filth onto the tank alongside the seat that your skirts and shirttails get into. Hoverers cannot see out their ass to take aim so they miss. Not all hoverers are built alike and Port-O-Lets are tight quarters, so they miss. Hoverers can be intoxicated or "altered" and so they miss. Hoverers can slip or lose their balance and miss. Hoverers don't care enough about the rest of us not to hover so they don't care if they miss.
Hovering works for hoverers but no one else. That hovering does not work for everyone else is proved by the number of times we run into seats that have been crapped on at Burning Man and elsewhere. Every single one of those was fouled by a hoverer and no one else.

The very psychological aberration that defines hoverers also makes them the least likely to clean up the facility they just fouled.

In a situation like Burning Man where hand washing facilities and cleaning supplies are scarce, it is dangerous for someone to come into contact with a hoverers fecal present to us all, by trying to clean up after them. Therefore hovering takes Port-O-Lets out of service until JOTS comes by in a half day, and leaves their remaining tank capacity unused while the dwindling supply of remaining crappers fill to over capacity.

If there were no hoverers, the cans would always be clean for everyone. That is why we should in no way imply that there is anything acceptable about the practice or the selfish folks that practice it.

Only hoverers soil toilets when urinals are available. The appropriate strategy for potty phobia is psychiatric care, not making toilets foul for others.
Kent

[Abductor]

Last year was my first Burning Man, and Piss Clear is one of the memories that stands out. When we were all feeling like crap, too much heat, too much partying, too much time away from creature comforts, we'd pick up your issue and have a good belly laugh and some good conversation out of it. I'm really bummed to hear you're ending your run.

[Tapestry]

Is there a snail mail address for people to mail in submissions (art, etc.)?

[Eric]

Is there a snail mail address for people to mail in submissions (art, etc.)?

Send Adrian ("Piss Clear" at the top of the thread) a Private Message letting him know you want to contribute. He'll take it from there.

[EricMagic]

Yea, I hear you. I will get right on that.

How about any methods to safely stay awake and energized for either day or night?

Everyone needs help it seems, or help with bad habits. Maybe we should all practice being lazy, and then everyone will have a bad habit of working and helping others. Of course don't be a door mat cause that is just not right.

[orangepeelmoses]

you've got email,
female:)

opm

[sunn]

Email from me, too. Want to make sure you got my submission in time before the deadline tomorrow!

[wedeliver]

Instead of toilet paper put Piss Clear issues in all the jots.

[robbidobbs]

Cute, Wedeliver.
Unfortunately not only is it not very absorbent, but it doesn't melt down in the Blue Schmoo.

Just use your hand.

[wedeliver]

Cute, Wedeliver.
Unfortunately not only is it not very absorbent, but it doesn't melt down in the Blue Schmoo.

Just use your hand.

Actually we use the Piss Clear to line our birds cage. Very absorbent, much more then my hand.

I was just trying to help you with your pottie work. I understand some days can be kinda shittty, but there are people out there who care. Love and hugs.

[robbidobbs]

Actually we use the Piss Clear to line our birds cage. Very absorbent, much more then my hand.

I was just trying to help you with your pottie work. I understand some days can be kinda shittty, but there are people out there who care. Love and hugs.

I was just trying to be silly back, and I guess my response came out a bit dry. I was thinking of an old pottie sign from a Gigsvillain:

Oh Damn! I’m in a jam.
I did a poo in a paperless loo.
Don’t be in a jam just use your hand!
Then introduce yourself to the nasty man
Who oggled you on the way to the loo.
Lilu & Rebecca of Gigsville

Old PC's make an excellent birdcage liner. Might make the bird a bit subversive (hee). Thank you very much for your kind words. I always appreciate it.

[accordionMan]

Is it true or is it a rumor that Piss Clear won't be back this year?

Say it ain't so!

[theCryptofishist]

it won't be back. We heard this plenty from the photog. They had a nice long run and deserve to move onto other things. Doesn't the burning of the man itself remind you of how temporary all things are?

[Eric]

Fishy is correct. Piss Clear is gone, kaput, finished. We've closed down the presses and laid off the staff- who were all volunteers anyway.

Glad you enjoyed us for all these years, but it's time for a change.

[accordionMan]

Damn!

I really loved the what's in and out and the rants and the "ads".

Oh well... thanks for the past issues...

[theCryptofishist]

Come by Booby Bar. I'm bound to be ranting about something.

[Eric]

Come by Booby Bar. I'm bound to be ranting about something.

Personally, visiting you is the only thing on my Must Do list.

I love people who rant.

[accordionMan]

Come by Booby Bar. I'm bound to be ranting about something.

Interesting... a Booby Bar. They serve milk I guess... sounds like fun!

[mdmf007]

I like the Moloka Milk Bar - Velocet is my favorite.

[theCryptofishist]

Actually, we serve awkward sea birds. Awkward sea birds deserve to get drunk, too.

[Karma]

Im going to seriously miss PC this year. It was a solid part of my morning routine !

[Free2B]

So where & when can I get the paper out there?

[Funky Monkey Mech]

cant anymore they are done... no more piss clear.... but i hear they will be putting out a book of all there issues....

[Free2B]

Oh, I though this was the last year they would be out there. Oh well.

[DaBomb]

===============================================

BURNcast #075 - Piss Clear's Adrian Roberts, Mysterious D and Malderor

Listen here: http://bit.ly/2A9dMI

===============================================


In this episode, BURNcast speaks with Adrian Roberts, Mysterious D and Malderor, the kick-ass glitz editors of Piss Clear, Black Rock City's alternative newspaper, at Burning Man 2007. This recording is full of sharp catty snark with just a pinch of bitchiness and you won't want to miss three possibly jaded veterans serve it up fresh. Recorded 29 August 2007.

Note: Scheduled maintenance to the BURNcast website at 4:00 PDT. The episode will be available to download in iTunes later this evening for your listening pleasure.